Chapter sixteen
Drinking pals
"No, Mr. Nook, I have no idea why Shari would do something like that."
Bayonetta heard the high-pitched chatter as she approached the lounge and smiled. She wouldn't be drinking alone, it seemed.
It was mostly empty, with the chairs and couches gathering dust. At the bar to the left, though, a small yellow figure sat, talking on her cell phone.
"Um…I think peanut butter works, right? Soapy water, too," Isabelle said. She kept her voice enthusiastic, but as Bayonetta approached, she took note of her exhausted body language.
"I'll…Look, I'll call you back later, okay?" she said. "No, I haven't forgotten that. I'll email them to you tonight." She put a paw to her temple. "Yes, thank you. Goodbye." She hung up the phone and heaved a huge, exhausted sigh.
Bayonetta clinked her bottle of whiskey down on the bar, which made Isabelle jump slightly. "Afternoon, Izzy," she said.
Isabelle pulled out her own sizeable whiskey bottle, clinking it down next to Bayonetta's. "Hey, Bayo," she said glumly.
The taller woman leaned over the bar. "Have you seen the shot glasses?" she asked.
"Right here," Isabelle replied, holding up a pair of tumblers.
"Jolly good," Bayo replied. She took one glass, filled it up, and clinked it against Isabelle's, and the two sank their first drink together.
"Oh, that's the stuff," Isabelle murmured, her body relaxing as she sighed.
Bayonetta wasted no time pouring herself a second drink. "So that little man has you doing paperwork on your vacation?" she said.
"It's my fault," she said. "I just…I can't say no to him. Every time he asks me to do something new, I do it. I don't know why." Her voice took on a manic tinge, so she took another sip.
Bayonetta patted her on the head. "You've got to put him in his place, Izzy. You're already doing the work of three people all at once. Managing a town, a campsite, and a village…I think I'd explode if I tried."
"I know," Isabelle said, reaching the bottom of her first drink even as Bayonetta poured her third. "I just can't stop trying to please him. I keep setting his expectations higher for me, and I know one day it's all going to come down around me, but whenever I have the chance to turn him down…I can't. It's like a voice in my head, forcing me to keep it up. If I say no, maybe he'll find someone else. Someone who can do it better than me."
Clink
Someone set down a third bottle next to theirs. A ketchup bottle.
"Yeah, that really sounds ruff, buddy," Sans said.
The expressions of the two women fell instantly. "Hello, Sans," Isabelle said dully.
"Afternoon, ladies," the skeleton said, popping off the top of his ketchup bottle and drinking from it. "Work troubles?"
Isabelle, staring in horror at him drinking, said nothing. Bayonetta intervened on her behalf. "This is a private conversation, bone bag," she said.
"Well, you're doing it in a public place, ain't ya?" Sans said, wiping a bit of ketchup off his face with his sleeve. "Besides, I can sympathize. My boss is a real jerk. Treats me rough, doesn't respect me at all, rude to other people – just the worst guy to be around. And I'm self-employed!"
Isabelle managed a chuckle, at least. Bayonetta just drained her glass and glared at him.
"C'mon, gals," Sans said. "Loosen up a bit."
Isabelle raised her glass. "That's what this is for, isn't it?" she said flatly.
"Amen to that, Izzy," Bayonetta said. She refilled her glass just to clink it with Isabelle's.
"Uh, that's…a way," Sans admitted. "Ain't the only way, and it sure ain't the best way."
"If you've got a better idea, I'd love to hear it," Isabelle said.
In a flash, Sans pulled out his phone. "Thought you'd never ask," he said.
He rapidly dialed a number and held the phone to his head. "Hello, is this Tom Nook?"
Isabelle's head shot up. "What are you-" she said, before clapping a paw over her mouth. Bayonetta tried to grab the phone out of his hand, but he somehow shifted about five feet to the side, right over to the adjacent barstool.
"Yes, I'd like to inquire about moving to your island," he said, winking to the other two. "I've got a friend who lives there. Mr. Bualz is his name, though you might know him by his first name, Schwetty."
"Are you crazy?" hissed Isabelle. She dove at him, but he dodged again.
"Yeah, I'm sure you'd know him," he continued. "That guy hangs around everywhere."
Bayonetta stifled a giggle.
A bit of chatter came through Sans's phone. "Yeah, I'll hold," he said.
Suddenly, Isabelle's phone began to ring. She froze, mortified.
Bayonetta glared at Sans. "I hope you're happy," she said.
Sans shrugged. "I will be in a second," he said. "Put it on speaker, would you?"
Trembling with worry, Isabelle answered her phone. "H-hello, Mr. Nook," she said.
Tom Nook's voice came through the phone loud and clear.
"Hello, Isabelle. Sorry to bother you again. You wouldn't happen to know any Schwetty Bualz, would you?"
Bayonetta snorted, having to stifle her laughter with her glass. "Come again?" Isabelle said in disbelief.
"Well, I've just been contacted by someone looking to move in," Tom said. "He said he knows some Schwetty Bualz who lives here. Have you heard of him?"
"I…can't say I have," Isabelle said, trying desperately not to giggle.
"I see," Tom said. "Sorry to bother you."
"It's no problem," she said. "Talk to you later." She hung up just in time, as she began to giggle uncontrollably.
Sans, meanwhile, heard some more chatter from his phone. "Haven't heard of him, huh?" he said. "Well, that's fine. Maybe you know my other friend in the area. Name's Harry. Last name Butts."
Isabelle burst into laughter, covering her mouth with both paws. Bayonetta sniggered into her drink.
Sans put his hand over his phone. "Ladies, please, I'm on the phone," he said with mock seriousness, before returning to the call. "Yep, Harry Butts," he continued. "Known him all my life. He gets up at the crack of dawn every day. Not too good at shaving, though."
Bayonetta put a finger to her chin. "You know, I think I've met that guy," she said, her voice slurred a bit. "Bit of an arse, isn't he?"
"Stop, stop," Isabelle gasped, breathless with laughter.
"On the whole, yeah," Sans said. "But when you're in a tight end, he's always got your back side."
Isabelle's phone rang again. It took her fifteen seconds to control her laughter enough to pick up. "Y-yes, Mr. Nook?"
"How about Harry Butts?" he asked. "Know anyone like that?"
Isabelle was vibrating so hard she though she might fall off her chair. "I t-think S-Shari might," she managed.
"Ok, thanks," Tom said, hanging up.
Now Bayonetta leaned over to Sans. "See if he knows my friend Holden," she said.
Isabelle fell off her barstool, clutching her chest. She rolled back and forth, laughing uncontrollably. "S-stop it, guys," she managed. "I'm g-gonna pass out!"
"Told ya," Sans said, holstering his phone. "I knew you could stand to loosen up."
"Oh, I don't think she'll be standing for a while," Bayonetta said with a grin. "It seems I underestimated you, skeleton."
"Yeah," Sans said, taking another gulp from his bottle. "Everyone makes mistakes. Especially that one."
Isabelle clambered back onto her stool, still giggling. "Thank you, Sans," she said. "I needed that."
"You and everyone else," Sans said. "I haven't seen a single person laugh since I came on board, 'cept you. It's like a cemetery around here." He put a hand on his ribcage. "Present company excluded, of course."
Bayonetta swirled her glass around, spilling a little. "Perhaps we're lucky to have you here, then," she said.
Sans shrugged. "Oh, I wouldn't go that far," he said.
"Maybe not," Bayonetta agreed. She stood up, swaying a little as she did so. "Well, I must be off," she said. "Ta-ta, Izzy."
As she began to walk away, Isabelle noticed her whiskey bottle was still on the bar. "Wait, Bayo!" she called, reaching for it. "You forgot your…"
She trailed off when she realized how light the bottle felt in her hand. Talking a closer look confirmed her suspicions. "I-it's empty," she whispered. "It was full when she came in."
Bayonetta wheeled around, the action nearly toppling her over. "Whuzzat," she slurred. "D'you say something, Izzy?"
Isabelle hid the bottle behind her back. "No, I didn't," she said nervously.
"All right," Bayonetta said. She turned again and staggered towards the door, her long legs making it incredibly hard to keep her balance.
Once she had exited, Sans turned to Isabelle. Though he was incapable of either frowning or raising an eyebrow, his skull somehow assumed an expression that implied both. "Ok," he said. "That ain't normal. Sure ain't healthy, either."
Isabelle put her paws on her head. "I didn't realize it had gotten this bad," she said. "I've been drinking with her for years, but never this much. Although…" She inspected the level of drink in her own bottle. "…it seems I can't throw stones there, either."
Sans scratched his head. "Throw stones? That's a funny way to describe trying to save someone's life."
"I know, I know," Isabelle said. "The other girls were saying we needed to do something about it, and I agree. But what can we do?"
"Relax, pup," Sans said, placing a hand on his chest again. "I got this."
Isabelle glanced up at him. "You?" she said.
"Yeah, me," Sans replied. "I'll get her to quit, cold turkey. Maybe Grey Goose, too, if I have to."
Isabelle waved her paws. "No, no, I'll take care of it! Once I get these reports done, I'm sure I'll find some time to schedule a-"
"Too late," Sans said. "I just did it."
"Did what?"
"Solved the problem."
"When?"
"Just now."
"How?"
"Easy. I did it when you were looking over there."
"Over where?"
"There." Sans pointed to a spot behind her.
Isabelle turned. "I wasn't looking over-"
She turned back. Sans was gone. Her bottle of whiskey was missing, too.
"Oh, dear," she said.
