"So, you're in LA, thinking about the woman and son you left behind, when you get this phonecall."
At the sound of his voice, Abby sat straight up in the bed. Carter was stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
"Carter." she breathed.
"It's your best friend telling you this woman's had an accident and could die. What do you do?" He entered the room now, but still kept some distance between them. "Do you A - stay where you are and forget about her or B - jump on a plane and dash back to see her?"
Abby stared at him for a few seconds. "Me? I'd take option C - kill the best friend for interfering."
Carter nodded and smiled slightly. "I'll remember to warn Susan about that." He hesitated for a moment, then crossed over to the bed. He remained standing though, busying himself with looking through the get well soon cards stood on the bedside table.
"I take it you went for B?"
Carter turned to face her, the smile now gone. "What did you expect me to do?"
Abby looked away. "I don't know. If it was my choice you wouldn't have known about this."
Carter sat down now. "I'm glad I do." He paused. "But I'm not sure what to think about all this, how I should be feeling."
"Carter, I…"
"No. Just listen to me Abby." he told her harshly. "When you told me about Ryan, you said you could take care of him; that you didn't need me. I believed you. I trusted you. And then you do something like this."
"I wasn't trying to kill myself!"
"Let me finish." Carter banged his fist down on the table. "I…" he trailed off. He studied her, his brow furrowed. "What did you say?" She didn't answer him. "What do you mean you weren't trying to kill yourself?"
Abby sighed as realisation hit her; that Susan could have left out the suicide part. "You meant you couldn't believe I'd started drinking again."
"Susan said you got hit by a car. What really happened?"
"That's what happened."
Carter fell silent. Leaning forward on the bed, he rested his head on his hand.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself." Abby repeated, determined to convince him that was the truth.
"Then why mention it?"
"Luka, Susan, everyone thought that I tried to commit suicide."
"Ok."
Abby could see doubt in his eyes; he knew the truth, but she wasn't ready to admit it to him yet.
"So," he continued, "why were you drinking?" His tone had softened now.
"Because of you." Abby replied, fighting back tears.
He gave her the chance to carry on talking. When she didn't, he pressed on "What did I do?"
"You…I…everything. Nothing. I don't know, Ok? I just don't know."
Seeing that she was falling apart, he quickly ended the conversation. "How long since you last escaped from here?"
Abby wiped her eyes, ashamed she had broke down in front of him; trying desperately to gain her composure. "Not since the accident. Why?"
"Let's get out of here. Get some fresh air."
"Erm, Carter." Abby pointed at her leg.
"Not a problem." Carter stood up and headed for the door. "Give me five minutes."
He returned in three, bringing with him a wheelchair.
"Carter." Abby rolled her eyes, but could not help smiling.
"Don't worry. I'll have you back before dinner. I know how much you must love the food in here."
Neither of them spoke until they reached the river. As soon as Carter took them in that direction, Abby knew where they were headed. When they reached the bench, Carter took a couple of steps away from her. He walked across to the railing, leaning against it and looking out over the river. Abby sighed. She was glad to be out of the hospital but this place had a lot of memories for her, not all of them good. She let the silence continue for a while; content to just watch him.
"When I was lying in that hospital, I kept thinking about all the things I'd never get to do."
"Like what?"
"Stupid stuff mostly. Like see Ryan walk for the first time; hear him speak."
"It's normal after a experience like that, to evaluate your life." He kept his back to her.
Abby hesitated. "Is that what you did after you were stabbed?"
He turned to face her now. "Yeah. I did a lot of that. Thinking about everything I regretted not doing, all the chances I had let go."
Abby opened her mouth to speak, but then seemed to change her mind and close it again.
"What?" Carter asked, curious.
"Nothing." Abby blushed. "It's stupid."
"Tell me."
"I was just wondering if there was one place where you'd have regretted not going?"
Carter seemed to think for a minute. "I dunno. I can't say as I 've thought about it. I mean there's a lot of places I'd like to go, but not one specific place, no. What about you?"
She did not hesitate before answering. "Boston."
Carter looked confused. "Boston?"
Abby nodded.
"Boston? Sorry, but Boston?" he laughed.
"I told you it was stupid."
"No. I'm just surprised. It's not the most exotic of locations, that's all." Abby looked away. He dropped the conversation, sensing her discomfort. "I was half expecting your mom to be here."
"No. I never even told her about Ryan at all. Even if she's on her meds, I didn't want her around. I know it's mean but…"
"It's understandable." As the conversation died, he turned away once more.
Silence again.
Abby glanced around. "I haven't been back here since you left."
Carter turned to look at her. "Why not?"
Abby shrugged. "Too many painful memories."
"Sorry. Guess those are my fault, huh?" He turned away again.
"No."
Carter spun around sharply, surprised.
"Not all of them anyway." Abby smiled at him.
He moved over to the bench and sat down. "I can't figure you out."
"No, you can. That was the problem."
"You were scared cause I knew you so well." Carte leant back, looking up at the sky now. "That's not what split us up though."
"No." Abby shook her head. "We did that ourselves."
He turned to look at her, a pained expression on his face, and then he quickly looked away.
They sat in silence once again. Abby felt strange that she was the one who kept breaking it. In the past, it had always been Carter who had done that. Now though, she suddenly did not want to hide from him any longer.
"I did step in front of that car on purpose."
He turned his head to the side, staring straight at her, but he did not say anything. He simply waited for her to talk, knowing this would be difficult for her to tell him.
She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts, trying to figure out the best way to explain everything to him. "After you phoned, I needed it to stop hurting. That's why I bought the vodka. I gave in. I just couldn't do it anymore. I thought that I could have one drink and that would be enough. That I could go back to normal afterwards. But…"
"But it doesn't work like that." Carter finished. "I made the same mistake and it cost me you."
"You'd have thought we both would have known better, after everything we've gone through."
Carter just nodded.
"Afterwards, I realised that I'd let Ryan down. I just decided that it was best if I was out of his life. Then I couldn't let him down again." Abby felt herself beginning to cry again.
"You would have let him down more if you had killed yourself."
"I know."
"And what about now? Do you still feel the same?"
Abby shook her head vehemently. "No. Since I woke up, I miss Ryan. I mean I know that Chen, Dave and Susan, they're all taking care of him but I can't wait to get home to him."
"Good." Carter leant towards her slightly. "Question is, where do we go from here?"
"You mean us?"
He nodded.
"We don't. I can't do that right now."
Carter looked crushed. "Abby, I miss you. I want to be with you. I want to be with Ryan."
"The truth is, I don't know what I want. I'd have thought you'd be used to that by now."
"You're one messed up woman, Abby Lockhart." He reached out and took hold of her hand and was thankful when she did not pull away. "It's part of why I love you."
"I love you too. But we've been here before."
"I know. We just seem to keep going round in circles." He released her hand.
"Maybe we should take the hint. Just give up."
"No. It'll happen some day. I can wait." Carter kissed her lightly. "But for now, I have to get back to LA."
Abby nodded sadly. "Do you want to see Ryan before you go?"
"Yeah. You don't mind?"
"No."
"Thanks. Let's get you back to the hospital before Susan finds out I kidnapped you."
"How long 'til you leave?"
"Soon as possible. Makes it easier right?" Carter gently helped Abby back into the bed.
"Yeah. Easier."
"I'll go see Ryan tonight. That be ok?"
"Yeah. I'll let Susan know."
"Right then." Carter quickly headed towards the door.
"I'm sorry."
He turned around. "For what?"
She shrugged. "For dragging you out here. For sending you back. For not wanting to be with you. For pretty much everything."
He crossed back to the bed. He pulled her to him, just holding her close. "You're not the only one who has things to be sorry for." He could feel her crying into his shoulder. "I meant what I said about waiting. You know where I am."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Cause I love you. It's that simple." He stood up. "When you figure out what you want from your life, let me know." He paused in the doorway. "One thing, I gotta ask. Why Boston?"
Abby laughed. "We'll go there some day and then you can see for yourself."
Carter smiled. "That a promise?"
"Yeah."
"Ok then. I'll be waiting for your call."
