Once again, I don't own the contents here of, please don't sue me.

Pallet of Blue and Gray.

The grass was just starting to turn that light shade of olive brown and the leaves were only sporadically orange and red. The apples on the trees still provided vibrant contrast in the trees as the birds left them, sensing the change coming in the blowing wind. Morning had started arriving later as the chill of night lingered in the air and the mushrooms had just started peeking out of the fragrant forest ground.

That's what I remember from the day you told me you loved me. Loved, not love. The world could have been set ablaze, and I would have still been cold. I wanted to blow this memory away, but what good would it have done? You still cherished him and not me.

You loved me once, why not twice, as I have loved you forever. I can easily kill any man, but I cannot kill these feelings left swirling inside me

The snow had piled in glistening pale blue heaps along the fences and warm steam from the carolers hot chocolate swirled though the bitter heavens when I learned you carried his child. Not mine, never mine, as all I ever wanted was to see your abdomen swell and grow with something made of you and me. I wanted to be the one, the only one to stroke your stretched and purple marked belly, to place my hand upon your navel and feel new life wiggle and thrive.

Why you couldn't tell me, I can't comprehend. Why after all we shared, you could not bring yourself to face me with the news that you were already carrying his seed when you told me good by.

You were glowing on Christmas, with your self- knitted sweater, all decked in green and red. I had to remember that I threw you away, and I'm the reason you can't love me again. I watched him with jealous eyes as he kissed you so fully under that dark emerald mistletoe. I kept thinking that you were still mine, as I caught myself reaching for you, then I remembered I'm supposed to be reaching for another, her. She's waiting for me to bring her eggnog.

I know you must have made it, your own distinct recipe, even though in your state, you cannot taste of its thick and heady froth. The nutmeg still wafts from your body like a hypnotic perfume, the vanilla filling my senses with smoky memories of what we had together.

She drinks it in, the bourbon clouding her mind as she no longer cares that the hands of the one woman I love completely created her drink, and she knows that I only stay with her through obligation.

I note that he doesn't touch but a drop, out of respect for you. That is what we lacked; I never respected you. I never took the time to drink in all that you were to me, all that you selflessly sacrificed for me I just took and stole from you, stripping away pieces of you for myself, devouring parts of your psyche as though I was a vampire, and I know that you deserve better. I'm glad you found it because I never will.

For all my power, for all the times I've saved the human race, I could not save us. I just took her. She bore me a child, because I'm selfish. Because I thought I could do better, not understanding I had the best. So he stole you from me. And I will hate him forever for having all I cannot even hope for.

I watch as he places a diamond on your hand, replacing the one you returned to me. The one I still carry in my pocket. His shines with a dazzling brilliance, while mine has dulled and the band has tarnished. I saw you look over at me briefly, shyly, almost coyly, to see my reaction. I hope my shredding heart and unrelenting sadness doesn't register on my face. I see your sweet smile, almost to comfort me, to tell me everything is O.K. But it doesn't ease my pain.

Only having you back ever will.