House Rules

With a tired groan, Rocky slowly opened his eyes; as if he had just woken up from a nap. He took a moment to stretch out his joints a little and, after rubbing away the blurriness from his eyes, startled chuckling under his breath; as if he heard something funny. "Rusty, Dad; where are you guys, I've got a funny story to tell ya" chuckled Rocky, "I just had the weirdest dream that I ended up in Mr. Thorne's creepy man...oh."

In an instant, the young Spokes boy took a quick look at his surroundings and saw that he had not reawakened in his own living room or bedroom. Instead, he discovered that he was lying atop a rather fancy piece of furniture; something he remembered rich people calling a "fainting couch" (or something like that.) After taking a moment to help sit himself upright, Rocky took a moment to observe his current surroundings.

All around him; there were other pieces of fancy furniture, bookshelves stretching high up to the ceiling, artwork hanging on almost every wall and at the far end of the room, there was a large stone fireplace with a roaring fire burning inside. The sight of said fire filled Rocky with delight, thinking he could use a quick moment to warm up after his long walk to this place. With this in mind, he climbed off the couch and made his way towards the fire; making sure he didn't stand too closely.

The young Spokes boy sighed pleasantly as he felt the warm air of the flames drive out the Autumn chill from his body. But at the same time, he felt confused as to why someone needed what kids like him or his brother would call an "old timey fireplace" when a Heater would help keep the house much warmer. "Come to think of it...this whole place seems kinda old school" Rocky thought to himself, "then again, since Mr. Thorne uses owls to get stuff for him; I'll bet he doesn't have any kind of tech here."

With this thought in mind, he decided to have a quick look around the room; see what kind of lifestyle the "mysterious" Mr. Thorne actually lived compared to his friends and neighbors. Much to his surprise, however; everything seemed...relatively normal (at least for reclusive rich types of people.) Sure, it had a few creepy spots here and there like a stone gargoyle sitting atop the fireplace, a few bizarre (and somewhat pretty) paintings hanging on the walls and a collection of cobwebs in some areas...but it still looked rather classy.

Even the sofa he was currently resting on looked nice, in Rocky's eyes despite the fact that it was...a little dusty. "That Farquard guy must've brought me in here after I...passed out earlier" he murmured, "well, I may as well get an early start on helping Mr. Thorne out while I'm in here."

(Line Break)

Almost ten minutes passed since he had woken up from his "nap" and Rocky was already hard at work dusting out the room as best as he was able. Of course, he didn't know where Mr. Thorne kept all of his cleaning supplies (if he had any;) so, the boy had to make do with whatever he could find. That's when he came across what looked like an old rag sitting on one of the bookshelves on the east side of the room.

After obtaining it, Rocky went about dusting as much of the room as he could; starting with the fainting couch. Of course; without any cleaning products, dust spray or even something as small as disinfectant wipes to use along with his rag; the job proved a little harder. But through it all, he managed to get the armrests of the sofa so clean he could see his face on them.

Once that was finished, Rocky went about wiping down the cushions as best as he could; which proved to be...a little easier. "This job doesn't seem as hard as I thought it would be" Rocky murmured with a smile, "if things continue going this well, I'll earn the money I'll need for Lucy's gift in no time." In time, he had finished cleaning off the fainting couch and went on to clean up another area of the room.

After taking a moment to look everything over, Rocky decided that now was a good time to clear away some of the cobwebs that were spread about a couple of the bookshelves. Of course; due to his height, he wasn't exactly tall enough to reach the higher areas. But in spite of that, Rocky still carried on his duty and decided to do his best at climbing the shelves to where he needed to go.

This wasn't an easy task to do, make no mistake; not only did the young Spokes boy move at a snail's pace along the length of the shelves, he also did his best to not damage anything during his climb...and Mr. Thorne had a lot of fancy things resting on the shelf. Finally, Rocky had managed to get himself close enough to one of the cobwebs gathering on the middle shelf...when suddenly, a stern yet foreign voice suddenly called out from behind. "Dummkopf...get down from there before you hurt damage anything" cried the mystery voice in a German accent, "und leave the cobvebs alone...they are vintage!"

The sound and sudden nature of this command came so suddenly that, after he let out a fearful yelp, Rocky suddenly lost his grip on the shelf he was holding onto. As a result, the poor boy was suddenly falling towards the floor like a stone; which he knew would probably leave him seriously hurt. With a distress murmur, Rocky clenched his eyes tightly and prepared himself for the oncoming collision.

But then, just as he was moments away from crashing; something long and...slimy suddenly lassoed around Rocky's small form and safely caught him. "EEW! I feel like I'm inside a wet sleeping bag" Rocky moaned in disgust as his eyes slowly reopened, "what the heck is...AHH!" The instant his eyes glanced down, poor Rocky caught sight of something that made his already big head of hair stand on end; a tentacle.

But as strange as this discovery was, it was nothing compared to what he saw next. After he was finally able to turn his head in the best way he could, Rocky soon discovered what the strange tentacle was attacked to. He half expected to be greeted by some sort of octopus, perhaps one of Mr. Thorne's strange pets like the talking owl he saw earlier.

What Rocky saw instead was a creature he could only describe as something out of a "weird horror flick from his dad's day." The top half of it seemed to look human with thick lips coated with black lipstick, a dark green skin tone that was as smooth and youthful as a supermodel's, she had brown hair that was done up into a pair of buns and seemed to be wearing what looked like a Victorian-era maid's blouse. But while her human half looked lovely; the strange creature's lower half was, to put it bluntly, what really got Rocky's attention.

Instead of human legs, this creature seemed to have what looked like octopus or squid tentacles; one of which seemed to be currently wrapped around him. "WHOA! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON" cried Rocky, "what are you...why do you have octopus legs and where's that Farquard guy?!" At first, the half-human/half-octopus creature didn't answer him; which gave the Spokes boy the impression that she might be planning to hurt him.

But...much to his surprise; she only let out a heavy sigh, placed him safely back on the ground and proceeded to give the boy a light cleanup with her feather duster. Soon after that; Farquard came slinking into the room and, after noticing what was going on, softly cleared his throat to get the pair's attention. "Good afternoon, young man" he greeted with a light bow, "I see you've met with Octavia...or was it the other way around."

It didn't take long for Rocky to understand that "Octavia" was the name of the strange creature who saved him. However, he still found himself wondering just who/what she was and why she was in Mr. Thorne's home in the first place. "I thought you said your master didn't have any housekeepers, Mister" he exclaimed, "if that's true...why is she dressed like a maid?"

Understandably, Octavia was taken aback by the boy's rather brash tone and was prepared to discipline him for it. But then, Farquard lightly gripped his twisted fingers on her shoulder; which was more than enough to keep the creature still. "Please...let me explain, if you would allow me" he offered Rocky kindly, "afterwards, we can discuss the terms of how you shall conduct your services here." After this, he politely asked Octavia to bring in some tea and crumpets for young Rocky; whom he chose to refer to as a "guest," at the moment.

At first, the half-human creature did not obey the request; choosing only to glare down slightly at Rocky. But when she saw Farquard's brow tensing, it was more than enough of a signal for her to obey. With a light curtsy of her cephalopod legs, she murmured the words "as you wish" under her breath and made her way into the kitchen.

"Please, do forgive Octavia; she's rather hostile when in the presence of humans" Farquard stated, "then again, most among the Cecaelia people have distanced themselves from them over the past few centuries." Upon letting the hunchback's words sink in, Rocky questioned what a Cecaelia was and why such a thing was working in the house. "Octavia doesn't work here, dear boy; she lives here with Master Thorne and I" Farquard explained, "during his...shall we say, travels; Mr. Thorne has come across many unique peoples and creatures who lacked a good home and like any good Samaritan would, he offered the likes of her and Ibid the chance to live here."

As Rocky continued listening to the man-servant's tale, he couldn't help but admire Mr. Thorne's bravery; specifically when it came to letting an octopus woman and a talking owl stay with him. "As for what sort of creature Octavia is; it's as I told you before, she is a Cecaelia" Farquard explained, "or if you wish to keep things simple, you may address her as an 'Octopus Woman' instead." Although Rocky's young mind could only understand so much of what he was hearing, he still seemed to hang on to the hunchbacked man-servant's every word.

But then, just as he was mere moments away from believing the story; the young Spokes boy soon remembered something about Mr. Thorne's past that (in his mind) helped put all this stuff into proper perspective. Since the man once worked on a horror-themed TV show, he must have been a really intense method actor; the kind of person who lives the characters that they play 24/7. The only other person he remembered behaving in such a fashion was Mrs. Bernardo, Royal Woods' "resident thespian."

With all of this in mind, Rocky started to believe that this was all nothing but smoke and mirrors; just an act. Meanwhile, Octavia softly called for Farquard's attention and started whispering into his ear; hoping their "guest" would not hear them speaking. "Farquard...are you certain it is wise to speak about zee Master's business with strangers" she inquired, "especially young children?"

In response to this; the hunchback revealed that while he himself had some reservations about Rocky's presence here, he felt that there was little harm that a child could do. "You should have seen him mere moments ago, Farquard" seethed Octavia, "I caught sight of this boy climbing the bookcases und using one of the Master's ascots to clean them." At first, Rocky hadn't a clue what the heck an ascot was; proclaiming that he was only using a rag he found sitting on the shelf to clean with.

"Look, I'll prove I'm telling you guys the truth" he insisted, "I've still got it stuff in my pants pocket!" With that said, Rocky reached his hand into said pocket and brought out the aforementioned "dust rag;" which was now fully coated with stains, crumbs and even a tiny dust bunny. Upon seeing how filthy the item looked, both Farquard and Octavia gasped in shock before the latter snatched it out of Rocky's hand.

With a fierce growl, she slithered her way out of the room and said she would add the ascot to the load of laundry she was working on a moment before. That's when Farquard reminded her that she still had to bring in the tea and crumpets for Rusty to drink. "Grr...very well but I shall work at my own pace" Octavia replied with an annoyed tone, "so...I hope zee child won't mind waiting"

Almost immediately, Rocky found his voice again and was finally able to speak; politely urging the "maid" to take as long as she needed to fix up the tea. Once that was settled, only he and Farquard remained in the room and the latter gentleman was eager to get down to business. "Now then, young man...if you still wish to lend a hand and help the master, I must first know your name" he said simply, "I would also like to know your home phone number...should we need to contact you for emergency situations."

While hearing him mention the idea of "emergency situations" did raise one or two concerns with Rocky, he soon realized Farquard must be referring to small stuff; things like picking up groceries, attending to Ibid or (heaven forbid) something happened to Mr. Thorne himself and Rocky would need to know right away. With all this in mind, he decided to go along with the request...but asked to use a pen and paper to write it down, rather than speak it out loud.

"I know this may sound weird, Mr. Farquard...Sir" murmured Rocky, "but looking at all these paintings and that gargoyle on the fireplace makes me think that I'm...being watched." In response to this, the hunchbacked man-servant simply chuckled playfully and insisted that no one else was watching the two of them in the room (at the moment.) Afterwards, he reached into the left sleeve of his suit and brought forth what looked like a scroll.

At first, Rocky assumed that the item was some sort of spell scroll; the kind wizards and sorcerers would use in RPG games. But when Farquard opened it up, the "scroll" turned out to be nothing more than a contract. "This parchment will help keep the master informed of your services during your time here" he explained, "it also has a series of rules written upon it that must be followed to the letter!"

While part of him expected that there had to be some rules he needed to respect while in Mr. Thorne's home, another part of Rocky questioned when the weird hunchback was able to make a contract in the first place. Of course, the moment this thought came to mind; he realized that Farquard must've made it sometime after he...passed out earlier. In any case; it was too late for second thoughts now and thus, Rocky went about studying every part of the contract carefully.

Of course, he barely understood all the technical stuff on the first half; so, he decided to look over the rules Farquard mentioned. While everything seemed rather typical and on the level, the one thing Rocky had issue with was the fact that the contract chose to simply label him as "the helper."

Respect the Master's property: everything in this estate is quite valuable and difficult to replace. Should anything be broken, it will be docked off "the helper's" payment.

"The helper" must only use designated cleaning tools and supplies; should they be unable to find any, notify the house residents immediately.

Be mindful of any and all creatures living within the estate; whether they be bird, beast or insect.

Refrain from touching any of the prized artifacts, artwork or any other such items unless asked to clean them.

No unruly behavior, misuse of furniture, running about the Drawing Room, the Kitchen, the Upstairs Area or Lower Area; save such nonsense for outdoors.

No other individuals are permitted to enter the estate unless "the Helper" requires someone to escort them home.

Please stay out of range of house residents while they attend to their own business.

Rocky was only midway through the list when he suddenly found himself feeling somewhat dizzy from having to read so many different rules. He was particularly concerned about how much stress was being put on the "no touching" rule and the one concerning "unruly behavior." "Please, understand...Herr Spokes that you are zee first resident of this or any of the other neighboring towns to come here" Octavia stated, "so, certain...precautions must be taken to help prevent any unforeseen incidents."

In spite of the octopus woman's odd accent and deadpan tone, Rocky fully understood the reasoning behind the rules he had to follow and vowed to do just that. "Very good, Master Spokes...there's just one more thing to address" Farquard said suddenly, "each and every one of these house rules are important; yes...but above all, you must swear to never disturb Mr. Thorne while attending to your work." Soon after this was said; Rocky, in a most innocently inquisitive manner, asked if the duo knew where Mr. Thorne was at this time.

"Zee master is in his study, attending to his...private work" Octavia replied, "which is why we must insist that you go about your work as quietly as possible." To really stick a pin on the issue, she pointed her duster up above her head and said that Mr. Thorne's study was up on the next floor. If any loud noises, horseplay or shenanigans of any kind were to happen while Rocky was on duty; he would know about it and therefore inform the others.

With all this in mind, the young Spokes boy took one last look at his contract to make sure nothing else new was hidden between the lines (or what have you.) When he finally saw that everything was in order, he smiled at Farquard and gave him a soldier-like salute; signaling that he was at the master's service. "Very good; let us sign on the dotted line, then" the hunchback said with an odd smile, "you can use one of my pens."

As he watched Farquard reach inside of his suit jacket, Rocky half expected him to bring out a fancy fountain pen of some kind; which he thought was something all rich people and their servants have. What he saw the man bring out, instead was what looked like a long blue quill pen; something that he often seen Lucy write her poetry with. Now at his age, writing legibly was kind of difficult but with a quill; it would be even harder.

But that's when Rocky heard the sound of Lucy's voice in his mind; urging him to go on, no matter what. "Sign me up, Mr. Farquard; I'm ready to start working" he said with determination while signing, "so...where would you like me to start first?" The instant these words were said, the sounds of loud squawking and guttural grumbling suddenly echoed through the room.

Then, mere seconds later; everybody soon heard the unmistakable sounds of someone or something...breaking wind. Now, Rocky had the unfortunate hearing his dad and brother's own gassy moments at home...but this sounded like the result of someone eating one of Flip's expired nacho cheese spread. Meanwhile, both Farquard and Octavia's faces suddenly tightened into disgusted grimaces before they started fanning at the air.

"ACH! GUTEN HIMMEL! That is zee most wretched smell to ever fill mien nostrils" cried the octopus woman, "Farquard, I told you giving Ibid permission to eat fast food would be the death of us!" As if on cue, the wee black owl fluttered his way past the trio; holding what looked like a magazine under his wing. "OI, Mr. Farquard; word of warning to ya" squawked Ibid, "if anyone plans on cleaning out my cage...they best go in with gloves, disinfectant wipes and a face mask."

After that, he flapped his way out the nearest window and perched himself on the old tree in the yard; hoping to get in some fresh air before returning to his cage. Meanwhile, Farquard and Octavia soon felt coy smiles appear on their faces before turning their attention towards Rocky; who could already sense that he was about to earn his keep very soon.

(Line Break)

Twenty minutes later, Rocky was now fully ready to start working and he cautiously made his way into the room where Ibid's cage was situated. He was wearing all the necessary protective cleaning gear he would need for a cage cleaning job; a face mask, a rubber gloves and for good measure, he even had a clothes pin strapped onto his nose. But in moments, poor Rocky would soon learn that his job would be much harder than he thought.

Upon arriving at the door, he reached for the knob with trembling hands; as if the poor boy's mind was screaming for him to not go in. "C'mon, dude...it's just cleaning out a birdcage" Rocky whispered to himself, "how bad could it possibly be?" With that; he puffed out his chest, grabbed hold of the doorknob and threw the door open. That's when he was suddenly blasted by the foulest, most rancid stench that ever existed.

It was so bad that not only did the face mask Rocky wore did little to protect him from it, it felt as though he could practically...taste it! "JEEZ, LOUISE...What is that disgusting smell" he cried with disgust while trying to wipe away some tears from his eyes, "where the heck is it even coming..." When the poor boy's vision finally cleared up enough, he cast a slight glance over to the far edge of the room; where Ibid's birdcage was supposed to be found.

Instead, what he found was something so rotten and horrific; he fainted on the spot. But due to the smell that polluted the air of the room, Rocky could only "rest" for four seconds before it suddenly reawakened him. Four to five times over this happened before the Spokes boy finally snapped himself back to his senses with a good slap to the face.

"KEEP IT TOGETHER, DUDE" he urged fiercely, "remember...it's all for Lucy, it's all for Lucy." As Rocky slowly pushed himself up onto his feet once more, his mind kept repeating those four words on a continuous loop; hoping it would keep him from retreating. But as he drew closer to the dirty cage, the smell simply proved too horrible for any human being to handle.

Then, when he finally caught sight of the "present" Ibid had left for him; the color completely drained from Rocky's face. "Lucy...wherever you are, I hope you'll appreciate what I've had to do to get your gift" he thought fearfully, "that is...if this job doesn't kill me before your party."

(First AN: To quote Courage the Cowardly Dog, "the things one does for love." Now that Rocky's got himself a small job, all he has to do is perform every task to the letter and obey Farquard's list of rules. But what else will our hero have to do to earn the money he needs for Lucy's gift?

Tune in next time, to find out)

(Second AN: The octopus woman, Octavia who lives in Mr. Thorne's estate is in fact based off a race of creatures from mythology. They are known as The Cecaelia and they are mostly native to Native American and Asian cultures. But with a name like Octavia, I thought it would seem appropriate to give her a sort of European accent; possibly German.

I plan on expanding on her backstory in a later chapter, rest assured)

(Third AN: Some might think that a boy as young as Rocky signing a contract to perform household tasks might be a violation of labor laws. But be assured; as Farquard said to him, this is only meant for emergency purposes and to help remind Mr. Thorne of what Rocky has done for the house so far)

(Final AN: At the moment, Rocky doesn't believe things like an octopus woman or an owl who can talk in full human speech is real. He thinks that everyone in the house are former cast members of some sort of show and that any other weird stuff is just a trick. But soon, he and others will learn that there's more to Mr. Thorne's home than they realize)