Nosocomephobia

October 22, 1999

Sight. Taste. Hearing. Touch. Smell.

The kaleidoscope effect of the strobes and colored searchlights blurred the scene in front of his eyes like some drug-induced dreamscape. The sharp burn of the whiskey bit at the back of his throat as he downed yet another shot. The crescendo of sounds pulsed through his body as the beat of the music and the buzz of the conversation encircling him blended together in an oddly discordant harmony. The welcome press of warm, hard, half-naked men called out to him, arousing him, as he danced in the middle of the floor. The strong scent of sex and sweat surrounded him as he pulled the last of an endless line of tricks into the backroom.

Brian refused to think about those kisses, about Justin, as he frantically lost himself in every sensation that Babylon had to offer.


Robert grimly followed the ambulance through the rain-slicked streets of Pittsburgh. The silence in the car was punctured by the broken sobs coming from Molly, seated between the two adults.

"It's my fault… if Justin dies…" Molly hiccupped, wiping the back of her hand carelessly across her damp face. "I don't want him to die, honest!"

Debbie engulfed the weeping girl in a tight hug, pulling Molly's head down to lie against her ample chest. "What makes you think that it's your fault, baby?"

Molly pulled away, looking up at Debbie in the dim light cast by the passing streetlights. Her lips trembled as she earnestly tried to explain, "We were fighting, and I thought… well, I wished he was dead, 'cause he made me so mad tonight."

Taking his hand off the steering wheel, Robert gently squeezed Molly's knee. "Sweetheart, your fight with your brother has nothing to do with the attack on Justin. Every sibling in the world has had thoughts like yours." He chuckled lightly as he reminisced about his childhood. "Lord knows, I can't even begin to count the times I wanted to kill my brothers."

Debbie nodded in agreement. "Molly, just ask Vic how many fights he and I got into as kids. You and Justin are normal – trust me, sweetie." She gently swiped her fingertips below Molly's tear-filled eyes, then looked at Robert, an eyebrow raised in question. At his imperceptible nod, she looked back down at the girl. "Justin will be fine, you'll see."

"Promise?"

"I promise, sweetie." Debbie tightened her hold on Molly, praying with all her might that she would be able to keep her word.


Lindsay flicked off the bathroom light, shedding her robe on the way to bed. As she walked around the footboard, she suddenly gasped and clutched at her stomach.

Looking up over her glasses, Mel tossed her case file to one side when she saw the look of pain on her partner's face. "What's wrong, Linds?"

"It's… I think it's the baby."

Jumping out of bed in a flurry of tanned limbs, Mel hurried over to Lindsay and wrapped a supporting arm around her waist. She helped her to sit down on the edge of the bed, then knelt in front of her, sliding her hands up and down Lindsay's thighs. "Talk to me, babe."

Lindsay took a deep breath before she confessed, "I've been having small pains all night, but now… they're getting stronger."

"How far apart are they?" Mel asked calmly, as she got to her feet and went to the closet. She selected a dress for Lindsay, then swiftly walked back to the bed.

"Seven, maybe eight minutes apart now." Lindsay obediently lifted her arms when Mel began tugging on her nightgown, sliding it up and over her head. Within seconds, the dress was on, and Mel pulled her to her feet, allowing the folds to fall down around her legs.

"Sounds like it's time to head to the hospital." Mel grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt, throwing them on quickly. She then went back over to Lindsay and helped her from the house and into the car. Rushing back inside, she retrieved the pre-packed suitcase they'd left near the front door and locked up the house.

Lindsay smiled weakly over at Mel as they pulled out of the driveway. "Call Brian – he wants to be there when the baby's born."

Mel didn't answer, she just reached into her pocket and took out her cell phone.


Jeremy kneeled beside the gurney, his eyes locked on the pale face of his nephew lying there. Lightly stroking the soft blond hair away from Justin's forehead, he begged quietly to the boy, "Come on, Justin. Hold on! Just a little further, then the doctors can take care of you."

One of the paramedics shoved Jeremy to one side, cursing, then yelled up to the driver, "Charlie, hurry up! We're losing him."

The ambulance raced on toward the hospital, its lights reflecting white/red, the sirens echoing their wails into the night.


Michael and Ben exited the theater quietly, each man thinking about the movie they'd just seen. "Wow, that was intense," Michael joked, coming to a halt beside Ben's car.

"Maybe a little too intense for a first date," Ben stated, running a hand lightly down Michael's arm. "So, what do you say to grabbing a cup of coffee?"

Shivering at the soft touch, Michael grinned up shyly at Ben and nodded. "I'd love to – why don't we stop in at the diner?" Before Ben had a chance to answer, Michael's phone trilled. Flipping it on, he said, "Hello … Ma? Where are you? … What? When? … Sure, Ma, I'll come right now. I'll get Ben to drop me off at the apartment, and drive over in my car. … Ma, you gotta stop crying; I can't understand you. … Sure, I'll call Emmett and Brian. … I'll will, Ma. Bye."

"What's wrong?" asked Ben when Michael suddenly slumped against the car, staring off into the dark.

Michael blinked up at him several times, then finally whispered, "There was an attack… someone bashed Justin in the head." Shaking his head in disbelief, he softly wondered, "Who would have done this to him – fuck, he's just a kid."

Ben, realizing that Michael was in shock, maneuvered him into the front seat and shut the door behind him. "Come on, I'll drive you to the hospital."

As the car left the theater, Michael quickly dialed Emmett's number. "Hey, Emmett, it's Michael. You need to come down to Allegheny General right now. Justin was assaulted tonight. … No, I don't know how he is, but… … It doesn't sound good, Emmett, so hurry."

Ben pulled into the parking lot at the hospital and left the car idling. Twisting in his seat, he looked over at Michael and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Would you like me to come with you?"

Glancing from the hospital entrance back to Ben, Michael shook his head slightly. "I can't ask that of you. Fuck, this turned out to be a crappy first date, didn't it?" He quickly got out of the car then stuck his head back in through the open door. "Thanks, Ben, for driving me here. I don't know if I would have made it by myself."

"Call me and let me know how your friend is, okay? And don't forget that you owe me a cup of coffee."

Michael grinned at the implication that Ben wanted to see him again. He watched as Ben drove away, then sobering, turned to enter the hospital. He paused next to the front doors, and took out his phone again, punching the quick dial button for Brian. Holding it to his ear, he listened as it began to ring on the other end. "Come on, Brian, answer."


Brian was on his fifth, or possibly sixth or seventh trip to the backroom. He'd lost count hours ago. Pushing the redhead to his knees onto the floor in front of him, Brian propped himself against the wall, closing his eyes as the trick began to fumble with his jean fastenings.

The man finally finished with the last button and licked his lips at the sight of Brian's hard dick. Cupping Brian's balls with the fingers of one hand, the trick steadied the erection with his other hand and slowly took it completely into his mouth.

Opening his eyes and watching dispassionately as the red head bobbed up and down at his groin, Brian sighed inwardly at the mediocre job the man was doing. He locked his fingers in the man's hair, holding the head still, and began to thrust his hips rapidly. Brian's body stiffened as his orgasm neared and he drove his hips forward one last time, coming in spurts into the trick's mouth.

The redhead swallowed most of the come, then leisurely released the softening penis with a wet pop. He meticulously cleaned any remaining semen with his tongue and leaned back, peeking upward at Brian with a happy grin. "Wanna head over to my place so I can fuck you?"

"In your dreams," Brian snorted with amusement at the idea and pushed the guy away. Carefully tucking himself back in, he buttoned up his jeans and headed back out to the main part of Babylon. As he neared the bar, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

"Kinney. … Speak up, I can barely hear you! … Christ, give me a break, would you? … What the fuck happened? … Shit! When? … Sure, I'll be right there."

Brian stared down at the phone in his hand with a horrified expression. After a few seconds, he pivoted on his heel and ran toward the front doors, shoving anyone who got in his path out of the way. Soon, the Jeep roared to life and raced toward the hospital.


Emmett rushed into the ER waiting room and halted, looking around with wide, scared eyes. Seeing the gang huddled together in one corner, he carefully wove his way through the waiting patients and tentatively asked, "How is he?"

Michael was seated next to Jeremy, who was resting heavily against Robert, staring at the floor. Standing up, Michael hugged Emmett as he answered, "We don't know yet. He's still in surgery, we think. The doctor hasn't come out to talk to us."

Giving Michael a swift return hug, Emmett slid into the recently vacated chair. "He'll be alright, Jeremy, you'll see. He's a fighter," he said bracingly, gathering one of Jeremy's hands in his own.

Jeremy glanced up, a numb look in his eyes. "God, I hope so, Em."

Emmett smiled faintly, squeezing Jeremy's hand then looked over at the others. Ted had his arm around Debbie's shoulders and they were talking quietly to each other and to Vic, who was holding one of Debbie's hands. Molly was stretched out over several chairs, sound asleep, with someone's jacket thrown over her for warmth.

"Em, since you're here now, I'm going to run down to the cafeteria and grab everyone some coffee. I have a feeling it's going to be a long night." When Emmett nodded in agreement, Michael left the waiting room, wandering through the halls in search of the cafeteria. Rounding a corner, he stumbled back several steps when he ran into something solid. Looking up into Brian's face, he said with relief, "Thank God, Brian, you're here. Who finally got hold of you? I tried, but…"

"Mel. Where is everyone?" Brian asked, glancing around curiously.

"In the waiting room." Michael's voice faltered as he forced out, "God, Brian, they aren't sure if he's going to live."

"What? What's wrong with the baby?" Brian grabbed Michael's shoulders, shaking him slightly with each word uttered. "Is Lindsay alright?"

"Lindsay? What are you talking about, Brian?" asked Michael, confused.

Brian let go of Michael and ran his hands through his hair, causing it to stand on end. "Mel called – Lindsay went into labor an hour or so ago." His gaze sharpened as Michael's words finally penetrated. "Who are you talking about? Who might not survive?"

Swallowing hard, Michael quietly answered, "There was an attack at the GLC tonight. A group of people were leaving the show, and they found… they found Justin lying out in the rain in the parking lot. Someone had hit him over the head."

Brian felt his world tilt at Michael's announcement. Shaking his head in denial, he whispered, "No, that's not possible. He was fine when I left."

Michael shrugged helplessly. "It must have happened right afterward. The police found an aluminum baseball bat near him, but they don't know who did it. Nobody actually saw the attack."

"I… I have to go see Lindsay." Brian turned and jogged down the hall toward the maternity ward, leaving Michael standing in the middle of the hallway.

Michael shook his head sadly as he watched his friend rush away, then turned around and headed off to the cafeteria.


Debbie closed the side entrance door quietly behind her, eyeing the figure that stood to one side of the small smoking area. Brian lifted his cigarette to his lips, the end glowing brightly in the dark as he took a deep drag off it.

"How's Lindsay?" Debbie asked.

Brian didn't turn as he answered, "Hating the world right now, I guess. The doctor said it would be a while before the baby's born."

"She'll do fine." Reaching over, Debbie plucked the cigarette from Brian's unresisting fingers and puffed on it. "Remember the night you and I went to Social Services to pick up Justin and Molly?"

Brian's face softened at the memory. "Yeah."

Two children sat on the hard plastic seats of the lobby, a small duffle bag resting on the floor at their feet. An older woman was seated nearby, flipping through an old magazine as they waited. Debbie and Brian walked into the poorly lit room, their steps slowing at the sad expression on the boy's face.

"Poor kid," Debbie muttered to Brian as she walked over to the caseworker to introduce herself.

Brian crouched down in front of the kids, smiling at them. "Hey," he said softly, not wanting to scare them. "My name is Brian. What's yours?"

The small boy looked him over for a minute before answering, "I'm Justin. This is my baby sister, Molly." He clutched a tattered-looking teddy bear to his chest as he asked, "Are you the person we're going to live with?"

Shaking his head, Brian quietly stated, "No, I'm just here to help." He pointed at Debbie and continued, "See that lady over there? Her name is Debbie Novotny. She's going to take good care of you and your sister."

Justin thought about Brian's words, staring down at his bear. Suddenly, he thrust it toward Brian. "His name is Gus. Wanna hold him?"

Brian gently took the ragged stuffed animal from the boy's hand and looked down at it. One ear was torn off and it was missing an eye. The fur was dirty and worn in places – it was obviously very much loved. Handing it back to Justin, he smiled. "Gus is a good name."

"My mommy and daddy gave him to me." His eyes filled with tears as he peeked up at Brian through his blond bangs. "They died." When Brian nodded silently, Justin continued almost inaudibly, "I miss them."

"I know you do. They miss you too." Justin's face brightened slightly at that thought, and Brian reached out to ruffle his bright blond hair. "You'll be alright, kiddo. I promise you."

Debbie chuckled quietly. "He was a brave little fucker that night, wasn't he?"

Finally looking over at Debbie, Brian softly answered, "He still is, Debbie. He still is."


Lindsay unwrapped the blanket, exposing the tiny baby to the light. She slowly counted his small fingers and toes, then glanced over at her partner. "He's perfect, Mel."

"Of course, he is. He's my son, after all." Brian carefully took his son in his arms, looking down at the red face in amazement. The baby yawned widely, scrunching his face and stretching his tiny arms up over his head. Looking up, Brian grinned. "We done good, Ma."

Giggling, Lindsay settled back into the pillows, exhausted from her labor. "Yeah, I think we did, Pa." She reached over and grabbed Mel's hand. "I'm so glad he's here. I'm not sure I could have taken being pregnant for much longer."

Mel laughed as she gently brushed Lindsay's hair out of her face. "You think you had it bad. Try living with you for nine months."

Lindsay stuck her tongue out at her lover. "You're not being very nice to me, Mel. I deserve a lot of pampering."

"I'll pamper you when we get you two home, Linds."

Brian rolled his eyes at the loving scene in front of him and asked, "So, what do you plan on naming him?"

Mel looked at her son, cradled in Brian's strong arms. "I want to call him Abraham, after my grandfather."

"But I like the name Gus. What do you think, Brian?" asked Lindsay drowsily.

Staring down at his son, Brian grinned as the baby opened his dark blue eyes and stared back up at him. The father and son carefully contemplated each other. Smiling faintly as he recalled the memory of a tattered and worn teddy bear, Brian softly introduced himself. "Hello, Gus. I'm your daddy. Welcome to the world, sonny boy."