Chapter nine

By the book

"Of course, Princess Peach, I would be honoured to allow you use of the kitchen," Meta Knight said to her, easily keeping pace with her longer strides as they walked down the hall.

"Thank you," Peach said. "Cooking just helps me unwind. Besides, with how many fighters we've gathered so far, it would be nice to do something for them, you know?"

"How kind of you, your majesty," Meta Knight said as they reached the kitchen. Peach stepped inside. "My staff would normally start cooking dinner in roughly two hours, but you are free to take as long as you need to. Will you require a recipe book?"

"No thanks, I've brought my own," Peach said, pulling out a pink cookbook covered with glitter.

"In that case, I will see you at dinner," Meta Knight said, and he departed.

Peach walked to the nearest counter in the white, immaculately cleaned kitchen. She leaned against it and opened the cookbook, looking through all the various recipes she had assembled over the years, as well as the brief notes she had added to each page.

Pink strawberry cake

Perfect for parties of five or six

Or, if Kirby is in attendance, maybe two.

She passed this recipe up immediately. She didn't even know why it was still in her book, since at this point she could make it with her eyes closed. But she wanted to shake things up this time.

Pineapple upside down cake

Good cake to make if Wario is coming over – he hates pineapple! ;)

She sighed. Something about reading her own little cutesy-poo jokes from the past just depressed her. And the little winking face made her want to slap herself in the face.

Three tier wedding cake

For that special occasion, maybe someday?

Another sigh. "Still definitely in the 'maybe someday' category," she muttered, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

Double chocolate cake

Note: If cooking for Bowser, substitute chocolate fudge with chocolate laxatives! lol

The 'lol' made her put her fingers to the bridge of her nose. The joke would've been funny if she hadn't written that there. How did anyone ever manage to tolerate her when she acted so bubbly and airheaded all the time? She shook her head to dislodge her negative thoughts.

Red currant cake

A favorite of Bayonetta's!

Well, that one was actually pretty tasty, if she remembered right, but…come on, wasn't there anything else in here?

She began to flip through the pages rapidly, looking for a quiche, a souffle – anything else.

Ice cream cake

Cookies and cream cake

Sarasaland special cake

With every page she turned, she grew madder and madder. The stupid glitter was sticking to her gloves, and the notes were only getting more insufferable by the second. Her hands began to tremble, looking for an outlet to vent this anger and self-loathing but not wanting to trash the kitchen.

Finally, she slammed the book shut. "All I ever make are CAKES!" she shrieked, throwing the book against the wall. It made a cracking noise as it hit the wall, the spine snapping and scattering the pages as it fell. A hundred cakes flitted out of the book, landing face-up and mocking her lack of creativity. She seethed with anger, staring at them.

"Um, is this a bad time?" a quiet voice from behind asked.

Peach jumped. She turned around and saw a young woman, one of the Pokemon trainers that had just joined them.

"Oh, hello there!" she said, putting on a smile. "Sorry, I must've been making quite a ruckus, huh? Um…Dawn, wasn't it?"

Dawn nodded, her body language reserved and apprehensive.

"So, what brings you here, Dawn?" Peach asked, making sure to keep her voice as peachy as possible.

Dawn looked around. "Um, this is the kitchen, right?" she asked. "I thought that, since it's my first day here, it might be nice if I made poffins for everyone. I didn't expect to see anyone else here."

Peach clapped her hands together. "That's a wonderful idea, Dawn!" she exclaimed. "Um…what are poffins?"

"Well, uh, they're kind of like muffins, but, um, you make the batter with berries, and then you heat it on the stovetop, not the oven, and then you stir it, and…" She trailed off, then cleared her throat. "Um, they're pretty good," she finished.

"Oh, they sound delicious!" Peach said. "Could you show me how you make them?"

Dawn blinked, then started to shake. "Umm…I guess I could…" she stammered.

"Is everything okay?" Peach asked worriedly. "It's okay if you don't want to."

"No, no, it's totally fine," Dawn said. "In fact, it's actually better with multiple people. At least…they say it is…it makes it come out better with other people stirring too. I'm just used to doing it alone, so that's why…" Her voice grew quieter and quieter as she went on, and she kept glancing at Peach nervously.

Peach exhaled. Though she feared her first impression had already gone for the worse, she'd managed to at least realize her errors. Being 'peachy' might go down well with another princess or foreign dignitary, but as she was now, 6'1" plus heels, she clearly came off way too imposing. She stepped out of her heels, slouched, and allowed her plastic smile to fall from her face.

"I get it," she said, a much more congenial smile forming on her face. "There's kind of a zen feeling you get while running around a kitchen all alone, I know. But personally, I've had enough zen for a lifetime. Nobody else on this ship knows anything about baking, and making the same cake by yourself for years on end gets maddening. I'd like to learn how to make poffins, but I won't force you to show me if you don't want to."

Dawn was surprised by her sudden change in emotion, but she smiled when she realized that this was the genuine Peach that she was now speaking to. She stuck out her hand. "I would be happy to teach you, your highness," she said. "In fact, I'd be honored to be able to say that I taught Princess Peach something."

Peach pulled off her glitter-covered glove and shook Dawn's hand.

xxxxxxx

Two berries splashed into the poffin batter, a Sitrus and a Pecha. Orange flames roared to life, lapping at the pan, and two wooden spoons were thrust into the batter.

"Stir slowly, at first," Dawn instructed. "Switch from clockwise to counterclockwise every now and then, and stir faster as it thickens."

Peach obeyed, stirring the viscous liquid at a steady clip. Dawn stirred opposite to her, and they endeavored to keep their spoons 180 degrees apart.

"So why cakes?" Dawn asked after a while. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Why not cakes?" Peach countered.

Dawn shrugged. "Seems a little pedestrian for a princess."

Peach smiled. "You would be surprised by what royalty considers pedestrian," she said. "Being a monarch is incredibly dull. If not for meaningless, bureaucratic ceremony, I often wouldn't have anything to do at all. And once I started getting kidnapped by Bowser…well, it was scary at first, but once that fear subsided, it turned out to be even more boring." Dawn interrupted politely to tell her to switch direction, after which she resumed. "Baking fills a lot of hours, I can have as many or as few helpers as I want, and foreign diplomats are always more congenial with a belly full of cake. And most importantly, it's the one hobby Bowser lets me do even while I'm captured."

"But why would you make anything for him?" Dawn asked. "He's horrible, isn't he?"

"Well, yes and no," Peach said. "He's a villain, for sure, but he's not rotten to the core, he's just kind of…pathetic. He wants to be worse than he is, I guess. All smoke and no fire."

"So you don't hate him?" Dawn asked.

"I guess I don't," Peach said. "Can you hate someone you pity?"

Dawn didn't have an answer, so she kept silent.

"Besides, it's really my fault, anyway," Peach said, beginning to stir faster.

"Don't say that," Dawn said.

"It is," Peach said, wooden spoon moving faster and faster. "I enable him. I never make it any harder for him to kidnap me, and I always rely on Mario to save me. That's why we're stuck in an endless feedback loop, and we're just going to do the same thing over and over until at least one of us is-"

Sploitch

A dollop of batter splashed up and hit Peach right in the face.

Dawn's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my god, Peach, are you okay?"

Peach wiped off the batter with two fingers. "Yes, I'm fine," she said. "It's not too hot, yet." She looked around for a napkin to wipe her hand on, then realized Toadsworth wasn't there and just licked it off instead.

Dawn giggled. She covered her mouth, hoping she hadn't offended the princess, but Peach was giggling too. Pretty soon, the two of them were belly laughing.

Then Dawn gasped again. "The poffin!" she shouted, thrusting her spoon back into the batter. She and Peach stirred again, but a dark patch was now visible in the mixture, and the smell of burnt poffin filled the air.

"This one won't come out very well," Dawn said sadly.

"It'll be the villain's poffin, then," Peach replied.

Dawn chuckled. "Good thinking, your highness," she said.

Peach put a hand on her shoulder. "Dawn, please. Peach. Just Peach."

Dawn smiled. "Okay, Peach. Thanks."

As if to illustrate her point, Peach plucked the crown off her head and tossed it onto a coat rack. There it sat for the rest of their baking session, incapable of distracting either of them any longer.