A/N: So… I should stop calling these drabbles, because once I start writing I end up with 5 pages or more. Anyway this fic was a tricky one, the first idea was pretty much crack, so think of this one as an overthinked crack.

Anyways, I hope you like it! Enjoy!

Weird

The conference room even if it was alien, it held many similarities to the ones on Earth. The floors were light and shiny, the room spacious with the large table in the middle. The chairs all had a fair resemblance to very expensive chairs used only by the CEO's of big companies. Then there were those sitting on those chairs….

But before that is told, you have to know how the Team managed to get there.

The day had started like any other day, by flying into the planet through the space Stargate. The puddle jumper was cloaked and as they went lower into the planet's atmosphere, the layouts of the place began taking shape. The planet had been picked for some unusual energy signals, plus those same signals resembled those Earth gave away. Ronon managed to point out a couple of space objects that were orbiting the planet. Rodney quickly corrected Ronon saying that they looked like satellites.

The surface was another matter altogether. A city began taking shape; it was dark with glimpses of red. Tall gothic buildings filled the area; some were shiny as stainless steel, others were dark as the night. The red tint seemed to come out from the ground itself, giving the place an underworld feeling.

The sun was going down, and so Sheppard decided to land the Jumper in other to take a closer look at the otherwise empty looking city.

The Jumper backdoor opened and so the team set their way towards the city, but as they made their way there, Teyla discovered something. The city was not empty.

Ronon was the first one to meet up with one of the natives. As he was walking towards the city, something brushed by him. It was small and very fast, when he was finally able to catch up with it; he discovered that it was just a boy. The boy didn't look to be more than a 10 year old, his skin had a tanned look and his hair was covered in small and short dreadlocks. His clothes were minimal, as he was only wearing what it looked like a loincloth. Ii it wasn't for the little horns on his head or the pointed tail; he would have looked like a normal boy.

The boy sneered at Ronon and ran away. Ronon followed the boy with his sight and noticed that they were being watched as well.

There was a small crowd on the outskirts of the city. They were looking at the team in awe and shock.

Sheppard noticed that there were two tall men; one was blonde, the other brunette and very fair. Their blue eyes were kind of alluring, but still it left Sheppard with a sense of danger. Following was a woman; her dark hair contrasted her pale and beautiful face. But then besides them there was a tall creature, dressed in a suit, half man and half… Sheppard stopped himself. The man's face was furry and instead of a nose, he had a snout. Plus the ears… if it wasn't an overgrown dog… it was a Werewolf.

The Colonel decided to make the first move, he walked towards the group. "Hello, we're travelers; we came through the Stargate, searching for…"

Before Sheppard could finish, the pale woman opened her mouth, and when she did, Sheppard noticed another weird thing; she had fangs like a vampire.

The place was becoming by the second one very warped world. Sheppard heard Rodney say, "Does she look like a vampire to you?"

Sheppard shushed Rodney, but hearing Rodney's comment the pale woman said, "Oh dear… the humans have found us."

Sensing trouble Sheppard backed off. "I'm sorry, but we're not here to cause trouble. We only want…"

He never finished, the blonde man frowned in anger, and he raised one hand and shouted "Sleep!"

And without a fight, without complaint or warning Sheppard, Rodney, Ronon and Teyla fell on the ground, unconscious.

-0-0-0-0

Sheppard awoke and looked around; they were in some sort of conference room. He was sitting on one of the comfortable chair around the table. As he looked around, he noticed the rest of his team. Ronon was being forcibly awakened by the little boy, who was pulling Ronon by the hair. Teyla had a creepy pale guy behind her; the man was staring at her with a horny look. And last but not least Rodney was already awake, but looking as if he might faint soon, there was the werewolf staring at the scientist with interest and glee.

Suddenly there was a sound as if a bunch of bees were flying around. Then things started flying past Sheppard, he felt like being invaded by giant flies, but still he couldn't make out what they really were. He looked around and asked. "Are you all ok?"

Rodney was trying very hard to ignore the werewolf besides him. "Define ok…"

"Every limb in place, no loss of blood," Sheppard said in mild amusement.

"Yes I'm ok," Rodney replied as quickly as possible.

Sheppard's gaze moved to Teyla, who in turn looked as if she was mentally trying to strangle the creepy guy behind her. "Teyla?" Sheppard said tentatively, to which he received a quick and annoyed response. "I'm fine Colonel."

Then Sheppard looked at Ronon, the big guy was being officially bullied by the little boy. The kid was way to fast for Ronon to grab him in each attempt to pull the Runner's hair. And the others in the room prevented him from standing up and running after the little devil.

Suddenly the doors opened, the female vampire arrived with the two tall guys. They looked at the team with disgust and sat down close together so they could talk amongst themselves.

Music started playing, Sheppard recognized it, it was a song called "Float on."

But… how?

The song was from earth, they were galaxies away. Rodney gave him a weird look, but before he said anything the doors opened once more. A new crowd of strange creatures walked in.

There was an elf, just like from the Lord of the Rings movies. Then two centaurs, a banshee brushing its white hair, two more vampires, a dryad, a gargoyle, a minotaur, two satyrs, a black humped creature wearing glasses who identified himself as the Boogeyman and finally mermaid in a tank that moved like a wheelchair.

The mermaid, parked her tank across from Ronon, she gave him a seductive look and smiled. "Hi, I'm Ahana." Then an abnormally large serpent poked her head out of the water and looked around. The mermaid petted the serpent and said, "Say hello Nessie."

The serpent just showed her split tongue twice and returned to the water. The mermaid shrugged. "She's cranky today."

Ronon didn't say a word, as he looked speechless as he was mortified by the little boy.

Now the werewolf was moving closer to Rodney, he was sniffing the scared scientist. Rodney tried as hard as he could to just ignore the half canine. But he couldn't.

"Tell me human, is your kind still moving around in horses?" the werewolf asked.

Rodney breathed deeply and turned to look at the creature, "No… we're…" Rodney stopped sensing Sheppard's gaze, and then he continued, "We've advanced a lot since the horses."

"You must be… just being here proves it. But still you're such a young race."

Rodney felt somewhat offended for being called young, by what he thought to be a big dog. "Why do you say that?" Rodney said with more courage than what he was actually feeling.

The werewolf just gave him a smirk, and then very suddenly he snarled and made a loud biting sound with his big teeth. Rodney jumped and looked away.

The werewolf smirked again and said, "Precisely my point."

Sheppard shook his head, but something caught his eye, he turned to Teyla, the man behind her was now crouched on her side, holding her hand. "My dearest Teyla, you must agree to be my queen, your face is one of the most beautiful I've seen, your body has given me fantasies that will last me forever, but your blood… oh please… you look so tasty! Be my queen, I beg you!"

Sheppard was suddenly concerned as Teyla had a glazed look and she looked as if she was about to say yes. But then the female vampire across the room frowned. "Oh shut up Loku. You're beginning to sound like a recording machine. Every time you see a woman, you hit rewind and play!"

The now revealed vampire Loku turned to the woman, "Shut up Eufrasia, is not my fault that no one wants to marry you and you have to settle with the sorcerer's gay duo!"

Eufrasia looked angry, she showed he fangs almost as a sign of fight. But the two guys besides her were equally offended as well. But before the fight started, the doors opened once more. A tall man walked in, his skin had a red tint; his clothes were red as well as his hair, which was also complemented with a set of horns at the top of his head. He flashed a charming smile to the team. "Hello and welcome to the Lower World, I'm Satanás the leader."

"Boss! Boss! Wait, I need to tell you something."

A very small creature walked in the place, it was brownish with red almond shaped eyes and two large fangs. He looked more like a cliché alien on drugs, than anything else. Satanás breathed deeply trying to hide how annoyed he was feeling. "What is it Chupacabras?"

Chupacabras was holding a couple of papers and said quietly, "The faeries came; I thought I should warn you before you started the meeting."

Satanás groaned slightly, and then turned his gaze to the two men besides Eufrasia. "Dante, Damian before I forget if you ever see more Earth humans, knocking them unconscious is not a good first impression."

Both men raised their eyebrow and said nothing, but their anger was clearly shown.

Rodney frowned then he leaned to Sheppard, and whispered. "Isn't Satanás the same as…?"

But Satanás never let him finish. "Yes, the same as Satan, but spoken in another language makes it a bit exotic."

Everyone in the room groaned, Sheppard looked at the rest of the team. Ronon was still occupied by the little boy. Teyla just shrugged, which made Sheppard exhale in relief as he saw her acting normal, and Rodney was ignoring the werewolf.

Satanás had a hurtful look. "What? It's a good name."

Ahana was now petting Nessie continuously. "It's not your name."

Satanás sat down quickly, "The real owner won't ever know. I'm harming no one."

Eufrasia was still angry from Loku's comments, so she said. "Oh spare us your identity crisis and tell us why you have brought us here."

Sheppard noticed how Satanás cleared his throat and turned to look at him. "Like the music?"

"What?" Sheppard asked confused.

"The music, its Earth's music, we get your XM radio, very cool things coming from there."

Suddenly Rodney said, "Is that what you use the satellites for?"

"Yes!" Satanás said with a smile, "plus we keep the Wraith at bay. They didn't like us and we don't like them. Still they don't mess with us and haven't tried, not yet. I believe that they don't like coming to this planet."

Satanás continued talking explaining something, but Sheppard couldn't pay attention, there was a very small winged woman resting besides his hands. She had a skimpy outfit, but her wings were yellow and blue. Before he could decide whether to move the little thing away or wake her up, two more appeared to her side. This time, one of them had a dark red dress and the other one was basically topless. They stared at Sheppard in amazement as they quickly waked up the one on his hands.

Then the one topless said in a very shrilly and high pinched voice. "Look girls! He has pointed ears, is almost one of us!"

"And very handsome," said the blue winged faerie.

Suddenly a stampede of faeries launched themselves at Sheppard. Some of them started doing some very obscene things with his hands, others tried to get into his clothes. Then another just went for the head and shouted. "Oh this hair! I could live in this hair!"

Sheppard tried to shake the faeries off, everyone in the room just stared at him with amusement. Sheppard was not. "Help please!"

Satanás didn't move, he only shouted, "Faeries, you are testing my patience. You have three seconds to leave the room. One, two…"

Most of the faeries groaned and flew away, except one. The one on Sheppard's hair, she was still making obscene sounds. But before Sheppard could shake her away, Satanás took out a fly swatter and slammed it on Sheppard's head. The faerie looked disorientated for a second, and then she cursed and flew away helped by two other faeries.

Satanás put away the swatter and looked at Sheppard. "You should take a bath, as soon as possible."

Passing a hand through his head, Sheppard returned to his chair, "You don't have to tell me twice."

Suddenly Ronon growled. "Can you do the same with this pest?"

Ronon was now pointing at the little boy; Satanás turned to look and replied. "I can't touch him. He's one of the real natives of the planet, and you're lucky he likes you otherwise you would be missing a part of your body."

"Lucky me…" Ronon said between his teeth as the boy gave his hair another pull.

"Don't look at him like that… he's you!" Satanás said in amusement.

"That is not me."

"Of course it is, they are shape shifters, if they like you they take your shape. But at the age they liked you the most. Intelligent little critters, too bad they don't care about anything else."

Ahana gave Nessie a snack. "Satanás, you're getting off topic again."

Satanás looked confused for a second, and then said, "Right! Ok, first…" he moved to look at the creatures in the room. "You're here to tell the population not to worry; humans are not coming here to slaughter us like they did in the past. As you can see for yourselves they still pretty much fear us. Causto!" Satanás now looked at the tallest of the centaurs. "Make sure you tell the giants and the dragons, especially to Claude the clan leader. He gets spooked easily sometimes, starts breathing fire, nothing good. So be careful."

Causto nodded, then Satanás turned to Sheppard, "Now… I will offer you sanctuary and help with Wraith matters, with one condition only."

Sheppard frowned and nodded. "Ok, what is that?"

Satanás smiled.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The jumper flew into the gate room and into the bay. Inside the bay Elizabeth was waiting for the team accompanied by Major Lorne's team. "Colonel Sheppard, I was getting worried."

"Well, we're ok." Sheppard said tiredly. Then Rodney walked past Sheppard saying. "Physically at least, this mission will haunt my dreams forever."

Then Teyla and Ronon walked out of the jumper, and seeing Ronon's disheveled look Elizabeth frowned. "What happened?"

"We landed on a fairytale nightmare." Sheppard said as the rest of the team walked out of the bay. Then Sheppard gave Weir the Short, short story.

Puzzled Elizabeth looked at the Colonel. "What do they want from us?"

"Movies… all the movies we can give them. They can listen to our XM radio, and they found out about them. So they want to see them."

Elizabeth let out a small laugh. "That's it?"

"That's it. Now I'm off to my room, after being attacked by a fairy stampede I feel the need of a shower."

"Ok, go."

Sheppard left the bay knowing that Elizabeth might have been laughing her ass off. It was not everyday that the ranking military officer and his team were captured by a bunch of mythical creatures.

Fairytale nightmare indeed.

Fin