Today was a strange day. Severus was awake before Harry for once. Severus hadn't gotten out of bed yet though, just content with a hand on Harry's tummy as the boy laid sprawled out on his back. Well, maybe content was not the right word, since it was concern that had prevented the Slytherin from sleeping.
See, he concluded that he had to have gone insane over the last few weeks. He had completely fallen into his role as a parent, which was something that two weeks prior he did not expect would happen at all, even slightly, at any part in his life. But now here he is, laying next to his child. Dear Merlin, his child. It still surprises him when he is hit with a moment of clarity and he realizes that he's gotten used to being called Papa.
But that's not what concerns him. No, instead, he has plans to take Harry along for the next Hogsmeade trip, which he had forgotten was coming up because of everything with Po- James and his parents at the beginning of the week.
Speaking of the Gryffindor, the worrisome part was how he had inexplicably, without argument, agreed to walk around Hogsmeade with not only Harry and Lily, but also the marauders!
Severus swore the pastel green paint in his room was releasing fumes that were causing him to make illogical decisions.
Severus just wanted things to slow down a bit. Everything was changing around him and he was not able to register it quick enough to understand everything, let alone settle his emotions. He wasn't actively avoiding Black anymore because the other was surprisingly being civil. Lupin was smiling at him now where before he was clearly ignored by the other. Pettigrew, well, he was acting the same if not worse, and James…
Severus really did not want to think about James. Not now.
It was all too much.
Severus wished that he could stall the impending trip and just lay here with his son, but now he could hear a gentle giggling accompanying the light rumbling under his hand. Harry's awake now, which means they have to get ready for the day because Harry would not allow him to do anything else.
Severus would admit (not out loud, of course) that this trait of Harry's gave him a feeling of pride despite the anguish it caused because this was something that clearly came from him. The Slytherin refused to be anything but punctual.
Severus also needed to make sure that Harry knew that this wouldn't be like attending his classes, and that Harry really needed to behave and stay with the group, which is what the raven told the child as they were getting ready. He also miraculously managed to convince Harry that he did not need any stuffed animals for this trip, let alone the five that Harry was asking for.
After getting ready in the bathroom and taking a nice bath, Severus dressed Harry up in a simple pair of slacks and a long sleeved top, and then thinking about the England weather in October he decided to add a sweater, scarf, and gloves. Perhaps it was out of spite or loneliness because he would be surrounded by Gryffindors, but Severus decided to give him the Slytherin scarf that was present in the dresser.
Although he was unable to part Harry from the yellow and black gloves, so maybe Severus wasn't successful at his attempt at solidarity.
Severus felt like his feet were dragging when he made his way over to the entrance to Hogsmeade. Probably because they were. It got to the point where Harry was irritated enough to wiggle out of his Papa's hold and run ahead, causing Severus to chase after him and chastise him for that. When the child was in his arms once more, Severus wisely decided to speed up to prevent the boy from doing that again. Harry did have Gryffindor blood after all.
Once Severus entered Hogsmeade, he was surprised when he finally spotted the group he had inexplicably agreed to travel with. Lily was as normal as ever, holding a conversation with James as Black and Lupin listened in. But for one thing, the group's pet, which is what he had dubbed Pettigrew at this point, was nowhere to be seen. And for another thing, all the marauders looked very much the worse for wear. James and Black both had impressive cuts and bruises along their bodies, and while Lupin had less scarring on him, he looked very pale and sickly, almost resembling a sleep-deprived Severus.
He really wondered whether he should just ship the three off to the nurse's office. Not only did it seem like they needed it, that would happily result in him spending that day just with Lily. What? He was a Slytherin after all.
Alas, the day was not going his way when James spotted him and called the two over, where Harry was tugging at his Papa's robes to get him moving. Severus wouldn't be able to escape this one.
But why was he okay with that?
"Sev! How are you doing? Hello, Harry." Lily started petting Harry's head, which made him squeal in delight as he reached his chubby hands out to meet hers.
Severus heard Black say "Nice gloves," before snickering, but he definitely would never day that Black deserved the painful cough that came after. He did feel his lips twitch at that.
Severus relinquished his grip on the child and allowed him to go into Lily's arms. He would have loved to simply talk to Lily this entire time, but it was his own curiosity that betrayed him this time.
Turning to face Po- James, he found himself uttering, "What happened to Pettigrew? I haven't seen him around you lot lately."
Severus didn't know what he was expecting, but the irritated scrunch in the three marauders faces was not it, though it seemed that both James and Black regretted it as they winced in pain.
Lupin took the liberty of answering. "We've… split, from Peter, as of right now. It seems like he doesn't… a-approve of, homosexual relations. We didn't know until, well…"
Until Harry and I came into the picture. Severus's nose scrunched up just like the marauders, which believe him, gave him no joy. But there didn't seem to be any other sane reaction to learning that Pettigrew was homophobic. Besides cursing his entire existence out but Severus considered himself a little more classy than that, thank you very much.
The conversation lulled after that exchange, which was thankfully broken by the fiery redhead who somehow turned herself away from the adorable antics of the child in her arms.
"So, where to?"
After deliberating for a bit, the group found themselves heading to Zonko's first, to Severus's detriment.
He remembered plenty of stuff from there being used on him after all.
But surprisingly it didn't go that badly, if at all. Once they entered the store James and Black dissolved into the children Severus knew they were and excitedly discussed different new toys and pranks that these stuff could do, with Lupin standing by listening and occasionally offering ideas. That wasn't surprising obviously, though he did notice the concerned glance at the three from others inside the store. They really did have a lot of injuries.
What was the surprising part was that he could see Po- James (Severus shook his head; he needed to remember to call him James) and Black to an extent would be discussing a prank, but then look over at him briefly, then resume while altering the prank to be less problematic to the victim.
Severus didn't know if that meant they were still going to prank him, but at least it wouldn't land him in the hospital wing.
The second surprising thing was that, when Severus was close enough to hear the two when they discussed their ideas, they were actually really intelligent about their pranks. They had even been discussing adjusting a spell to fit their idea better. It was almost shocking really.
I mean they never really did badly in any of their classes even if they weren't the best in the class, he thought. But he did have another thought that crossed his mind that made him a bit bitter. Namely, that they'd probably be close to the top of the class if they applied their knowledge in their assignments. Because of course.
Moving to focus on Harry and Lily, definitely not since James also moved to focus on Harry, he was thankfully and pleasantly surprised to see that Harry was disinterested in any of the pranking stuff that James tried to involve him in. He was content to look- and frankly drool- at the toys in the shop. Severus wished he had brought tissues of some kind.
"This looks wike my broom!" Harry exclaimed, wiggling excitedly, pointing to a child's toy broom up on the third shelf. Severus didn't need to be looking at him to know that James's ears perked up at that.
"You have a broom, Harry?" James couldn't even disguise his smile. He kneeled down on one leg to be closer to the child.
"Yesh! I wuv flying around the house!"
James chuckled at that, imagining it. As the picture grew clearly in his mind, he got closer and leaned down towards Harry. He quietly asked, "I bet Papa isn't happy when you knock stuff over. Maybe even concerned about you flying at all?"
"Yup!" Harry exclaimed gleefully. But, maybe in an attempt to imitate his Daddy, he leaned in closer and quieted down to say, "But I shee Papa smiling when I do it!"
That left a soft grin on James's face as he picked up Harry, stood up, and turned back to look at the Slytherin, which confused Severus. Why was the Gryffindor looking at him like that?
After they made their purchases, though Harry miraculously (and thankfully Severus thought) didn't actually ask for anything, they headed to Honeydukes.
Here Seveus knew they'd have a bit of trouble. The kid had a serious sweet tooth and looking at the kid's face, unlike Zonko's, here he'd be begging Severus to buy him stuff.
How could he tell his son that he didn't have the money to do so?
Once he entered, Severus's fears came true: Harry immediately excitedly looked around and then hopped back to him, asking for everything that grabbed his attention.
"Choco fwogs! Can I have them? Ooh! Cauwdon cakes! Pwease Papa, pwease? Ah lookie there!-"
It broke Severus to hear the child's hopeful excitement.
Lily was aware of Severus's financial situation, and she saw how her friend looked so saddened at every request because he knew he couldn't fulfill them. Lily kneeled down and held Harry's shoulder, keeping him in place as she was about to tell him gently that his Papa couldn't get him everything he wanted.
Lily was also going to offer to get him some stuff herself even though she knew she'd have Severus on her tail for that, but before she could say anything a voice came from a little bit away from them.
"Come here, Harry, I'll get you them."
Harry gasped happily and ran to his Daddy, blabbering many thanks (which Severus felt proud of despite the situation) as James picked him up and walked closer to the duo.
Severus held James's gaze as the other looked at him with a slight, though somewhat confused, well meaning grin, but that did nothing to soothe him. James probably didn't realize why Severus wasn't saying yes, but it didn't matter. Severus hated getting other's pity, but as he looked at the small, excited child in the other's hands, he unhappily steeled his feelings.
"Don't get him everything he wants, otherwise his teeth will fall out." James smirked at that, and Severus had a feeling that the stupid Gryffindor wouldn't heed what he said.
Well, with James bringing Harry around the store indulging his every desire (that idiot), Severus didn't have much to do but wander around the store with Lily. When he first came to Hogsmeade, it upset him to walk around the stores, knowing that he couldn't get anything. But now he was used to it, detachedly looking at the chocolates and candies around him, even though he couldn't deny that there were a few he wanted.
Once all the students bought their goodies, with Severus sighing irritably at the giant bag of treats James, amused, handed him when he passed Harry to him as well, the strange group walked out of the store.
It was pretty clear at this point that the walking around was taking its toll on the three injured Gryffindors. The bags in their arms, though they weren't as big as the one Severus was carrying, certainly didn't help.
Lily held her hand out to Severus, who passed Harry to her. Adjusting her grip on the child, she said what everyone, even people outside of the group, were thinking.
"The three of you look, frankly, terrible. Maybe we should go to the Three Broomsticks and sit down, get some butterbeer too."
Lupin and Black nodded painfully, with Harry seeming interested as well if his energetic babbling was any indication. Severus wasn't so keen however. The idea of being in a hot, crowded, area sipping too-sweet butterbeer while yelling to even hear each other was NOT appealing to Severus at this point.
"Sorry, I'll probably just, maybe, wander the edge of the woods or something. Maybe find some potions ingredients."
Lily pouted, but understood that Severus wasn't interested, and she wasn't going to force him. "Okay, but give me the bag," she said, extending her hand, to which he obliged.
Severus then addressed Harry. "I won't be joining you guys, but I'll be just around here, I promise. It won't be for very long okay?"
Harry just looked at him while sucking his fingers and sputtered out "Okay!"
Severus was happy that Harry didn't seem to be too clingy, but for some reason he felt a little pang that he wasn't.
The group parted, with Severus heading off past the Shrieking Shack to the woods behind it. He wasn't lying when he said that he was just going to stay on the edge; he wasn't an idiot that would run into the Forbidden Forest of course. Not with all the creatures around, even though Severus knew a good portion wouldn't actually harm him.
Which made his hairs stand on end when he heard footsteps from behind him getting closer.
He swerved around drawing his wand out, ready to defend himself, but his alert fear was replaced by deadpan irritation as he saw what, or rather who, it was.
"Hey Sev- Snape, how- how are you?" The Slytherin just watched as James bent over, resting his hands on his knees as he breathed in and out trying to catch his breath.
Severus was almost shocked. The fit Gryffindor, out of breath like this?
Severus didn't want to seem concerned about it, but how could anyone not be? It wouldn't be weird if he said something.
"You know, you should really be resting after what you guys did last night."
Severus could see alarm rise up in the other's expression, along with confusion.
"... what do you think I did last night?"
Severus just gave him a look, slightly raising an eyebrow.
"James, I know Lupin is a werewolf."
James straightened up, shock in his expression. He was speechless for a moment, just staring at Severus, before managing to get out a "How?"
"Well, for one thing, he's always 'sick' around the full moon. For a second thing, his boggart is the moon."
James just looked at him while breathing heavily. "You didn't answer my question."
At Severus's confused expression, James continued. "What do you think I did last night?" James said carefully, trying to gage Severus's expression. "You know how dangerous it is to be around a werewolf when they're transformed."
A pause settled over the two.
"Not if they're an animagus."
James closed his eyes, tilting his head up as if pained but resigned. "How long have you known?"
"For a while. I don't know when exactly you became animagi, but I realized once I saw that you three would have injuries or be in the hospital wing around the time of the full moon. You might be idiots, but even you wouldn't try to wrestle a werewolf as a human."
James smirked at that. "Are you calling me smart?"
Severus stiffened, playfully scrunching his nose. "No I'm just calling you less of an imbecile than you could be."
"I'll take it!" James pumped his hand in the air, but he clearly immediately regretted it when he stiffened, his eyes wide as he gritted his teeth and sighed, slowly lowering his arm.
Severus winced internally. That's got to hurt.
He decided to change the subject. Or that's what he decided to do before his curiosity once again got the better of him.
"So, what animal is your animagus?"
"It's the same as my patronus."
Severus's mood instantly soured. And unfortunately James noticed.
"What's wrong?" James looked curiously at him, stepping closer. Severus just turned his head to the side, pursing his lips.
After a moment, James spoke. "You can't cast a patronus, can you?"
Severus gritted his teeth. "So what if I can't?"
James raised his arms, attempting to calm the situation. "Hey now, I'm not trying to insult you or anything. Casting a patronus is hard."
"I bet it wasn't hard for you."
"Well, yeah, but…" James trailed off, leaving a mildly uncomfortable silence.
Severus had no reason to speak, nor did he think that there was a reason for James to speak too, but he heard words coming out of the other's mouth anyway.
"Do you want to try?"
Severus just turned to look at the other with furrowed brows. "Why would I? I can't do it."
James shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, I just thought, maybe things have changed?"
Severus couldn't say anything to that. Sighing, he brought his wand out.
First, he thought of what he did back when they were learning it in class: the summers he spent with Lily and her parents. "Expecto Patronum!"
Only a few silvery wisps came out of his wand.
Severus sighed, disappointed. He knew it wouldn't work but it still hurt.
Aware of James's eyes on him, he rolled his head and shoulders and prepared to try again, raising his wand.
This time he'd think of Harry and Lily, together in the Three Broomsticks, drinking their butterbeers. Just the thought made him smile. "Expecto patronum!"
The wisps were way stronger this time, but still nothing corporeal.
Severus grit his teeth and closed his eyes. Of course even Harry wouldn't be able to do it. He was the best thing in his life, and still nothing. He felt almost hopeless.
Should he give up?
Quietly from the side, he heard James's voice.
"Try again, Severus. I know you can do it."
Snape turned his head to face him, but couldn't say anything when he saw the Gryffindor's determined and encouraging expression. The sight made an image pop up in his mind: the bright, lovely smile of Harry, directed at him.
"Expecto patronum!"
A silvery doe erupted from his wand, elegantly prancing around in a circle before gently turning back towards her caster, nuzzling against Severus's outstretched hand.
She's beautiful, Severus thought as he dismissed her. He watched the deer dissolve into the air.
Severus didn't want to think about what part James had to play in conjuring her.
But hey, he felt like he was owed at least something now.
Severus felt smug as he turned back towards the other. "So, now that I cast it, you never answered what your patronus was?"
Severus was halted in his proud feeling when he saw James just looking at where his patronus last was, with a completely serious expression. Probably feeling Severus's eyes on him, he turned the same serious expression onto him, which was unnerving to the Slytherin.
James was rarely ever serious like this.
Severus could only watch as James wordlessly took his wand out of his pocket and got set to cast the spell. "Expecto patronum."
And Severus could only watch as a bright, broad stag burst out of the other's wand.
Severus felt like he couldn't breathe. His lungs were being squeezed. Crushed maybe.
Despite this, he could hear himself uttering a single word.
"Prongs…"
James put his wand back in his pocket while gently watching the Slytherin. "Sev-"
No. No. He couldn't handle this.
Severus felt himself turning and sprinting as fast as he could back to Hogsmeade. Did he have a plan? No. But he had to get away.
Why did this have to be this way? Why did he have to deal with all this?
He could barely understand anything now.
It felt like forever before Severus got back, despite it being the fastest he'd ever run. So fast, in fact, that he nearly ran into Lily and Harry at the edge of Hogsmeade.
"Severus! Are you okay? Did something happen?" Lily's face was so full of concern. Harry shared her expression as he reached out towards him.
Severus couldn't take him yet though since he was still out of breath. He just took deep breaths while waiting until he could actually respond.
The redheads gaze hardened. "Did Potter do something?"
Despite his tiredness, he found himself vehemently shaking his head. "No," he managed to breathe out.
Lily held her hardened gaze a second more, trying to see any indication that he was lying.
"Okay, well have some butterbeer." Lily basically shoved it at him, and he knew that she wouldn't take no for an answer.
He opened it and took a few too-sweet sips, since he didn't want to take too much, before handing it back. It did help a bit so he took Harry from her as she put the bottle back in her bag.
"Papa, you okay?" Harry looked just as concerned as Lily.
Severus was still out of breath, but he could speak now. "Yeah, it's just that, the Forbidden Forest is dangerous, okay Harry? Be careful when you're around there."
"Oh by Merlin what happened Sev?!"
Severus should have known that would have set Lily off. "Nothi- you know what, it doesn't matter. I'm fine now Lily."
"Alright then, let's go back to campus." Lily turned back and the two got into a rhythm walking side by side, but then she asked, "Also do you know where James is now? He was with you right?"
Severus felt his heart beating as he remembered that name; remembered what happened.
"He wanted to stay a little longer and walk back gently, since he was so injured."
"Ah makes sense, Lupin and Black went back early because of their injuries so I thought I'd come find you."
Severus looked down at the ground, seeing out of his peripheral vision Harry playing with his robe while babbling quietly.
"Do you want to hear what we overheard from some teachers?"
Considering that the last time he was told rumors by Lily he ended up with a child, he wasn't sure, but nothing could stop her. "Sure."
Unlike last time however, she was quite serious in her tone. "The Muggle Studies teacher apparently went missing. No one had any clue where she went. It's like she just disappeared."
Severus was taken aback by that. While he never took Muggle Studies, he was aware of the professor, and if there was anything he knew about her it was that she was dedicated to her class and students. She would never just leave.
"I don't know, it just seems like weird stuff keeps happening." She shook her head, concerned.
Looking down at the sleeping child in his arms, Severus couldn't do anything but agree. You don't have to tell me twice.
After the two walked back to campus, Severus parted from Lily and made his way to his room. As he walked alone- well, with Harry, but he was asleep- he couldn't help but think back on what happened. He felt bad about leaving James there. But it was too much for him; what could he have done?
In somewhat of a trend today, he nearly ran into Regulus. "Oh, sorry!"
The other was startled, but just nodded and said "It's fine."
But as Severus turned to leave, Regulus said "You remember the meeting right? It's happening soon."
Severus felt himself stiffen. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me, Black." He gave him a smile.
Regulus just nodded again and continued on his way.
Now Severus was thinking about something else on his way to his room, but he didn't think this was any better.
He had indeed forgotten about the meeting.
Once he got back, he set Harry carefully into the bed. Turning towards his desk, he took the letter out and plopped down in his chair, staring at it.
And he stared at it.
And stared.
After who knows how long, Severus took out his wand.
"Incendio."
He then threw the burning paper into the trash bin and watched as it completely turned to ash.
He didn't want to give up Lily. He didn't want to give up everything good in his life. And he knew that if he went down that path that's what would happen.
Severus couldn't understand why he wasn't able to throw it out before. He didn't understand what had changed.
He didn't understand anything.
