For all the people I know.
Although I may not show it, I love you all.
Especially you, Mom, thank you for always being there.
Dedicated to: Nana and Papa: You've always been there to look after me and I love you both.
Uncle Mike: I hope you get better soon. Cancer sucks and if you're out there, yeah, I hate you (cancer)!
Auntie Jane: R.I.P
I don't own the teen titans or Rascal Flatts: God Bless the Broken Road.
I own the syndromes: Amor ieiunitas and dérangea intérieur – they're only made up, I don't think anyone suffers from them.
God Bless the Broken Road
I guess…
I started the Titans not only to save Jump City from its villains.
But for my own selfish needs.
Ignorant, huh?
But ever since my parents…died…I've had a…impairment. It's a rare disorder, and I'm supposed to be the first to actually suffer from it. So I was brought into the lab and experimented on, much to my new guardian, Bruce Wayne, and my discomfort.
But eventually, I was diagnosed with Amor ieiunitas and dérangea intérieur
The first, Amor ieiunitas, meant love hunger in Latin.
The second, dérangea intérieur, meant disturbed internal.
Basically, I was internally disturbed with this hunger for love. That's pretty scary. It meant, that I had to be loved to stay alive. And I thought I was going to die.
After all, my parents, the only ones who loved me, where dead.
But I still had Bruce.
But two years later, when I was fourteen, I became seriously ill. I seemed the disorder was getting stronger, and I needed a different type of love as my medicine. I needed for someone to be IN love with me and me to her.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
So I started the teen titans.
I was stable enough to fight, but afterwards I would have to sit down or rest for a while.
And then, at our first meeting, Starfire kissed me.
And you know what?
I didn't even care.
I could see her love come out of her and into me in the form of a pink wisp, but mine didn't
Go to her. Yet it powered me for quite a while, and her admiration kept on coming, helping me survive.
And then, we became stranded on a desert planet, and I got worried.
I couldn't find Starfire.
How was I going to survive? And then when I did find her…I got really worried. It seemed she didn't love me anymore, and I was getting weaker. But in the end, she showed her feelings and I regained strength. It was like this when she was getting married to the green booger.
And then, after Raven, the other titan female, my best friend, defeated her father, I realised I had to tell Starfire the truth – I had to do the right thing, like Raven. She set an example. She came to fight evil instead of causing it.
But Starfire just smiled and said she never meant to give me the impression of love. She needed help.
And she…she broke my heart.
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
So, I had to survive on the thanks to the 'help' I gave her, although the wisps always got fainter and I found myself hallucinating.
And I screamed every night.
But then, my best friend, Raven, would come running from her room down the corridor, and spend all night looking after me. I felt guilty keeping her up, but she'd just smile, and say something simple, but something that meant more than the most difficult words in the dictionary.
The first time, she said I was worth it. And as it became a ritual, she'd just smile again and say she knew I was going to scream, and she couldn't sleep.
So she was getting lack of sleep, until one night, she was so tired, she fell asleep whilst comforting me. And I brought her onto my bed and held her small frame. And you know what?
I fell straight asleep, with help from her vibes.
I told her, when she woke up, and she just smiled and hugged me, and said she was thankful I was better. It worried her to see her best friend like this.
I guess, since we've both suffered, when we see the other one improve, its like we have too.
So every night, when I screamed, she'd come and sleep next to me.
Until one night, when we all went to sleep, she just followed me into the room, and fell asleep next to me. And this kept going. Her bed was hardly used.
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
And slowly, we both realised; we were falling in love. It was like someone wise once said to me, I think it was Alfred, Bruce's butler. For love, first there must be friendship. And in friendship, there is understanding. Our friendship, Raven's and mine, was deep, like the roots of a tree in the ground. And slowly, as friendship blossomed into love, my illness grew weaker.
"You know how you screamed every night, Robin?" Raven whispered looking around the red/midnight blue room. She'd moved into my room, seeing as hers was useless… and we were dating. (I'm blushing…gr. So unmanly. o. O)
"Yeah?" I replied meekly. Did she want to tell me she was tired of this and we should break up? That would truly break my heart. Into a thousand and one pieces.
"Did it have to do…with your…your…illness?" she stuttered. I was gob-smacked. I didn't tell her about it – even if it was the right thing to do. She might've thought I was a freak and dump me. I'm kinda insecure.
Okay, very insecure.
"Yes," I whispered, ashamed, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But, Raven –" I grabbed her by the shoulders so she was looking into my eyes. I stared into the violet pools, horrified they were filling with tears, but urged myself to go on, "I was scared. So scared. (1) I…I…my illness is that I, need love, and I just thought you'd think I was some freak of nature and you would…break my heart."
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
And you know what Raven did?
She let out a choked laugh as tears streamed down her face.
"Robin," she whispered as tears tracked down my face. TEARS? A hero doesn't cry! But Raven's crying, and she's the biggest hero I know, "Robin, I know. I know, it's so painful. But I'm here. And you know what?"
No, I don't know what.
"Silence is safe, that much I know. But sometimes, you've gotta be brave and step across the boundaries. And I don't want you to die. I love you."
Someone…loves me. And I love Raven, with all my heart.
As I watched our midnight blue and red wisps of love swap, I remembered something Raven once told me, obviously before she found out about my…case.
'The mind is like a map. There are many paths and roads and streets you can take. Some lead out into sunny places, and some come up with dead ends and darkness. The sunny places are where the righteous people live. And that's why this place is sunny."
So my disorder is yet another way.
And, man, God bless the broken road.
Now I'm just Rollin' home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
