Counter Attack!

By the evil and horrid Yuuko...err...Doomed

Thanks to the amazing reviewers, I actually thought of a plot for it! Oh, the joy! Thank you all, and here it is...chapter 2–Counter Attack! (Now with plot! Woo-hoo!)

Watanuki hid in the bushes, his eyes looking through the brown spots. He raised his walkie-talkie (thankfully NOT Chobits shaped) to his mouth.

"Doumeki. Come in, Doumeki." he whispered.

"Oi." Doumeki said.

"That's not what you're supposed to say!" fussed a nit-picky female voice. "The term is roger! ROGER! Do it RIGHT, Doumeki! It's no fun unless you play by the rules!"

"Yuuko-san! This is not a game! We are on a very important mission! We aren't playing War!" Watanuki said authoritatively.

"Yeah, like egging some fan writer's house is a "mission". Reeeal mature, Watanuki." Yuuko said. Watanuki could almost imagine her rolling her eyes through the crackling of the walkie-talkie.

"Are we going to actually do something, or can I go home?" Doumeki asked.

"Oh shut up!" Watanuki said, "You jerk! You're not even going to do anything. You're the lookout. You know, the spot we reserve for idiots and cowards!"

"Fool." Doumeki said.

Just when they were about to burst into a full fledged argument, a high pitched scream rent the air in two. "AHHHHHH! REVIEW! Happy dance, happy dance, slashy evil happy dance!"

"Evil witch! She has distracted us and reduced us to quarreling among ourselves! She is cleverer than I thought!" Watanuki exclaimed.

Idiots, Doumeki and Yuuko thought, I am surrounded by total idiots.

Yuuko, Watanuki, and Doumeki now hid in the shrubbery 3 feet away from the door. Doumeki eyed the pink flamingoes and lawn gnomes.

"Why are we even wasting our time here? Because I've read more of this shit than you, and she barely registers. Trust me." he said, not blushing at all.

Watanuki turned bright red. "Because she's a SHIPPER. We need to make an example out of her so the others get the message. Did you even see some of those icons? Listen, one of them was so stupid. 'CLAMP– it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, then it gets full of shippers!' The levels these people take them to! They're writing, and probably taking, crackabout YOU AND ME," He couldn't bring himself to say 'us', "With BANANA PHONES!" he added, to underline the severity of this epidemic.

Doumeki didn't quite get the banana phone bit, until Yuuko chimed in. "Banana phones are now code for 'Rated Hard R'?" She asked quizzically, "because really, Watanuki-kun, some of them are quite good, in a Yaoi way..."

"YUUKO!" Watanuki screamed, "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

INSIDE DOOMED'S HOUSE

Doomed looked up from her computer monitor, annoyed at the obnoxious cackling

coming from the shrubs.

"Goddamn guineas! When I get my BB gun back from Hank, they are gonna be blown SKY HIGH and then to the bottom of the sea!" she paused, considered this threat, (one of her better ones) and rushed to write it down in one of her many homemade xxxHoLic notebooks, complete with sparkle hearts around Doumeki and Watanuki's names.

"That's a keeper!" she said happily. "Now what was I doing?" she said, to no one in paticular, glancing confuzzled, at the notebook in her hands. "Oh! Yeah! Review! Happy dance, happy dance, slashy evil happy dance!" (AN-- yes, I really do that)

Watanuki clenched his fists, remembering his origonal purpose with the obnoxious reminder of the horrible review song.

"See? She's gathering power and support so she can launch her next attack on my--err-- our lives! OUR HOUR OF VENGENCE IS NIEGH! ATTACK!

Rolling his eyes, Doumeki began pelting eggs at the front door. "I can't put into words how stupid I find this..." he began.

"So I'll help you!" Yuuko interjected, "I make GODS for Christssakes!"

"Less talk, more pelt." Watanuki panted.

AT THE BACK DOOR

"Thanks, Hank. Did it get rid of your deer problem?" Doomed asked.

"Not really." Hank said. "I was just using it as a stand in for my real one. It sure looks alot like the real thing. When I went 'n ran after 'em with it, it sure scared 'em off, but you just get so goddamn HOT here!"

"Tell me about it! I was walking to the barn and..." Doomed stopped, mid story. "Oh no! My fan girl sense tells me trouble's afoot! Got to dash, Hank! Fun talking to you!" she ran off to the front of the house.

"Mighty energenic, that one." Hank said, scratching his head with his football cap.

AT THE FRONT DOOR-- (Can you see where this is going?)

Doomed ran, red faced to the front door, swinging it open quickly, purple hair everywhere. "Now, what seems to be the trouble here?" she panted, gun in front of her, threateningly.

"EEP!" Yuuko said, pushing Watanuki in front of her. "Take Watanuki! He's useless anyway!"

(If you guessed cliffhanger, you'd be right!)

Please read and review! Tomarrow or so, I'll post the last chappy! Maybe...it depends on how much hatemail I get!

Tata!

Doomed