Walking In My Sleep
October 19, 1999
Several patrons turned when they heard the diner door open, staring openly as the newcomer made his way to the back of the restaurant.
Brian noticed the looks, but chose to disregard them, instead greeting Michael with a chaste kiss and settling into the booth opposite his friend. Shrugging off his leather bomber jacket and laying it on the seat beside him, he asked, "What's going on, Mikey?"
Michael frowned faintly as he swallowed a french fry. "Not much. My life's pretty boring, as usual." Suddenly recalling something he wanted to tell his friend, he perked up and stated, "Hey, this guy came into the comic book shop the other day and asked me to give a lecture to his class at Carnegie Mellon about gay superheroes. How cool is that?"
Brian smirked as he glanced around the diner, looking for a server to take his order. "I'm sooo proud of you, Mikey. All grown up and still talking about your childhood obsessions. How pathetic."
"Fuck you, Brian. Ben said that gay superheroes can be really beneficial to gay kids as they're maturing and preparing to come out."
"Ben says, huh? As if Captain Astro is really going to help some teenager deal with the homophobes and assholes of the world. Get real, Mikey." Reaching over to snag a fry off Michael's plate, Brian frowned. "Where the fuck is our waiter? I don't have all day."
"Right here, Brian." Justin sidled up to the table, holding an order pad and grinning broadly. "'Be patient, my soul: thou hath suffered worse than this.'"
"Huh?" Michael looked between his two friends with a baffled expression.
Brian chuckled lightly as he answered, "It's Homer, Mikey." He then turned to grill Justin, narrowing his eyes at him menacingly. "Somebody should be at home studying for his SAT. What the fuck are you doing here today? This isn't your regular shift."
"Somebody already has taken his test, you jerk. I'm grabbing extra shifts when I can, 'cause the Mustang needs some engine work." The vintage car was his baby; he dedicated most of his paycheck and tips to its maintenance. The candy apple red vehicle had been a gift from Jeremy and Robert for his seventeenth birthday, with the stipulation that he had to keep up his grades, as well as pay for the insurance, gas and upkeep. The amount of time Justin spent on the Mustang had quickly become a source of amusement for his friends and family. Tapping his pencil impatiently on the order pad, he asked, "I thought you were in a hurry – what did you want to eat?"
"I'll have a chef salad with ranch dressing, and coffee."
"Coming right up, Brian. Michael, do you want a refill on your Coke?" After Michael nodded, Justin gave them both a bright smile then headed toward the kitchen.
"He's a good kid," Michael observed.
Brian sat sideways in the booth, leaning his back against the wall and extending his long legs out on the seat, crossing them at the ankles. "Yeah, he is." Turning his mind back to Michael, he raised an eyebrow in enquiry. "So, tell me about the Carnegie Mellon guy. Was he hot? Would I fuck him?"
"Ben Bruckner." Michael's voice held a touch of awe as he thought about his recent visitor. "Shit yeah, he's hot. And you would probably fuck him," he reluctantly admitted. Looking sternly at his friend, he cautioned, "Hands off, Brian – I mean it. This one seems interested in me, and if you step in, he'll drop me like a hot potato."
"Mikey, you wound me. Would I ever do something like that to you?" Brian batted his eyes at Michael, trying to act innocent. His lips turned up at the corners when Michael laughed at his antics.
Throwing a french fry in Brian's general direction, Michael snorted. "Asshole! Yes, you would, if you felt the guy was fuckable enough. I wouldn't stand a chance."
His attention caught by a flash of blond hair, Brian absently answered his friend as he watched Justin rush by, carrying a heavily laden tray. "Poor Mikey."
At first, Justin handled his three customers with panache, laughingly exchanging quips with the men as he served their dinners. However, once the last plate had been placed on the table, the largest of the trio grabbed Justin about his slender waist, pulling him down onto his lap.
Brian snarled quietly as he saw Justin begin to struggle. Before anyone realized what was happening, Brian was standing next to the other table, hands curled into fists at his side. He recognized the man who was currently groping Justin – he was a regular at Babylon, with a reputation for playing rough. "Justin, I believe it's time for your break. Why don't you go and join Michael at our table while I have a little chat with our friends?"
Justin tried to break free, but the man tightened his grip on him and nuzzled his neck. "I saw the twink first, Kinney. I'm just trying to convince him to come out and play with me tonight."
"I don't believe he likes you very much, Parrish, so kindly get your fucking hands off him." Brian grasped Justin by the forearm, tugging him to his feet and lightly shoving him in the direction of the booth and Michael.
After Justin was gone, Parrish sat back in the booth, draping his arm over the back and meeting Brian's eyes coolly. "I didn't know you were into chicken, Kinney."
Brian ignored the implication in Parrish's statement; instead, he lowered his head until his face was almost parallel with the other man's before he growled, "I'm aware of the sort of games you're into, and Justin's not interested." Straightening back up, he allowed his eyes to travel over the faces of all three men. "If I ever see you near him, Parrish, or any of your little buddies here, you won't know what hit you. Do I make myself clear?"
"Are you threatening me?"
"Fuck no. I'm merely giving you a piece of friendly advice. What you choose to do with it is your business."
Parrish nodded unhurriedly. "Point taken, Kinney. I won't touch your little boy."
"Good." His eyes flashed a final warning, and then Brian stalked away from the table. He slid into the booth next to Justin and asked, "You okay, kiddo?"
Justin took a sip of Michael's water, his hands shaking slightly. "Yeah, I think so. Thanks for helping me, Brian."
Noticing Justin's reaction, Brian wrapped an arm about his shoulders and squeezed gently. "Not a problem, Justin. You need to stay away from Parrish – he's bad news."
"Trust me, I will. Maybe I can have Debbie take over his table from here on out." Justin smiled gratefully at Brian, completely unaware that his emotions were displayed openly on his face.
Brian didn't appear to notice Justin's expression, but Michael did. Most of the gang thought that Justin merely had a schoolboy crush on Brian, but Michael suspected that it ran deeper than simple infatuation. He studied his two friends carefully, gasping inaudibly when he recognized the look in Brian's eyes. If he didn't know any better, he would swear that Brian was starting to reciprocate Justin's feelings. He certainly was protective enough of the teen. 'This could prove to be very interesting,' he thought. 'If anyone can get past Brian's defenses, it would be Justin.' He needed to come up with a plan to get the two men together. Maybe a little prodding wouldn't hurt. "Hey, Brian, are you going to the GLC art show on Friday?"
Realizing he'd been staring down at Justin, Brian cleared his throat gruffly and shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I have better things to do with my Friday nights than to hang out with a bunch of losers." He shifted restlessly in the booth as he argued with himself about the path his thoughts were merrily traipsing down. 'I did not just think about kissing Justin. For fuck's sake, he's just a kid!' He ignored the little voice that argued back. 'He's almost eighteen – and one of the most beautiful men you've ever seen.'
"Lindsay told me that Justin is going to have several sketches displayed," Michael offered, with a friendly smile directed at Justin. "I'm sure he's one of the best they'll have."
"I know he will be." Brian chuckled as Justin's cheeks reddened at the compliment. "I'll try to make it, but I'm not going to guarantee anything."
As Justin opened his mouth to respond, the cook yelled his name, signaling that an order was ready. Arching around Brian, his body pressed lightly against the other man's, Justin called over to Kiki, "Kiki, can you grab Brian's salad for him?"
Brian abruptly pushed Justin off him and jumped to his feet. "Never mind. I need to go. I just remembered that Cynthia left something on my desk that needs to be finished by tomorrow. I'll talk to you guys later." Tossing down a ten-dollar bill, he grabbed his jacket and quickly left the diner.
Justin stared after Brian's retreating back, watching until the door slammed shut behind him, then gave Michael a puzzled look. "What the hell was that all about?"
Hiding his grin behind his hand, Michael merely shrugged. "That's just Brian." If what he suspected was true, his friend was fighting a losing battle. As far as he was concerned, it couldn't happen to a more deserving person. Whether Brian admitted it or not, Michael knew the man was lonely, and Justin was exactly what he needed.
Justin closed his locker, thankful that it was Friday and the weekend was finally here. Ethan and he had fought every time they'd seen each other that week, and he felt that it was time they broke up. He didn't think that either one of them were happy together anymore. His conflicting emotions toward Brian were just adding to the confusion. Justin urgently wanted some time to himself to sort out everything in his head.
First, though, he had to get through this evening's art show at the GLC. Part of him hoped that Brian would be there – it was Justin's first public exhibit, and he wanted Brian to share the experience with him. However, the side of him that was fighting against his growing attraction to Brian desperately wished that the man wouldn't bother showing up tonight.
Justin exited St. James and headed toward the student parking lot. Daphne was meeting him at the car so he could give her a ride home. As he walked along the sidewalk, he heard someone behind him calling out his name. He cringed when he recognized his boyfriend's voice; he wasn't in the mood to deal with Ethan's jealous little tantrums right now.
Turning, he waited impatiently for Ethan to catch up with him. Justin pasted a fake smile on his face as his boyfriend neared. "I can't stop for very long, Ethan. I need to get home."
"You never have time for me anymore," Ethan huffed with annoyance. "There is always some weak excuse why we can't get together, and whenever I try to touch you, you turn away from me."
Justin frowned at Ethan's accusations. Their fights constantly boiled down to one thing. Sex. During the time they'd been dating, the two of them had experimented with sex – hand jobs, frottage, even blowjobs – but recently, Ethan had informed him he wanted more. Justin simply wasn't interested in being fucked by his boyfriend. He knew it was stupid, that he was being a silly little romantic, but he wanted his first time to be special. He didn't need candlelight and flowers strewn about the place, but he did dream about being with someone for whom he cared deeply. Justin refused to admit, even to himself, precisely whom he wanted to be his first real lover.
Pulling Ethan to the side of the walkway, so the passing students could get around them, Justin said, "Ethan, now is not the time to have this conversation, okay?"
"What conversation? And when the fuck will be the right time?" Ethan caught hold of Justin's tie and jerked him closer until they were standing nose to nose. "I'm getting tired of all the crap, Justin."
Justin knocked Ethan's hand away and considered his boyfriend for a moment. He'd never seen Ethan this upset before. Finally reaching a decision, he took a deep breath before saying, "You're right, Ethan. This has to stop. I don't think we should see each other anymore."
Ethan's face blanched. "Why?"
"I don't love you, Ethan." Justin looked sadly at the other man and continued, "I've tried, but although I like you very much, I just don't want to stay with you." He shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry."
Narrowing his eyes in anger, Ethan hissed, "You bastard. You've probably been cheating on me – haven't you?"
"Where in the hell did that come from?" Justin stared at Ethan incredulously. "I haven't been seeing anyone else."
"It all makes sense now." Ethan nodded thoughtfully as he mentally reviewed the past few months. "You won't let me fuck you, you're always busy and you avoid talking to me whenever you can."
Justin shook his head in disgust. "Whatever, Ethan. If thinking that makes you feel better, then so be it. I just can't deal with this any longer." He shifted his backpack until it sat higher on his shoulder then hurried away to meet Daphne.
Ethan watched as Justin made his way to his car, his body trembling with rage. "This isn't over, Justin. I'll make you sorry you ever met me, you fucking asshole."
Molly skipped down the stairs and pirouetted in front of the three men standing in the foyer. "So, what do you think?"
"Absolutely stunning." Robert kissed Molly on the forehead. "You were definitely worth waiting for."
"And waiting… and waiting…" Justin muttered under his breath. He growled when Molly punched him in the shoulder. "Ouch! That hurt, you little brat!"
"I heard that, Jester. Since I have to spend my night hanging out at your stupid show, the least you can say is that I look nice."
Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Justin whispered in his sister's ear, "You do know that there won't be any boys there for you to impress, don't you? They're all gay. Maybe you'll get lucky though, and some lesbian will think you're cute."
"Ooh, you're so mean!" Molly stomped her foot down on top of Justin's, then stormed out of the house.
Jeremy and Robert laughed unsympathetically as Justin hopped around on one foot, moaning in pain. Jeremy finally controlled himself and gasped out, "Well, you did ask for it."
Justin glared at his uncle then limped out to the car, leaving the men behind to lock up the house. 'I should have stayed in bed this morning.'
Molly stared out of her window on the drive over to the GLC, pointedly ignoring her brother. Justin was thankful, since it gave him a chance to collect himself. He was nervous; this was the first time his artwork had been seen by anyone other than his family and friends. The thought that Brian might make an appearance at the show didn't help, either.
Robert knew that Justin was anxious about the night's exhibit. He could laugh now when he recalled his own debut as an artist, but it hadn't been funny at the time. Trying to take Justin's mind off the upcoming ordeal, he asked casually, "So, is Ethan going to be there tonight?"
"No, we split up this afternoon."
Molly glanced over her shoulder at Justin. "Good. I never liked him anyway."
Jeremy sighed when he heard his niece's remark. "That wasn't very nice, Molly," he scolded. "What happened, Justin?"
Justin shrugged. "I realized that I didn't love him enough to stay with him." Glancing down at his hands, he plucked at his pants leg uncertainly. "I'm not that upset about it, but Ethan was pretty angry with me. He accused me of cheating on him."
"Were you?"
Looking at his sister angrily, Justin responded, "That's none of your business, Mollusk."
Jeremy tried to console his nephew. "Give it some time, Justin. Maybe you two can patch up things."
"I don't think so, Uncle Jeremy." Justin turned his gaze back out of the window, pretending to be absorbed in the passing scenery. "I don't think so."
Brian hesitated in the doorway of the GLC. He hadn't planned on coming – the artsy crowd in attendance tonight didn't appeal to him, but he knew that Justin would be disappointed if he didn't show. Finally spotting a very pregnant Lindsay standing next to Justin, he crossed the room and slipped an arm around Lindsay's waist. "Hello, Ma."
Smiling up at him, Lindsay lightly tapped him on the cheek. "You're late, Pa."
"Get Mel to sue me," Brian retorted flippantly, then glanced over at Justin, who shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. "How are you tonight, Justin?"
Justin answered shyly, "Great, Brian." Gesturing toward the opposite side of the room, he asked, "Are you interested in seeing my work?"
Brian nodded. "That's the only reason I'm here, Justin." Noticing Mel waving frantically near the door, he hugged Lindsay to his side and murmured, "The old ball-and-chain is trying to get your attention, Ma."
Checking her watch, Lindsay quickly returned Brian's embrace, then hugged Justin. "It's the baby's bedtime. Justin, I'm so proud of you. Your art is wonderful."
"Thanks, Lindsay. Take care of yourself." Justin hugged her back then rubbed her protruding stomach. "And take care of the midget, too."
Both men watched as she slowly made her way over to Mel, Brian snorting with amusement. "Damn, she walks just like a duck."
"You'd better not tell her that, Brian. Not if you want to live."
"You don't honestly think I'm scared of some little lesbian, do you?" Brian grabbed Justin by the hand, leading him toward Justin's exhibit. "Now, show me where the next Andy Warhol is located, so I can tell you just how great your drawings are, then get the hell out of here and go to Babylon."
Justin stopped abruptly, pulling Brian to a halt. "Don't bother, Brian, if it's so fucking inconvenient to you." He nodded toward the door, the movement jerky with tension. "Go on, leave. I don't want you looking at my stuff if you're going to be an asshole about it."
Brian, taken aback by the anger he saw on Justin's face, rolled his lips inward for a moment before quietly admitting, "I want to see it, Justin. It's your big night, and I'm proud of what you've accomplished."
Justin relaxed at Brian's words. He silently took Brian's hand again and they walked over to the wall. He stood, worrying his lower lip with his teeth as he waited for Brian's reaction.
Brian examined the five drawings intently, his eyes slowly moving from one frame to the next. Justin had chosen the people who surrounded him in his life as the topic for his series. One sketch showed Jeremy and Robert as they relaxed on their couch. Jeremy's head was lying on Robert's thigh, his eyes closed in contentment as his partner stroked his hair.
Another was of Molly, posed in a classic Arabesque ballet position, her leg extended backward with her toes pointed. Justin had added a touch of color to her picture; the multi-hued flower circlet on her head, her flushed cheeks and the lavender folds of her skirt as it draped about her body.
Depicted in the third sketch were Michael, Emmett, Ted and Debbie. The four friends sat in a circle, playing cards on Debbie's old dining room table. The night had been an obvious success, judging by the wine bottle and half-empty glasses resting on the tabletop and the looks of merriment on the quartet's faces.
The next drawing was of Mel and Lindsay, seated in a porch swing. Lindsay's head rested on Mel's shoulder, her face radiating the peace she felt. Mel's hand rested protectively on her partner's swollen middle as she watched over Lindsay. A small teddy bear dangled by one paw from Lindsay's fingertips, a symbol of the child for whom they were patiently waiting.
The last sketch caught Brian's attention. It showed him on the day Justin had found out that he finally made the soccer team. Brian stood along the sidelines of the field, his long leather trench coat unbuttoned to show his Armani suit underneath. One foot rested on top of a soccer ball, as though he wanted to shed his coat and join in the game.
Justin couldn't stand the suspense any more. "Well?" he burst out hopefully.
Brian looked in amazement at the upturned face, clearly awed by Justin's talent. "These are fucking fantastic, Justin." When Justin beamed up at him, Brian, without thinking about his actions, lowered his mouth and gently kissed the other man on the lips.
Justin leaned into the caress, moaning softly when Brian's hand cupped the back of his head. Gripping Brian's sides as his knees weakened, he pressed closer, deepening the kiss. His intense reaction bewildered him – he'd never experienced anything like it with Ethan.
Lost in the kiss, Brian snaked his free arm about Justin's waist, tugging him nearer. His other hand shifted restlessly from Justin's head to one shoulder, then down the man's back to his ass. Drawing back, Brian rested his forehead against Justin's for a second as he fought for control. "Fuck!" He jerked away, and with one last glance at Justin's stunned countenance, Brian fled the room.
Momentarily frozen, Justin hurried after Brian, catching up to him in the parking lot. Brian was fumbling with his keys, trying to unlock the door to the Jeep. "Brian!"
Brian refused to turn around, calling out over his shoulder, "Go away, Justin." Finally getting the door open, he climbed in and started the engine.
Needing to talk to Brian about what had just happened, Justin knocked frantically on the window. When it finally lowered, he leaned in and asked, "Why did you run away, Brian?"
Brian stared straight ahead, unwilling to meet Justin's gaze. "It was just a kiss, Justin. Don't make a big deal out of it."
"Really?" Justin reached over and tugged on Brian's chin until they were facing each other. "I think you're scared of me, and that's why you ran."
"Fuck off, Justin." The words were quiet, but heartfelt.
"I don't think so." Justin brushed his lips across Brian's mouth. "I think you want me as much as I do you, Brian. Please, give this a chance."
"No. I… I can't." With that, Brian shoved Justin away from the Jeep, threw the vehicle into gear and raced out of the parking lot. He didn't notice the figure emerging from the shadows to stand behind Justin; he was too intent on escape.
"I knew it – you're nothing but a whore, Justin," Ethan hissed as he raised the bat above his head.
Justin swirled around – the last thing he saw before crumpling to the ground in an unconscious heap was a flash of silver, just before the aluminum bat connected with his head.
