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Mini-Story of Today:

The truth of Final Fantasy 7

By: Masasume

if you all played Final Fantasy 7 (and beaten it) You know what happens to Aerith in the end of the first disk. She gets stabbed by the evil Sephiroth! Lord of all bishies and created other wannabe bishies (Tokiya of Flame of Recca) . But was he really evil? Nay, this is the truth of the most biggest scandel in rpg history. It all started when Cloud joined the Avalanche, a free fighting brigand, who was always stopping Shinra Corp. from their evil evil plans. Yes Shinra was still messed up but, that's not the point. The real villain was really...Dun Dun Dun...Tifa! Yes your favorite character who you often mistaken two watermelons in her chest. Why Tifa? It started with Envy. Not envy from Fullmetal alchemist but, envy when you feel when your mom is treating your other brothers but, don't love you. And who she envied. It was no other then Aerith! After Cloud saved a pretty flower girl who is later known as Aerith he was loved struck! Tifa didn't take that too well. Many years with being with Cloud and he still wouldn't notice her and all the sudden some chick with a smaller cup steals his boy! Tifa didn't take that too well. She went to the darkest alley way anyone ever went: between Kmart and Roberto's fastfood. There she met the second evilest person alive: Sephiroth! Sure Sure You all think Sephiroth was a mad man because he wanted to fuse his body with the mako stream to be one with the freaking Earth. Wrong! He was a normal super uber mercenary who was trying to find a quick buck. Yes he was a soldier and met Cloud saw Jenova went crazy and was eventually stop by Cloud piercing him in the stomach but, he forgave him for that and eventually turned a life of mercenary. Until Tifa came and led to his death and Aerith. In that dark alley he met no other but, the great bishies himself: Sephiroth (cue theme song). Sephiroth was being a normal mercenary for hire you' now hitman, babysitter, get a cat out of a tree. Tifa and Sephiroth were chatting happily about payment discussion and the job itself. A witness who we shall name Asparagus for safety reason accidently eavesdropped on them in the bar. This what he heard:

Sephiroth:...(Looking at Tifa's Hoo Hoos)

Tifa: Sephiroth! I have a job for you!

Sephiroth: Sorry Melons...ugh I mean Tifa.

Tifa: Yes I need of you to take care of this certain boy stealing b (sliding picture of Aerith with many bad doodlings on her face)

Sephiroth: Kill her? She is the flower girl that I bought my lovely flowers from and she is very innocent and I feel like killing her would disturb the balance of good and evil.

Tifa: Your Wrong! She is a prostitute with aids spreading her aidiness everywhere even children! Plus she sells drugs and beat up old people! And worst of all...

The suspense reached Sephiroth's veins.

Tifa:... She kicks puppy dogs.

Sephiroth fainted while screaming girlish and then recovered.

Sephiroth: That sick women! I accept your job and for free also!

Tifa: Yes!

Sephiroth: But what happens if I get caught I might lose business...

Tifa: Make up some weird story that gives you the image that your insane.

Sephiroth: Well I did have a whacked father and I though a half naked alien was my mother...Hey! Why don't I use those elements and tell people that I'm the last remaining people called Clerics other then her and that I need to clean her as she is the only obstacle from me clensing the world from humans.

Tifa: Umm I was suggesting she owed you money like that and I guess yours is okay.

And Then their plan went on go. Several days later Asparagus was found dead in the dumpster with punch wounds and stab wounds. His actual name was Shinra the owner of Shinra Corp. Sephiroth soon put his dead corpse on his office forgetting his sword. Days turned to months and months turned to years as Cloud, Tifa, and his group of super kickass characters except Caith Sith (yeah you suck that much) was aimlessly chasing Sephiroth even though the real culprit was the dastardly Tifa. Finally the dreadful day Sephiroth killed Aerith the only words that left Tifa's mouth were : Finally! With Aerith gone in the picture Tifa would definitely score Cloud. Things turns out for the worst as Cloud goes in super emo mode that would last in the whole 2 disk. Tifa soon began to ponder if Sephiroth would rat on her fearing that she would lose her childhood possible boyfriend. She motivated him to kill Sephiroth even more to shush him for good. Eventually Sephiroth found out that Tifa was backstabbing him and tried to inform Cloud but, whenever he meets him it usually begins something like this..." I am the savior of this planet..." and ends like this "Mwuahahaha." Sephiroth usually forgets what he would say something to offend Cloud. While Cloud was still being emo more than Sasuke from Naruto, Sephiroth was running away like a pansy, and Tifa was saying ," Haha she's dead." It finally came to the conclusion for the final battle. Before they engaged battle, Tifa and Cloud finally shared a caring moment and never again until the movie where he would still deny her but, not that much but, that is a different story. After Cloud pwns Sephiroth, Jenova, and Hojo because he was a tard with The Knights of the Round Summon. The game ends with Sephiroth trying to breath his last word to inform about Tifa.

Sephiroth: Be...fore I die... I must know why I...killed her...

Cloud: Because she was the only thing that prevented you from genocide of this world and she had much more better hair than you...

Sephiroth:...No...and yes but, the real reason is... (HP: 0) Gah I'm dead...

Tifa:Perfect...

Eventually the world was happy again except Cloud who was still emo but, a little bit. And the most ironic thing of all is that Tifa still doesn't score Cloud.