Abby thought the urge to scream when Ryan woke her up for the fifth time that night. You'd have thought I'd be used to it by now, after three months. I'll be glad when you start sleeping through the night. She fumbled for the light switch, closing her eyes at the harsh light that suddenly filled the room. She walked over to Ryan's cot. He stopped screaming as soon as she picked him up. "Hey, what's the matter?" She stood rocking him for a while, hoping that he would soon fall back to sleep. "I've already fed and changed you. You're still dry. And you can't be hungry again." He began to whimper. "Please, go back to sleep. Your mommy needs her rest. Are you trying to kill me?" She watched him smile at her. "Ok, I'll take that as a yes, shall I?" After about ten minutes, he finally drifted back to sleep and Abby carefully placed him down in the crib. She collapsed in the chair in the corner of the room, exhausted.
I guess this is why there's supposed to be two parents. So you only have to get up half the time. Abby sighed. Leaning back in the chair, she thought about Carter yet again. It seemed to be all she had been thinking about lately. She got up, picked up the baby monitor from her bedroom and then headed into the living room. She put the monitor down on the table and then opened a drawer, taking out a slip of paper with a phone number and address written on it. Sitting down on the sofa, she studied it for a while. Susan had given it to her as soon as she'd first mentioned telling him. She had lost count of the number of times she had sat here, staring at the phone number.
I'm gonna tell him. I am! Just when I'm ready and when I know how to do it. It's not like I can just phone him up and say "Hey, remember me? Well, funny story. When you left I was kinda pregnant. So yeah, you have a son. Great isn't it?" I wish that Susan could understand that. If she asks me one more time if I've told him, I think I'll snap. And then there's Dave to consider. He's been great lately. He even decorated the nursery for me. And I still haven't told him that I'm gonna tell Carter.
She sat up and held her head in her hands. How can I tell him? He'll come back. I know he will. But I don't want him too. Not just because of Ryan. I miss him though. Have done since he left. And seeing Ryan everyday just reminds me of what I lost.
Abby picked up the phone but quickly put it back down again. She stood up and walked back towards Ryan's room. She did not go in though; choosing instead to stand in the doorway. She watched him from there for a while, then went back into the living room. She picked up the phone and dialled the number. Part of her hoped that he was working or just did not answer or anything so that she did not have to do this. The other part of her wanted it over with. As she waited for him to answer, Abby began to panic.
What the hell am I gonna say to him? Might have been a good idea to plan this better. What are you doing, Abby?
"Hello?"
He answered! He answered! Shit! Now what?
"Hello? Who is this?"
He sounds pissed. Being woken at this time'll do that to people. Maybe now's not the best time. It feels weird hearing his voice again though. I can't say anything. Why can't I say anything?
She heard him sigh, before he hung up on her. She did not bother to replace the receiver, just letting it fall to the floor. She lay down on the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest. Hoping that Ryan slept until morning, she cried herself to sleep.
