Palutena couldn't move her arms or legs.
She stirred awake, opening her eyes groggily. As she did, her hands and feet were retracted, pulling her back into a chair.
"Huh?" she said. "What's going on here?"
"Ah, you're awake, darling. So kind of you to join me for dinner tonight."
Palutena blinked the blur from her eyes and looked around.
She was sitting at a large table, with a grand feast arrayed upon it. Her hands and feet were bound to the chair by some sort of thin black string. Bayonetta was sitting opposite to her, sipping liberally from a wine glass. Around them was nothing but a massive black void.
"Bayonetta?" she said? "What's going on? What is this?"
"Dinner, of course," Bayonetta said.
"What?" Palutena said. She looked around. "Where are we?"
"Oh, this is where I practice my combos," Bayonetta said, gesturing at the void around them.
As she did, Palutena noticed her sleeves were unraveled, the hairs that made up her bodysuit running straight to her own wrists.
"Did you…kidnap me?" Palutena asked.
"Oh, I wouldn't call it that, Pal," Bayonetta said. "It's more like an…involuntary dinner party."
Palutena chuckled dryly, looking at the spread before her. "Of course," she said. "Did Zelda put you up to this? Or one of the others?"
"Nobody puts me up to anything," Bayonetta said. "I'm here because I want to be, and you're here because you need to be."
"Meta Knight, then," Palutena said, ignoring her. "He must've been involved – how else could you cook up a meal so quickly?"
"Oh, that," Bayonetta said. "I just called in a favor from Gluttony."
Palutena raised an eyebrow. "Gluttony? The deadly sin?"
"Nice fellow, once you get to know him. Great at parties." Bayonetta steepled her fingers. "Now, back to the subject of you."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Palutena said. "There's nothing wrong with me."
"Really?" Bayonetta said, leaning forward. "Do you recall how we got here in the first place?"
"I don't know," Palutena said. "You used one of your witch tricks on me?"
Bayonetta couldn't help but laugh. "You sound like Dark Pit."
Palutena reddened. Bayonetta continued.
"No, Pal, we're here because I asked you to spar with me. You politely declined, I politely insisted. We fought for two rounds, and then you passed the fuck out." Bayonetta finished her wine glass, allowing the sentence to sink in. "You couldn't handle two rounds of fighting."
Palutena's face turned even redder. "You…caught me at a bad time," she mumbled.
"Oh, you've got that right." Bayonetta pulled out a small stack of paper with dense text written all over it. Palutena recognized it immediately.
"The doc said those forms were supposed to be confidential!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, they are, I stole these." Bayonetta smoothed out the form, them placed it on the table. "You were already underweight the last time you checked in with him. And you've lost thirty-five pounds since then."
Palutena folded her arms, or at least tried to. "That's nothing."
"D'you know, darling, that a standard human leg weighs about 25 pounds?" Bayonetta said. "An arm's a little less than ten. If you saw me out there, hopping around with only one arm and one leg, and I told you there was nothing wrong, I'd hope you wouldn't believe me either."
"So what, did you just bring me here to humiliate me?" Palutena asked. "You've certainly achieved that, at least."
"I'm afraid not, Pal," Bayonetta said, refilling her glass. "Those princesses might leave it at that, but I'm a bit harder to get rid of." She looked Palutena in the eyes. "I'm all about results."
A strand of her hair picked up a knife and cut into the shortcake sitting in front of Palutena. It cut a conservative slice, the deposited it on her plate.
"Now eat," Bayonetta commanded
Palutena dug in her heels. "I'm not hungry," she said. "Now let go of me!"
Bayonetta tsked. "The Goddess of Light herself, afraid of one measly slice of cake. I'm sure Rodin will love to hear this story."
"Okay, fine!" Palutena shouted. Bayonetta's hair loosened its grip enough for her to grab her fork, so she cut off a tiny slice of cake and ate it. "Happy?"
"Keep going," Bayonetta said.
So Palutena kept eating, glaring at Bayonetta the whole time. Though deep into her wine glass, Bayonetta returned the stare. When she'd made it through half the slice, she dropped her fork. "That's all I'm eating," she said defiantly.
Bayonetta leaned forward. "That?" she said incredulously. "That'd barely do for a palate cleanser!"
"I don't care," Palutena said. She chucked the fork away. "Now let me go, Bayo. This is the last time I ask nicely."
Bayonetta shook her head. "Oh, darling, if you think I'll give up that easy, you must really underestimate our friendship."
Her hands glowed. Suddenly, Palutena's hands started moving of their own accord. "What is this?" she demanded.
"One of my witch tricks," Bayonetta responded with an evil grin.
Palutena's hand picked up the slice of cake and lifted it to her face. Palutena tried to lean away from it, mouth firmly closed.
"If you think smearing that cake all over your face will better preserve your dignity, then by all means continue," Bayonetta said.
Palutena opened her mouth, perhaps to make a witty retort, but the cake was shoveled into her mouth before she could. Her only recourse was to chew and swallow, so she did.
"I'm serious, Bayo, you had better-" she attempted, before getting another face full of cake.
"Don't you know it's rude to talk with your mouth full?" Bayonetta said.
Palutena mumbled something, but realized it was futile to keep trying and resigned herself to finishing the slice, her face a bright red from anger and humiliation.
Once it was gone, she looked back up at Bayonetta. "Now let me go!" she shouted.
But to her horror, her hands began slicing off another piece of cake. She looked up at Bayonetta incredulously.
"If you'd prefer another dish, now's the time to speak up," Bayonetta said.
Palutena's anger boiled over. "What is wrong with you?" she shouted. "You fucking LUSH!"
For a moment, there was silence. Palutena thought she saw anger flicker across Bayonetta's face. Then she was laughing.
"There we are! Knew I could get a curse out of you eventually," Bayonetta said. "Now, where were we?"
Palutena looked back down to see that she had cut off a significantly larger slice of cake than she had been. It wasn't long before her hands started shoving it down her throat again.
"But since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you what's wrong with me," Bayonetta said, surreptitiously refilling her glass.
Palutena, of course, could say nothing. Bayonetta continued.
"You see, I have this friend. Green hair, pale skin, about your height. And this friend of mine, she's quite deluxe. Funny, smart, and always able to lighten the mood of any room she's in. Usually, it's great to be around her."
Palutena's glare didn't falter. She had capably schooled the top half of her face into one of silent fury, even as the bottom half continued to have food shoveled into it.
"But she is being held captive," Bayonetta said. "By a goddess."
Palutena raised an eyebrow.
"A goddess of light, if you'd believe it. And this goddess, she hates my friend. No idea why, but she does. She's been starving my friend, denying her a full stomach. Worse yet, she forces her to lie about it. Whenever one of her friends tries to help her, the goddess pushes them away. For whatever reason – maybe pride, maybe self-loathing, or perhaps just an inhuman stubbornness – this goddess is determined to make my friend's life miserable."
Her voice faltered for just a second. Palutena seemed to be having trouble keeping the anger on her face.
"Well," Bayonetta said, voice perking up again. "If there's one thing I'm good at, it's teaching goddesses a lesson. So that's exactly what I'm going to do."
The cake in Palutena's hand was nearly gone. Bayonetta leaned forward.
"There will be hell to pay, I'm well aware. I'm sure I'll go to hell and back once I'm done. But my friend is worth it."
Palutena finished the slice. Bayonetta released control of her hands, and Palutena quickly grabbed a glass of water to wash it all down. Bayonetta waited for her to say something, but she had her mouth clamped shut, using a napkin to wipe away bits of food on her face. Once that was finished, she simply stared ahead – not at Bayonetta, but straight off into space. Bayonetta watched her intently.
Finally, she took a deep breath. "My health. Is my concern. Not yours."
Bayonetta was almost impressed. "Well," she said, hands glowing again. "Sounds like you'd like to try the chicken next."
Palutena's hand began to move again. "No," she said, sounding desperate. "Bayo, please, I'm almost at my limit."
"So am I," Bayonetta said coldly.
"No, I mean it, I'm-" was all she could say before a drumstick was jammed into her mouth.
"Do you think I'm enjoying this?" Bayonetta demanded, standing up and pacing around the table. "Seeing you torture yourself, and telling everyone things are fine? Pushing away everyone that could help you? Well, you can't just push me away like that – I push back. I won't give up on you, Palutena, not until you've-"
Then she saw the look on Palutena's face. She released her control and her hair, just in time.
Palutena threw herself off the chair, fell to the floor, and retched. Bayonetta rushed to her side as she lay there on all fours, breathing heavily.
"Palutena! Are you okay?" Bayonetta asked. No reply. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to go this-"
"You bitch!"
Bayonetta took a step back. Palutena turned to her, voice booming and fury in her eyes.
"How dare you humiliate a goddess?" she thundered. "It's time I put you in your place!"
She clapped her hands together. In a flash of light, she vanished. Bayonetta looked around, then up.
The goddess towered over her, staff in hand. Each footstep she took shook the very world around them. Bayonetta stepped away from the table, hoping that not all of it would be destroyed. "I don't suppose it'd help to beg?" she asked, no fear in her voice.
"Shut up! You've had this coming for a long time, umbral witch!" She lifted up her right foot, then thrust it down again, heading right towards the diminutive Bayonetta.
Bayonetta sighed. "Well, you're not wrong," she muttered. "But I've fought bigger than you."
She leapt away from the massive heel as it slammed down, landing in witch time. She attempted to attack Palutena's foot, but then had an idea. Instead, she unleashed a flurry of blows into her shoe's heel, forming giant fists and feet that were still small in comparison to Palutena's.
As time returned to normal, Palutena jumped backwards, using her wings to push herself back and Bayonetta away. She landed softly, so her damaged heel held out. "Figures," Bayonetta muttered. She started running towards the towering figure.
Palutena held her staff aloft. "Autoreticle!" Three colossal bolts of light rained down on Bayonetta, forcing her to hurl herself to the side to avoid them. She resumed running towards the towering figure. She transformed into her jaguar form to close the distance between them, hoping to resume work on the damaged heel.
"I think not!" Palutena manifested her wings again and slammed them down. The gust was enough to knock Bayonetta off her feet. As she stood up in human form, Palutena raised her staff aloft. Her hands were trembling, but that didn't stop Bayonetta from being launched into the air by the pillar of light that erupted from the ground. She winced, knowing she had no chance of dodging what came next.
"Explosive Flame!"
Bayonetta's whole body was engulfed in a supernova-like explosion. She manifested her butterfly wings, hoping they would help eject her from the fireball faster, only to have them burn up in an instant. It was only for a second or two that the explosion lingered, but it certainly felt longer than that.
Bayonetta dropped. So did Palutena.
The goddess fell to one knee, panting heavily. As Bayonetta pushed herself to her feet, Palutena tried to do the same, using her staff for support. "Had…enough?" she gasped.
None of this was lost on Bayonetta, even as she patted out the smoldering cinders on her catsuit. "Blimey," she said with genuine concern. "You're in worse shape than I am."
"Shut up!" Palutena slammed her staff down, trying to hit Bayonetta. Failing that, she got to her feet and started stomping again, frantically trying to hit Bayonetta as she nimbly dodged.
Crack
At Bayonetta's level, the sound of Palutena's heel splintering was deafening. To Palutena , the effect was far more destabilizing.
She stumbled, trying to keep her balance with only one heeled foot. It didn't last long, and she fell to the ground.
"That's what we need!" Bayonetta declared triumphantly. "Now let's make it a fair fight!" She raised her arms and spoke her summoning ritual.
Madama Butterfly emerged from her portal. Looking at the fallen goddess, she grinned, then cracked her knuckles.
Palutena tried to get up again, but Madama Butterfly leapt behind her. She wrapped her arm around Palutena's neck, putting her in a headlock. Palutena tried to grab her, but just couldn't reach.
"The writing's on the wall, Pal," Bayonetta said from ground level. "Accept it, and yield."
Palutena grunted in frustration. She tried to swipe at Bayonetta, but couldn't keep up as the witch hopped backwards towards the miraculously undisturbed table.
"Look at this, Palutena!" Bayonetta shouted, gesturing at all the food. "Look at how little you ate! Two slices of cake, and half a drumstick! That was enough to bring the goddess of light to her knees!"
Palutena said nothing. She raised two shaking hands, then clapped them together.
A flash of light, and she was gone. Madama Butterfly fell to the ground. Getting up quickly, she looked around. Palutena was nowhere to be seen.
Bayonetta heard the footsteps approaching from behind. Before even turning around, she dismissed Madama Butterfly. Then she went to face her friend.
Palutena swung her staff high. Bayonetta raised her arm, blocking it easily.
Palutena punched with her free hand. Bayonetta dodged it. She entered witch time, but didn't move an inch, instead staring right into Palutena's eyes the whole time. In slow motion, she watched whatever fleeting anger Palutena could still muster fade from her eyes, with tears replacing it.
Palutena kicked. Bayonetta didn't even try to deflect it. Palutena's foot hit her in the side. She barely felt it.
Palutena punched again. Her fist moved so slowly, Bayonetta caught it with one hand. All the while, she didn't break her stare. "Palutena," she said. Her voice was softer now.
Palutena struggled feebly, but couldn't free herself. She strained, her grunts of exertion getting more and more desperate. Gradually, her movements slowed, and her posture began to sag. Finally, she stopped altogether. "I couldn't even hold my own," she said, voice trembling. Her first tear fell to the floor.
Bayonetta's face became more sympathetic. "It's okay, Pal, it's okay."
Palutena's whole body was shaking now. "H-how did I let this happen?"
She started weeping. Bayonetta pulled her into a hug. Neither of them said anything for a good long while.
Once she judged Palutena to be capable of supporting herself again, she separated from her, then grabbed two chairs from the table nearby. "Right," she said. "You and I, we're going to have a nice long talk."
"I don't know when it 'started', per se," Palutena said. "It just sort of…crept in over time, you know?"
Bayonetta nodded, glancing briefly at the wine glass she had very deliberately not picked up. "Start where you think it makes sense to."
Palutena took a deep breath. "So, you know, things have been peaceful, right? Not much to do, no battles to fight. So I've been moving around less, obviously." She sipped on a bowl of soup, probably the lightest thing Bayonetta had thought to include in the banquet. "And, since I'm doing less, my appetite starts waning. And that's normal, right?"
Bayonetta nodded. "Up to a certain point," she said.
Palutena winced at the implied rebuke. "A-and it's not like I didn't notice something was different, okay? I did try to fix it, I really did." She looked down into the soup. "But how do you just force yourself to eat more than you want to? It just results in…" She gestured at the small puddle of sick on the floor. "Besides, what's the point if there's no danger? If I had known it was some kind of monster that was-"
"Monster or no monster, that's no excuse," Bayonetta said. "You're a goddess. Surely you have some obligations you can't neglect, even in peacetime."
Palutena fidgeted. "Not…necessarily. The world kind of…runs on its own, you know?"
Bayonetta raised an eyebrow.
"Not now, obviously, but usually," Palutena qualified. "Y-your whole job is to protect the world from gods, isn't it? I thought you'd understand."
"From evil gods," Bayonetta said. "Be a damn rocky friendship between us if I thought you were one of those, wouldn't it?"
Palutena blushed.
"Besides, even beyond divine duties, you've got greater responsibility still," Bayonetta said. "Like those two boys of yours."
Palutena sighed. "I know," she said. "They're going through their own personal hells right now, and I've done nothing to help." She covered her face with her hand. "A pretty lousy mother, aren't I?"
Bayonetta put a hand on her shoulder. "Better one than I'd be, at least."
Palutena chuckled. "Heh. If I ever can't clear that bar, I'm really screwed, aren't I?"
"Beyond a shadow of doubt," Bayonetta said. She looked into Palutena's eyes. "You've got to shape up, Pal. If not for yourself, for them."
Palutena nodded. "You're right," she said. "But…how do you propose I do that? I hope you don't plan to tie me down for every meal." The ghost of a smile flickered across her face.
"You'll have to take that day by day," Bayonetta said. "I'll be with you as you do, though. It's your fight, but you can be damned sure I won't let you fight it alone."
"Thank you so much, Bayonetta," Palutena said. She drew her in for a hug. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Bayonetta patted her on the back. "My pleasure, dear."
Palutena straightened herself. "I think I should go see the boys now," she said. "I need to apologize, tell them things are going to be different now."
"Capital idea," Bayonetta said. "Where are they, d'you think?"
"I can find them pretty quick," Palutena said, gathering her strength to use farsight. "I hope they haven't gotten into any trouble."
Bayonetta shrugged. "Well, they do seem the type."
