A/N: First of all, this chapter is brought to you by the beautiful Melis, with whom I had a conversation back in the prohibition days, and gave me the most wonderful idea ever. So Melos, thank you a million times. Love you so much!
Also you guys have to thank Tiffany because I was having so much trouble with this fic and being all theatrics and stuff. But Tiffany here, with her witchy-psychological-guilt provoking ways made me sit down and get stuff done. So thanks girl, even though you hate me for being a professional procrastinator.
Special shoutout to guest reviewer 'oncer' whose review a few chapters back made me laugh for all eternity and was too good to stay as a review. So I ended up using it in this chapter. Oncer, if you're reading this, I'm still laughing about it.
All mistakes are mine (sorry for them!)
Also, Happy 100th OUAT!
|Chapter 9: Foreseen Disappointments|
They had to cut their trip to his mother's home short. So on Sunday, two days after his birthday celebration, they're all saying their goodbyes and driving down the countryside towards the city. His father had called, telling Robin that he needed his intricate tasting habits and help with new suppliers. John wanted to add more of the Irish flavor to his pub, hoping that the addition would bring more visitors and therefore give him the chance to expand, open new pubs around the city. So Robin had agreed, a bit disappointed at cutting down time with his mother, but he'd agreed because it will only be for a week and if he didn't do it, he was pretty sure his father would cock things up.
So as soon as they arrived at their loft, late Sunday, Robin packed his things and left for Ireland with his father.
But now it's been nearly two weeks, his father expanded the stay, and she misses him dearly even though they've been talking over the phone every night, but still, she misses him.
And when he told her he'd be back by Friday afternoon, Regina had been ecstatic.
Truth is that the past two weeks have served as an awakening for her, convincing herself that she really has to open up her heart to him. Once, she considered telling him over the phone, her heart bursting out with happiness and relief at the prospect of telling him sooner rather than later, but she caught herself, knowing all too well that a conversation of that matter had to be done over some wine—okay, several liters of wine— and some food.
So today she's telling him, he's coming back and she misses him and she's telling him!
Oh God! She's actually confessing herself to her best-friend. And she's excited, nervous, happy.
Friday afternoon comes, and she leaves work a bit early, and starts preparing dinner. She is, however, a bit disappointed when she receives a text message at 5pm that Robin's heading out for a few drinks with the men (they insist), and that he'll try to leave as soon as he can —Robin had mentioned early how he wanted to spend his Friday night at their loft, perhaps enjoy a nice quiet dinner and some welcome-home sex.
So she replies with an 'Okay!' and goes back to work.
Regina smiles as she pulls the perfectly baked apple turnovers—their favorite dessert, from the oven and puts the tray on top of the stove, giving them room to breathe and cool.
She's about to head to the shower when her phone rings, his name appearing on her screen. She swallows hard, her stomach tightening for some unknown reason (perhaps nerves?) and she presses the phone against her ear.
"Hello," Regina answers, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
"Hi," Robin says from the other line, his voice loud, trying to get her to hear him over the background music that's way too loud.
"You having fun?" Regina smiles, swallowing down the lump that's starting to form in her throat, and for some reason she wishes she hadn't answered the phone, wishes she were in the shower right this moment instead of here, because she has this feeling in the pit of her stomach that things will take a turn for the worse.
"Actually that's why I'm calling."
Regina's confusion is palpable, given the way that she's leaning down against the counter top now, resting on her elbows as she says, "Fire away."
"I've run into Marian," Robin sighs after a moment, swallowing down for a moment before letting out another sigh.
"Oh! Well that's quite unexpected." Regina swallows, her knees going weak as she makes sense of this whole situation.
Regina knows about Marian, Robin had mentioned her before, how the high school sweethearts had parted ways after their first college year, both having different goals. Robin had confessed how he thought Marian would be the one he'd marry, eyes glazing over as he thought back on his first love.
The realization hits her like a train and Regina finds her throat constricting, hurting, feels as if the air has been knocked out of her lungs.
"It is," he says with a dark chuckle.
"So," Regina shrugs, throat aching and eyes welling up with tears before continuing, "what do you want me to say?" Her stomach fills with dread and the all too familiar sense of disappointment invades her senses. She rolls her eyes at herself the moment Robin goes silent, and chuckles darkly.
At herself.
At the situation.
God.
She'd been stupid, awfully stupid.
Several times she's done the same mistake, had allowed hope to blossom inside of her only to be squashed down by disappointment once again. It happened with Jefferson, her first boyfriend who dated her back in high school, only for Regina to find out months later that it was all just a ruse, all part of a fucking bet. Then she opened her heart to Keith, a man six years older than her. But she had been just eighteen, thought she had the whole world figured out, felt a bit like a rebel and just wanted to go against the world and it's rules. She gave him her all, only to discover he had been living two lives, one with her and the other one with the mother of his unborn child. Then the man, when Regina found out, confessed to only loving the sexual aspect of their relationship, something that his girlfriend and him didn't have anymore. She should've known, though, should've seen the anxious way he carried himself whenever they went out, should've noticed the way his eyes would skim over an audience before offering her a smile and a quick kiss.
She had been an idiot back then.
And she is still an idiot right now.
But Robin is talking again, pulling her back from her dark memories and thoughts.
"I don't know what to do. She wants to talk to me—"
"Do you want to talk to her?" Regina interrupts, her voice cracking a little bit but she won't have it, won't show weakness in front of anyone, not even to herself. So she feigns a cough, and another one, just for good measure, but in her play-pretend she doesn't acknowledge his muttered 'yes' and instead coughs again.
"Are you alright?" Robin asks, concern present in the way he voices it.
"Yeah, it's just the allergies," she lies, bitting her lower lip to prevent herself from voicing her true thoughts.
And she has to get used to this again, has to get used to lying to this man to protect herself, has to get used to closing her heart again.
Won't be the first time, though.
"I mean with everything," he asks, his voice merely a whisper but loud enough for them both to hear it.
And that just kills her, it stabs through her chest because he's so fucking kind, good, wondering how she feels with everything and if only he knew.
If only he knew that this conversation is tearing her insides apart.
If only he knew how her mind is running a thousand miles per second, how she has already convinced herself that she'll never be good enough for him. If only he knew how badly she wants to turn back time to that night at his father's wedding, how she regrets not throwing her arms around him and confessing herself back then because then this, all of this, would've been prevented and this is all just a cruel game, for him, for her, for both of them.
But then she remembers how scared she'd been, how not in-touch with her feelings she'd been and she's grateful, even though it hurts, she's grateful, because she's sure she would've ended up hurting him even more.
At not receiving a reply, Robin continues."I just promised you I'd spend a quiet night with you and it's just… I feel like I'm betraying you by wanting to be with her."
Regina simply swallows hard, brushing harshly at a tear that rolls down her eye before letting out a laugh, at herself, at this whole situation, at her life. Because, damn, she should've seen this coming. In her own twisted reality, she should've known that it was too good to be true, that his fucking kisses were nothing but the fine print that comes with the contract of being a fuck-buddy.
Because that's what she's always been.
A good lay.
A convenience when life gets boring.
And Regina chuckles once again, her eyes closing at the prospect of letting her old demons win so easily. But she's far gone, down that road to nothingness and she speaks again, this time with an amused tone.
Amused at how pathetic she's being.
"You're not betraying me by following your heart, Robin." A lump forms in her throat and she swallows, trying to alleviate the pressure there. "If you want to spend time with her, then you go and spend time with her." Regina finishes, ignoring the wave of pain that takes root deep in her belly, reminding her once again of her position.
And in that moment, when Robin mutters an 'okay' and hangs up she realizes once again that she's nothing more than the best friend, nothing more than the occasional girl who gets romped against the floor in order to scratch an itch.
Like always.
But then again, she has no one else to blame but herself, it had been her idea after all.
..:::..
When Robin hangs up he feels a sense of remorse filling him to the brim, the need to see Regina overpowering knowing that he's a mere fifteen minutes away from her.
"Now go, talk to her!" Victor slurs, patting his back as he signals to Marian who's waving her hand at him, asking Robin to come to her.
"I should go," Robin says, glancing at the phone in his hands and shaking his head. "I think Regina's coming down with something and—"
Victor growls and takes the phone away from him, interrupting his train of thought.
"Bloody hell man, you have to live! You're twenty-seven years old, single as fuck, and you're going to turn down Marian, because you think Regina has the sniffles? Well let me tell you how you and Regina are going to end up."
"Victor," John Little warns from the other side of the table, a murderous look on his face.
"No, he needs to know," Victor says, focusing on Robin once again before continuing. "What you have with Regina, whatever it is, it's toxic, it will get you nowhere. Everybody knows this, Robin. You think Regina is going to be your roommate forever? You think Regina is going to be your fuck-buddy forever?"
"What we have is none of your business," Robin growls, inching closer to Victor, fuming.
"It is our fucking business, Robin. Because the world keeps moving while you fuck each other's brains out for fun. And if you keep this up, you're gonna end up in a fucking train down to nothingness. What will happen when she falls for a guy and leaves you? Huh? Have you thought of that? Are you gonna fuck your hand with thoughts of her? Or what happens if she decides that, oh, I don't know, maybe London isn't good enough for her? Maybe you aren't good enough for her. Maybe your dick isn't satisfying her eno—"
Robin grabs him by the collar, pulling him up from the chair and pushing him towards the exit. "Go home, Victor."
"Oh the truth hurts now, doesn't it?"
"That's enough!" John Little calls out, putting himself between both men and Robin just shakes his head, dropping his hands to his side and heads for the exit door himself.
He walks outside, and it's cold as fuck but he keeps on walking, knowing full well that he cannot go to the loft like this, knowing full well that he has to unwind for a minute before seeing Regina. So he walks two miles down east to a small park, and sits down in one of the empty benches.
The truth hurts.
He can feel it now, now that the adeline has worn off, now that the coldness has taken with it his rage, he feels the pain in the pit of his stomach, the disappointment, the absolute truth to Victor's words.
He had tried, against all mighty, had tried to stop having sex with Regina but fuck, it's hard, it's an absolute nightmare to even think about not being with her whilst being so madly in love with her.
"Robin!" The feminine voice calls out, the soft timbre that once upon a time made him go weak on the knees, now serving as a reminder of where he is. "What happened, I saw the whole ordeal and—"
"It's none of your business," Robin lets out, frustrated.
"Whoa," Marian holds up her hands, a small smirk playing upon her lips. "Rough topic, huh?"
"You have no idea," he murmurs, staring up at the night sky.
"What's her name?" Marian asks after a moment.
"It's more complicated than that, Marian."
"That wasn't the question now, was it?"
Robin merely swallows and looks at Marian, Victor's words echoing in his head.
He can try to fix this thing with Regina, or he can just continue to move forward with his life. And it hurts, even thinking about it hurts.Because he's sure that this thing with Regina will go nowhere, he's known this deeply, but has always been afraid of acknowledging it.
So when Marian as if he wants to talk about it, he shakes his head, swallows hard and offers her a small smirk, saying the line he's gotten used to saying over these past few years.
"Her name is Regina, she's just my roommate and you have nothing to worry about."
At that, Marian simply smiles brighter.
..:::..
When Regina wakes up the next morning she's not surprised to find his shower running, nor is she surprised of the beautiful woman in the kitchen wearing one of his white tees.
"Hi, you must be Regina," the woman offers her a bright smile, way too bright for a Saturday morning, but Regina just nods and offers a small good morning. "I'm Marian, I hope you don't mind me using the kitchen."
Regina smiles politely and shakes her head, her eyes scanning over the island at the scattered ingredients. The woman's preparing the typical eggs, beans and sausage breakfast with a side of french toast. The eggs are overcooked, the french toast lacking cinnamon, all of which Robin absolutely detests, but Regina shakes her head at herself and smiles again.
"Oh no it's fine," Regina offers with a smile. Regina bites her lower lip, glancing once again at the kitchen island before sighing and muttering,"But just make sure his french toasts have cinnamon, and that the eggs are a bit more runny."
"Oh, thanks, it's been years since I last saw him, I kind of forgot what he likes," the woman chuckles as she gets back to work.
At that moment Regina hears the distinctive sound of his bathroom door and she goes to the refrigerator, pulls out a red apple and hurries out of the kitchen towards the door.
"Wait, you're not staying for breakfast?" Marian calls out, to which Regina smiles kindly and shakes her head.
"I can't, I have somewhere to be."
What a fucking liar. Where the fuck is she going? She does not know, but one thing's for sure, she can't stay in this loft with the presence of his lost love back in his life.
Regina grabs her purse from the couch and flees the loft, barely missing the "Regina?" Robin throws her way, but ignoring it altogether.
Because even though she's missed him like crazy, even though she hasn't seen him in two weeks, if she sees him right now her aching heart will break once again. And if there's something Regina can't afford right now, is another one of last night's episodes.
No
She needs a couple of hours by herself. To think. To breathe, because otherwise the things to come between Marian and him will destroy her completely.
..:::..
It's exactly 12am when Regina enters the loft, praying to God that Robin is sleeping in his bedroom, because even though she feels better about the whole thing, she's still not sure she can see him right now.
But of course it's not her lucky day, week, year, she's known this since she went to sleep last night, because Robin is there on the couch, staring furiously at her as his foot taps against the hardwood floor.
Regina simply sighs as she closes the door behind her. She takes a deep breath before turning around and—
"Where the hell have you been!?" Robin exclaims, standing up abruptly from the couch and marching towards her, a furious expression on his face.
"Hi, yes it's nice to see you too." Regina replies rolling her eyes, and Robin just sighs and shakes his head as he moves closer to her, anger leaving his body almost immediately before he wraps his arms around her.
"Don't ever scare me like that, understand?" Robin mutters against her hair after a second, closes his eyes and inhales her scent."You didn't take your phone with you. I sat here waiting, worrying, thinking the worst." He sighs, dropping a kiss to her temple and breaking the hug, eyes scanning over her face as a bright smile appears. "I've missed you these past few weeks."
"Me too," she replies with a small smile, gaze meeting his and Regina's not surprised by the familiar sting of tears in her eyes, nor is she surprised by the numbness that fills her at the same time.
Robin reaches for her cheek and with the pad of his thumb catches the small tear, and he chuckles, dropping a kiss to her cheek and pulling her closer to him, hugging her again.
Regina wraps her arms around him and with a deep breath she blocks out the remainder of her feelings.
|Present|
Regina dreams of him that Saturday night.
Of his kisses.
Of his touches.
Of the way he expertly makes her body quiver with just one look.
Hips rolling against hers.
Skin slapping.
Rough hands holding her hips in place as he bites her lower lip, bite, nibble, tongue darting out, and her toes are curling, hand moving lower to touch herself but he won't have that, won't let her do any work and instead his hand moves from her hip to her clit.
Pinching, thumb moving in rapid circles around it as his hips keep thrusting into her, length fucking her in the most delicious of ways as she squirms and trembles and screams.
She wakes up panting, hands between her legs and hot slickness coating her fingers.
But she won't give in to her deepest desires.
No.
Instead she sends a quick text to Daniel, asking him to go out for breakfast —a pathetic attempt to ease her guilt away (or to run away?). Either way he replies quickly, texting her that he has something important to tell her.
But she's neither worried at the prospect, nor nervous.
Regina showers quickly, ignoring the ache between her thighs and the warmth pooling low on her belly; instead she focuses on scrubbing her face, an attempt to wash off the feeling of Robin's lips.
When she changes into some jeans and a dark t-shirt, she sends Robin a quick message, telling him not to wait on her, that she'll see him tomorrow, and she leaves her apartment before Robin wakes up.
Daniel meets her in a small bistro five blocks from her apartment, and as soon as he sees her, his face breaks into a bright smile.
"There you are." Daniel offers her a smirk and hugs her. When he breaks the hug, Regina finds herself staring at his lips, her own with the fantom of Robin's and guilt settles in her stomach once again, and she bites her lower lip. Daniel is talking in front of her, she can see his lips moving and she feels the sudden need to kiss him, to change the memory of Robin's lips with Daniel's. He's talking, whispering things but Regina interrupts him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to her, lips merging with his. Daniel's surprised at first, but he responds to the kiss willingly, his lips attaching to her upper lip, pulling and probing, tongue darting out to caress her top lip.
His lips are rough against hers, way too rough for her, hands circling her waist and pulling her too close to him, belly against belly, his hands moving lower down her back until they land on her backside, grabbing and pulling. His teeth start scraping that upper lip and he pushes his tongue into her mouth, tangling it with hers and God, when Robin kisses her he sees stars, feels full inside, happiness filling her to the brim, and when Daniel kisses her she feels hot and bothered, craving nothing but to get fucked, rough and fast right here on the sidewalk
And why is she comparing his kisses with Robin's?
Why is she disappointed when she opens her eyes after breaking the kiss and sees gray orbs staring back at her instead of bright blue ones?
"Well, this day is off to a great start," Daniel murmurs, playfully pats her butt before breaking apart from her, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the bistro. Regina simply chuckles and follows him inside, anxiety and the sudden urge to run filling her to the brim.
So when Daniel says he's going out of town on Monday, but will come back just in time for the wedding, Regina merely nods and focuses instead on the breadcrumbs in her plate.
Knowing full well that she should be pissed at him, or at least feel disappointed, but instead Regina finds herself relieved by it.
..:::..
Regina texted him not to wait for her, and yet he does.
The whole day he finds himself wondering where she is, how she is feeling after last night. But he can't bring himself to call her, can't bring himself to add more stress into her already stressful and emotional day. So instead he opts to call back home, he talks with his mother, father, Killian, asking them how their day is going, just converses in neutral grounds with them; anything to get over the anxiousness that's settling in the pit of his stomach.
By noon he decides to sit down and get shit done, after all, he still hasn't written down anything for Daniel's vows.
He grabs a few napkins and a pen and sits down by the living room.
But now it's ten pm, Regina's nowhere to be seen, and he's managed to come up with nothing and he's incredibly, horribly frustrated.
With himself.
With the situation.
And tired of it, at that.
Every time he managed to write a sentence down, he would end up drifting towards last night, towards her kisses, always her kisses, and the utter bliss he felt the moment their lips met. And then he'd pulled himself out of those thoughts, focused on the task at hand, but ended up hating what he'd written down once again.
By eleven pm he decides to text Daniel, ask him if Regina's with him because he hasn't heard from her all day and he's worried.
Daniel replies quickly with She's with me.
And Robin both relaxes and tenses at the prospect. Relaxes because at least he knows she's safe. Tenses because she's with him.
Her fiancé, Robin reminds himself.
He types back a quick ok, but we need to talk about your vows.
And this time he receives a reply early Monday morning, when he's in bed and staring at the ceiling as he hears Regina's shower running from a few rooms down the hall. The shower goes off and Robin considers waiting for her in the living room, but he quickly gives up that thought, knowing full well that she needs time, they need time.
What about them? is Daniel's reply.
What about them, mate? Well for one the fact that he doesn't know what he should write, is instead plagued with things Regina will notice don't come from her fiancé's head. He needs words. Words that only they understand, experiences that they've shared together.
And he tells Daniel so.
I'm gonna need more information about the both of you. Where and how did you meet? When was the moment you realized that what you felt for her was real? When was the moment you realized you wanted to marry her? What makes her better than the rest? What quirks about her do you love? Where do you see yourself with her in ten years? What quirks about yourself you know she says she detests, but secretly loves? I just need information to make this look as if it was you the one writing them, not the best friend.
Robin waits two, three seconds after sending the text to ask him if they could meet up and discuss this in person.
He waits for his response, then hears her footsteps stopping just in front of his door for a few seconds before continuing again down the hall, until the front door is closed with a click.
And when Daniel replies with I can't, I have to leave town for a few days but you can call me, minutes later, Robin sees red.
..:::..
Regina dreams of Robin again.
His mouth devouring her, palms holding her thighs against the matters as he laps at her in earnest. Licks, nibbles, and bites that have her arching her back, one hand traveling towards his hair to keep him in place. He's chuckling against her center, mouth closing around her clit as he sucks, presses the tip of his tongue firmly against it, and the movement makes her thighs tremble in pleasure. He plants his tongue firmly against her clit, then runs it down towards her slick entrance. Up and down, up and down, and shit, his eyes meet hers, tongue moving more rapidly against her and she's gonna come, she's gonna come, and she lets go at the sight of those bright blue orbs—
She wakes up panting again, mouth dry, jaw slack and sighs deeply, her eyes welling up with tears as she feels years of deeply buried emotions catching up with her.
She still remembers vividly the betrayal she felt that night, still feels the hot searing pain that encompassed her whole body by the thought of finally admitting her feelings to herself, finally deciding to open up, only to receive the gutter wrenching truth of what she was, what she is. Regina still remembers the coldness that followed her afterwards, that closed off heart, that now beats rapidly inside her chest, wanting nothing more than to break free from those tightly coiled chains, chains that now shake with every breath she takes.
Regina shakes her head for the umpteenth time and swallows hard, trying to make sense of the situation, trying to grasp reality, trying to break away from long ago memories and she looks at the clock on the bedside table and releases a deep sigh, knowing full well that Robin won't wake just yet.
Like the day before, she showers and dresses in record time, but when she walks down the hall she stops by the guest bedroom. Maybe she should talk to him, or at least say good morning in person after these two days, but decides agains it quickly and in less than thirty minutes she's walking into the only place she can clear her head. Ever since coming back to New York, Regina has been fond of her workplace, mainly because it secured her stay in New York, cementing the fact that she was over with her life in London, and maybe also by the fact that her best friend had been the one who offered her the job in the first place, but still, she finds comfort in the shiny glass office doors and purple décor.
Regina walks hurriedly around the empty floor, looking from side to side through empty offices, relief flooding her at the absence of her best friend. The click of her heels die down as she unlocks the door to a small filing room. Her eyes skim across them, a small smile playing upon her lips as she eyes the accomplishments she's made in the past few years.
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
Regina groans inwardly at the voice. Her boss, her best-friend, her personal pain in the ass. Malloreen has been there from the moment Regina joined primary school all the way to her second year of college, where Regina decided she wanted to study abroad. She has been her confidant, her number one supporter —after her father that is, and when Regina moved out, Malloreen had made sure that she would feel comfortable with moving to another city. She visited her two times on her first year there, and after Regina had gotten used to the whole city and Mal approved of her roommate and new friend, her visits became fewer and fewer, but they still remained in contact, to the point where Malloreen had been the one who offered her this job back home, after knowing full well of her fallout with Robin.
"Regina—"
"I wanted to finish reviewing a few caseworks before the whole wedding fiasco."
"Bullshit, I know for a fact that you triple checked everything before leaving to pick up your fuck-buddy last week."
"Mal," Regina sighs and shakes her head as she begins looking for a case file hurriedly around the small office. "I'm not in the mood right now," Regina says and closes her eyes, her traitorous mind filling up with images of Robin's soft lips against hers, soft skin merging together, the desperation of their actions, and Regina finds herself tensing, heat pooling low in her belly at the prospect of how her wondering hands had found the treasure beneath those slacks.
"My, my, my, Regina, have you been indiscrete?" Mal mutters after a moment, arching her brow and crossing her arms in front of her chest at the small blush that takes place on her friend's cheek and her sudden pants.
Regina merely huffs a breath and pulls out the casework she was looking for before heading away towards her small office, completely ignoring her friend's tease and locking herself inside her office space. Thankfully it was still early in the morning, the office was empty with the exception of Mal, Regina and the poor cleaning lady Gothel who apparently had a rough night for she was staring directly at the ceiling, head resting against the back of the couch.
Mal simply rolls her eyes and expertly grabs the keys to Regina's office from Gothel. She unlocks it, quickly gets inside and locks the door behind her, ignoring Regina's murderous look.
"I have a feeling you need someone to talk to."
"I said I—"
"You're not in the mood right now, I get it, I get it," Mal rolls her eyes," which is why I'm not offering you words of consolation, I'm just lending you an ear to listen to your complaints, so, speak."
Regina just shakes her head and walks shamefully towards the leather couch on the far end of her office, her hands going directly to her temple as she massages it gently, trying to alleviate some of the pressure that was quickly building up.
Malloreen has seen Regina at her worst, has seen her fighting for her life as she almost drowned, has been on the receiving line as Regina went on and on about how stupid she was for thinking Robin and her could have something. So yes, Malloreen knows Regina like the back of her hand, and the blush, the rapid breaths, the shameful look all had to do with one thing.
"You had sex with Robin!" Mal gasps, her eyes growing the size of saucers and a smile threatening to break free.
"Oh God, no!" Regina answers almost too quickly, and Mal's eyes shot up once again at her sudden answer before sitting next to her friend and lowering her voice tone.
"Did you want to?" Mal asks after a moment of deliberation, sucking at her lower lip to prevent herself from smirking.
Regina's breath hitches as Mal finishes her question, and she eyes her best friend once again.
Did she want to have sex with Robin? Well that couldn't be possible, not when the countdown to her wedding is now down to single digits, not when she is marrying another man in a few days. But then again she had unbuttoned his shirt, she had kissed him senseless, she had grabbed his cock and if it hadn't been for his sense of chivalry and unbelievable respect for her, Regina doesn't know where she would've been today.
Did she want to have sex with him? Beyond lust, beyond wanting to scratch an itch, after all, it's been a few months since she last had sex with Daniel, his poor attempt at enriching the passion for their honeymoon in order to start off their marriage with the right foot.
The right foot.
With the bride wondering if she wants to have sex with her maid-of-honor. With the bride who couldn't help but feel disappointed the moment Robin's hands halted her movements, fingers itching to touch more of him, her traitorous body wanting nothing more than for him to take that step, slick warmth in desperate need for his calloused fingers… But the question remains unanswered, did she want to have sex with Robin.
Does she still want to?
"I don't know."
How pathetic, Regina thinks and offers a humorless laugh as she stands and begins pacing her office, suddenly hyper-aware of the situation she's in.
"It's okay if you want to, you know?"
The brunette turns around abruptly, the storm behind her eyes dissipating a bit at the calm expression of her friend, but turned back to rage as the words echo in her head.
"What?" Regina asks lowly, her fists closing at the sudden rage she feels. How can it be okay?
"Regina, it's a simple equation. You and him have history. He gave you a home in London. He gave you laughs, great sex and just simply the greatest adventure you've ever had. You loved him, you got hurt, you flew back home, but you loved him, and you still do—"
"Mal, I'm getting married to Daniel in four days," Regina interrupts quickly, her breath becoming labored by the minute as she listens to her friend's suggestion.
"Can we please stop talking about Daniel, he has nothing to do with this—"
"He has everything to do with this, Mal!" Regina interrupts her, words dripping venom, all pent up emotion, all of her frustrations laid bare for her best friend. "Our wedding is in four days! Four days! And I'm spending all my days with Robin, I'm doing everything with him! I'm sleeping next to him, we're cooking together and going over the wedding details together and then suddenly we're kissing and I find myself wondering just how great, how incredible marrying Robin would be. Isn't that crazy? I'm fucking comparing them to one another. Robin is attentive and kind and just makes my days a little brighter by simply being here. But then I have Daniel, who's my fiancé, who's a gentleman a, who's a—"
"Douchebag dressed up as a sheep."
"Don't start with this again," Regina begs, voice cracking, head moving from side to side in an attempt to get a grasp of reality, to prevent herself from letting the blonde's words sting her.
"Don't start with what? I've never stopped."
And this is how it's always been between them. Both of them laying out the truth to one another, no matter how painful or horrible it is. Regina's used to it, she's used to Mal's consisten babbling about her choices, about her fiancé, about her doing all these things because it's easy, it's easy with her mother, it's easier than having to deal with everything.
"Okay," Regina nods, the anger inside of her growing and growing by the minute, but at this point she doesn't know who she's angry at, Malloreen or herself. She just signals Mal with her hand to continue as she lets out, "just get this over with."
"Get what over with!" Mal replies, a dark chuckle moving past her lips as she sits back against the couch and shrugs. "I don't like him, never have and never will. You know this, he knows this, hell, the whole world knows this."
Regina just sighs and shakes her head, her eyes filling up with tears and she wonders just how the fuck she ended up in this place, thinking about her life's decisions, thinking about everything at the same time, and coming up with nothing, no clear answer, no clear decisions.
A week ago she had the world figured out, she was going to marry Daniel and be happy with him, that was the end of it.
But then Robin came along, and he turned her world upside down, adding depth and nooks and corners, complicating everything in a way where Regina just feels lost. With nowhere to turn, no button she can press in order to stop everything for a minute and think, really think about her decisions.
Regina hears Mal sigh as she stands up and crosses her arms in front of her chest.
"I just don't want you to end up getting hurt, Regina."
"I know," Regina nods, swallowing hard the lump that takes place on her throat. "But it would hurt me a whole lot more if I don't see you there on Friday."
And that's all there is to it.
Mal looks to the side, sighing loudly before and just concedes.
"I'll see you on Friday. I'll try to stay still and forever hold my peace… just this once and just because I love you."
Regina nods and turns back towards her desk.
"Regina?"
"Hmm," Regina says, not looking up towards her friend.
"I'll be there, but on one condition."
"Fire away," Regina says as she slips on her glasses and opens up the case file, desperately trying to do something to ease her running mind.
"If that day, for some reason, you need a shoulder to cry on—"
"Mal—"
"No, hear me out! If for some reason you get cold feet, if you need to run away for a little bit, if you need anything, then you come to me. No one else. I may have refused to be a bridesmaid, but I'm still your female best-friend and being there for you on your wedding day it's my job, and my job only! Understood?"
Regina offers her a small smile before nodding. "Okay, but you have nothing to worry about."
"I really hope so." Malloreen offers her a small smile before nodding and walking out of her office.
Regina simply sighs and focuses on the file.
When she heads home that night, Robin is sitting by the living room, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Is something wrong?" She finds herself asking, nerves on edge at seeing him for the first time after the kiss, and at his tense posture.
Robin simply looks at her and says, "We need to talk."
Signed,
Cruella.
