Carter groaned as he sorted through his mail. He had just finished a twelve-hour shift and now needed to collapse. He dropped all of the junk mail straight into the bin, not even bothering to open it. The phone bill. He tossed it casually onto the table. It could wait. He was about to add the rest of the pile to the junk already in the bin when he noticed an envelope with his address hand-written.

He tore it open and sat down at the table to read it. He had recognised the handwriting immediately. He unfolded the letter and began to read it.

Dear Carter,

Maybe I'm a coward for doing this by letter. I know that I should have spoken to you in person, or at least over the phone, but I just couldn't. I did try. A couple of times actually. but I could never go through with it. I hope you understand that. And also why I didn't tell you about this sooner. I'm sorry about doing it like this but you have a right to know. It doesn't change anything. I don't want you to come back to Chicago because of it. We agreed that things would never work out between us. That's still true. Stay there. Move on with your life and forget about me.

What I want you to know is that after you had left, I found out I was pregnant. I was going to have an abortion but decided not to make the same mistake twice. You have a son. Ryan John Lockhart. Hope you don't mind the middle name. I drew the line at calling him John Truman. I don't want anything from you. We're doing ok as we are. I just wanted you to know. That's all. Please don't do anything about it. Make sure that at least one of us gets to move on with our lives.

Abby

He read the letter several times before putting it down. A son? I have a son? And she didn't tell me about him? The shock was beginning to wear off as he began to get angry.

How could she keep something like this from me? And then after all these months she decides to let me know. Cause I suddenly have a right to know? How thoughtful of her. What did she think that I would do? Try and take him away from her? Try and get back with her? What? Why would she do this to me? Does she really hate me that much that she'd try and keep me away from my son?

He leapt up and grabbed the phone and dialled a Chicago number.

"Hello?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Hearing Carter's voice on the other end of the line, Susan sat up sharply. "Tell you what?"

"About Abby."

"What about her?"

"Don't play dumb, Susan. Why didn't you tell me about the baby? My baby?"

Susan sighed. "It's none of my business. That's why."

"You're supposed to be my friend." he stated simply.

"Yeah. I'm also Abby's friend."

"She just should have told me." He sounded like he had calmed down a bit now.

"I'm assuming she did. If you know about Ryan."

"Oh yeah. I know. Abby wrote me a nice letter." He did not even try to hide the bitterness in his voice.

"She told you in a letter?" Susan was wide-awake now.

"Yeah."

"Least she told you."

"Why now? Why not twelve months ago?" He was shouting again now.

"Carter, why exactly are you yelling at me about this?"

"Cause I didn't want to phone Abby and yell at her."

"So you decided to take it out on me instead?"

"Something like that."

"Thanks." Susan laughed.

"Sorry. It's just I don't understand why she couldn't have told me sooner."

"You really should be talking to Abby about this."

"I know." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Should I come back?"

"You need to talk to her. Sort it out between you. After tonight I think I've learned not to get involved in your relationship with Abby."

"I said I was sorry."

"Ok. I'll forgive you but sort it out with her. Don't let the kid suffer cause he has two screwed up parents."

"I won't."

Hearing the resolve in his voice, she asked "what are you gonna do?"

"Call her."

Susan heard a click and then he was gone. She replaced the phone and lay back down. She did not know how she always ended up in the middle of those two.

Abby rushed to answer the phone hoping she could answer it before it woke Ryan up. She grabbed the receiver. "Hello?"

There was silence. "Hello?" she repeated. Still no one there. She was about to hang up when he finally spoke.

"I got the letter."

Now it was her turn to remain quiet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he continued.

Abby leant against the wall. "I…" She trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Why tell me now? If you went through the entire pregnancy without telling me then why bother at all?"

"Carter, I know that you're mad but…"

"Mad? Course I'm mad. You had my child and didn't think it was important to tell me."

"Carter, I…"

"And when you do change your mind, you tell me in a letter." Carter interrupted.

"I tried telling you over the phone but I just couldn't do it. It hurt too much to hear you."

"I didn't know how you'd react if you know."

"What did you think I would do? Take him away from you? Tell you to have an abortion? What, Abby?"

"No. Just that you would come back." she snapped.

Carter fell silent.

"I'm sorry." She regretted it immediately.

"Would that be so terrible? If I did move back to Chicago?"

Abby paused before answering. "Yeah. I think it would. We're doomed together. You know that. That's why we split up in the first place."

"But now we have a reason to try."

"No. We don't. You can't just decide to give things with us another go just because of Ryan. It's not fair. Not fair on either of us."

"Then why did you bother telling me?"

"I don't know. And maybe it wasn't the best idea."

"Tell me you don't still love me?"

The question caught Abby by surprise. "What?"

"Say it!"

"God, since when where you so full of yourself? I don't love you, ok? Happy now? I don't think I ever did."

Again, Carter was silent.

"I don't want anything from you. Stay in LA. It's best for everyone."

"Is this really what you want?" When she did not answer immediately, he asked again. "Abby, is this what you want?"

"Yes. It is."

"Then fine. I'll quit bugging you."

"Carter, wait." He had hung up before she got any further.

She sank to the floor and held her head in her hands, still clutching the phone. She could feel the tears starting to fall down her cheek.

Why did I lie to him? Why did I tell him I never loved him? No, it was the right thing to do. If he comes back, it has to be because of both me and Ryan. He has to want both of us. And he doesn't. He only offered to come back out of duty. He's better off without us. I just wish he wasn't.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Ryan beginning to scream. She quickly pulled herself together, put the phone back down and went to take care of her son.

Carter threw the phone angrily onto the sofa. What was he doing? Staying away just because Abby told him too? What about his son? Was she even thinking about him?

She said she never loved me. Why did I even ask her that? I never even considered she'd say no. I just assumed that she was still in love with me. I mean, I still love her but just cause I haven't moved on, it doesn't mean she hasn't. If she has gotten on with her life, then do I have the right to go and mess it up for her?

He tried to drive all of the questions from his mind. He sat down and attempted to think about this logically. If he did go back, he would have no job to support them. True, he could ask his Gamma for help, but he could not let her see what a failure had become. No, he'd stay here like Abby wanted. He had messed up her life. If he stayed away, at least he would not be able to mess up Ryan's.