"Is the Sea My Home?"
April XXXX
The rain was drizzling down on the beach at a moderate pace. Not enough to drown but just enough to get soaked.
Jasmine was sitting in the sand with her knees to her chest. The sand was irritating the skin on her legs, but she guessed that's what she gets for wearing a short, blue sundress.
The wind was starting to pick up. Not too fast but just enough to cause a chill. Jasmine was shivering and uncomfortable, but it was the first time she felt calm in weeks.
She's not sure how long she's been at the beach. She came before the sun even rose out of the sea. The forecast said that storms would hit the shore later in the evening. She guessed this was just the calm before the storm. The lull before the waves took you into their depths.
Even with the worsening of the weather, she didn't feel like leaving the shore. She didn't want to let go of this feeling. She didn't want to let go of this peace.
Minutes passed by and rain suddenly stopped pouring down on her, even when she could clearly see and hear it. Confused, she looked up. A man with an umbrella was standing over her. He never looked down, just kept his eyes focused on the sea.
"Let's go home," he said, finally looking down at her.
Reluctantly, she pushed herself off the sand and held on to the man as they walked back to his jeep.
/
The car ride back was silent, maybe even comfortable if Jasmine wasn't so nervous about her brother possibly questioning her. But he hadn't said a word to her since he spoke at the beach.
She'd been here for a few weeks now, relaxing and trying to make sense of her mind. She turned up to her brother's home unexpectedly, but he didn't turn her away. He had never questioned her, not when she first arrived and not now.
Jasmine saw this as a blessing that her brother was so understanding, but she still felt unsettled. She felt like she owed him an explanation. Why did she travel all the way from Olivine City in Johto to Sunnyshore City in Sinnoh? Even she couldn't answer that question.
They finally pulled up to Storm Hill Manor and quickly went inside. Her brother went into a closet on the way in and got a huge bath towel. He put the towel around Jasmine's shoulders before giving her a tight hug and a kiss on her forehead
Jasmine doesn't know why she starts to tear up. She wasn't sad; maybe she was just overwhelmed by the kindness shown to her that she felt she didn't deserve it.
"Take off your wet clothes and put them in the washing machine. I'm gonna go get a bath ready for you, okay?"
All Jasmine could do was nod.
/
Jasmine and her brother were laying down in the backyard with the sun streaming down their faces. She held on to her brother's hand. She didn't want to let it go. She didn't understand why her mother was forcing her to go back to Johto. She wanted them all to stay here together.
Her brother rolled over on his stomach and layed down on her chest, hugging her.
"I don't want you to go J," he said whispering in her ear.
"I know V," she said, running her fingers through his hair.
Jasmine didn't understand why mommy and daddy couldn't get along. She and V sometimes got upset at each other and fought, but never enough to leave forever.
May XXXX
Jasmine came back to the manor late in the afternoon, wearing a white tank top and blue jeans.
She spent her morning training with her Pokémon near a rockier part of the beach. Training lasted a few hours before she worked out at a nearby private gym and then came home.
Working out herself and her Pokémon was essential to her. She could not go a single day without doing so. There was something about sticking to this one part of her routine that calmed and settled her like nothing else. Without it, it seemed like her anxiety was even worse than it normally was.
She went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee before heading to the living room. She set down her drink on the coffee table and made her way to one of the built-in cabinets to pull out a few photo albums.
As she was getting settled on the couch, her brother's Luxray, Thunder, came and sat down in her lap. She stifled a laugh before moving the albums around as to not distrubed the resting feline.
She started flipping through the pages of one of the older ones; the one where she could see her family whole and happy.
They both took their blue eyes from their parents. While she favored her father who had light, sandy blond hair, her brother, V, favored her mother, who had long golden blond hair.
Despite the fact that they favored the other parent, they both seemed to take after the parent they were raised by in personality.
V was so much like their father, calm, stoic, confident. They both loved quietly and softly.
J was so much like their mother, fierce, silly, and sweet. However, it felt like she was caving in on herself more and more each year. Losing a part of herself. She was becoming more shy and introverted. Jasmine couldn't even recognize herself sometimes.
She doesn't know when this started, but she assumes that it happened around five years ago. During that time, both her and V became gym leaders and both of their parents passed away.
A few weeks after their confirmation ceremony, their father had been rushed to the hospital. Her family had known that he had cancer, and he was taking treatment for it. But it wasn't really getting better. A week later, he passed.
Eight months later their mother died in a fatal car accident.
Maybe she never had a chance to properly cope and that's why she started to feel like this, like the world is caving in on her. She doesn't really know.
/
Since V and J couldn't see each other often, they found new ways to communicate. They wrote each other letters and sent emails, but lately, they've been calling each other every day on the phone.
"I really miss you Jaz," V said, clearly pouting through the phone.
"I know," Jasmine sighed, "Maybe I could try and find a way to visit you when I go off on my Pokémon journey."
"You would do that?"
"Of course I would," she said smiling, "I would do anything for you. Would you visit me?"
"Yeah, I would."
A silence fell over them for a few minutes.
"I know you're going on your journey soon, but I've been talking to father about mine."
Jasmine was startled a little at that.
"I asked him if he was comfortable with me traveling through Johto and competing in their league for my first journey. He said I could do whatever I want as long as I'm safe and happy. He also said he would support me no matter what. So, I hope I can visit you in two years if you're there."
Jasmine's head was spinning. Her father was allowing Volkner to travel wherever he wished to. He could come to Johto if he wanted to. As much as she wanted to be happy for him, she just couldn't. In fact, she felt as if she needed to vomit.
How was it that father was so easy going about his first journey, but mother wasn't. Jasmine could barely even bring up traveling to Sinnoh, let alone other regions, without her mother going completely ballistic.
Why was her father so okay with it while her mother was not?
June XXXX
For as long as Jasmine has been at Volkner's, she had never gone inside his closet.
When she was younger and still living with her mother, she would go into her bathroom or closet whenever she needed something (within reason of course).
Being at Volkner's, however, was a little different. She wanted to respect his privacy, especially since she came to his home unannounced and had been staying there a little over three months.
Since staying there was such an unexpected trip, she really didn't have as many clothes there as she needed. She was just rewashing most of her clothes, but she wanted to wear something different today. Volkner offered for her to wear whatever she wanted from his closet.
She refused a bit in the beginning, but then she conceded.
So, late in the morning, she went through his bedroom to his walk-in closet to pick out a few tops she could wear. The feeling was very nostalgic to her. She remembers them sharing clothes all the time when they were younger and still living together.
On her way out, she stumbled upon something she hadn't seen before.
Tucked away in a corner of the closet, there was an intricately made, golden and blue wooden tabala, a home shrine and altar. There were carvings of the two Supreme Almegans (1), Gin Lugia (2) and Gorudo Ho-Oh (3).
At the bottom of the tabala, there was a shelf where the daily sacrifice would lay. On the shelf, there seemed to be freshly cut sunsetta and mooretta flowers. Both of those flowers were very rare. They only grew at the tops of mountains. Those who gather them are said to possess great strength and patience. It seemed as if Volkner laid them out there that morning.
On top of the tabala, was a jar of oil, a large text, and a notebook. The notebook seemed to intrigue Jasmine the most. She knew it was wrong to look through Volkner's things without his permission, but she couldn't help herself.
She opened the notebook and was completely stunned. Every word in the notebook was written in the native Johtonian language. Jasmine was genuinely shocked; even she did not know how to read, write, or speak in native Johtonian.
The language started to have a revival in Johto around 10 years ago when the United Kingdoms of Kanto and Johto decided to split and become two independent nations like they once were 300 years ago. The language wasn't dead, but was still severely underused. Only around 30-40% of ethnic Johtonians knew their native language. When Kanto and Johto decided to become one kingdom, they decided to mainly use the Kantonian language, which is today known as the global language or the common tongue.
Jasmine was shaking. Tears were streaming down her face, and she couldn't keep the sob from coming up out of her throat.
She wondered why she was such a horrible sibling. Weekly calls weren't enough. Meeting up for holidays wasn't enough. Sending gifts through the mail wasn't enough.
She collapsed on the floor and rolled herself into a ball. Her crying never ceased. The only thing she could see across her closed eyes was "failure."
She had never been a good sibling. If she was, then she would have known about this side of V, but she didn't. She didn't know anything about him.
She didn't listen enough. She wasn't attentive enough. She wasn't good enough.
Maybe now, Volkner would finally kick her out. She must have overstayed her welcome.
/
Jasmine woke up feeling a bit calmer, the closet light turned off, and a large blanket wrapped around her.
She squinted her eyes to look at the digital clock on her wrist to see what time it was. It was very late in the evening, almost time for her to go to bed. So, she decided to get up and head back to her room.
She wrapped the blanket around her as she headed out of the closet. As she was leaving, she saw Volkner laying in his bed with his Luxray and Electrvire watching a show on TV.
Volkner turned his head towards her and acknowledged her presence.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you some food?"
She shook her head, "No, it's fine."
"Do you want to watch TV with us?"
Jasmine hesitated for a second. Even though she felt better now, she didn't know if she would bawl or not if she was in her brother's arms.
"Please."
And she caved. She made her way to the bed and scooted close to her brother laying her head on his shoulder, and him wrapping his arm around her waist. She then covered them both up with the blanket.
"Thank you for the blanket," said Jasmine, "I was glad to not wake up cold."
"You're welcome," he said, kissing the top of her head.
With that gesture, she couldn't help but have tears falling from hers.
Volkner turned to her concerned, "What's wrong Jasmine? Please, talk to me."
"Why don't you hate me," she sobbed.
Volkner's brow furled. "How could I ever hate you?"
"Because I don't even know you!"
"Why would you even think that?"
Jasmine took a while to respond, but then she softly spoke, "I didn't know you had a tabala for the Gin and Gorudo nor did I know that you spoke native Johtonian."
Volkner didn't answer right away. Once the show they were watching was over, did he speak again.
"When you and mother left, I was devastated. I wanted to do anything I could to feel connected to the both of you. Mother was an ethnic Johtonian and spoke their native language. I thought that with both of you moving to Johto, I wouldn't be able to communicate with you anymore. So, I asked father for a tutor, and he got me one."
Jasmine frowned, "You thought that even though we kept exchanging letters and phone calls back and forth in the common tongue?"
Vokner laughed, "At the time, I was just a child. I thought I was losing you forever. I wanted to be with you and mother, even if I had to move there one day. But I thought that I wouldn't be able to communicate with anyone if I moved there. So this is where it started. I'm not fluent in speaking but I can read and write very well."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"As I got older, I realized how stupid it was. I didn't want to stop learning because it made me feel closer to you and mother, but I also didn't want to tell you the reason why I started. You would have laughed at me, and I don't think I could have taken that at the time."
"I wouldn't have laughed at you. . ." she said, bowing her head.
Volkner sighed, "Hindsight is 20/20."
"Tell me about the tabala," she said, looking up at Volkner, "I didn't know you were religious, and besides that, very few people practice the native Johtonian religion anymore. Mother didn't even really practice it."
"You know that I grew up in Father's clan. They practiced Arceism (4), and once I knew what our mother's, and effectively our, native religion was and that it was just a sect of father's, I wanted to know more about it and practice it if I could. Father got me that tabala when I was eight, and I've just kept it all these years."
"Father was really good to you."
"He was. Was mother good to you?" Volkner asked, uneasy.
Jasmine shrugged, "To be honest, I'm still trying to figure that out. She was really strict with me, and didn't really like me looking into my Sinnohan heritage a lot."
"I'm sorry."
"It is what it is."
/
"I don't understand why you don't want them to come! This should be my choice. I want them there! I want them to watch me at the Silver Conference!"
"If they want to see you, they can watch you on TV," huffed her mother.
"I just want my family to be here in person. I haven't seen them in ages, and this is really important to me."
Jasmine crumpled down on the floor and started to cry.
Her mother came and wrapped her arms around her.
"I know sweetheart. But I'm just trying to protect you."
If that were the case, then why does it hurt so much?
July XXXX
Jasmine once again woke up early with her Pokémon and headed out towards the beach to watch the sun rise.
The sun and the sea. They both reminded her of Gin Lugia and Gorudo Ho-Oh.
By looking at them, she felt a little less homesick, a little less anxious.
Jasmine wondered if she would ever be able to get rid of the feeling of being homesick. Whether she was in Johto or Sinnoh, her mind always found a way to make her want to find her way back home.
Being homesick for Johto always made sense. She was an ethnic Johtonian. When the Gin and Gorudo made a covenant with her people, they blessed them with a divine connection to the land. They would always know how to find their way back home, as the land would always call for their souls.
Because of this, she never knew why she craved for Sunnyshore so much. She was born and raised in Sunnyshore City for the first seven years of her life. She was surprised when she made this impromptu visit how much it felt like coming home and yet there was still a part of her that craved to go back.
She guessed she would always have two homes since that's where both pieces of her heart were.
However, whenever she visited the beach and saw the sun ascend from the sea, she knew everything would be all right
Maybe this meant that the sea would be her home.
/
Jasmine didn't get back home until late into the evening. When she got back, Volkner had dinner waiting for her on the table.
They ate in silence for the entire meal with a little small talk here and there.
Once they finished eating and cleaned the dishes, Volkner started to speak.
"When will you be leaving?"
Jasmine froze. She didn't know what to say.
"Don't you have your duties with the gym?"
"I do, but I'm on a sabbatical," she stated stiffly, "I have my replacements in place. I will go back whenever I want to."
"You've just been her for three months an- "
"If you don't want me here then just say so."
Volkner sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I like having you here, but the more you stay, the less it feels like a vacation and more like you are running away from something."
Jasmine turned away from him.
"I want to support you Jaz, but I can't do that if you don't open up to me."
Jasmine unceremoniously sat down at the kitchen table.
"Maybe I did run away," she whispered, "I had one of the most stressful weeks of my life, and at the end of the week, I had the worst panic attack I had ever had. It got so bad that I felt the need to call the ambulance. The day after I was discharged, I came here."
As she was telling her story, Jasmine her arms crossed over each other and looked down the entire time.
Volkner reached over the table and had his hand palm facing upwards, ready to comfort her.
"Have you ever considered going to the doctor and seeing if any medicine could help?"
"No, why?! Nothing is wrong with me," she snapped.
"Nothing is wrong with you. I just think it could be a good idea."
A beat passed before he spoke again.
"I'm going to tell you a story. Around two years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression."
Jasmine's head shot up. She was taken aback.
"I never would have known if my friends and family didn't push me to go see someone to get help. They knew something was wrong and offered as much support to me as I could. I'm not sure when it started; I think it was around the time our parents passed away, but I started feeling really tired. Nothing that I tried could fix it. I started to rapidly lose weight, I was crying all the time, and I started to have suicidal thoughts. The things that used to bring joy to my life started to be dull and boring.
It affected every part of my life, especially my job and my battling. My friends started to notice the changes happening to me and my lack of passion for life that used to be there. They advised me to go see a therapist. I was against it at first, but I went anyway just to see what they said. I started going for a month or two before they recommended me to go see a doctor about my symptoms. This is when I started to get my antidepressants. From then on, things slowly started to get better. I just wanted to say that there is no shame in needing therapy or medication to help you. I think it would be good for you."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she sobbed, grabbing his hand and holding it to her chest.
"It was around the time you were getting really stressed out with your job. You were calling me everyday during that time. I just didn't want to add to your stress with my problems. I'm sorry."
"You should be. I would always want to know what is going on with you no matter what I'm going through."
/
"Come on J, take some deep breaths for me. You're working yourself up again."
Jasmine took shaky breaths into her lungs. She did this for about five minutes before she settled down.
"Thanks V. I really appreciate it."
"It's not a big deal."
"It is though. I've just been so stressed with the gym lately. I'm having a record break with the number of challengers that come to battle me each day. We've had to add more slots than the amount I usually do every day because there are just so many of them. The gym is currently under construction, and we are still having to deal with the aftermath of Kanto and Johto deciding to split."
"Take another deep breath for me J. I know a lot is going on right now, but you also need to remember to take care of yourself."
September XXXX
As autumn approached, the weather started to get a bit more unpredictable. With the air being a bit cooler, Jasmine decided to wear a sweater out.
It's been two months since she's been diagnosed. Two months to sit with it. This label.
While she didn't want to think that being diagnosed was something bad, she couldn't help entertain her previous stereotypes.
She felt embarrassed and ashamed. She didn't want anyone to know.
Every time she swallowed her medication, all she could think of is what a failure she is.
It's gotten a little better each time she's done it. On the first try, she cried for hours while Volkner held her.
She wasn't trying to be dramatic, but she hated what this meant for her, that she had to depend on something just to live her life.
Having to exist with such a complex well of emotions has been hard. On some days she's understanding of her plight and on others she's so disappointed she wonders if she should stop taking her medication and run away.
The only thing that really clears her head is working at the Great Neptune Lighthouse, named after one of the seven Astrals of the dominant Sinnohan religion, a religion brought to Sinnoh by the Kanjohjins (5) that unified the state.
The Kanjohjins said that the Great Neputune guided them to Sinnoh by a ray of light. They led them home the same way the lighthouse led sailors home.
Jasmine wondered if that's why she's always felt calm in lighthouses. The security they bring by always being there and calling you home. As if to say you always have a home to turn to, no matter what happens.
With the weather changing and with the shifting of the waves, emergency services at the lighthouse had many volunteers helping out. Jasmine thought it was better to help out where needed than stay out home all day wallowing in her misery.
She was grateful for the distraction. Her medication and going to therapy was brutal for her. She didn't think she could have made it if she didn't have Volkner or this volunteer work.
She just lost herself in her work until it was time for her to go home.
When the sun was just about to set, Jasmine left the lighthouse and went to a local restaurant to pick up dinner for her and a friend.
For as long as she's been in Sinnoh, she hasn't had anyone contact her unless it's been for business.
Jasmine had never been good at making friends or even keeping them. People saw her as unapproachable, cold, and too uptight. It left her with a lonely life. When people have certain expectations of you, you don't know whether to meet them or show them a different person. For Jasmine, it was to always meet them. She never wanted to disappoint anyone, but it led to a lack of real connection with others.
Though, through her tenure as a gym leader, she did manage to make one connection, and that was with Leader Pryce of the Mahagonny City Gym.
Their relationship started around the time of her parents death. Jasmine had only been leading her gym for a few months before she had to deal with half her family passing away. Pryce was the first person to reach out and comfort her. Then for months after, he would continue to look out for her, delivering her food, sending sweet notes, and visiting in person every once in a while. He was a support she so desperately needed.
Tonight, Pryce was coming over for dinner and staying the week to check up on her. She didn't want him to see what a mess she had become, but some things were just inevitable.
When she got home, she quickly cleaned the place up and set out the food in a decorative manner on the kitchen table. All there was left to do was wait for her guest to arrive.
When Pryce arrived, he came in and gave a big hug to Jasmine. The hug was warmer than any hello. A symbol saying "I'm always her for you." When it ended, they quickly went to the kitchen where they began to chat and eat dinner.
Pryce is a staunch old man and very traditional. He flitted through conversation back and forth between the common and his native tongue. While Jasmine couldn't speak any Johtonian, she was able to understand a bit of it.
Pryce brought a warm air of familiarity that Jasmine didn't know she needed. She was so afraid of him treating her differently because of her long hiatus at the gym, but it turned out there was little for her to be worried about.
"My little mountain, when are you coming home?"
"I wanted to wait until I was all better before I head back to the gym," she responded shakily.
Pryce shook his head, "No, no, no, I think you have the wrong idea Jasmine. There is no getting better. At least not 100%. You must learn to live with this. You must grow and evolve."
Jasmine didn't understand. What was the point of going home if she couldn't get better. How would she be able to face anyone, especially those that worked under her. How could she face them knowing how weak she had become.
"I'm not sure what to do then sensei," she sighed, "What more can I do?"
"As long as you are taking care of yourself, that's all you can do. This will always be a shadow over you, but it doesn't have to take control."
Jasmine just slumped down in her chair. Hope just seemed to be a fleeting memory. She doesn't know how to live with her anxiety. She wants to squash it and be done with it, but it's proving hard to do that. She just wants to live a normal life again.
"When my wife passed away, I had to take a leave-of-absence from my gym for six months. It was really tough, but with the right support, I learned to live with the loss. You have to learn to live with what is affecting you too. But don't let whatever it is win."
/
"Thank you for this," said Jasmine as she took her cup of tea and layed back down on her couch.
Leader Pryce had come over to stay for the weekend. They were both feeling a bit lonely; so they thought some time together would fix that.
Pryce sat on the floor in front of the koto, a traditional Johtonian string instrument, and started to play.
The koto was one of the few traditional items that her mother kept around. It was a gift, passed down each generation. Her mother didn't play very much, but when she did, it always helped to soothe her.
Pryce had been playing the koto since he was a little boy. He always played it for Jasmine whether she visited him at Mahogany Town or he came to her to Olivine City. He always played the koto for his wife; with her gone, playing it made him feel closer to her.
As the koto continued to play, the sound soothed both of their hearts, filling it to the brim with memories. Maybe this time they'll feel whole for a little bit longer.
October XXXX
It was a little chilly to be eating outside, but Flint promised that this was the best place in town to order pancakes. Jasmine took her seat at one of the tables while Flint went to pick up their order.
Papa's Pancakes was an outdoor breakfast café that was located close to downtown Sunnyshore. Since she was to spend the entire day with Flint, Flint wanted to start things off on a good note. And what's a better start to the day than breakfast.
Vokner had been complaining that she needed to get out of the house and enjoy her time there. She was either at home or volunteering at the lighthouse and not doing anything in between. Since Flint was coming over anyway, he saw it as a good opportunity for J to socialize, which wasn't her strong suit.
When Flint came back around to the table, they began to eat their food and made light chit chat.
"I've known you and Volkner to be friends for a long time," said Jasmine, "but how did that happen? Where did the two of you meet?"
"So we're childhood friends," Flint laughed, "I'm from the Highland prefecture, but everyone knows it as the Battle Zone because of the Battle Tower. So, I'm a Vulcanite, and my people are indigenous to the prefecture. So I was born and raised there until around the age of six. My parents and others started to notice my abilities and how good I was in school. So my parents and the leaders of the community thought it would be in my best interest to go to the High Sun Boarding School in Sunnyshore City, which is one of the best schools in the region. My parents talked to me about it, and I was super stoked! I thought it would be fun to travel to the mainland and be on my own for a while, and you know, be an adult."
"Wow, that seems crazy," said Jasmine, "I couldn't ever imagine doing that. I'm such a homebody."
"Yeah, I definitely didn't know how hard it was going to be until I got there. I was homesick all the time. My family visited me as much as they could, but it still wasn't enough. Thankfully, I was able to make some friends at school. I'm especially thankful for Volkner. Because he lived in Sunnyshore, he could stay home; so, I went home with him almost every weekend."
"I'm surprised you didn't make more friends," Jasmine chuckled, "You are definitely the most social out of the two of you."
"Yeah, well, it wasn't easy making friends at that school. It was an elite boarding school; so most of the students came from upper class Hisui (6) families. There were only a handful of indigenous kids that went there. We sort of banded together and learned to live with the dichotomy between us and them.
Seeing that the two of them were done eating, Flint ushered them out of the café.
Their next stop was the Mahali Bazaar which was a couple of blocks away. So, they decided to enjoy the nice weather and walk there.
As they were walking, Jasmine started to notice all the solar panels all around the city. They were on the sidewalks, on top of buildings, and even in some unusual places too. She had never seen so many solar panels in her life. She wondered if they powered the entire city.
"Hey Flint," called Jasmine.
"Yeah," he responded, turning towards her.
"I'm not sure if you'll know, but where did all the solar panels come from?"
Flint just smiled, "Ah, Volkner helped to put them up a few years ago, around the time he started leading the gym here."
Another thing she didn't know about him. She still wondered how much more she would uncover about Volkner.
"He did this all himself?"
"Well not entirely. After Volkner won the Lily of the Valley Conference, he went to university and ended up getting dual master degrees in mechanical and electrical engineering. So many companies were vying for him, but Volk is always selective. He wanted to work at a company that focused on clean energy and one that hired a good percentage of indigenous people. Based on that, there was only one company that fit the bill. The company he chose was run and owned by a family that is indigenous to the Venus prefecture. They are the number one supplier of clean energy to Sinnoh, and they own the largest wind farm in the region, which is right outside of Floaroma Town."
"So he just partnered with them to do all this?"
"Yep, with his expertise and their resources, they made the Sunnyshore City, the biggest solar farm in the hemisphere."
Jasmine was still dazed by the information. She knew Volkner was smart, but she didn't know it was to this extreme. Her heart warms with pride, but her head is a jumbled up mess for everything that she missed out on. When was his graduation? Why wasn't she invited? Or maybe he didn't invite her because she thought she wouldn't come. Did her mother know about it? Did her mother hide this information from her? Why didn't V ever bring it up on their phone calls?
She was pulled out of her daze by two hands that rested on her shoulders, grounding her.
"Take a deep breath for me."
Jasmine breathed through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, just like what her therapist taught her.
"Just like that, take another one for me, okay."
And she did. She kept breathing until she felt a little more stable again.
"Sorry for that," she said, wrapping her arms around her.
Jasmine had tears threatening to fall from her eyes. It's been a while since she had any type of panic attack like this. She felt so ashamed. She thought she was making progress, but maybe she wasn't.
"It's okay," said Flint, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "If you're still up for it, I would really like you to come see the bazaar, I think you would really like the place."
An out.
She could go home if she wanted to. She could cry it out and battle out the war inside her mind in peace. But she didn't want to be alone right now, and she wanted to try and push herself a bit when things got hard.
So, she decided to stay.
They both walked in the bazaar with Flint's arm still around her, grounding her and helping her to feel a bit more protected.
Looking through the bazaar, Jasmine was stunned by everything she was seeing. There were so many merchants selling goods that she had never seen before. Jasmine would like to think she was a bit well traveled, but coming here, she definitely saw her world expand a bit more.
So many of the merchants there also knew Flint. He was introducing her to everyone there.
After an hour or two, they decided to stop by the food court to rest a bit. That's when Flint started to talk to her about the history of the bazaar.
"So this bazaar is over 200 years old. When Kanto and Johto were still one, they were colonizing other regions like crazy. One of them was our very own Sinnoh. With their colonization also came them bringing their culture to us. A lot of their merchants ended up leaving their lands to come here. With that, their culture of guilds also came. There were so many guilds all over the region, but there was only one that would allow indigenous communities to join the guild and sell their stuff. That was the Ginko Guild.
"As time went on and the need for guilds lessened, the Ginko Guild decided to sell all of their properties. At the time, the grandson of Ginter, one of the most famous guild masters, decided to buy up a couple of the properties to keep running. And since he is yours and Volkner's ancestor, that is how this place ended up in Volkner's possession."
"Wait," said Jasmine, "You're telling me I'm related to a famous guild master? And Volkner owns this bazaar?"
"Yeah," Flint chuckled, "Ginter was the first indigenous person to be a Guild Master in Sinnoh. He's Mahali, which is why the name of this place is the Mahali Bazaar. When your father passed, the deed was given over to Volkner, and he decided to keep it and deal with the responsibilities."
Even more she didn't know about her heritage and Volkner.
"Volkner invited me to come to some kind of Mahali religious festival next month. He wants to introduce me to some of our family members, but I'm not sure about it," she said looking down.
"I think you should go. I know a lot of people who never get to know where they come from, and it's heartbreaking. If you have the privilege to not only know but to know more, I think you should take it."
/
It's been 2 weeks since she learned of her father's terminal cancer.
It's been 1 week since she sent the letter.
Her father hasn't responded back to her, and she wonders if he ever will.
Her mother has always mailed her letters for her. It was convenient since she was always so busy. She always received responses from everyone else, but never from her father.
She wonders if her father hates her; wonders if he despises her. Wonders if her father felt as if she betrayed him.
While she learned long ago that trying to contact him would result in nothing, she still wanted to reach out. Especially if these would be the last few months he would live.
She wanted to see him; wanted to see how he was doing. But would he even want her there?
He's always been happy to see her and so attentive when they meet up in person, but he never replies back to any of her letters. She's never had his number. She doesn't know what to do.
November XXXX
Jasmine felt an uncomfortable roll in her stomach, salvia rushed to her mouth, and her eyes started to water. Her heart was pounding and her palms grew sweaty.
They had been driving on the interstate for the past four hours, and they had one more hour to go before they reached their destination. Why they didn't take the train was beyond her.
"You doing okay?" asked Volkner, taking a glimpse at his sister.
"Just peachy…"
"We're almost there. We just have to make a quick stop at this gas station before we finish up the drive."
Jasmine just nodded her head. She felt too nauseous to talk.
She's never met her father's side of the family before. She didn't even see them at her father's funeral (something about conducting a formal ceremony at "home").
Not only was she meeting her family, but she will also be participating in an important religious festival. She didn't know what was in store for her. She felt so blindsided by the entire thing.
Why would Volkner invite her? Doesn't he know that she's not familiar with that side of her family? Maybe he was just trying to be nice and didn't think she would say yes to go? Maybe he just wanted to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn't have another panic attack.
"So where exactly are we headed to?" Jasmine asked, hoping to get out of her head.
"So right now, we are traveling southwest of Sunnyshore City. We are currently in the next prefecture over, which is Mars. We are going to the southern side of the Khan mountain range; to the north of it is Veilstone City. That's where the Mahali are native to."
Why hadn't her father ever talked to her about this? In all her years of life, he's never mentioned his heritage before. Did he think she would reject it? Did he think she was not worthy enough to know? Whatever he thought doesn't matter now, she guesses. She was about to be in the belly of the beast soon.
"Will I be able to communicate with them?" she asked, "You were so concerned about not being able to communicate with mother and I, surely I should have the same concerns."
Jasmine was trying to make light of the situation, but the thought still terrified her. Being surrounded by a bunch of people she didn't know nor who could communicate with her sounded awful.
Volkner chuckled, "We do have our own language just like the Johtonians do. However, most of us know the common tongue, especially the younger generations. You may have a hard time communicating with the elders since most of them like to stay isolated in our communities."
"Right," she nodded.
"Since we're on the topic of language, I just wanted to say that when I'm home, most people call me Naranbaatar, or sometimes Naran for short. Father gave me that name. Our Mahali surname is Bayar; so my full name is Naranbaatar Bayar."
Jasmine felt her blood freeze over. Was she not worthy of a Mahali name? Was she not good enough? Why hadn't father introduced her to this part of his world? The more she thought of it, the more isolated she felt and the more she didn't want to go.
"Did father ever give me a name?" she asked softly, almost too low to hear.
Volkner gave a small smile. "Whenever he talked about you, he always called you Sarangerel. It means moonlight in our language. He said that your eyes inspired the name. How the pale blue looked like streams of moonlight at night."
And just like that, Jasmine melted into her seat, muscles going lax. The constant battlefield of her mind was subdued even if just for a little bit. Whether or not her father loved her was always a bit contested. She knows he did, but it was hard for doubt to leave her mind. Knowing that he talked about her, knowing that he gave her a name in his native tongue, meant everything.
Sarangerel Bayar.
/
They reached the small town of Ulaangom near sundown. The sunlight poured out over the beautiful rolling hills and farmlands. It felt as if they were arriving home on a golden carpet.
The land was really beautiful, and she was looking forward to seeing more of it the following morning.
Volkner eventually drove through a gate and pulled up to a home that Jasmine had never seen before. The house was a large round building built on a tall foundation and a cone for the roof.
"This is called a yurt," said Volkner as he was unbuckling himself and leaving the car, "This was father's home, and now it's mine. Most of our people live in these instead of the homes you are used to. We will be staying here for a couple of days."
With that, they took their suitcases and entered inside the building.
While Volkner was putting wood in the fireplace to heat up the room, Jasmine decided to take a look around the yurt.
The yurt was really just one giant room with many windows around the home. The exposed lattice was white which added a more modern touch to the place. In the middle of the room, was a low-floor dining table with cushions instead of chairs. To the left was a small, but full, kitchen. To the right was a queen sized bed with gorgeous red and yellow quilts over it. There was also a few chests and drawers for clothes. In front of the kitchen table was a moderate couch with a tv in front of it, as well as the fireplace beside it. Even with the small open space, it was still well organized. There was even a bathroom that contained indoor plumbing!
"Why don't you get settled while I make dinner," said Volkner, "You can take the bed, and I will take the couch. The couch is a let-out-bed; so, I'll be fine."
As Jasmine started to put her stuff away, her mind started to wander. Her father used to live in this house. How long had he lived here? Did he still live here when he met her mother? How often did he bring Volkner back here? Did he ever want to bring Jasmine along?
While she was musing in bed, she heard a knock at the front door. She thought it was her imagination until she heard the knocking for a second time.
Volkner looked up from what he was doing and siad, "I'll go get the door."
When Volkner opened the door, Jasmine saw a tan woman slightly shorter than Volkner with blond hair in two braids.
"Naran!" said the woman instantly hugging Volkner, "How have you been? I haven't seen you in ages."
Volkner smiled and hugged her right back, "I've been well, just dealing with some family issues. Why don't you come in."
As Volkner led the woman instead, her eyes instantly locked on Jasmine's.
"Oh," she bowed, "Hello there. Sorry for being so rude."
"Hi," Jasmine waved, getting up from the bed.
While Volkner was heading back to the kitchen to take dinner off the stove, he introduced the two.
"Jasmine, this is Enkhtuya. She's our cousin. Enkhtuya, this is Jasmine, my sister, also known as Sarangerel."
"OMG! You're Sarangerel," said Enkhtuya, taking a step closer towards Jasmine.
"Yeah, I guess that's me…" Jasmine said sheepishly.
"I've heard so much about you from Uncle Batu, rest his soul," Enkhtuya said, clasping their hands together.
"Let's take this to the kitchen table, shall we. We can talk while we eat dinner."
They all got situated at the table while Volkner served them bantan, a type of meat porridge.
They sat in silence for a while just savoring the delicious food before they started up chatting again.
"Naran, you are such a good cook," Enkhtuya moaned, "You are going to make someone very happy one day."
Volkner just laughed.
"Do you know how to cook, Sarang?"
"Oh, well, only a little," she said, startled by the use of her Mahali name, "Definitely not as good as Volk- I mean Naran."
"It's okay," Enkhtuya smiled, "You can call him Volkner. I'm just used to calling him Naranbataar. Are you coming to the festival tomorrow?"
Jasmine looked at Volkner, "I think so. I'm not sure what to expect though."
"Tomorrow is going to be so much fun!" said Enkhtuya, "It's basically the last great festival of the year before Mundare, which takes place on the winter solstice and is followed by a period of fasting and purification. We'll be socializing and eating all day tomorrow, as well as visiting the Fulgur Shrine."
"This is definitely my favorite Mahali holiday," said Volkner.
Enkhtuya giggled. "You didn't even decorate this year though!"
"I'll decorate now that I'm here," he pouted.
Jasmine blinked. Then blinked again. Never in her life has she ever seen her brother pout before, even when he was five. It's like she's seeing an entirely different person.
"Stop being such a baby," Enkhtuya lightly shoved Volkner.
Volkner fell into his pout even more. "Tuya! Stop embarrassing me!"
Both of them giggled.
It was nice to see Volkner so happy. Jasmine knew Volkner was content before, but she had never seen him this radiant. It reminded her of when they were younger, more innocent, and didn't know what the future had in store for them.
All Jasmine could do was smile. She didn't know what they were saying, but she was glad that she could see her brother so happy. He deserved to be.
"Okay, I think I'm gonna head out. I'll come back over tomorrow morning to meet with you guys before we head out for the festival."
As Enkhtuya got up, so did Volkner, walking her out and making sure she got to her car safely.
/
Enkhtuya came over late in the morning with three giant bags filled with the clothes they would all wear at today's festival.
Volkner wore a dark blue del with embroidery of silver and gold creating patterns that resembled lightning. It was paired with a black leather belt and thick Mahali boots.
Enkhtuya wore a beautiful yellow del with embroidery of silver and blue creating the effect of rain clouds. It was paired with a blue belt and thick Mahali boots. She wore her golden locks in a bun with long dangling earrings from her ears.
Jasmine wore a sparkling silver del with embroidery of gold and blue depicting the mountains. It was paired with a dark blue belt and thick Mahali boots. She put her long hair into a high ponytail.
Once they were all dressed, they quickly left the yurt, entered the car, and traveled to the center of the Mahali town.
The town was decorated in gold, silver, and blue everywhere. The decor shined and shimmered in the sunlight making the town seem even more magical.
All around, all Jasmine could see was blond. Everyone had blond hair; from platinum white, to honey gold, to ashy or dirty brown. The darkest hair color she saw was light sandy brown, the same as hers. Even though the population of the Mahali seemed to favor blond hair, they varied in complexions; from pale as snow to golden as the sun to dark as onyx.
Along with the pretty golden hair, there was golden fur everywhere. Elekids, Electivires, Jolteons, Luxrays, and more. It seemed as if everyone had an electric type Pokémon and had let them all out to play.
Volkner and Enkhtuya had dragged Jasmine around everywhere, introducing her to everyone. She met those old and young; those that shared her blood and those that didn't. So far, everyone seemed quite friendly and amicable.
The time spent out was exhausting, but it was good. Jasmine felt her social battery continue to decline, becoming quieter and quieter, but she still felt so happy and so pleased. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she belonged; she felt like she was a part of something. For the first time, she didn't feel isolated by her culture, but included in it.
They continued to walk, chit chat, and eat until the late afternoon. They eventually took a bus that would lead them to the Fulgor Shrine. The Fulgor Shrine was one of the eighteen elemental shrines of the Arceusite religion. Each region that housed a significant population of Arceusites had these elemental shrines. The Fulgor Shrine represented the electric element and contained a giant plate made out of a sacred stone to represent the Arceus' fulgor plate. The shrine was located on 20 acres of land with dense foliage and a river running through it.
They cleansed themselves outside the shrine before they entered it to pray and give offerings. They stayed for an hour before getting back on the bus to return to the center of town.
Late in the evening, they settled down on a blanket that they brought to watch the fireworks go off. It was a brilliant display of reds, blues, purples, pinks. The show was dazzling.
No matter how she felt when they were heading here, Jasmine could say that she had no regrets.
/
It's been a week since her mother's funeral, and Jasmine still had so much work to do. She had to deal with her mother's will and all of her assets. But right now, she was just focused on the house.
She lived in that house ever since she and her mom moved away from Sunnyshore City. It was a nice house, a modest two-story. But she was conflicted on whether or not she wanted to keep it or not. The house was paid off, but it just had so many memories, both good and bad.
Jasmine decided to start with the attic since it should have the most junk, the most things she wouldn't want to keep.
As she entered the attic, she noticed a large wooden chest. She decided to start with that first.
When she opened the chest, she was a little surprised. She saw small trinkets and many letters, letters she had mailed to her father and letters that her father mailed to her.
She never thought that her father wrote to her since he never did in all her years she had lived. But sitting right in front of her was proof that he did. Why had she never seen these? And why were her letters she sent him sitting here? Did her mother never mail them?
With trembling fingers, Jasmine opened one of the envelopes.
"Dear Jasmine,
Happy Birthday! I'm sending this letter a few days before your birthday so that you receive this on the day of your birth. I can't believe you are 10 already. Time flies by fast. I'm not sure if you will see this, but I hope you know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. Your mother says you're an outstanding student in school and ….."
Jasmine discarded that letter and picked up the next one.
"Dear Jasmine,
The winters have turned very cold here. Even in a coastal city such as ours, we still get snow. Does it snow in Olivine City? With the winter also comes a more peaceful state of mind. I'm not sure if you'll read this, but I have come to peace that you may never want me in your life. But I still want to send these just to let you know how much I love you and ….."
And then she picked up another.
"Dear Jasmine,
The moonlight is so bright tonight, just like your eyes. I've been missing you a lot lately. I'm not sure how to deal with it though. I see you a lot on tv. Watching your matches always makes me feel closer to you. I hope you are having a good time. I was thinking about making a trip to …"
What was this? These words, these thoughts, these feelings. Her father died at the beginning of the year yet she still feels so strongly about him. She never really got to talk to him, not the way she wanted to. And then to discover this; to see that he actually cared about her
She never knew she could feel so much heartbreak.
December XXXX
Walking down the terminal with her carry-on bag, Jasmine and Volkner headed to bag pick up to get the rest of their suitcases before heading off in a cab.
They were back in Olivine City. She was back in Olivine City.
She didn't feel ready to be back yet. She didn't feel prepared, but she had to be there.
Pryce warned her many months ago that others would start seeing her inactivity as an acceptance for a challenge. With her gone from the gym for almost 10 months, there was bound to be someone who wanted to challenge her title as Gym Leader and take it for themselves.
Soon she'll know what kind of challenger she will be facing. Two days from now, she will take on the person who wants her position.
She's heard the rumors; the things the challenger has said about her. How she's lazy, how she's leaving her gym and her prefecture vulnerable, how she's only causing trouble and downgrading the status of her gym, etc etc etc.
She knows she shouldn't read those negative comments, but she can't help it. She wanted to know what kind of person she was going up against. She wanted to know their mindset; wanted to know what they thought of her.
Was she nervous? Jasmine doesn't know. All she knows is that she felt numb. It was as if she was underwater. Her senses were dulled and her movements were slowed. Everything moved in a blur.
She was grateful for Volkner traveling with her. If he wasn't here, she wasn't sure she would have been able to get through all of this.
They quickly got their bags from baggage claim, took a cab, and headed towards her home.
Jasmine's home was extremely close to the beach and even closer to the lighthouse. Her mother bought it because of how inexpensive it was. No one wanted the bright light of the lighthouse preventing them from sleeping at night, but Jasmine grew to love that light. That ever shining star that kept her lost self pointing back to home.
She decided to sit on the back porch for a while, just watching the waves. Something about being back in Johto calmed her like no else, like something just clicked for her. She felt at home, but she still felt a lingering attachment to Sunnyshore City, her first hometown. Even with being so far away, her mind was still there. At least she still had the sea that connected her.
About an hour later, Volkner opened the sliding door and sat next to Jasmine on the back porch.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"How are you feeling about your match in a few days?"
Jasmine sighed, "I feel like my life and my reputation is on the line. It feels more high stakes than gaining this position. I've had people challenge me before, but never in these circumstances. At the same time, I feel unusually calm; like I just don't care anymore. I had to take time off for my mental health. That doesn't make me weaker than anyone else."
Volkner nodded his head. "You're stronger than anyone I know. You've been training consistently since you've been with me. I know you can do this."
"Thanks," Jasmine said, taking Volkner's hand, "I appreciate this. Thank you for being here with me. Your support means so much."
"You'll always have me."
/
Dear Jasmine,
There's a lot I want to say, but I will just start with this. Yesterday, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The doctor says I only have a few months left to live. I'm not sure how to take it right now, but I knew I wanted to tell everyone that was important to me what was going on.
I quit my job yesterday and will be moving back to my hometown. I want to spend my last days with my family and my people. Volkner is helping me. He is such a good son.
I'm not sure if I will ever see you again or if you will read this letter, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love you before I passed on.
From the moment I saw your eyes, I was in love. I have loved you all the days of my life, even when I had to leave you so that you could live with your mother.
I am endlessly proud of you and everything that you have accomplished.
I don't have that many regrets in my life, but I do regret not chasing after you enough. I hope you know how much I cared about you. Maybe you never wanted me in your life, but you were always welcome in mine.
And even though I was never around, I hope I made you feel as loved as possible.
Many blessings to your future.
Love,
Your Father
Word Count: 10,250
Uploaded:
Story Status: 1/1 completed
Author's Notes:
If you've read all the way to the end, thank you! I appreciate each and every person for reading my stories. Please leave some comments to let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, or what I could do to improve. Thank you so much for your support!
(1) Supreme Almegan - So the Arceusite religion is a pantheon and there are different levels that each of the deities take; some are ranked higher than others. Original One Supreme Almegan High Almegan Almegan Archon (see profile for detailed info)
(2) Gin Lugia - Gin is a title for Lugia; Gin means silver in Japanese (from Google Translate)
(3) Gorudo Ho-Oh - Gorudo is a title for Ho-Oh; Gorudo means gold in Japanese (from Google Translate)
(4) Arceism - a religion that has Arceus as the head of the pantheon
(5) Kanjohjins - the collective name / nationality for those who were citizens of the United Kingdoms of Kanto and Johto
(6) Hisui - used as the ethnic name for the Kanjohjins who colonized Sinnoh and united it. When the Kanjohjins colonized Sinnoh, Sinnoh did not have a collective name since it was not united and made up of many independent nations. The Kanjohjins called the land Hisui; so the native peoples started to call them Hisui
Maps of Sinnoh (don't use without my permission):
See my Imgur, link in profile
