Chapter three

Too tired to dream

A faint boom rocked the central chamber of castle Dedede, causing a few minor vibrations. However, the two occupants of the room didn't notice this, as their attention was fixed on the giant screen in the center of the room, and the controllers in their hands.

"C'mon, Sombra! Why don't you Dededo your damn job!" the taller figure shouted.

"Poyopoyo!" the shorter one agreed.

At the far end of the chamber, the double doors opened. The two barely registered this fact, and it took a few more seconds to realize someone was approaching.

"Izzat the pizza man?" Dedede called, not turning his head. "Money's on the table."

"No, it isn't," Peach said, passing by the table. Wario discreetly pocketed the money behind her back.

Dedede turned around. "Peach? Mario? And the rest of ya? What are y'all doing here?" he asked. Kirby disengaged from the game long enough to give everyone a friendly wave before returning to it.

"Visiting," Peach said. "What are…you two doing here?"

"Tryin' to reach platinum," Dedede said, turning back to the screen. "Well, I'm going for platinum. He's going for diamond."

Zelda, at a loss, tried to figure out how to broach the next topic. "You…are aware that Meta Knight is currently bombarding your castle, aren't you?"

Another distant boom served as a punctuation mark to her question.

"Is he still doin' that?" Dedede said, sounding mildly annoyed. "I thought I told those good-for-nothing Dees to raise a white flag two hours ago!"

"They did," Zelda said. "He hasn't stopped attacking yet."

"Oh," Dedede said. "Being a real jerk about it, ain't he?"

"You're not worried about this at all?" Peach asked incredulously.

Dedede scoffed. "Please. This castle's been through way worse. It ain't gonna fall today," he boasted. "Or at least, it ain't gonna fall before this round's over."

Just then, the double doors burst open, and Meta Knight stormed in. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, furious.

Dedede glanced at him. "Oh, hey, Meta Knight. Hey, isn't it a war crime to keep attacking someone who's already surrendered?"

"Surrender is not the outcome I was looking for, you idiot king!" Meta Knight shouted. "My attack was supposed to spur you into action, to leave your castle and take hold of the reins of power you have so foolishly neglected!"

"Come on, Drama Knight, the kingdom's doin' just fine," Dedede protested. "'Cept for the maniac in a mask going around, blowin' up castles!"

"It is not fine, you feckless, flightless fool!" Meta Knight said. "What once was merely a lazy kingdom has now grown despondent, paralyzed, useless! Our exports have dropped to zero, and we are wide open to attack! Exactly the kind of situation the king of this land should be working to improve, not twiddling away his thumbs inside his bedroom, growing fat on junk food and sodas!"

At last, Dedede seemed to have taken offense. He set down the controller and turned to look at Meta Knight. "Oh yeah?" he said, puffing up his chest. "I bet you'd be so much better at it, wouldn't you? You want me to agitate the throne and let you see how hard it is running a kingdom with a masked lunatic running around blowing stuff up?"

"It's abdicate, not agitate!" MK corrected. "And I would not accept it! I defend this land – you rule it! You can't just shy away from work the moment it gets hard!"

"Face it, pipsqueak, you don't want to be in charge, either!" Dedede said, jabbing a finger at the masked man. "All you wanna do is fly around and-"

"Enough."

She didn't even have to raise her voice. As soon as Zelda spoke, the two arguing men stopped immediately and looked at her. Dedede hung his head, embarrassed.

"Forgive me, princess," Meta Knight said, wrapping his cloak around himself to indicate his regained composure. "I have grown…restless, of late. I have spent too long in my base, doing nothing but practicing my swordsmanship – and falling behind, even at that – only to emerge and find the entire kingdom had been even less productive in that time." He glanced over at Kirby, who had set down his controller. "When I discovered that these two had holed themselves up in this castle, wasting day after day on frivolous games – I decided to take drastic action, while I still had the resolve to take any at all. As if it was a foe I could vanquish."

"So you decided to fly over and try to blow us up?" Dedede asked, frowning.

MK lowered his head. "Dummy rounds," he confessed. "Made to sound powerful, but destroy little. All bluster, no results." He sighed. "If I wanted to, I could've razed the entire castle by now…but what would that have accomplished?"

At his angriest, Meta Knight had seemed taller, somehow. Now, he looked deflated, as small as ever.

Zelda nodded understandingly. "You've been feeling it too, haven't you?" she said. "The depression that's been plaguing all of us." She turned to Kirby and Dedede. "Have you two, as well?"

Kirby nodded sadly. Dedede shook his head at first, but seeing Kirby's admission, eventually nodded as well.

"You're not alone. I've been having the very same feeling, as has everyone else here, as has all of our kingdoms." She clenched her fist. "And I don't think it's of natural causes."

"Huh?" Dedede said. Everyone else seemed equally confused. "Whaddaya talking about?"

She turned to the side, addressing the whole assembled group. "Think about it, everyone. Five kingdoms, all suffering from the same ennui at the exact same time? If this were a physical illness, we might call it an epidemic, but depression doesn't work like that."

"The whole world sucks," Ganondorf said. "Everyone, everywhere. There's your explanation."

Zelda was unfazed by his interruption. "That doesn't explain it, either." She looked at Meta Knight. "When did you first notice this feeling?"

Meta Knight put his hand to a spot on his mask that must have represented his chin. "Well, it has intensified of late, but I would put its origin at maybe…five, six months ago."

Zelda queried the other people assembled, who all came up with similar answers.

"So, we all started feeling this way at the same time, which implies we all had the same cause. And what did we all do together, a short while before six months ago?"

Peach was the first to realize where she was going with this. "We fought Galeem and Dharkon," she said.

"Correct," Zelda said. "Galeem, who drowned the world in light, and Dharkon, who draped it in darkness."

"So? What's your point?" Bowser asked. "Did we all just get sad after beating them?"

"No, it's a bit more complex than that," Zelda said. "We've fought a number of strong foes – Tabuu, Master Core, and then those two. Each time, a new one has arisen to claim the power vacuum created by the defeat of the last. We've since been waiting to see when a new powerful being might take the reins. But what if one already has? One who seeks not to wreathe the world in light, or dark, or Subspace, but indifference?"

She leaned forward, delivering her central point with a decisive tone. "What if we are already at the mercy of another interdimensional monster?"

Peach gasped. Dedede scoffed.

"Big deal," he said, grabbing Kirby by the head and pointing at him. "This guy eats interdimensional monsters for breakfast. Literally, sometimes! Soon as this new guy shows its face, he'll take care of it!"

"But they aren't showing their face," Zelda said. "Unless we seek them out, they may choose to stay hidden until everyone is paralyzed with indifference."

"You're speaking with a lot of confidence for someone who just pulled all of this out of her ass," Bowser grumbled. Peach slapped him on the arm.

"I admit, I could be wrong about all of this," Zelda conceded. "But even if I am wrong, there is something that's gone wrong with this world, and sitting at home in our castles won't fix it."

Meta Knight nodded. "Yes, I agree, it is better to consider all possibilities and plan for the worst. What do you propose, princess?"

"Just what Peach had already been planning," Zelda said. "Assemble the Smash Bros. again. With all of our resources combined, we will easily be able to discover the nature of this threat. And if it turns out there is no threat, we will simply have another tournament."

Dedede sprang into action. "I'll get my badges ready," he said. "See if I can modify them for…depression, I guess." He raced of into his inner chambers.

"Poyo poyo!" Kirby shouted, assuming a fighting pose. He ran to Mario's side and shook hands with him.

"The Halberd is idling outside," Mega Knight said. "I will tell my knights to prepare the rooms for occupants."

"Oh no, you won't," Bowser said, stepping forward. "We're taking my airship this time. It's already set up for long distance travel, and everyone has a room picked out, so we don't need-"

"Finally!" Wario shouted, elbowing past Bowser. He waddled towards the door. "I couldn't spend another minute on that airship. It's filthy!"

Everyone watched him go silently. Then Peach spoke quietly. "I…don't think your airship has enough rooms for everyone we'd be picking up, anyway." She looked apologetically at Bowser. He didn't answer.

Meta Knight coughed. "We could take both ships. A fleet would work just as well as one-"

"No," Bowser said. "We'll take yours. It's so much better than mine, after all." He turned to the group. "You have ten minutes to get all of your crap off of my ship before it leaves."

Peach opened her mouth to make a conciliatory statement, but he cut her off with a snort. Everyone left to honor his demand, except for Meta Knight, who offered his hand. "I can offer you the services of my hangar," he said. "It could house your ship until we-"

"Nope, it's going straight home," Bowser said, not looking at him. "Feel free to give my crew the address, though. I might have them carpet bomb it on the way out. It won't do much, I'm sure. Not as much as yours would." He stomped away in a jealous funk.

Dedede came back just in time to see him go, carrying an armful of his badges. "What's his problem?" he asked.

"A great many things, I suspect," Meta Knight said.