When Now Hurts

Disclaimer: Characters and setting are the property of Hiromu Arakawa. I'm just borrowing them for a bit of non-profit angst.


Gracia sat on the porch and watched the children work on their project with an air of nervousness. Their faces were screwed up in intense looks of concentration that would have sent Maes running for his camera; there was nothing cuter than a small child who'd decided to be serious.

Elysia was completely focused on the line she was drawing. She even held her breath as she drew the chalk line then moved the ruler to a new spot. Edward absently adjusted the position of the ruler slightly then went back to his compass. As he did so he shot Gracia a dark look; he hadn't beenat allhappy when she made them give up the half completed circle they'd been drawing on the dinning room table and move their game outside.

'He was going to be even less happy in a few minutes whenI tell them Elysia won't be allowed to help power the array,' Gracia thought. But that was how it had to be. In some ways Edward was still the Fullmetal Alchemist, the youngest State Alchemist ever and one of the few people to attempt human transmutation and live to talk about it. In other ways he was just Edward Elric, six years old and only just beginning to dabble in Alchemy. Until they knew what the mix of his ingrained reflexes and current mindset would produce Gracia intended to be cautious.

In truth she would have liked to delay Ed's experimenting until Roy or Major Armstrong were present to oversee his efforts but she also knew better than to simply tell Edward that he had to wait. Gracia had learned very quickly that at six Edward's definition of 'wait' was wait until all adults who might be inclined to stop him were out of sight… In that respect Edward hadn't changed at all between six and sixteen. This was going to happen and it was better that it happen under Gracia's inexpert supervision than without any supervisor at all.

"Done!" Elysia shouted happily.

Edward glanced over the array critically then nodded. "Me too," he said then placed a bowl of grass in the center of the circle.

"Elysia, come over here," Gracia commanded. "Let Ed do this part by himself."

As predicted Edward's expression promptly turned sulky. "I always do this part with Al," he complained. Then abruptly switched tracks."When isFather going to let me go home? I want Al and Mom and Winry!"

Gracia bit her lip. "We've talked about this before Edward. Do you remember when Winry came to see you?"

"No!" Edward declared forcefully and changed the topic."Fine! I'll do it by myself!" With that he planted both hands firmly on the array and with a fierce scowl he willed it to life. An explosion of Alchemic fire filled the porch and it was transformed into a mountain of flowers.

Elysia squealed with delight.

Ed sat there, almost buried under the flowers. "I didn't mean to make so many," he said in a stunned voice.

"Next time just don't try so hard," Gracia advised. She wondered if there was any way to get her porch back.

The garden gate disappeared in a burst of flames and Roy ran in only to skid to a stop at the scene before him.

"Uncle Roy!" Elysia shouted and leapt into his arms. "Look at all the flowers Ed made me!"

"Got a bit carried away Fullmetal?" Roy asked sardonically.

Ed's shoulders hunched and he sunk underneath the flowers. "Am I in trouble?" he asked miserably.

"No dear," Gracia assured him as she shot a warning glare at the Colonel.

This time it was Roy who's gaze dropped in embarrassment as he realized he'd reverted to treating Edward like normal before finding out his actual condition.

Gracia noted that Roy's clothes were still dusty from the road and beneath the adrenalin he was exhausted. Her expression softened. "Sorry for the excitement Roy. Ed just put a bit much into a transmutation."

"I'll say," Roy commented.

Ed shrunk down even further. "It shouldn't have done that," he said in a small voice. "Al and I can't do that together, how could I do that by myself?"

Roy cocked an eyebrow at Gracia.

"Ask Maes later," she said softly.

Ed studied Roy intently. His expression was puzzled as if he couldn't quite place Roy. Then Ed's expression cleared, he offered Roy a bright if insincere smile. "Did you come to take me home, Daddy? I've been good! I like Mr. and Mrs. Hughes and Elysia, but I miss Al and Mommy. I want to go home."

Roy stared at Ed in open-mouthed shock.


"I wish I could have seen your face," Hughes said. Roy glared at him evilly. "After we got back from the funeral Edward decided he was six and that no one he cared about had died yet. He believes he's being punished for some unspecified reason; that's why he can't go home, but Alphonse and his mother are safe and happy in Resembool with the Rockbells. We decided to go along with it."

Roy frowned. "That's your interpretation of a good idea?"

Maes sighed. "Roy, Ed's mother died when he was eight. He spent the next three years learning to raise the dead. He only gave up that obsession when restoring Al's body became thedriving goalof his life. Everything Ed's done since then has related back to finding the Philosopher's Stone and restoring Alphonse. Then Al died and there was nothing left that Ed could do."

"Roy do you have any idea how painful automail surgery is? Can you imagine sacrificing your own arm? Developing a highly advanced Alchemic equation moments after losing a leg, while your blood was still pouring out of you?" Maes asked quietly. "I don't think it's even possible for us to understand how determined Edward was to protect Al. And then he failed. As long as he's not trying to kill himself we've got to count ourselves lucky."

Roy slumped back tiredly against the couch. "Yeah, lucky."

Hughes gave his friend an appraising look. "I heard there was a fire, destroyed all of the research that was being done in Sorelane and several of the key researchers committed suicide."

"You know how some people react to a little thing like watching their life's work go up in smoke," Roy said blandly.

"So we were right about it being ugly?" Hughes asked.

"Like every other attempt at making a Philosopher's Stone," Roy said bitterly. "They were killing street kids."

"And no one will trace it back to you?" Hughes asked.

"Of course not." After a moment Roy groaned. "I don't have the energy to do my job and Fullmetal's."

"Not to mention that there's only so much involvement that we can cover up. We're going to have to go back to being very careful about picking and choosing our battles."

Mustang stood up to leave.

Then Hughes said, "I found them Roy. I've got names and enough of a case to hang all of them."

"And you waited to tell me this? Why?"

'Because I didn't want you going after them on your own,' Hughes thought but he said,"My people want in on it. They were friends with Edward and Alphonse too."