Title: As in a (Really Bad) Dream
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Fairy!Spike, Language, Violence, H/C
Fandom: Angel: The Series (Sometime after "Time Bomb," but before "The Girl In Question.")
Pairings: None.
Disclaimer: They're Joss's, not mine. No money made.
Summary: Spike runs into the wrong demon, and wakes up to find that he's shrunk to 6 inches tall...and has wings.
Genre: Humor, Angst
Author's Note: Typical really short chapter.
Chapter 5
Wesley stood up from his seat, his expression solemn as he approached the overly excited female vampire. "Harmony, we need you to not tell anyone about this. Especially Angel."
The blonde secretary didn't even acknowledge Wesley, so engrossed was she by Spike's transformation. Harmony crouched down to lean over Spike, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders. Spike raised an eyebrow, not failing to notice how her position and her typical low-cut top offered a more-than-generous view of her cleavage.
"Your wings are so pretty!" she exclaimed with a bright smile, reaching down and giving a distracted Spike's back a quick stroke, nearly toppling him over in the process.
"Hey!" Spike growled, hastily backing away from her with hands scrambling to make sure the kleenex stayed put. "Hands off."
Harmony frowned at his reaction, but brightened not a moment later. "Let me see you fly!" she said excitedly, clapping her hands together.
"Hey, that's right." Gunn said, smiling himself as he looked at Spike. "I guess there is one benefit you get in all this."
"Or not," Spike grumbled under his breath.
"Come on, Blondie Bear -- spread those wings!" Harmony said, gesturing with her arms to mimic the action.
"Perhaps we should leave Spike be for now." Wesley began. "If he feels like showing his flying skills at a later time --"
"Icntsdingfly..."
Spike had muttered out the words in a jumbled mess, hoping that they had heard and he wouldn't be forced to repeat the words. By the looks that Harmony, Wesley, and Gunn were sending him, that was an idea he needed to let go of quickly.
"Wha-huh?" Harmony asked.
Spike made a sound that was a cross between a sigh and a growl. "I. Can't. Sodding. Fly." He glared up at the three, daring them to laugh. "Stupid wings don't work right. Can't control them."
"What, they're like, defective?" Gunn asked.
"Dunno." Spike shrugged. "Tried them after I first woke up -- it's safe to say that that's an experience that doesn't bear repeating."
"Perhaps you just need to practice." Wesley suggested, putting his hands in his pockets. "I would have thought there would be a certain amount of instinct ingrained into you to go along with the transformation. But it's possible flying is part learning process for fairies." Wesley shrugged at the look of irritation Spike sent his way. "I haven't managed to read up on that part just yet."
"Maybe the Blogsh'kul thought leaving out that particular piece to the package would add to all the hoo-hahs." Gunn added.
"Or maybe he just wanted them there to make you look pretty." Harmony chimed in.
"Look you twits," Spike snarled, "I don't care if he did it because bloody Santa Claus told him to -- just get on with finding a way to reverse it!"
Gunn raised a hand to rub at the back of his neck. "Sure being a ball of sunshine about all of this, Spike."
"Are you kidding?" Harmony asked incredulously. "He's totally cranky."
Gunn ignored Harmony's usual misconception. "Y'know, it wouldn't kill you to show a little gratitude. Or at least make an attempt at being nicer."
Harmony folded her arms with a huff. "I've been telling him that for years -- but does he ever listen? No. Just has to go around being pissy all the time."
Spike gave a growling sigh. "You want me to be happy about this? Fine. I'm ecstatic. Elated. Bloody bouncing with fucking joy." A sliver of desperation slid into his voice. "Now will someone please get a move on with changing me back so I can go tear apart the blighter that did this to me?"
"We'll get on it." Wesley said, glancing at Gunn.
Gunn glanced back, caught Wesley's look and brought his hands up as he began backing away. "Whoa-hey, who's we? That's your area of expertise, man. I've done my part. His clothes will be here in a few hours. Right now, I think I'm calling it a night." Gunn glanced at his watch. "Or morning."
Spike suddenly swore loudly. When the eyes in the room turned to him in surprise, he fluttered his wings anxiously. "Clothes." he explained. "My bloody jacket is still in that alley."
"And which alley would that be?" Wesley asked.
"The one by the bus stop."
He got a set of blank stares in reply.
"…Where I got on the bus."
Continued blank stares.
Spike let out an exasperated sigh, "I don't know exactly, okay? When I'm tracking, I kind of, get focused on the scent, y'know? Don't really pay too much attention to the landmarks. Couldn't even see where the bus was taking me."
"Can you think of anything that would be of help in pinpointing the location of your coat?" Wesley asked, looking increasingly weary but remaining patient.
"Think I remember something about a 7-11 nearby."
Gunn rolled his eyes. "Boy, that narrows it down." As Spike began to tense in rising fury, Gunn continued, "Harmony, you're on coat-finding duty. I'm heading out before anything else interesting comes up. Night."
Spike deflated. "Hell," he muttered, resigning himself to the fact that it was now likely he would never see his beloved garment ever again. Some homeless bloke had probably snagged it by now, anyway.
Harmony apparently had her own protestations to voice, as well. "Hey! That's not even my job!"
"It is now." Gunn called back.
"You can't order me around!" she yelled at his retreating form. "Angel's my boss, not y--"
"Harmony!"
"Harm!"
The blonde vampire turned in a huff towards the two men. "What? Just because he doesn't feel like it means I have to go digging around in icky dark alleys?"
"I'll get someone else on the staff to search in the morning." Wesley said. "But right now we're agreeing on keeping this situation completely under discretion, which means --"
"It means don't scream at the top of your lungs across the building like a bleeding nut." Spike finished. "Could attract unwanted attention. And, actually, any attention is unwanted at the moment, so… just… try not to talk, all right?"
Harmony glared at Spike with a hurt expression. "Fine. I'm leaving. Not like I care about the way your wings get all sparkly when you move them in the light."
Spike felt a surge of embarrassment at that revelation, and, appropriately, his wings fluttered in response to his emotions, giving a clear example of their glittering qualities. Harmony noticed, and for a moment looked nearly ready to cave in and start cooing over Spike again. But she restrained herself at the last moment and stuck up her nose instead, proudly and briskly walking from the room.
Spike and Wesley watched her go, both frowning and deep in thought.
After a few moments, Wesley spoke. "She's going to tell everyone in the entire firm come tomorrow."
"Don't I know it." Spike sighed.
