A/N: another chapter, another ficlet. I don't trust the bunnies, so I can't honestly say when they will the strike again. It has even affected my fanfic reading, I hate it so much. Anyways, I wrote this the other day while drinking my morning coffee. I hope is ok.
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Porn
John Sheppard was bored; his day off had come to prove to be as bad as a meeting with a bunch of the city's scientists. Bugging Elizabeth was out of the question; she already threw him out of her office once and he wasn't up to test her patience.
John decided to make his way towards the recreation room.
When he arrived the room was empty, which was very good. The new box of DVD's was still untouched. John walked towards it and carefully went through it. He wanted to watch something that would not make him drool in boredom. Then he saw the case of Return of the King, he had seen the first two movies, but never had the chance of watching the last one.
On a day like the one he was having… it was definitely a good choice. He opened the case, and was suddenly startled as someone said his name behind him. John turned to face the doorway, finding Rodney looking at him with interest. "What?"
"What are you doing?" Rodney asked.
"I'm going to watch a movie," John took the disc out and placed it on the DVD player, "I'm off duty, remember? No experiments or ancient toys today."
Rodney frowned, "Ok, ok… what are you watching?"
John showed Rodney the case of the movie. Rodney suddenly looked as if he was searching for something, "Oh yes, I saw it. Too many endings, maybe I'll come back later to watch the battle."
"Rodney." John said giving the scientist an annoyed look.
"What?"
"I haven't seen it yet."
"Alright, just call me when Aragorn meets the zombie King."
"Go!" John almost shouted, he hated when people talked about movies he hadn't seen.
Knowing this, Rodney smirked and walked away.
John picked up the remote, and then Ronon walked through the door. "Hey!" John said as he sat on the couch.
Ronon gave him a nod and sat besides the Colonel. "What are you watching?"
"Return of the King, you might like it."
Ronon didn't say a word but didn't move either. So, John turned on the TV and quickly pressed play. What happen next caught John by surprise; it wasn't Lord of the Rings showing on the screen, but a woman moaning loudly.
Very loud.
Someone had left the sound system on and loud too. John's eyes were wide open as he fumbled with the remote.
Ronon had moved forward staring at the screen.
John managed to press the mute button and then he looked at Ronon. The ex-Runner had his eyes fixed to the screen. But before he could say something, he heard Rodney's voice coming from the hallway. "What was that? I'm sure Lord of the Rings doesn't sound like that. Or are you watching Lord of the G-string?"
John looked at the screen, currently there was a woman getting very freaky with three different guys, all in different positions. John fought with the control and turned the thing off just in time, when Rodney walked in. "Ok, what the hell are you watching?"
In fact John looked like a kid who had just been caught doing something bad. "Nothing! I pressed PLAY and it wasn't Lord of the Rings."
Rodney looked from John to Ronon and back, and then he crossed his arms and said, "What is it, then?"
John passed a hand through his hair and fell silent. Ronon pointed at the screen and said, "There was a woman having sex with three different men and one of them was…"
John cut Ronon off by signaling the man to stop. Amused by the Colonel's reaction Ronon fell silent. But Rodney's face said it all. "Are you watching porn?"
John took the remote and pressed PLAY. The woman reappeared on screen the mute was still on. So Rodney's reaction was, "Oh… whoa!"
John looked at the screen once more and then back at Rodney.
Ronon lay back on the couch clearly enjoying what he was seeing. "People watch this on Earth?"
John looked more uncomfortable as he never imagined that he had to explain to Ronon a porn movie. "Sometimes… to get in the mood… or…"
Rodney cut him off. "Or if you're lonely." Then after saying it he quickly cleared his throat and kept looking at the screen.
John shook his head and looked at Rodney. The scientist was frowning as he tilted his head to the right. "I didn't know that was humanly possible."
John looked at the screen again, but then he tilted his head to the left. They were silent for a bit then Rodney broke the silence. "I like porn as much as the next person, but this is… just…"
"Nasty?" John asked
"Yeah."
There was a momentary silence then a shout. "What the hell are you guys doing?"
They all spun around so quickly that Rodney almost lost his balance. Elizabeth stood on the doorway, Carson was besides her.
He gave them the weirdest look he could muster. "You all like to watch porn together?"
"This room is for recreation, not erotic purposes." Elizabeth said in anger as the movie kept playing in the background.
John quickly stopped the movie and moved towards Elizabeth. "No, no, no…. I was merely going to watch a very innocent movie called Return of the King, but when I pressed play this came out. Ronon was with me and Rodney was in the hallway when he heard it…"
"Everyone on the gate room heard it. That's why I'm here." Elizabeth said cutting John off.
"Oh damn!" John could only say… but after a minute he said, "I swear this is not mine, we were just…"
"Investigating the strange film." Rodney finished for John.
"It's porn! What's strange about it?" Elizabeth said annoyed.
Rodney held a finger up and said, "Give me a second." He took the remote from John's hands and looked back at Elizabeth. "Look at this."
Ronon smirked and made himself comfortable on the couch. Then Rodney pressed PLAY and the movie in question came to life. They all just stared at the screen in silence, after a few minutes Carson said, "That is positively the most disgusting thing I've ever seen."
"Is that even legal?" Elizabeth asked in disgust.
"I don't know but I'm going to need a shower after this." Rodney said almost to himself.
Every head turned to look at Rodney, he looked around and frowned. "What? I feel disturbingly violated by this movie."
John grabbed the remote back from Rodney's hands and stopped the film. Then he took out the disc from the DVD player. He looked at the disc. "What should we do with it?"
"I want to finish it." Ronon said as he stood up from the couch.
To which Elizabeth looked from Ronon and back to the disc in John's hands. "Burn it, throw it off a balcony, I don't care. But I don't want that thing in here."
It was the end of it and not to get rid of it could mean a month cleaning toilets. Elizabeth, Carson and Ronon left the room.
John and Rodney walked out from the recreation room to the nearest balcony. They both looked at the disc in John's hands. Then without warning John threw the disc into the ocean. They both looked at each other and John said, "that was a weird experience."
Rodney nodded, while John walked back inside.
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The disc flew out of the balcony, but it never touched the water. The wind made it stay close to the city and it landed on another balcony at Parrish's feet.
Parrish looked at the disc with interest; he picked it up and read the title.
His eyes flew wide open; he smiled and walked into the hallway. "Hey Katie, look what I found!"
FIN!
