The only real warning is that I mention a couple of spoilers, but… it's not too bad. I guess you've started to realize that this story is going to be a long one. Maybe even longer than But I'm Only Human. I hope so. I really enjoy this one…
Beast Boy waited for Robin at their usual table at the titans favorite pizza parlor. He seriously had to talk to him. Beast Boy sat up straighter when he caught sight of Robin, watching as he made his way to the table.
"Hey. What's the problem? Is something wrong or do you just need to talk?" Robin sat down, lifting his sunglasses to search Beast Boy's eyes. They held fatigue, worry, and something Robin could not put his finger on. Beast Boy looked far older than his eighteen years.
"I need to talk to you about Raven." Beast Boy rolled his eyes when Robin held up a restraining hand.
"Whoa, there. If this is about relationship problems, you came to the wrong man."
"Robin, if I had relationship problems, you'd be the last person I would want to talk to. You don't even know how to handle Starfire—"
"I know how do handle Star."
Beast Boy snorted. "Yeah, right. If you knew how to handle Star, you two would be dating right now or at least bed-buddies."
"I don't date teammates. It's a rule of mine that I won't break."
"Who do you think you're fooling? It has nothing to do with dating a teammate. Either you're scared, or you really don't have feelings for her. Some stupid rule you made up is just your hiding spot." Robin's eyes narrowed. "I'm not here to talk about relationships though. I'm really worried about Raven."
"What's the matter with her?" Robin glanced up when a waitress came to take their order. She batted her eyelashes at Beast Boy flirtatiously, then turned her attention to Robin when Beast Boy ignored her.
"Hey there, handsome. What can I get for you?" Robin told her his order, blushing furiously when she leaned down to get his menu. He got an eyeful of her chest, which was what she was hoping for, and found him completely adorable when red snaked up to his cheeks.
"It'll be right out." Robin watched her walk away, snapping back to reality when Beast Boy made a sound of disgust. "I suggest, to keep yourself from really hurting Starfire, that you tell her there will never be anything between you two. That'll hurt her enough, but if you don't say something now, you'll end up scaring her for life."
Robin's shoulder slumped. "We're not here to talk about me…or Starfire, for that matter. What about Raven?"
Beast Boy shook his head in sympathy, then returned to the matter at hand. "Since the White Rose Killer started targeting other women and killing them instantly, Raven's been having these…premonitions, I guess you could say. She sees what's happening to the girls when he rapes and kills them. Yesterday, she had one of those. Robin, she actually feels what's going on, the pain, everything. And she knows what they think and see. The only problems is, she never sees the man's face. She says it's all in shadows. But I'm really starting to worry."
Robin's eyebrows drew together. "It kinda sounds like that time when she took over my body, except this time, she's not doing it on purpose."
Beast Boy nodded. "You're right. I think that, since she hasn't been using her powers a lot and this case has hit home with her, she's unconsciously tied to the victims. Somehow, when she sleeps, she is somehow trapped inside the woman being hurt. I'm just…really scared. I really care about her, Robin. I don't want anything to happen to her."
For some reason, Beast Boy's proclamation did not make Robin uncomfortable. "I know you care about her, Beast Boy. But I don't think this is something that you can fix. Raven's powers are beyond anyone's control, even hers sometimes. She's just going to have to go through this alone."
Beast Boy's eyes narrowed. "I really hope Star doesn't run into any problems and hope for you to help her. You only seem to care about yourself, Robin. It's always been that way…and poor Starfire…I have a feeling she knows that you don't want her. Anyways, I'm not going to let Raven go through this alone, even of there is nothing I can do. Maybe I can just help her by being there for her."
Robin shrugged, his heart heavy at Beast Boy's words. "How is Star, anyways?" Beast Boy asked, his eyes flashing with excitement when their food was set out in front of them.
The waitress slipped a piece of paper in front of Robin and Beast Boy watched as he unfolded it. It was a phone number. Robin blushed, refolding the paper and sliding it under his plate.
"Robin," Beast Boy asked quietly, "have you done anything to lead Starfire into thinking that there is something between you two?"
Robin's eyes narrowed. "What is your fascination with Star and I?"
"Unlike you, I care about other people. Star's like a sister to me and I hate it when she hurts."
"So you honestly think that I'd purposely hurt her?" Robin's fist clenched in anger.
"Not purposely, but I know you will end up really hurting her. Starfire has never had to deal with a relationship or heartbreak before, so her first heartbreak will last a while. She's too innocent, Robin. She doesn't know what to do yet. She's still trying to catch up with Earth ways. But it's not hard to see the way she feels about you." Beast Boy gave a small smile. "She's not too good at masking her feelings like the rest of us."
"Sooner or later she's going to have to deal with heartbreak. Everyone does." Robin leaned back in his chair, sulkily poking at his untouched food.
"Yeah, but most people have learned to toughen up after a heartbreak. They know that there is always someone else, but Star doesn't. She's never been outside of Jump City. For all you know, once you let this get to far and break it off, she may think that no one wants her."
"Starfire is not that naïve," Robin scoffed, but he what he said was a down right lie. Starfire was that naïve and innocent. She didn't know what it felt like to hurt, or know that there was someone out there for her. Robin didn't deserve someone so pure, not with his dark past and cold heart.
"Look Robin, I know that on some level, you do care for her. You've shown it in battle when you protect her. When Slade had you under his control, you had a chance to hurt her, but you didn't. I might have been in pain, but I could hear you. We all could. And when we came to save you, her tears made you strong. You risked your life for her…for all of us, and she knew that. She hurts when you're not around." Beast Boy's face suddenly lit with an amused grin. "You should have seen her when you went to train up in the mountains. She brooded around the house, worse then Raven. Remember when you caught us all in your uniform?"
Robin chuckle, remembering when he had come home from training with the old woman. His entire team was dressed in his uniform, even Raven, and had practically died of embarrassment when he caught them. "Yeah. I remember."
"Well, she got that wooden puppet of hers and started to compliment it. She, of course, was acting like you. It was so cute." Beast Boy shook his head, taking a huge bit out of his tofu pizza. Around the mouthful, Beast Boy mumbled, "I think she took your uniform and framed it."
Robin glared at Beast Boy's sad attempt at humor. "She's not that obsessive."
Beast Boy laughed. "I know. But, you still get my drift. She's head-over-heels in love with you, so when you do tell her you have no romantic feelings for her, tell her you still care about her, just not in the way she hopes. It will take some of the sting out."
"Since when are you a break-up expert?" Robin muttered under his breath, wolfing down a slice of pizza. He didn't really taste the food, but it helped settle his empty stomach.
Beast Boy gave a sad smile. "There were some things that you don't know about that happened with Terra and me. We weren't as innocent as we looked."
Robin's interest perked up. "You mean you and Terra actually slept together?"
Beast Boy blushed. "Yeah. Quiet a few times, actually. That's why it hurt so much when she betrayed me. You only saw the innocent side of out relationship."
Robin's mood soured. Of course. Robin was the only male virgin on the team. That so did not help his self-esteem any.
"Truth be told, Terra had to lead me through all of it. I had no idea what to do, but she did. Come to find out, she had stayed with this guy name…Trevalyn, I think, and he was her type, so…yeah. She learned everything from him. But, she knew what to do and lead me through it. It was kinda embarrassing though. I hadn't even kissed anyone before her." Beast Boy blushed. "How about you talk about your sex life so I don't die of complete humiliation?"
"Hell, I don't even have a sex life," Robin muttered, sneering at nothing in particular.
"Whoa. I thought I was going to be the only guy on the team that hadn't had sex yet. So, you never have? Why? I always thought that you'd be the first one too—"
"Why are we even having this conversation? It is completely off course. And embarrassing. Guys shouldn't talk about their sex life… unless their bragging and we have nothing to brag about."
"True. It's been two years since I've had anyone. But why haven't you had anyone yet? I know you go on countless dates and don't come home until way past midnight. I know. I get all the info from Star."
"I'm not going to get out of this one, am I?"
Beast Boy grinned, leaning back against his chair. "Nope. I spilled everything, so now you gotta. Fair's fair."
"Fine." Robin brooded, answering no questions.
"Fine," Beast Boy said. "I'll ask questions and you gotta answer them truthfully. Deal? 'Cause if you don't, I'll make up a embarrassing lie and tell it to Starfire." Knowing full and well that he had won, Beast Boy thought about a question to ask.
"So you've never done anything other than kissing with a girl?"
"This is so embarrassing," Robin moaned, rubbing his temple.
"You are not going to get out of this."
"Fine, okay, whatever. No, I've done everything else but…well, you know. I've done everything else and had everything else done, but just not…going all the way." Robin blushed ten shades of red when Beast Boy let out a chortle.
"I would have never thought that I would be having this talk with you, of all people."
Beast Boy ignored him and went on. "Okay, so you're not completely virginal." Beast Boy chuckled, dodging the plastic fork that Robin threw. It still hit his chest and bounced off. Beast Boy rubbed the spot where the fork had stabbed him while thinking of something else. Hell, if he had to spill his personal life, then Robin was going to too.
"But…why? Why have you not gone that far when you've done and had done, everything else."
Robin was afraid of that question. Should he really tell Beast Boy why? Yeah, Beast Boy was a good friend, but this was not something Robin wanted to tell anybody, friend or otherwise.
"Does it have something to do with Star?" Beast Boy asked quietly, all amusement at Robin's expense gone. "Come on, Rob. Tell the truth. I'm not going to judge you on any of this. I could tell you anything about my feelings for Raven, but that's different. I know how I feel. But…sometimes, it might help if you get this kinda stuff off your chest."
Robin's glare held no heat. "Fine…" He was silent for a moment, thinking things through. "I just…thought that if she ever found out that I had been with another woman…that way, I'd really hurt her."
"Robin, with your feelings, you're just going to end up hurting her anyways."
"Damnit! Don't you think I know that? You act like I don't care if I hurt her or not, but I do. It's going to tear me apart when I make her cry because I can't have her. I don't deserve her. She needs someone who doesn't put work in front of their relationship, someone who will really be there for her. Someone the complete opposite of me." Robin's shoulders slumped. Truthfully, he didn't feel any better. It only hurt worse.
"Don't you think she should have a say so? What if what she really needs is someone like you? You could be perfect for her. You could make her happy." Beast Boy's eyes softened with understanding. Robin was really hurting over this.
"I could never make her happy…or anyone for that matter." Robin slid down in his chair, his eyes sad. "I don't deserve her."
"I don't think you get it, Robin," Beast Boy said softly. "You have made her happy. Who does she go to when she needs help understanding the real world? Who does she go to when she's scared, or sad, or even emotional? She always goes straight to you. Not me, not Cyborg, and not Raven. Personally, I would think that she would go to Raven for some of the matters she discusses with you, but she doesn't. She's always worried about you, Robin. She's a wreck when you lock yourself up, trying to find some sort of clue on Slade. She hurts when you hurt."
"She only comes to me because…" Hell, why did she always come to him when she needed to ask a question?
Beast Boy sighed. "Dude. You are so completely blind. Even I can see it, and that's really saying something. She really, truly, cares for you. More than friendship and all that junk."
"Nothing is going to happen between us and that's that, so let's just drop it," Robin snapped, his temper flaring when Beast Boy snorted. "Fine. I f you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life, be my guest. Just don't bring other people down because you have a peanut for a brain."
Robin growled deep in his throat, but Beast Boy was oblivious to his anger. That, or he just didn't care. "So, you gonna call that waitress later?"
"Does this have to do with Star and I?"
"Nope. I was just wondering 'cause…she kinda cute." Beast Boy grinned, loosening some of the tension that crept between them.
Robin smiled, shaking his head. "Don't forget about Raven."
Beast Boy snorted. "Hell, that waitress is nothing compared to Raven. She's like a weed next to a rose. Raven being the rose, of course."
"You're really starting to scare me, Beast Boy. All this…intellectual talk and advice. Now, your doing poetry. I think I missed something. Something very important…"
Beast Boy grinned. "Yeah, I'm scaring the hell outta myself as well. How's about we talk about something a little more interesting?"
"Good idea. Hey, have you heard from Cyborg?"
"Nope. I have no idea where he is or how he's doing. I thought he went to go stay with one of the police officers."
"Yeah…" They lapsed into comfortable silence. Robin finally regained his appetite and dug in, finishing his entire pizza in no time flat. He didn't want to have to deal with raging emotions right now, and the talk with Beast Boy left him frazzled. He needed to get him mind off of anything romantic and anything lusty, so, Beast Boy and Robin decided to head off to the gym. Whooping Beast Boy's ass was bound to get his mind off Star and confusing emotions.
Starfire sighed. Robin had gone off to meet Beast Boy and now, Star had nothing to do. She could call Raven and talk to her…no. Raven probably did not want to be bothered. Anyways, she didn't have her phone installed.
Starfire sighed once again, staring at the ceiling. She lay on her back, her head hanging off the edge and her knees resting on the back. In other words, she was upside down. She was so bored. No Robin to kiss, no interesting fungus shows, no people to talk to.
She jerked up when someone knocked on her door. Scrambling up, she ran to the door way. Jonathan's bright grin greeted her.
"Hey, Rose. I just wanted to see how things were holding up."
She smiled and pushed her hair off her forehead. "Everything is…just fine. I have unpacked most things, so I am almost at home. Why don't you come in?"
He smiled, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Naw, that's okay. I just wanted to make sure everything was going well. Need any help with anything?"
She smiled when he started to fidget in embarrassment. "No, but it was sweet of you to come and ask."
He blushed a bright red, the color a striking contrast against his hair. "Uh…no problem." He gave a shy grin and walked away.
"Jonathan?" She called out, leaning against the door frame.
"Yeah?" He shoved his hand in his pockets, blushing when she smiled at him. "If there is anything I can do for you, I would love to help."
He grinned. "Thanks. That means a lot."
She watched him walk into his apartment, wishing that Robin where here. She knew full and well that he did not care for her like she hoped, but that still did not stop her from loving him. He had been her first friend, her first kiss, her first love. He meant so much to her, even if it was just as a friend.
Star sighed and shut her door. Now was really not the time to think about stuff like that. She had better things to worry about.
She needed to find something to do. Another knock sounded at her door and Starfire opened it. She jumped back as Raven burst forth and instantly started to pace. "I can't take this anymore. This is just starting to get on my nerves. I don't know what to do. It is just going way to fast for my likings." She glanced at Starfire's, taking note of her wide eyes, and stopped. "Oh. Hi."
"Might there be some sort of problem that you need help figuring out?"
"Oh. Um. No, not really. I just stopped by to see how things were. So…how are things?"
Starfire slowly shut her door, her eyebrows drawn together. "Fine. Raven…do you wish to talk about something?"
"Seriously. I just wanted to see how things were." Raven ran both hands through her hair. "Can I talk to you about something?"
Starfire nodded, following Raven into the living room. "It must be important if you came all the way from across town just to come see me."
"It really is important, though. How are things going between you and Robin?"
By the look on her face, Raven decided that things weren't going as planned. "That bad, huh?"
"I could get better, but we are here to talk about your problem…" She tilted her head to the side. "What is your problem?"
Raven shrugged, folding her legs under her. Slowly, and in detail, she explained everything that took place between her and Beast Boy, leaving nothing out. After, she talked about her dreams.
Starfire nodded her head, trying to process everything. "So…you and Beast Boy…are an item?"
Raven gnawed on her bottom lip. "I don't know. He treats me like…a lover. But I don't know if I'm ready for that. I don't know anything about making a relationship work. I've never been in one. I just…don't know what to think. What if he doesn't want a relationship? What if he's just using me?" Raven sighed. Over the years, it had become so easy to tell Star everything she was feeling. She was not embarrassed, but somehow comforted. Star was just so easy to talk to. She understood, and when she didn't, she asked questions. And Raven was not annoyed at all when she didn't understand.
Starfire leaned her chin on her upraised knee. "Beast Boy is not one to use another person. Especially you." She smiled. "Raven, are you having doubts?"
Raven sighed again. "I…maybe…I don't…what if…what if once he gets to know the real me, he doesn't like what he sees? I am not at all like Terra and I think that is what he wants. I can't laugh at his jokes, even if I do find them somewhat amusing. I can't…give him what he needs. I can't love him." Raven gave an inward growl when tears sprang into her eyes. Oh how she hated emotions.
Starfire bit her lip. "And why not?"
Raven made a sound of disgust. "My powers. What else?"
"Maybe…" Starfire didn't know what to say. She knew that Raven was just using her powers as an excuse, but saying that aloud would just make Raven angry.
"Can we talk about something else? All this relationship stuff is confusing me."
"All right. What about these dreams you keep having?"
Raven shrugged. "Every time the White Rose Killer strikes, I see what happens. It's only in my dreams, and I have only had two, but since he has been breaking his strategies, I've actually been the woman he rapes. I can feel what they feel, know what they think, how he kills them. But I just can't see his face. It's all darkness and shadows. His voice is hard to recognize as well. I can't tell if he's young or old or what. It's just terrifying. I'm scared to go to sleep alone now." She bit the inside of her lip. "You know, Beast Boy has been there every time I have these nightmares. Yesterday, he actually rocked me to sleep."
Raven blushed. He's always there when I need him most."
With a grin, Starfire asked it Raven was hungry. As Starfire prepared Raman Noodles, Raven sat at the counter and sulked. "I hate relationships and love and all the crap that goes with it. It's nothing but trouble."
Starfire chuckled. "Now that you bring it up, do you love Beast Boy?" Starfire turned to see Raven's wide, shocked eyes. Shaking her head, Starfire started to dig through the cabinets for bowls.
"Well?"
"No! Of course I don't love him. Why would I? Should I? What if I do? I don't know if I do! What is love feel like? How do you know? What if I do love him? No, that can't be right! I don't love. Don't know how." As Raven continued her ramblings, Starfire pushed a steaming bowl of soup in front of Raven. Starfire hopped onto the counter, crossed her legs, and dug into her food.
"Raven," Starfire interrupted, swallowing her food. "People cannot help how they feel."
Raven brooded. "Don't you think I know that?" She shoved her fork into the noodles, grumbling about nothing.
"Well then, if you love him, you'd know. When you love someone, you just…know." Starfire slowly lowered her eyes to her food. "It is just there."
Raven cocked her head sympathetically. "I guess you'd know, wouldn't you?"
Starfire cleared her throat. "I thought we were off the topic of love and all of its kin."
"You're right. So…" Raven swallowed a mouthful and raided Star's fridge for something to drink. "What's your undercover name?"
"Rose Skylar, I think. What is yours?"
"It's Dru Moody. I met this guy while walking around the other day and Beast Boy told me my name was Devin. I believed him too, but he lied. He said that he didn't want the guy to know my undercover name." Raven rolled her eyes. "He's overly protective."
Starfire smiled, but inside, she was jealous of the relationship between Raven and Beast Boy. It would be something she would never have. Starfire shook her head. Raven was finally happy and that was all that mattered.
"That's a good thing, though."
"I guess. Anyways…we just can't stop talking about men, can we?"
Starfire laughed. "I guess not. They are such an interesting topic to converse about. We can, instead, talk about their flaws. They do have many."
Raven's eyebrows rose. "And I thought you didn't have a mean bone in your body."
Starfire gave her a mischievous grin. "There are some things I keep hidden."
Raven shook her head in amusement. "Alright. Making fun of their flaws sounds like a goodplan to me."
Yeah, I know. Not a very interesting chapter, but I just wanted to get their feelings out in the open so I can use them to my advantage. Hehehe. Yes, I'm an evil little writer. Anyways, hope you at least like this chapter a little. Until next time!
