Last time, Ron was saved by the timely arrival of two gunmen who proceeded to hit on Taranee, Cornelia and Irma. Enter 'Captain' Jill Sparrow, a descendent of Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean (my sister loves Johnny Depp). Elsewhere, Harry and Will meet Max Kildare, leader of the group kwon as The Ramblers. Max, who single-handedly dispatched several Kandarian demons, assures Harry that all will be explained back at his base. Just who are The Ramblers? And, more importantly, what do they want? Read to find out. On with the show!

Chapter 17: At The Ramblers H.Q.

"All right Ramblers," said Max, "Let's get Rambling!" "Hold on for a second," said Cornelia. "I want to know who you people are and what you want with us." "Same here," said Herminoe, "You can't be muggles, and you certainly are not Wizards. So what are you?" Jill walked over to Herminoe and said, "We'll try to explain what we can, but once we're back at H.Q. Like I said, we're all on the same side here." Jill flashed a huge toothy grin. Herminoe and Cornelia relaxed at this. It seemed that you couldn't not like Jill Sparrow.

"All right, " said Max, who was counting out Harry and co. He pulled out a red, white and blue colored cell phone and began to dial. "Nice phone," commented Taranee. "You should hear my ring-tones." Replied Max as he hit the final number. He brought the phone to his ear and said, "First team plus eight, ready for transport; energize when ready." "Wait, what do you mean 'transport?'" asked Cornelia. "Oh, just a little disintegrating," replied Max, sounding unconcerned, "followed by some reintegrating, nothing to worry about." "Now just wait one damn minuet here!" exclaimed Herminoe as a low buzzing filled Harry's ears.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of white light, and Harry was standing with everyone else in a large metal room with florescent lights. Before he could ask what happened, Harry fell to his knees with a sharp, intense wave of nausea. He wasn't the only one. Herminoe, Will and Cornelia were also on the ground. Ron, Irma, Taranee and Hay Lin were throwing up. When it passed, Harry saw Max, holding out his hand to help him up. "Yes, that's a normal reaction," he said as Harry stood up. "It'll get better the next time." "Next time?" asked Ron as he got up, "Bloody Hell, once was enough." "What just happened there?" asked Taranee. "I know what happened," replied Herminoe, "But it couldn't have happened. It shouldn't have happened." "Why so?' asked Will. "Because, what we went through was a Matter Transportation Beam, or something of that nature," replied Herminoe, "I know because I read the muggle science journals. But that level of technology isn't suppose to exist yet."

"That's what they want you to think." Said a voice from the other side of the room. It came from a woman, medium height, with brown hair with blue highlights. She had a New England accent that sounded diluted, like she grew up in New England, and moved elsewhere. "The governments of the world have more secrets then you can imagine, or maybe you don't want to." "This is our knife expert, Fay Valentine." Said Max.

"You give her a knife," said Jill, "And she'll show you wonders." "Plus she's not a bad looking chick if you ask me." Said D.P. who put his arm around Fay's shoulder. "Tell me Simon," said Fay, obviously referring to D.P. by his real name, "Have you ever wondered what the difference is between an ox and a bull?" Fay flicked her wrist, and a knife appeared in it. D.P. swiftly removed his arm from Fay's shoulder. "If you ever touch me like that again without my permission, I'll show you the difference." "She's not fond of being touched by men." Whispered Jill. "Remind me not to touch Fay." Whispered Ron, and Harry nodded in agreement.

"So, let's get a move on then." Said Max. Harry and the others followed Max out of the room into a hallway, which led to another room. This one was a cross between NASA control in Houston, and the bridge from the Enterprise D. (I love Star Trek) The room was full of computers servers and terminals. "This is the main control room, where all our operations are coordinated from." "Hold on, hold on," insisted Harry, "You still haven't told us who you are and what you want!" "'We' as in us, the Ramblers," said Jill, "are part of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense." "The who?" asked Ron. "In a nutshell," said Max, "There are things that go 'bump' in the night. Our job is to 'bump' back."

"Wait just one minute here," said Herminoe. "I have one question, and I'd like it to be answered without any 'cloak and dagger' crap." "I can't guarantee a lack of 'cloak and dagger'," said Fay, "But ask." "Are we in space?" asked Herminoe. Fay looked towards Max, who then nodded. "Yes," replied Fay, "In face we are on the most advanced space-station ever created." "But how can something like this exist without anyone knowing about it?" asked Herminoe. "The same way the majority of the world doesn't know about witches and wizards," replied Max, "The government has kept it all nice and quiet."

Just then, the wall opened like the doors from Star Trek. In came a short woman of about 18. She had brown hair, with blue streaks and amber eyes. "Here's the report on that zombie cluster you wanted boss." She said, while handing a green PAD to Max. "Thanks Laura." He replied. "Oh this is Laura Hurst, another member of the team." Laura walked over to Harry. "Is he the one we're to help?" she asked as she looked at Harry, as if assessing him. "Yep, that's Harry Potter." Said Jill. Laura stared at Harry for another 30 seconds before saying, "Adequate," before leaving the same sliding door she came in.

"What's her problem?" asked Cornelia. "We don't really know for sure," said Max. "The 'shrinks' all say mood swings are part of her condition." Said Jill. "Her area of expertise is telekinesis." "You mean she can move objects just by thinking it?" asked Herminoe. "Among other talents." Replied Jill. "A word of warning; try to stay on her good side. You don't want to see her angry." "What's she gonna do?" asked Irma, "Turn into The Hulk?" "For god's sake I hope not!" exclaimed Fay.

All of this was almost too much for Harry to take in. He turned towards one of the walls where he saw a round window. As he walked towards it, he noticed that he and his friends were truly in space. He looked out the window and saw a large land mass surrounded by water. "In case you were wondering," said Jill, "We're currently in stationary orbit over Great Britain." "But how can this be?" asked Harry. "I can't tell you that just yet," said Jill.

"Whereare Steve and Virgil?" asked Max. "Well, Steve is in the rec. room, and…" she hesitated. "What about Virgil?" asked Max, sounding a bit more concerned. "Well," started Fay, "The thing is, he was reading his e-mail, and he got a Dear John message from his girlfriend Chelsea, and he took it pretty hard and…" But she was interrupted by a voice from the wall intercom.

"If you're looking for Mr. Blake, he's here in the rec. room, drunk as a skunk again." "Oh, for the love of god!" yelled Max as he rushed out of the room. Jill and Fay followed him, with Harry and the others close behind. They emerged from the hallway into another large room; this one with several couches, Televisions sets, and 6 pool tables to name a few things. Harry saw a man with auburn hair and brown eyes in front of a large T.V. I'm talking about a 75 inch, flat, hi-def plasma screen. (Bling Bling!) Swaying drunkenly in front of the T.V. was a man with short, blond hair. Large, wraparound sunglasses obscured his eyes. In his hand was a large bottle of some unknown liquor.

The man on the couch then saw Max. "Boy I'm glad you're here." He said. "Could you tell the drunk here to move out of the way? I'm trying to watch Assisted Living Dracula, and my favorite part is coming up." The intoxicated man then spoke, "You see this thing here?" he asked while pointing at the T.V. "We had a major run in during the Conflict of Mechanical Advantage Part 6!" He took a swig from the bottle. "Yeah, just guzzle it down, who cares about your health?" asked the man on the couch. "Not you for sure." "Damn you Chelsea!" shouted the man with the sunglasses. "Damn it, you thought you had my mind under your control! But now, who's strapped to the wall? Enslaved by robot chickens from the year 9595 huh? You are strapped to the wall girl!"

He advanced on the T.V. until he was pressing his face on the screen. "Hey, could you please move out of the way?" asked the man on the couch. "Come on now!" "Don't give me that back talk!" yelled the man with the sunglasses. He raised his sunglasses, but was at an angle to Harry so he couldn't see Virgil's eyes. "Give me a break now, will you?" pleaded the man of the couch. "I'm not strapped to the wall, you are bitch!" yelled the man with the raised sunglasses, as orange colored energy beams shot from his eyes at the T.V. which then exploded.

"Hey! That was a $30,000 T.V. you just blew up!" screamed the man on the couch, who was now up and was advancing on the second man. "Is that Chelsea? Is that Chelsea over there?" he yelled, while pointing at the curtains of a nearby window. He shoved the first man out of his way and rushed over the window. "Uh, no Virgil, that the curtains." Said Max. "Move!" exclaimed the man named Virgil. He took another swig from his bottle. "Hey, Virgil, are you alright?" asked Max. "Get away from me and Chelsea!" exclaimed Virgil, "Can't you see that we're trying to make up here?"

"Okay, um, say, you want to go lay down in the back while Chelsea is getting ready for your big date?" asked Max, trying to sound convincing. "Yeah, you want to lay down because I hit you in the face?" asked Vigil, shaking is fist in Max's face, before dropping to the floor. "He's out, you two," Max said, pointing to Skeater and D.P. who were standing there the whole time, trying not to laugh, "Help me get him to the medical room. "Fine," said Virgil as Max waited for D.P. and Skeater to lift him up, "I am not spinning- don't you touch me!" he exclaimed, as the man who was on the couch kicked him in the shin. "You dirty son of a bitch! Break my T.V. will you?"

"Leave him alone Steve, he's had a rough time." Said Jill. "He's had a rough time?" asked the man called Steve. "He broke the big T.V!" "That's the seventh time he's gotten drunk and broken something." Said Fay. "Sixth time." Corrected Jill. "No seventh." Insisted Fay. "Sixth, once was on his birthday, and that doesn't count." Replied Jill.

"This is the help we were promised?" asked Ron. "I guess so." Harry replied. "They are the ones The Stranger said would keep Voldemort busy?" asked Herminoe. "It looks that way." Said Harry. "Just say it, we're doomed." Said Ron depressingly. "We're doomed." Replied Harry.

The end of chapter 17. If you hadn't guessed it yet, I've borrowed some dialog from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, mostly from the Thanksgiving episode with Turkeytron, and the episode with the Frat Aliens. Please don't sue me. I just wanted it to be funny. Next time, The Ramblers show their stuff. See you next time.