The Slytherin rushed up the stairs, tightly clutching Harry in his arms as he sprinted towards the room they occupied. Once he reached the portrait, he managed to heave out the password, eyes dazed, a horrified expression visible on his face. The blonde gave him a pitying expression before swinging the door open, and Severus rushed in, sitting on the edge of the bed and holding the passive but curious child in his arms.
Once he was in the safety of the room, with no eyes on him (as Harry was currently held in a way that he couldn't see his papa's face), the raven began to sob, the tears falling down his face as he let the realizations of the day's events swarm him.
There had been so many times Severus had obtained something that made him hopeful, something that gave him faith in the world. And every single time it reached its fruition, it was stolen from him, robbed from him, by a certain bespectacled, messy haired Gryffindor seeker.
And once again, it had happened. The world had given him a child, a beautiful, unbiased being who loved him for him and who looked at him with those wide, innocent eyes filled with unbridled feelings of affection and care. But then finding out that the child was James', that it was their child together, crushed Severus' heart. Severus felt like his heart had been crushed beyond repair, like the blood the heart was supposed to pump was spilling out, spreading everywhere and tainting it with its dark, unyielding color. Once again, his light and hope was ruined and tainted by the knowledge of the Gryffindor's looming figure behind it.
Severus took a choked breath in. He didn't know how it would happen in the future, how the two of them were able to make a child, how they were together. He brushed his cheek against the child's hair, seeking comfort in the soft tendrils, but it also resulted in anguish as he was reminded of just from whom the child got his messy hair from.
Thoughts began to swerve in his head, imagining how on earth this would happen, doubtful. Even if they were together in the future, it'd most likely be in a toxic relationship full of hatred behind the scenes, while putting on a happy face in front of the child. But Severus couldn't fathom how on earth he would have even gotten with James to begin with.
Severus tightened his hold on the child, fists clenching as he thought of a horrifying yet very real possibility: what if Potter had raped him? But even as he thought this, he asked himself, why him? Why the Slytherin the Gryffindor hated with a passion of all people? But the reminder of their roles and attitudes towards each other led him down a path. Maybe one day at the end of seventh year, or even a little further out, the two run into each other. Potter would hex him, but instead of being satisfied with just using magic to torment the Slytherin, he decides to use the ultimate "punishment", the ultimate way to scar Severus. And then, when he finds out about what his sordid act had created, he forces his way into the "family" because of his desire for the familial bonds. Maybe that's what will happen.
Severus was taken out of his state of fear when he felt a small pressure on his collarbone. Taking a gulp and collecting himself, he looked down, towards the boy in his arms who was looking up curiously at the raven. Once Harry got Severus' attention, the boy reached his hands up and gently placed them on his father's face, hands cupping the cheekbones. Slowly, while his father just stared at him, the boy moved his thumbs to wipe the tears from under his papa's eyes.
"Papa, don' cry," the child said, looking up into his father's eyes. He smiled innocently, broad and sincere on his face. "Papa is cuter when smiling."
Severus just stared at the child in front of him, in disbelief. In a matter of seconds, he began to tear up again, hugging the child tightly as he attempted to get his tears in check. This time, it wasn't tears of despair and fear. No, rather, it was tears of disbelief and pure, loving emotion.
It didn't even matter if the child's other father was James anymore. This child was the most beautiful thing in Severus' life. He didn't know what would happen in his life to give him this child, but he would go through all of it as long as he could hold this child in his arms by the end.
Harry got more panicked as he felt his papa crying again. He racked his brain for ideas of how to cheer his papa up, and as he settled on the best one (in his opinion), he wiggled in the Slytherin's hold, loosening the grip and slipping out of his papa's lap. As Severus watched, the child darted towards the playpen, waddling all over the oversized black coat, before grabbing his stuffed phoenix and dashing back to his father. Harry climbed back into his papa's lap, kneeling and facing him before thrusting the plush toy out.
"Papa! When I am sad, I have Hawky! I hug him and I feel all better!" Harry determinedly pushed the toy into Severus' chest, not letting go until the raven's hands moved up to grasp at the toy. When his papa didn't do anything, Harry huffed. "Hug 'im, papa! You will feel be'er, I pwomise!"
Severus laughed under his breath in disbelief, before going along with the boy's antics and squeezing the doll tight, closing his eyes. While he does admit that he felt a little lighter after he hugged the toy, it was when he opened his eyes and saw the beautiful wide grin on Harry's face that he truly felt like his heart was healing, a smile making his way on his face as he looked at the child. He could feel his chest warm up, and as he gently wrapped his arms around the boy and pulled him into a hug again, he finally admitted exactly what he was feeling, to himself.
"Harry," Severus uttered, still smiling. The child looked up at his papa in response. "Please tell me that you are aware that the bird is a phoenix, and not a hawk?"
Harry just grinned broadly, biting his lip in what he believed to be mischievousness. "O' couwse, papa, I know!" he stated in a sing song tone, moving his head back and forth as he answered. He then chucked loudly, increasing in pitch when Severus began to tickle him gently.
Severus' attention was taken away from the child in his lap by a soft knock on the door.
"Sev?" a soft, gentle voice called through the door. "Is it okay if I come in?"
Severus rubbed at his eyes, roughly wiping away the tear streaks along as he answered. "Yeah, you can come in," he said, making sure he was loud enough for the portrait to hear him.
As he looked over, he saw the door gently open, and a familiar head of red hair poking through the opening.
Lily entered the room, no emotion on her face. However, Severus could see the depth of emotion she felt in her eyes, as she dropped to her knees next to the pair and engulfed them both in a tight, warm comforting hug.
"I'm so sorry, Severus," she lamented, attempting to prevent her voice from trembling as she blinked back her tears. "I know I said that those four, he, was getting better, but that was towards me, not to you. They treat you like cr*p, make your life miserable, and then you find out that you have a child with that- that toerag. I'm so sorry."
Severus stayed silent, just squeezing her back in the hug, arms wrapped securely around her. "It's okay, Lily. I- I don't know how on earth it happens, but I know-" and Severus halted, looking down to see Harry wriggling out of the tight hug he was sandwiched between, uncomfortable, before looking up at his papa and smiling brightly at him. Severus smiled back, fondness in his eyes. "I know that I'd go through it if I get Harry."
Lily moved back from the hug, staring wide eyed at Severus, before breaking out into a huge grin. "So does that mean that you've accepted Harry as your child? That you are his father?"
Severus grinned back, not answering, but that was enough for the redhead as she wrapped his arms around them again. This time from joy.
As the two were hugging and smiling, a young child was looking up at his father quizzingly. His papa wasn't crying anymore, but he wanted to make sure his papa would always smile. He could see that his papa scowled a lot more than usual, though he was smiling more already, but Harry wanted to help him.
Severus felt a tug on the front of his robes. Unwrapping his arms from around Lily, he peered down to see the child looking up at him. Smiling down at him, Severus threaded his arms around Harry and picked him up on his lap, so that Harry was leaning on his chest. "What is it, Harry? What do you want?"
Harry bit his lip in an attempt to conceal his excitement, before discarding the act and smiling broadly up at his papa. "Papa, can we see Daddy?"
The gentle smile was wiped off of Severus's face in that instant. Looking over the boy in shock, he made eye contact with Lily, who's green eyes were also widened in shock.
"I- Harry,-" Severus stammered, clearly wanting to reason with the child for his own benefit. He didn't want to be around Potter. Especially not now. Not with his concerns and worries about their relationship in the future. However, he found himself jumping slightly in his seat as he was enthusiastically interrupted by the child in his lap.
"Pwease! Pwease papa! I wanna see an' pway wiff!" Harry pleaded, his determination causing his slight lisp.
Lily was observing the duo. Even though she could see how much Severus wanted to go along with the child, she could see the slight trembles in his arms as he tried to talk down the child. But Harry was being strangely stubborn, and she could see the effect it was having on her best friend. She wanted to help, and as a thought popped into her head, she moved forward towards the raven.
"Hey, Sev," she proposed. "If you allow it, I can bring Harry to the Gryffindor common room to see Potter. I promise, I won't take my eyes off him, I won't be more than a meter away from him at any time. That way, Harry can see his father, and you don't have to deal with them."
Severus had listened intently to this plan, but before he could act, the young child in his lap, who had heard the plan as well, gave his own opinion.
"No!" Harry cried, plump bottom lip pushing out into a pout as he thought he wasn't heard. "Wan' papa and daddy together!"
"But Harry-" Severus started, but before he could say more, Harry cried out and rolled out of his father's lap onto the floor, resting on his tummy. Then came Severus's first experience with this weapon of mass destruction: the tantrum.
"No, no, no! Wan' papa and daddy! NO!" Harry bawled, kicking his legs into the air, beating his tiny fists against the floor. Tears streamed down his face as his eyes puckered in anger.
Now, Severus had no clue what his future self did when Harry threw tantrums. Heck, he had no clue what any respectable parent did with tantrums. But he was a tired, mentally spent teenage Slytherin who had just nearly had a nervous breakdown after learning that he would have a child with his schoolyard bully. He was not having it.
Severus sternly picked up the child under his arms and held him out in front of him. Harry was kicking and screaming in the air, wailing as he wiggled, trying to get out of his papa's hold so he could scream some more.
"Harry, Harry, listen to me!" Severus commanded, his harsh tone quieting down the child, though still fussy.
Even though the raven was upset, he still acknowledged in the back of his mind who most definitely Harry got his glare from. Lily, who had been a bystander to all of this, was trying not to laugh as she saw the identical glares from the father and son.
Severus continued. "You will not cry and make a fuss when you don't get your way. I will not tolerate such misbehavior. Do you understand me?"
Harry sniffled, defiant. "I said, do you understand me, Harry?"
Harry didn't move, perhaps hoping he could attempt to try to get his way again, but at the look from his father he nodded, tearing up at the failure of his tantrum.
"Good," Severus concluded, calmly. He took a deep breath in at the sight of the teary child, who had gone from anger to sorrow. Rearranging his arms around the child, he brought Harry to his chest, hugging him. As he looked down to the depressed, pouty face of his child, cheeks trembling and eyes glistening, he found himself giving in.
"Lily, please go call him and bring him here." Severus said, a defeated look in his eyes. The other two in the room had vastly different reactions, as Lily looked at him in shock, while Harry gasped adorably, his eyes sparkling as he babbled incoherently in his papa's lap.
"Sev, are you sure? You don't have to," Lily mentioned, just wanting the best for her friend.
Severus gave her a sad smile, before looking down at the excitable toddler in his lap, whose babbles had turned into joyful squeals. "I'll be okay, Lily. Don't worry," he responded, facing her again.
Lily pursued her lips, making Severus grimace as he was reminded of a certain Gryffindor Head of House. He didn't understand how the resemblance was so uncanny.
Lily stood up, heading for the door. Before exiting, she looked back towards him. "Alright. I trust you. But if he does anything, you tell me, okay Sev? That's my only condition."
Severus grinned in fond exasperation at the redhead. "Alright, I will," he confirmed, as he watched his friend exit the room, the door swinging closed behind her.
His bright grin faded off his face, however, as he recalled exactly what would be happening soon, and even the playful antics of his child couldn't bring it back.
