Wherever you go, people tell you that dreams signify something. That dreams represent a journey in the future. Well, when you have a dream about something, or more specifically, someone doesn't that mean anything?
Well, of course it does. Except, there's always that once in a million chance that someone will be unlucky and their dreams will be just that, a dream. Because not all dreams become realities. Well, I the fortunate person who was the once in a million.
I dreamt of The Swine. Though, he didn't play a very big role. Nothing significant to tell me that he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But, I refused to believe that he would never be mine.
The tragedy that struck did not really have an affect of him. The one who suffered was, yes, yours truly. Summer holidays came and with that came the end of my silent adulation from afar. To you, it may not be a tragedy, but to me… it was a cataclysm, a catastrophe, an upheaval! Because with the end of the year, came the beginning of life on my own. I would wonder what he would be doing late at night. Or maybe who he was seeing over the summer, you know, no string attached.
It's difficult to explain. Let me say it in a few short simple words.
With the ending of the year, I was no longer a part of his life. Now do you understand? Good, I didn't think so.
But I guess, in some ways, the summer holidays did me good. I no longer thought of him every waking second. I no longer asked Dominique the news on his well-being. I lived life. I was happy, but more importantly, I was me.
It was liberating, yet bitter-sweet.
I was finally moving on. I was happy that this would be the past. But, I was scared. Scared that this would mean that I was growing up. That was no longer that naïve little kid, because now I would have to face the issues and hardships of being an adolescent on the verge of adulthood.
I guess I went through a state of depression. Yes, hormones a beautiful and glorious thing. I didn't want the feelings of not having to worry about doing something wrong to go away. Of being blithe and carefree.
But I did move on. And I went through some hardships that summer. But I lived and learned and am grateful for that.
I am grateful to The Swine for that.
And right at this moment I can think of only one thing. It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.
How true that is. I wish.
