CHAPTER 11

Have you ever been so scared that you couldn't take it? You just felt as if the only way to get out was…death? I guess that's what people call "Scared to death." I mean, maybe what that means, isn't actually scared to death, but that you are frighten to the point of suicide. Well, whatever the matter, I was feeling that at that moment; that moment, curled up into a ball in a corner, waiting for George or my father or any other enemy of mine to jump out and hurt me.

And then I heard the chair scrape across the floor and I froze. I tried to keep my breathing at a slow and quiet pace, but I was freaking out. The fear inside of me was growing and I couldn't take it. I put my head down and cradled myself, rocking back and forth. I heard footsteps come close to me and stop in front of me. 'Here it comes! Who ever wants to hurt me…this is their chance...' And that's when I couldn't take it anymore. 'I'm not going to be murdered or taken away to my father in hell any time soon!' I gathered my energy inside of me and let it spew out of me, forming a black shield of pure dark energy. I looked up, my hands outstretched above me keeping the shield going.

"SHIT!" I screamed, realizing what I just did. For before me, was not any enemy of mine, but a very dumb struck Richard.

"W-what the HELL was t-that?" Richard asked still stunned from seeing me with a mysterious black power surrounding me.

"Um…er…y-you…" I stammered standing up a little shaky. And in the next seconds I figured that I was screwed. I couldn't tell Richard why I was on the floor with a black aura around me, and why George was set on killing me, and why I was really freaked at the beach. If I did, he would think of me a dangerous creep and run away yelling at the top of his lungs, just like everyone has for my entire life. I didn't know what to do. So I did what I thought was the only thing left to do, I ran. I ran out back into the rain and through the city, I didn't know if Richard had followed me; I couldn't hear over my foot steps pounding on the pavement, and me heart pounding for all that it was worth. The rain drops where falling. They felt good against my hot cheeks. My hair stuck to me skin and Richard's old shirt stuck to my skin like spandex.

"I knew you would break. And I think you did too." My father's voice cackled in my head. I ignored it. I knew I couldn't get him out of my mind; it was a waist of energy to try.

"You don't have any where to go dear, what are you going to do? Lie down and die?" My father asked with a chuckle to his tone.

"Sure." I said in a matter of fact tone, even though I was crying and my voice came out in whimpers and sobs.

And I meant it too. I couldn't do anything else but…die. I stopped in the middle of the rain, and hurriedly looked around. I had run out beyond the city's out skirts, which wasn't pretty far because Richard lived close to the out skirts. There was farm to my right and a meadow to my left. The grass was swaying in the wind making it look like an ocean. I walked over to the meadow. My arms squeezing myself for warmth and crying like I had when Sarah died. My teeth were chattering and my lips where blue. I was walking blindly in the tall grass. I didn't know or give a shit where I was going. And then, I just dropped down. I lay in the middle of the tall grassy meadow. I curled up into a ball, pulling my knees up to my head and my arms hugging them to me. It was pitch black and the stars and moon where out, not that I could tell because the clouds where in the way. I didn't care that I was lying in mud and that it was pouring rain. Just then, I felt something hard that I was lying on…I rolled over and sat up. I ran my hand over the muddy surface. Something hard brushed against my fingers. I bent over and saw a shiny object. I dug it up and held it up to my eyes. It was a semi rustic knife. 'Someone had probably lost it while walking out here and now it was getting rust on it because the rain.'

It was an eerie moment right then, because the knife seemed to be 'calling' me. It's blade beckoning to my touch. I ran my finger across the blade. It felt smooth to my touch. And after that, it came naturally to me. I'm not sure if it was my father's over powering me to do the act, but I did. I just suddenly put the cold blade to my wrist and sliced; and then my other wrist and cut. I watched my blood pour from the wounds. At first I didn't feel anything. But then the pain poured out like the blood coming from my cuts. I started to feel dizzy, and then, slowly, the world started to spin and my eyes shut. I lay back, curling back up into a ball, and this time, I didn't cry. The rain drops rolling off my skin. I let the stinging feeling come. I couldn't do anything about it, so why try? Slowly, the world blacked out and I couldn't feel a thing…

Baby Sarah learning to walk…

Father hitting mom…

Us running through the night…

Our new house…

Sarah drawing…

A girl making teasing Sarah…

My fist hitting the girl who had teased Sarah…

George…

Sarah lying on the floor with blood pooling around her…

Her eyes half open staring at nothing…

And her hands outstretched in attempt for help from our mother…

Karin's skin and bone body…

Richard…

Him protecting me from George…

Me running away…

The knife…

My cuts…

The blood…

These memories flashed in my mind's eye. Then it was black, and everything was silent…until I heard a voice.

"Rachelle? Is that you?" The high voice rang.

"S-Sarah?" I couldn't believe it when Sarah walked out of the shadows. She looked better than ever. There was no wound where she had been stabbed, and no blood stains on her shirt. She didn't look scared or confused, but she had a smile on her face that made me feel warm. I ran towards her with my arms outstretched. I embraced her. Tears were coming to Sarah's eyes., tears of joy.

"Oh my God!" Was all I could say. I was to over come with joy in seeing my dead sister.

"I'm okay, Rachelle." Her young voice said. I was kneeling so I could match her size. She had her arms around my neck and her head buried in my neck. I could feel her tears on my bare skin.

"I'm so glad to see you!" I cried. I pulled away from my little sister and picked her up. I held her above my head. She still had a smile on her face.

"I've missed you so much! I've been waiting for you." Sarah said as I put her down on the ground.

"Why were you waiting for me? Where is here?" I asked holding her hand.

"Well, I know that you're here, but you can't stay. I'm just going to keep on waiting. And here is limbo. This is where lost souls wait."

"For what?" I asked.

"I'm not sure…" Sarah said looking up.

"Okay, then why can't I stay here?" I sat on the ground, pulling Sarah into my to lap.

"It's not your time or place." She answered.

"What does that mean?"

"Your place is earth, not limbo, or Angel's realm. And it's not your time to come here to where souls wait. You see, a person has to die to be a soul. It's not your time to die."

"It wasn't your time either. They murdered you, Sarah. You had no chance!" I cried.

"But you aren't completely dead yet. You still have a chance to live."

"What about you? I've been miserable without you! I love you." I could feel tears ready to pour out of my eyes. But I held them back.

"I am dead. True, I was killed unfairly, but life's unfair and you can't change it."

I hugged Sarah close to me. I knew life was unfair, I knew it from the moment I came into this world, with everyone treating Sarah and me differently. I knew life was shit.

"I've been watching you. I know how much you think about me. And I also know about Richard. I know how Dad is invading your mind." Sarah said in a comforting tone. "It's like I'm a Guardian Angel!"

Ever since I could remember Sarah has always wanted to be a Guardian Angel because they could go to the Human Realm and watch the people.

"Have you seen Mom? How's she?" I asked with a smile.

Sarah looked away and out into the blackness that surrounded us.

"I haven't seen her. I haven't tried. I don't ever want to see her again…"

"What? Why?" I was astonished that Sarah would say such a thing after Mom had taken us away from Dad so we could be safe.

"You know, I could have been saved, I shouldn't really be here…but Mom…she…" Sarah couldn't finish without crying. She held onto me like a first born did to their mother. And in that moment I remembered how Sarah's dead body was positioned, her arms out reached to Mother, who was crying in the corner.

"You mean…Mom didn't try to save you?" I asked with a horrific look on my face.

"Worse, she's the one who suggested the kill me. She's the one who asked George to murder me. She was afraid that we might turn on her. She didn't trust us…" Sarah was weeping. I held her tight. I rocked back and forth, trying to calm her down.

"Do you remember how we used to draw and write together?" I was trying to remind her of the good memories.

"Yeah. Do you remember the monks and going to the temple?" Sarah wiped the tears away. Her cheeks were rosy red, and her nose was red, the way it always gets when she cries.

"Or what about when we'd watch the stars at night, and talk about what we dreamt about doing in the future." I reminded her.

"My favorite memory was when I got scared that one night because there had been slight thunder and lighting, so I came into your bedroom and we stayed up playing cards, drinking hot chocolate, and playing hide and seek."

We sat there in the endless blackness reminiscing about the 'old days'. I would give anything to see the look on Sarah's face at that moment. Her eyes where lit up with excitement, and her smile was so childish. The way she talked was so cute.

After what seemed a long time, Sarah's smile faded.

"I have to go, and so do you. I don't want you to miss you chance to live…" Sarah frowned.

"I don't want to go!" I complained.

"I want you to stay, but I also want you to be happy, and alive. Go back to where you belong." She gave a slight smile and stood up. I got to my feet. As reluctant I was to leave my baby sister again, I bent down to kiss her cheek, as a good-bye. A tear trickled down my cheek.

"I'll miss you, I always have." I was crying now. But it was silent crying. Tears came out, but no whimpering.

"Just remember I am going to be right here waiting for you. I love you!" Sarah's voice called as she faded away. My heart felt hollow. I had found my sister and best friend, and now…I'd lost her again 'I should have just let myself die…I shouldn't have listened to what Sarah told me.'

I felt pain growing in my wrists and something pulling at me arm. I barley opened my eye. At first my vision was blurry but as soon as it cleared up, I could see Richard bent over me with tears in his eyes. A sweatshirt was piled on the ground beside me, and Richard's shirt was off. He was tearing it into strips and tying them around my wrists to stop the blood flow.

"R-Richard…" It felt like I hadn't used my voice for a hundred years. It was scratchier than usual and it hurt to speak. I noticed it was beginning to be light and it had stopped raining.

"Rachelle? Did you just speak?" Richard asked.

"Y-yeah…" I coughed a couple times and slowly sat up. Richard helped me stay up right. He put his arm around me shoulders, it felt good to be back in my haven and warm. Then I remembered Sarah and our discussion and the fact that it was Mom's fault Sarah was dead… the way she betrayed us and didn't help Sarah as she watched her die.

"Sarah!" I screamed looking around.

"Who?" Richard looked confused. He put back on his sweat shirt.

"My sister. Is she here?" I asked, but then I recalled the way she said she'd be waiting.

"No." Richard brushed a loose hair back and away from my face. I smiled.

"I'm sorry…" I said in a small voice.

"You don't have to be sorry." He smiled holding me close. "Why would you be sorry?"

"Because of the way I just ran off." I looked down in shame. I glared at me bandaged wrists. Richard's white shirt strips where now stained with blood.

"Don't be…" He lifted me chin up towards him so that my face was facing his. I felt my throat starting to hurt. "Just promise me to never do it again. Don't ever scare me like you did again." He was serious now. I didn't have to ask him what doing 'it' ever again meant. I knew he meant attempting suicide.

Richard carried me back to the car. He had been driving around looking for me all night until somebody told him they saw me walk out here. I fell asleep in the car. I dreamed about Sarah and they way she smiled and laughed when she saw me. When we got back to Richard's house, he tucked me into the guest bedroom's bed. And when I woke up it was the next day. A bright sunny day.