Ok, where the hell am I?
Figuring that out was made difficult by the fact that Abby's eyes refused to focus. She tried desperately to make sense of her surroundings.
From the looks of things, I'd guess it's a hospital room. Strangely familiar. Not County! Please god, don't let it be County.
Her vision began to clear up. Shit. It's County. I know it. She noticed that she had an IV in her arm. She touched it gently, not quite sure this was real. Ok, so I know where I am, just not too sure why I'm here.
She glanced around. It was a private room and she was all alone except for…
Her eyes fell on the sleeping figure in the chair beside the bed. Dave. Oh god, Dave's here. Shit. Ok, I remember what happened there, unfortunately.
Abby slowly sat up. And now I know I'm in blinding pain. Abby collapsed onto her back. Her entire body ached. She wanted to curl up into a foetal position, but found that only hurt her more. She groaned, then began to cough.
"Abby?" Dave had woken up now and was stood over the bed. "I'll get someone."
A couple of minutes later, he came back bringing a doctor she did not recognise with him. Dave hung back against the opposite wall. The doctor walked over to the side of the bed and began checking her vitals. A nurse soon joined him. Everything seemed to have gone hazy, and Abby began to panic as she was suddenly struggling to breathe. She could hear odd bits of the conversation. "Pupils are equal and reactive. BP's…"
"What about her…"
"Ok, Abby, we're just going to…"
An oxygen mask was swiftly placed over her face. Her vision began to blur again and then there was darkness once again.
When she next woke up, she was thankful of two things; that she could see this time and that Dave was no longer in the room. He had however been replaced by Susan. This time Abby did not even attempt to sit up.
"Hey." Susan glanced up from the book she was reading, stared at Abby for a second, then returned to her novel.
Cautiously, Abby removed the oxygen mask from her mouth. "What happened?"
Susan closed the book and placed it on the bedside table. "I was hoping that you'd tell me. Are you really so stupid that you could do something like this? I didn't think you were capable of it, Abby. Did you not even think about your son?"
"Is Ryan ok?"
Susan softened a little. "Yeah, he's fine. Chen's looking after him."
"Chen?" Abby was surprised. I've hardly seen her since Ryan was born. Figured she was avoiding seeing him. That it would bring back memories of her own baby.
"We've been taking turns. Me, Dave, Chen. We've been taking good care of him." Susan noticed Abby wince suddenly. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"Abby." Susan's tone told Abby not to lie to her.
"It just hurts." Abby sighed.
"I'll speak to the nurse. See if we can get you some more morphine."
"How bad is it?"
"What? Your injuries?"
Abby nodded.
"Not too bad considering."
"Considering what?"
"You had some internal bleeding, but they managed to get that under control. You were treated for head injuries and you've fractured your tib and fib in your left leg. Other than that, just a few cuts and bruises. Your blood alcohol level was through the roof. We were all worried when you didn't regain consciousness."
"How long have I been here?"
"Two days."
Abby managed to sit up. "Come on, Susan. You gonna tell me what happened?"
Susan sighed and moved to sit on the side of the bed. "We're really not sure. From what we know you were knocked down. Cops spoke to the driver. He said you just stepped out in front of the car. He was pulling out of a side street. If he had been going any faster…" Susan trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud.
"I don't remember. Oh god. I don't remember any of it." I'm lying now. I do remember. I remember it all. I wish I didn't. Hearing Carter's voice hurt too much. I just wanted to numb the pain. Just a couple of drinks; that's all it was supposed to be. But I couldn't stop. I was too weak.
"What's the last thing you do remember?"
Abby groaned. "Drinking a lot of Vodka. Trying to kiss Dave. Bad things."
"Dave never mentioned that."
"Oh god. He must hate me." And why shouldn't he? I didn't want to be alone so I tried to use him.
"No. He doesn't. He was really worried about you. And you owe him."
"Why?"
"They wanted to admit you to psych, but Dave wouldn't let them. Not 'til you woke up and we found out what really happened."
"You thought I was crazy? Trying to kill myself? Did you really think I would kill myself over this thing with Carter? And that I'd leave Ryan?" How can I tell her that was what I was trying to do? To end it all. Just make the pain go away. I've let Ryan down already. After only four months. I let him down when I bought the vodka. That's why I did it. Cause I know he's better off with Carter. Better off without me.
"We didn't know what to think. I was worried you could be suffering from postpartum depression."
"I wasn't trying to commit suicide." Will she believe me? Probably. People tend to believe what they want to. Carter would know though. But he's not here, thankfully.
"Good."
"I was just drunk."
"That's what Dave said."
"I need to talk to him, don't I?"
"Yeah. You're probably gonna be stuck in here for a bit. What do you want to do about Ryan?"
"I dunno. I don't want to ask you lot to put yourselves out any more."
"Your mom?"
"No. I mean last time I saw her she was on her meds but…no. I didn't even tell her about him."
"You could ask Carter?"
Carter? Yeah. Let's phone and ask Carter. He can come here, see what a mess I've made so far of motherhood, then take Ryan back to LA with him. I couldn't cope if that happened. I don't feel the same anymore. Something's different. I don't want to die anymore. I could hear Dave telling me to not go. I don't want to go anymore. I want to see my son. I miss him. I don't deserve Ryan. I really don't. But I can't lose him. I need him. He's all I've got left.
"No. Don't tell Carter. He has to stay in LA." I notice how guilty she looks. "You told him?" Abby asked incredulously. "Phone him back. Tell him I'm fine. Please Susan. I just can't see him right now."
"I can't. He's already on his way."
