"Hey." When Abby opened the door, all Carter could do was utter the first thing that came into his head despite knowing how stupid it would sound. "I was just in the area. Thought I'd stop by and say hi."
Abby's response was to simply stare at him; part of her incredulous at how he could just turn up on her doorstep and be so casual about it, the other half not quite willing to believe he was here at all. She was convinced she'd fallen asleep and was dreaming; either that or she'd downed a bottle of vodka without even knowing it and was now hallucinating. Not something she usually associated with being drunk; normally everything would just go all blurry. Seeing things would be a new experience.
Carter pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, waiting for her to react. He expected that in about ten seconds she would close the door in his face, ignore him like she did all the other problems in her life. He was surprised when she started laughing. "What's so funny?" He asked indignantly.
His question ended her amusement. "Oh god, you're really here, aren't you?" His confused expression told her she was right. She shook her head. "Course you're really here. A figment of my imagination wouldn't bother with a lame excuse for showing up. Only the real John Carter would do that."
"I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered by that remark." Carter smiled.
"It was intended as an insult if that helps you out." Abby signalled for him to enter the apartment, closing the door behind him.
He hovered inside for a moment, taking time to study the place. Abby guessed he was making note of what had changed since the last time he was here; what of his had gone, or maybe what of Dave's had appeared. They were both silent for a moment, neither sure of what to say. Abby was desperate to just come out and ask him why he was here; though part of her thought she knew the answer. She decided to stay quiet for now, to wait for him to start the conversation. Eventually he turned to face her.
"Ryan asleep?"
She nodded, still not trusting herself to say anything other than to enquire what the hell he wanted.
"Any chance I could see him?" When she only shrugged in response, Carter sighed. He knew they could play this game all night, him making small talk, her choosing not to answer him properly. He sat down on the sofa, hoping she would take the hint and join him; instead she stayed stood near the door. She didn't trust herself with him here, frightened she might end up telling him how she was really feeling as she always had done in the past. She decided that as long as she made no attempt to make him feel welcome, this would be brief and he would be gone in a matter of minutes. She had a feeling that Carter would not let that happen though.
When he saw she had no intention of making this easy for him, he continued anyway. "I heard you were marrying Dave." he stated simply.
"Susan tell you?" Abby took a step towards him, but then stopped. Telling herself to go back to her original plan, she cursed herself for asking him such a pointless question. Making a quick plan of how to kill Susan for putting her in this situation, she walked away from him into the kitchen.
"Look, I'm not here to cause trouble for you and Dave, I just had to…I…" As he followed her, she sighed at how she had forgotten how persistent he could be. His sentence trailed off and he leant against the worktop, seeming to try and put his thoughts into words. Abby turned and watched him expectantly. Seeing he had her attention, he started again. "To be honest, I don't know why I'm here."
She smiled slightly. "Makes a change you being the one who doesn't know what they're doing."
"No, I think that's a problem we both have." Carter was glad to find the tension slowly starting to drop away. "Susan however, seems to have a very strong idea of what we should be doing."
Realising that acting coldly towards Carter would not achieve anything and that if she was nice, maybe he would be her accomplice in her plot to kill Susan, she decided to be hospitable. "Do you want a cup of coffee?"
"Has your coffee making ability improved recently?" he teased, removing his jacket and placing it on the back of a chair.
Indicating his coat, she told him "I take it you're not planning on being thrown out, so you'd better watch what you say, Carter."
Sitting down, he held his hands up in defeat. "Ok, I'd love a cup of your fabulous coffee."
Abby laughed. "Don't over do it though." She began to make the drink but could not help keeping an eye on Carter. Silence filled the room again, and Abby regretted the fact they had not stayed in contact with each other after the break up. Part of her even wished they had never become a couple as at least then she would never have lost his friendship. Carter was staring at the tabletop, and as she watched he traced circles across the surface with his fingers. Rolling her eyes, Abby gave in to the urge to keep the conversation going. "So, what exactly did Susan want you to do tonight? Kidnap me and drag me back to LA with you?"
Carter looked up sharply, startled by her voice, but glad she had decided to make an effort. "No, nothing so…" He paused, considering the probability that that would actually work. "That's better than anything Susan came up with. I'll have to suggest that idea to her when this plan fails." He grinned mischievously. "You think Luka might help carry it out?"
Abby attempted to glare at him, but was sure it probably did not come across as very threatening. "Well, it's good to know you don't think you could manage it on your own."
Carter laughed. "Definitely not. I'd be dead before I got you out of this building."
"Glad you admit that." Abby smiled smugly and started to pour the coffee.
Carter watched her for a moment, waiting for her to finish and join him at the table before he continued. He decided to follow her lead and not try and talk about anything serious. Not yet anyway. "Susan's master plan was for me to come here. Tell you that I love you and then you'd simply fall into my arms and leave town with me."
Abby clasped her mug in her hands, allowing the heat to warm her palms. "That was her great idea?"
Carter shrugged. "Well, it was plan B. and Susan's just not got your skill at planning things like this." He was already getting the feeling that this wouldn't turn out like he had hoped, but he also felt that it was not going to have been a completely bad idea. It would at least give them a sense of closure; maybe even start their friendship off again. And if he and Abby were on speaking terms, she would be more likely to let him see Ryan.
"What was plan A then? Or should I not ask?" She noticed him glance over his shoulder towards Ryan's room but she had no intention of waking Ryan. She felt a sudden pang of guilt about Ryan not knowing his father, but quickly pushed it to the back of her mind.
Carter hesitated, worrying that Susan would seriously kill him for telling Abby everything, but getting the impression Abby would murder Susan before Susan got to him, he told her all of the details.
"Then after I'd finished with Dave, I would have hunted Chen down. I wouldn't do it at the ER though."
Listening to Abby tell him what her reaction would have been had Chen agreed to help Susan, Carter struggled to stop laughing long enough to get a sentence out. "Too many witnesses?"
Abby contemplated this for a moment. "Didn't think bout that. Good point. I was just thinking that there's a chance she could live if she's that close to a hospital."
"Not if you do it right." Carter finished the last of his coffee. He was surprised he was still in Abby's apartment, let alone the fact they were actually getting along.
Abby nodded slowly. "See, we'd have made a great team. Bonnie and Clyde – the next generation."
"We'd be arrested within a day." Carter smiled, shaking his head.
"What makes you say that?" Abby stood up and picked up the mugs. "More coffee?"
He nodded, turning in his seat so he could watch her. "Cause we couldn't even get away with replacing a fish tank."
Abby laughed. "Ok, fair point. Would still be worth it though. If we killed enough people before we got caught. Susan, Chen…" She refilled the mugs and passed one back to Carter.
"Weaver. Romano." He paused, smiling as he thought who else to add to their imaginary murder spree. "Any objections to adding Luka to the list?"
Abby sat back down at the table, shrugging. "The only one of my exes I'd want on there would be Richard. But if you still feel resentment towards Luka for some reason, then fair enough."
Before Carter could deny he was still jealous of Luka, a sharp wail from the bedroom interrupted him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, waiting for Abby to say something. She just stood up and walked across the room. As she approached the bedroom, she paused and glanced back at Carter. She took a second to make a decision. "You coming? If he falls back asleep, I'm not waking him again."
Carter remained where he was, not sure if it was a good idea to see Ryan if he was going to be forced to leave Chicago tomorrow. Abby waited a moment, then left him sat there. Realising he should take every chance he could to see his son, he slowly got up and went after Abby.
He paused just inside the doorway, watching Abby pick up Ryan and wished he could be with them all the time. He knew that was why he was here, but was not sure if he could have that conversation with Abby tonight. He would be being selfish if he did. Knowing she would be married in less than forty eight hours and yet still asking her to leave Dave for him. Ryan had stopped crying as soon as Abby had lifted him out of his cot.
"Has he started walking yet?"
Having heard him enter the room, Abby waited until he spoke before letting him know she was aware of his presence. "Not yet." She turned around and closed the distance between them. "Here you take him."
Carter smiled eagerly. He half expected Ryan to start crying again, but the infant just stared at him, and then closed his eyes. "Poor kids exhausted."
Abby smiled as she watched them; two of the most important men in her life. Possibly the two most important if she was honest. She felt she could hardly admit that though; if she did then Carter would never leave her to marry Dave, and she still believed that was the right thing to do. Not being able to stand there though and see what she was denying both Carter and Ryan, Abby left the room. She sat down on the sofa and tried to convince herself that she knew what she was doing.
Once he was sure Ryan had fallen back asleep, Carter placed him gently back in his crib. He watched him sleep for a few minutes, thinking about how things could have been different if he had fought harder to keep Abby, to be a part of Ryan's life. Deciding he needed to tell her how he felt, he went back and joined Abby. She had her back to him, and he paused, deliberating over how to begin. "Abby…" When she did not turn to look at him, he moved and sat beside her. She turned her head away quickly, rubbing her eyes. He could tell she was crying but was also sure that letting on he knew would make Abby even more defensive. The thing he most wanted to do was just to hold her; not a good idea considering the current circumstances. He decided to play it safe and pretend to be oblivious.
"I can't believe how big he's gotten over the past six months."
"I never wanted to keep you from Ryan." Abby looked down at the floor, not being able to cope with him seeing her break down. There were things she wanted to tell him all of a sudden and she knew he had a right to hear them. There were also other things that she couldn't tell him; not then; maybe not ever.
Not knowing how to reply or whether he was even expected to, Carter chose to remain silent, hoping she would open up to him.
"I don't know what to do. I just…" She took a deep breath, desperately wiping the tears away despite knowing it was a futile effort; Carter would have to have been blind not to notice, and unfortunately for her, he wasn't. "I can't handle this…I…"
Not being able to just sit there and let her fall apart like this, Carter reached out and pulled her to him. Abby fought him at first, but then gave in and curled up against his chest. Carter held her tightly, not saying anything, instead just letting her cry. When she finally stopped, she pulled away, sitting up on the couch, her knees tucked up to her chest. Embarrassed, she went back to avoiding eye contact with him. Ever since she had answered the door to him, she had been hoping this would not happen. Now it had, she had no idea what to say to him. She felt the strong urge to apologise and then hopefully if she did not say anything else, he would leave. Part of her still wanted to talk to him though, wanted him to hold her again, wanted him to stay with her. Then she thought of Dave and it was back to getting rid of him as quickly as possible.
"I'll make some more coffee." Carter stood up, wanting to give her some space but also needing some himself.
Abby just nodded, realising that crying in his arms like that was not the best way to get him to leave.
They drank the coffee in silence, Carter waiting until Abby was ready to talk again. When he had emptied the cup, he was beginning to give up hope and had decided it might be best if he just left. He stood up and walked back over to the kitchen, dumping his mug in the sink. When he turned around he noticed Abby was watching him.
"I'm sorry. I bet you never expected that to happen when you came here tonight." She pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. She considered stopping there, let him leave but watching his expression knew she owed him more than that.
He remained in the kitchen, unsure of how to proceed. "Sometimes everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. Just it's not expected of someone who's getting married in a day or so."
Abby quickly looked away again, dreading this conversation, knowing it would be easier to have if she was sure about what she wanted. "It's late. Won't your grandmother be worried about where you are?"
He was content to allow her avoid the situation for a little while longer. "No, I'm staying at a hotel. I didn't tell Gamma I would be in town, thought it best, especially as I don't know how long I'll be here for." He moved back and sat beside her. "You expecting Dave home?"
Abby shook her head. "No. He's gonna stay at his place. He's getting rid of it after the wedding, gonna move in here til we find a new place together."
"I had a strange idea that you'd be planning on moving to Boston."
Abby smiled slightly. "It's just like you to remember something like that and then take the piss out of me any chance you get."
"I'm not taking the piss. I've been a couple of times myself; wouldn't be my choice of a dream destination. Guess it is kinda nice though. You should go on your honeymoon with Dave, take Ryan." Carter was not sure when exactly he decided to fake being supportive, but hoped he was convincing enough. "If you do go, there's a great coffee house there called 'Where Fishes Go'. It's near the harbour."
"I'll have to remember that."
"So no plans to go there yet?"
Abby shook her head. She couldn't help thinking that something as stupid as this and Carter knew about it and still remembered months later, and yet she had never felt the need to mention it to Dave.
Carter continued, beginning to babble. "You should go. And soon. I know I laughed before, but if it's somewhere you wanna go, then go. What's stopping you?" He paused. "Are you happy with Dave?" He regretted asking it, dreading her saying yes.
"What do you want me to say, Carter?" She was getting angry now. Even though she knew he didn't deserve it, she had decided it was easier than crying again. She stood up and began to pace the room. "That I don't give a damn about Dave? That I don't love him? That I'm still in love with you? What do you want me to say?" She had convinced herself that if she could make herself hate him in the time it took him to leave then everything would be a lot simpler and she could marry Dave as planned.
Carter allowed her to finish her outburst, before simply replying "Just tell me the truth. And then do whatever makes you happy."
She sat back down, hating him for being so passive. It would be easier to hate him if he yelled at her. She sighed. "And if happy means being here with Dave and Ryan, what then?"
"Then I'll walk away. It'll kill me to leave you again, but if that's what you want then I'll do it. I meant it when I said I didn't want to cause trouble for you two."
She could not bear to see the hurt on his face, but she had decided he would only be hurt more if they decided to try again. And they would destroy Dave's life in the process. She remembered her original reasons for agreeing to marry Dave. To not hurt him, so Ryan did not grow up without a dad, because it was easier for everyone. She wished Carter had stayed in LA and then neither of them would be in this situation right now. "I am happy with Dave. I can't just walk out on him. He loves me and Ryan. He'll look after us, won't let us down." She knew her words would sting him; part of her knowing that was what it would take for him to leave.
H stood up and crossed over into the kitchen for his jacket. "You know I still love you. I don't need to tell you that, but I will anyway. I think I'll always love you. And that's why I want you to be happy. Just make sure this is the right decision for you. Not for Malucci." He tried to judge her reaction but for once found he was unable to read her.
She stared at him for a moment. "It feels like the right thing to do."
He put on his jacket and headed for the door. "I'm gonna stay in town until Saturday. I'm staying at The Plaza."
"I'm not making a mistake. I won't change my mind about this." She folded her arms, hoping to show him how resolved and certain she was.
He simply nodded. "I know. I hope you're happy with him. I really do. Just in case though." He opened the door and slipped out.
Abby struggled not to run after him, instead lying down on the sofa. As if she was not confused enough before this. She loved Carter, but cared a lot about Dave. Things with Carter could end again after another six months, the last time was a complete disaster. Ryan needed stability. And of all people, Dave had been the one to give them that. The one least likely, Dave Malucci. She had already just broke Carter's heart again, and now could not do the same to Dave. She walked into Ryan's room. "You think this a good idea don't you?" she whispered. "Yeah. This is the best thing to do. The right thing to do."
