Ask the birds.

Louder than words.

Houstwift Canon Divergent.

.::.

Sitting in that restaurant, her head is running a million miles a second.

Frank is going to join her any minute now and she still has no idea exactly why he wants to talk, has no idea what he will want, has no idea what she should tell him.

She doesn't want to lose him.

She's selfish, she cheated on him, she's in love with another man yet she wants him to forgive her and stay.

She's going to have a choice to make, or maybe he'll make it for her, she doesn't know yet and the not knowing, the uncertainty is driving her insane.

It's been two days since he texted her, she told him that she would make whenever and wherever was best for him work and there she is.

Ironically she remembers being here with Michael a couple of weeks ago, sharing apple pie and ice cream, disguising what was clearly a date behind the pretense of a work meeting. She even chose the same table without realizing it.

She sighs knowing how distracted and unfocused this whole thing has made her, she tried working with Tom last night yet wasn't able to get more than a few words on paper.

Tom noticed, she knows that he did, yet he didn't say anything. He trusted her when she said she hadn't heard from Michael and never brought the subject up again and she had been too weak and ashamed to tell him about Frank finding out.

She's going to have to talk to him, it will make it real but she's sitting in a restaurant waiting for her husband to join her and have a conversation about her cheating on him, it doesn't get more real than that.

Sighing, she looks up and that's when Frank enters the building.

He looks exhausted.

It breaks her heart to see it, knowing what she did is the reason he's losing sleep and is so upset at the moment. She doesn't want to take what happened back, as selfish and awful as it makes her but she does wish she can take the pain away.

She never meant to hurt him.

When he gets to the table, she gives him a bitter smile, not really sure of how to act.

He should take the lead on this conversation, she doesn't want to assume that he's here because he wants to fix things but at the same time him being here has to mean something, doesn't it? So all she says is hi, let's him sit down and gather his thoughts.

The question is right there, burning on the tip of her tongue, is he okay? but she knows she can't ask that, he's not, he obviously is not and she knows he's not going to open up to her, not now. That's not what he's here for.

"I, huh…" He's hesitating, not sure where to start or how to talk to her and she hates it, what a mess. "I've been tossing and turning, driving myself crazy thinking about this and I just… I need answers, Julia."

She gets it, she really does and after everything, she owes them to him. She doesn't know how much she can tell him in order to salvage things between them, but he deserves answers. She simply nods. "I'll give them to you."

"Do you love me?" She didn't expect that question, not straight away.

The answer is easy though, "Yes. Yes, I do I love you."

He's doubting her, she can see it all over his face and most importantly in his eyes. The trust is gone. It hurts, as much as she expected it, it still hurts.

"Do you love him?" She bites her inner cheek.

She knows the answer, it's easy, too easy and she has no idea if she should tell the truth or not. The longer she takes, the more her silence is gonna give an answer though, so she goes with her guts. "I care about him."

"That's not what I asked." He replies harshly, and the tone he's using is not one she's used to. "Are you in love with him?"

She doesn't want to lie, not anymore and she truly doesn't know what to say. Yes, she is, but if she admits it she loses her partner, she loses her family. "It doesn't matt-"

He laughs bitterly. "You are, aren't you?" Shit. "You have feelings for him."

"Frank-" She tries, doesn't really know how to respond to that, she's too tired to lie to him again.

It all seems to click for him right here and there though. "That's why it happened again. It's why you didn't stay away from him." It's not a question, he knows. He got it. "God, how did I not see this?"

Tears start to fall then, tears of shame. "I'm so sorry," she tries a few seconds later once she finds the courage to look into his eyes. "I never meant for this to happen, I don't want to hurt you-"

"Yeah well, maybe you should've thought about that before you opened your legs." It feels like a knife. She deserves it, she knows she does but she didn't expect that from him. She doesn't argue or try to correct him because he's right. Still, he's a good man, way too good sometimes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that it was uncalled for."

That's not true. "No, I deserved that one."

Some people might think that this is her trying to get his sympathy, playing the victim, it truly isn't though. She does deserve it.

He doesn't argue with her, he might have said it harsher than he meant it but he was right. He sighs, "I don't know what you want Julia. Do you want to be with him?"

"I want my family. I want you." That much is true. She might love Michael, and yes, of course, she does want to be with him but she needs her family, she loves them more than anything, they're her rock, they're what matters most in her life, she can't lose them.

"And how would that work, huh?" He's looking at her as she looks down. "How could I ever trust you again? You went behind my back before, now you did it again and yes you don't work with him anymore but how do I trust you're not going to go back to him?"

He can't, she can see it in his eyes, he won't be able to.

Even if he could, he shouldn't.

She can't be trusted.

She already decided she won't let Michael go anymore, she already knows she will go back to him, might even call him later.

Which means he's absolutely right with this question, it's the same question she's been asking herself since he found out :

How would that work?

Maybe she should be reassuring him, telling him she'll never see Michael again, tell him she will never do that to him again and she will never betray him again if he gives her the chance to prove it but she can't tell him that.

She knows she won't mean any of it.

"Or maybe you just want everything?" He keeps going, "Maybe I can have you during the week and you can go spend your weekends with him? Or would you prefer something more even?"

The worst part of hearing it is that idea actually went through her head, even though she knew it was ridiculous from the start.

He's just taunting her though, she gets it and she's in no position to get pissed.

So she just doesn't say anything.

"You might want us, but it's not enough if you have feelings for another man, Julia." He sighs again. "I need time. I'm too upset right now." He adds, looking at anything but her.

He can't even look at her.

She can't talk.

If she does, she knows she'll start crying again and she doesn't know what to say anyway.

.::.

When she gets home, she feels more lonely than she has in a long time.

Leo is spending a few days with Frank, he pretended that he just missed his father and wanted to spend time with him but she knows he's still angry at her.

She doesn't blame him, she destroyed their family.

To occupy her mind, she tries to write a bit yet it doesn't work, her brain is too clouded.

She still feels awful about Frank and Leo, she misses them so much, she also thinks about the adoption and how it most likely is not going to happen and it makes her even sadder because she truly wanted another child.

Then there's the matter of Leo's arrest, the show which isn't done and the Ivy situation from the Heaven on earth representation… it truly feels like everything's a mess at the moment.

What's ironic is that outside of Tom the only thing that seems to be going well in her life at the moment is her relationship with Michael.

She has it bad, the simple thought of him has her heart joyful.

She misses him, hasn't really talked to him since they left that hotel room, she should give him a call soon.

They're not together, not really, they can't, she's too conflicted and lost about what to do but it feels nice to know that she has someone other than Tom who isn't pissed at her, not that she doesn't deserve it.

She decides that it's time to tell Tom.

Maybe he'll be able to help her sort out what she should do, she's aware she has a choice to make about what she wants her life to be but she has no idea how to make that choice.

She gives him a quick call, asking him if he's home and free, thankfully he is.

She doesn't want to delay the conversation and it's not really one she should have over the phone.

First, she has a bit of time though so she sits down at the piano to try and get inspired enough to shut her brain down for a minute and she sees the abandoned page of lyrics she wrote, the ones that doomed her and she thinks maybe one day she should get fully into it and finish this song, use her professional skills to pour her heart out.

Since she was a child, she's always found writing to be a great way to put into words what she was feeling and make it beautiful.

She's not a great piano player, knows a bit of it but it's usually Tom's specialty, yet she finds herself playing that rhythm and whispering the lyrics.

"And so I lied to one I love to find you in the dark and share the bliss of one more kiss upon the Brooklyn bridge."

It's time to finish this song.

.::.

Tom is surprised when she shows up at his apartment an hour later with half the song basically done. "You wrote half of a song that fast? Someone was inspired!"

A smile appears on her face, she hasn't been able to write anything since Frank found out and she feels like she's on the way back.

"Can I see what you came up with?" He asks, pouring her some tea.

She hesitates. If he does see what she wrote he'll understand everything in a heartbeat. He's her best friend.

She doesn't want him to find out this way.

"Maybe later, I need to talk to you first." She says, sitting down on the couch in his studio.

As he sits down next to her and asks her what's going on, she tries to figure out how exactly she's going to tell him, she's not sure there's a right way.

So she kind of just blurts it out. "Frank found out."

For a split second, he gets confused, not sure what she's talking about but very quickly his face falls in understanding. "I'm sorry…"

It's for the best anyway, she always hated lying to him. It's just hard because she hurt him. "He moved out three days ago, I don't know if he can forgive me…"

Tom doesn't say much, simply wraps his arms around her and plants a quick kiss on her forehead.

She enjoys it, she's not sure he's going to be so kind and understanding when she tells him the rest of it.

"It's… not all." She says, her voice low, almost a whisper, knows if he judged her she would deserve it. Right now though she needs a friend, needs someone to talk to. "I saw Michael."

"Julia…" He simply says and she can tell he doesn't like it. Knows he thinks they slept together, and she can't blame him, every time she had contact with Michael she ended up sleeping with him.

"We didn't sleep together. It wasn't like that." She says quickly, deciding to skip the part where they almost did. They stopped anyway. "We just talked."

She can tell he's not sure if he believes her or not and she expected that. "We didn't, I promise you." She adds, taking his hand in hers.

"Why did you see him?" He asks

That is the question, isn't it? she turns her face away from him to look down. She initially went to meet up with Michael to make sure he was okay, to put these feelings behind them and move on with her life, or at least that's what she told herself.

Truth is she wanted to see him. Had missed him and she wanted to know how he was.

She wanted to see him because she had feelings for Michael. She had been lying to everyone, even herself, about it and denying it for too long at this point. Time to admit the truth. "Remember when I said that I was glad it was over? That it was insanity?"

He just nods but he knows, he got it. She needs to actually say it though. "That wasn't entirely true." He sighs. "It was not a lie, I hate what I did to Frank and how much I hurt him, you know I do, I'm glad that part is over, but it wasn't… it wasn't insanity."

Tom smiles bitterly.

He's so patient with her, listening to her and it warms her heart. She's so grateful for him. He makes her feel safe and understood, safe enough to keep going. "I'm in love with him."

He takes a deep breath, seemingly realizing what a huge mess she's got herself into.

"You got yourself into a big mess sweetie." He says after a few seconds, to which she just nods. "Do you know what you want to do?"

"No," She says, "That's why I needed to talk to you." She puts her head on his shoulder as he wraps his arms tighter around her. "I need my family Tom. I can't lose them but I can't let Michael go, I just can't do it."

"You have to make a choice." She sighs at that, yes she does. She knows. "If Frank forgives you and you have a chance to make it work, you can't keep doing this…"

The only thing she can think of as he says that is that while she knows that, part of her wishes the arms around her would be Michael's. It's that same part that longs for him every day, that part of her that made her thoughts drift back to him during those years apart. "I know." is all she replies.

"What does your heart tell you?" He asks her.

She doesn't reply out loud, she opens her notebook to the right page to show him the song she was working on today.

During the time he takes to read it she feels really nervous. She loves writing songs but it usually is from a character's point of view, she rarely writes purely about her own feelings.

"It's beautiful." He tells her when he's done to which she smiles in return.

It feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.

Nothing is figured out yet, she still has to make a choice but she's not alone, she won't be alone.

Now she knows she's not going to break, no matter what her choice ends up being.

.::.

Laying in her bed that night, she stares at Michael's number on her screen.

She wants to call him, she wants to hear his voice.

It's getting late though, he's most likely with his family and he did say he would choose her but she doesn't want to put him in a bad position.

She settles on texting him first. Can I call you?

He doesn't answer, simply calls her himself a few minutes later. She laughs slightly as she picks up, "You don't even bother answering anymore?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice." He can't see it, but she's smiling at that. She knows the feeling. "Are you okay?"

Absolutely not, these last few days have been nerve-wracking and filled with way too many questions and stress. It's starting to get better though. "Better now." She simply says, "how are you?"

"I'm okay," He replies, "I am just on my way back from an audition."

Surprised by that, she looks at the time before replying. "At 10?"

He chuckles at that, "Yeah, sadly they ran late and they didn't want to reschedule so they went through everyone that was there today."

"That is intense," She feels for him, having to be all warmed up and ready and perform to convince people you're good that late seems rough. "You should get home and get some rest."

She can hear his smile when he answers, "You're right, I should absolutely go home." For once, he's actually listening to her. "Are you okay though, did you need anything?"

"I'm okay," she replies, too quickly to be believable, "I just wanted to hear your voice." She doesn't have to see him to know that he's still smiling at her mirroring his own words. "The last few days have just- not been easy."

He hums at that, "Would you join me for a cup of coffee tomorrow? Westway Diner?"

Their place. Yes, she met up with Frank there today and she's been there with other people but it just- it's their place. She smiles. "I don't know, I don't drink coffee, remember?"

"I'm pretty sure they make excellent tea." He acts like he's trying to convince her but they both know she'll be there, she already misses him too much to say no.

"Alright, I'll meet you there after rehearsals." She doesn't even bother hiding her smile, no one's there to see it anyway.

"Good," he simply says, "I can't wait to see you." She can't wait to see him either.

Why is it that he can bring out her carefree nature, turn her into mush with only a few sweet words? She's acting ridiculous. "Are you home?" He asks in a low voice.

"Yes," she responds, her voice instinctively dropping too, "Why?"

"Are you alone?" What- is going on, she gets confused for a second and then remembers that she didn't actually tell him Frank moved out when he found out about them.

"Yes, I am." She says, still keeping that low tone. She's suspicious though, why does he want to know if she's home alone? "What is it?"

He doesn't respond for a few seconds, she thinks she might have lost him until she double-checks. He's still there. "Nothing," His voice sounds happy, way too happy. "You're not going to sleep right now, are you?"

She chuckles a bit at that, "I'm a night owl, it's too early to sleep for me."

He knows that about her, yet still, he chuckles. "Good, listen I have to go, I'm almost home, i'll see you soon?"

A wave of jealousy goes through her. She wishes home was here, with her. But it's not, it can't be, not until they both make a choice and make it right with their spouses. So she ignores that feeling. "Yes, see you soon. Get some rest."

"I will," He says, still smiling, "Goodnight Jules."

"Goodnight Mick." She whispers back before hanging up.

She decides to get back downstairs for a while and grab her notebook, she's not sure she'll be able to get words out but maybe she can at least go through her ideas and get that song about Marilyn's piano they started working on earlier done.

Or parts of it anyway.

They have a rough melody and a theme which usually helps.

This one will be about not just the piano but finding a home, a second chance even through your mistakes, even though one might feel broken beyond repair. It's a beautiful theme.

She can really roughly get the idea of the melody on the piano and she ends up writing a few sentences for it that seem okay which makes her proud.

She feels like she's on her way back.

That's when someone knocks at her door.

Immediately she gets confused, it's about 10:20, who would come knocking at this hour and without a call first?

She quickly puts her hair up in a messy bun and opens the door.

"What- are you doing here," she asks when she sees who's standing behind it.

"You told me to go home. So I did." He says, smiling as her heart melts. It's Michael. He's ridiculous.

She quickly lets him in, doesn't want to risk anyone seeing him and closes the door before turning to face him, "You shouldn't be here, people could've seen you, you crazy person." She can't help but smile as she says it, a big, wide, bright smile. A smile he returns.

He came.

He knew she wasn't feeling that great and he came to see her.

He came home.

She shouldn't but she can't help it, takes the two steps separating them and plants a sweet kiss on his lips before putting her forehead against his. "You needed me." He simply whispers.

A giggle escapes her mouth as she wraps her arms around him and squeezes, already feeling much better.

He gives her all the time she needs, just stands there holding her and giving her quick kisses on her forehead. She feels so much better.

After a few minutes she slowly breaks the hug and gives him another quick kiss, she's just so happy he's here. For the past two days, it's been questions after questions and emotions running high and right now she gets a minute to breathe.

"Do you want something to drink?" She asks, hoping he'll say yes, hoping he doesn't have to go straight away.

"Just some water will be fine." And leads him to the kitchen.

He sits at the bar and puts his leather jacket on the stool next to him as she pours him a drink. It makes her think about how domestic this is and she likes it. "I hope I'm not getting in the way of your beauty sleep." His teasing smirk is not fair.

"You're not," She shakes her head. "I'm happy you're here."

He smiles at that before his face turns more serious, "So you want to tell me what's going on?"

You, she immediately thinks. He's one of the reasons these past few days have been so uncertain and complicated but she can't really tell him that, can she? Not now at least. "There's just a lot going on, a lot of choices to make."

Thankfully she doesn't have to spell it out for him, he got it. He just nods, drinks his water and walks over to her, taking her hand in his. "Am I still seeing you tomorrow?" She's grateful he's not trying to push the subject.

"Do you want to see me?" She asks because after everything she's putting him through he might not. She can't keep dragging him along, expect him to be there when she wants him to be and disappear when she doesn't want him to be.

There's no hesitation in his voice when he replies though. "Of course I do."

She nods then, "Then I'll see you there."

For a moment they just stand there, looking at each other's eyes until he breaks the silence, "Were you still working?"

She would wonder how he knows but all her notes were still by the piano when he walked in so she doesn't even bother denying it. "There's this new song Tom and I got the idea for, about Marilyn's piano."

"Her piano?" He asks, surprised.

A laugh escapes her mouth, "It's not really about the piano though," she quickly explains, "It's really about finding a second chance even though you feel like you're broken beyond repair, about still feeling worthy of a good life."

The irony isn't really lost to her that it kind of fits her situation. She does absolutely not feel like she deserves a second chance, she does however feel like she's damaged and beyond repair.

Maybe that song is a way of convincing herself that while she made a mistake, she's not the worst person on earth and she might be able to make things right.

He hums at that. "I don't know how you guys come up with those ideas, it's terrific."

She raises her eyebrows, smirking. "You're starting to sound like me."

"You say that like it's a problem." He laughs and she joins him, they really are starting to pick up each other's small quirks and habits and she likes it. "I can't stay too long, I'm sorry." He adds.

Shaking her head, she takes his hand again. "It's okay, I'm just grateful you came." She takes the glass of water, putting it in the sink before looking at him again. "Would you sit with me for a minute?"

He nods and they walk to her couch sitting next to each other. She decides that she should talk to him, it would only be fair to let him know where her mind is at when it comes to them. She didn't want to, but she can tell he is feeling uneasy about it all. "I talked to Frank."

Next to her, she feels him tense. "How did it go?"

"Okay." It's the truth, it went better than she expected, "He's not… I don't know if he's going to forgive me but he didn't say he wouldn't."

As she talks, she can see him avoiding her eyes. He's scared. "So you're going to try and make it work?"

"I don't know," She replies quickly because she truly doesn't. She should want to, parts of her does want to, but she did already make a decision regarding Michael. "Regardless…" She takes his hand and slides a bit closer to him to get his attention. When he does end up looking at her, she ends up caressing his chin. "I told you I won't walk away."

He nods again, seemingly realizing that she means it. In the past few days, she has kept her word. And then he blurts it out. "I'm going to talk to Monica."

"What-" He- what- That's not what he said a few days ago. "But you said-"

"I know, I know I said I would wait." He starts, "And I haven't really given you any time but I can't keep doing this to her, I care about her and I can't keep lying, I'm not in love with her."

"Are you sure?" She asks because he would be ending his marriage, losing his wife and she still doesn't know what she can give him.

He's a better man than she is.

He's made a decision and he's sticking to it, he's tired of being unfaithful and he's stopping it.

She should do the same, the only thing is she's not sure of who she is without her marriage, she's built her entire life with Frank in it.

"I am sure." He replies, "I love-"

She shushes him with a kiss.

She's not stupid, she knows what he was about to say and she's not ready to hear it. Not while things are so uncertain.

She feels it though, and she feels the same, so she'd rather show him.

So she kisses him, lets her hands wander on his chest and her tongue meets his.

It takes him a minute but breaks the kiss. "We are so good at this just being friends thing." He whispers and they both laugh.

"You're right, you're right that one is on me." She says, still smiling. She smiles so much around him.

"I never said I was complaining." He tells her before kissing her again.

Because it's them, the kiss gets more passionate and he quickly ends up on top of her.

She loves feeling his body on top of her, how it feels like he's completely wrapped around her.

This time though, as she starts feeling the burning of desire in her stomach she softly pushes him back. She'd love to keep kissing him but she knows it's just going to make it harder to stop and they shouldn't let things get as far as they did in that hotel room. She's not sure they'll have the willpower to step back this time. "Michael-" She whispers.

Thankfully he knows, he doesn't push, plants a small kiss on her neck and puts some distance between them. "How do we always end up like this?" And again, they both laugh.

He puts her hair back behind her ear. "I should go." He says.

She gets it, he should.

She doesn't really want him to go but he should.

After a few seconds they both stand up, he gets his jacket and he leaves her with a quick kiss.

.::.

The next day when she gets to the dinner she spots him outside, about to enter and she quickly calls his name.

One of the many things she loves about him is how much he cares about her so when he turns to her and smiles at her she can feel her heart beat faster.

He takes her hand the moment she is within arms reach and she intertwines their fingers. "You look beautiful today." He whispers in her ear as he opens the door.

They find a table and order quickly.

"About what I said last night…" He starts, "Telling Monica?"

She nods. "I didn't say anything yet." He sighs, "I want to. I need to, I'm just…"

He's scared.

She can see it on his face.

It makes sense, there's so many reasons to be terrified of this, it will hurt her, for sure and she knows he cares about her. He might lose his son and what if they can't figure out a way to co-parent? Regardless of what her decision is, what if they don't work out in the end?

This is why she's struggling so much too.

It's not about doubting how she feels about him, they both know how big and real the feelings are between them, it's about the fear, the fear of losing everything. "I know." She simply says. "Let's put this aside for today."

Easier said than done, she's aware, but she's tired of that constant battle. "Let's just enjoy this moment, just us, without thinking about others."

He nods and smiles and that's all she needs, they'll go back to more serious conversations another time. For now she just wants to relax and have dinner with the man she loves. "What have you been up to?"

She takes his hand in hers as she asks and stares at the contact. "I had an audition today."

"That's so nice," Things seem to be looking up for him, professionally at least. He deserves it. "What for?"

"Chicago, Billy's part." Oh. He would be incredible in this role and she finds herself really hoping the audition went well.

She also has to admit he would look incredibly sexy. "You would be absolutely amazing in this part, the jazzy, groovy vibe of it… it suits you."

He smirks as she says it, understood exactly what she meant by that. "I don't know about the dance though, there's not that much of it to do but I feel like it might just be ridiculous."

"Oh come on," she says chuckling, "you're a great dancer, i've seen you!"

"No," He corrects her, "I move well. I didn't do a lot of full on dancing numbers."

Come to think of it, that is actually true. "Maybe but Billy's part doesn't have a lot of dancing either."

"More than I ever did though." He says, tilting his head.

"If you get cast, it means you can do it." She says, squeezing the hand she was still holding. "I believe in you, and you can practice, you got this."

"Practice with me." She almost chokes as he blurts it out.

He's ridiculous. She can't do that, she chuckles, "No." She can see he's about to argue, and that is not happening. "I don't dance Michael."

"Come on Jules it would be fun!" She can't believe he genuinely sounds genuinely excited about this.

"I'm not a dancer, I'm a writer!" She says, "It wouldn't even help you, I'd just drag you down!"

"It would just be for fun, just the two of us, do this with me." The way he looks at her weakens her resolve. Is he really about to make her do this?

It does sound fun though, she likes trying out new things with him. She can't believe what she's about to say. "Fine, we can have a drink back at my place after dinner and you can show me some moves." He laughs and she hates that she does too. "For fun. This isn't practice, just fun."

"Just fun." He repeats, taking a bite of his meal.

.::.

"Alright, just like this but try letting your body follow the music rather than just the moves it knows it has to do." He says laughing slightly, "you're doing great."

She groans at that before laughing at herself, no she's not. "I can move Michael or sway to the music, I can't dance."

"No, no you're doing great!" He says quickly, "You're just being hard on yourself, here, come here."

Taking her hand in his, he pull her closer and as he puts her hand on his heart and puts his on hers. She can feel the beat of his heart. It both distracts her and pulls her into the moment. "Try and see it the same way you see music, you have to live it, you wouldn't write lyrics with a completely different rhythm than the orchestration right?"

She shakes her head at that, "No, that would just sound terrible."

"Right." He agrees, "Dancing is the same thing, let yourself feel the rhythm and spontaneously follow it."

"I didn't know you knew so much about dancing." She can't help but tease.

He laughs at that, "I don't know that much but i'm an actor in the musical theater world, i have to have some of the basics." As they both chuckle, he taps her hand that he's still holding over his heart. "Just focus on the feeling."

Trying to focus, she closes her eyes and tries to let everything except for the beat of his heart and the rhythm of the music they put on when finished their drinks fade away.

After a few seconds, she can feel herself fall into the sound, she can feel his finger gently tapping on her hand. She puts her free hand on the one he has over her heart, takes a deep breath and lets her fingers gently caress his hand, following the rhythm she can hear.

He takes the hand he had over his heart and puts it on his hip, pulls her closer so she's practically against him and starts moving.

The feeling of him, his body against her is distracting, intoxicating, yet she manages to not lose track of the music and she moves to it too.

He guides her to follow his lead and she does, soon enough they're dancing and laughing in rhythm with the music.

It's not great, she's definitely not a dancer but it's fun, he turns her and she feels dizzy with joy and laughter.

He brings out this carefree and light version of her, brings out her silliness and fun and she loves him for it.

When the song ends, their faces are so close she can feel his breath on her lips and she gives him a quick kiss. A thank you for that evening.

Apparently it's not enough for him though because the moment she pulls away he chases her lips for more.

It's a big kiss, he lets his tongue meet hers and she feels like she's melting, wraps her arms around his neck and after a few second of surprise, kisses him back. He's such a good kisser. He always acts like he can't get enough of her and she loves it, feels the same way about him.

They're both a bit breathless when they break the kiss and she can feel him slightly biting her lip. That- is not fair, it just makes her want him and they agreed they wouldn't... "Don't do that." She whispers, tries to make it sound firm but it sounds too pleading, even to her own ears. She can't really be blamed though, can she? it's been so long and they're alone.

He just laughs and slightly pulls away, "Want to watch the baseball game with me or would you rather me going back to my place?"

It's not lost to her how he doesn't call his place home, she remembers the night before and her heart melts all over again. No, she doesn't want him to leave. "No, stay. I'll make myself some tea, and…" She frowns for a second, "What's the usual baseball game night drink? A beer?"

She's apparently hilarious to him because he laughs slightly again, "A beer is perfectly fine."

She nods. "Sit down, the remote is on the table, i'll be right back."

He's now been there two nights in a row and as she waits for her tea to be ready she can't help but think that this is it. That joy, the partnership, the domesticity, the laughter. That's what she pictures when she pictures her perfect life.

And every time she does picture it, Michael's the first person she pictures with her.

She joins him a few minutes later and they end up watching the game as she slowly falls asleep in his arms, a small smile of happiness finds its way on her face.

.::.

For four days, she barely hears from Michael, she barely hears from Frank aside from Leo-related conversations.

Thankfully her mind still stays really busy and she's able to catch up on her writing, finally finishing that song with Tom and the show is finally going okay.

She's glad they found their star with Rebecca but she's not sure she can actually do the job, she will need a lot of work and preparation.

Bombshell's a mess but it is something that keeps her busy, focused and it's something she knows how to fix.

The worst part comes at night when she's laying in bed, left alone with her thoughts.

She's left thinking about what a mess she's made and how much guilt she feels.

It's why she can't make a decision.

It's the situation she doesn't know how to fix.

She can't choose Frank because he deserves better than her, she hurt him so deeply and he deserves better than to be with a woman who's always going to be seeing another man because she's too weak to stay away from him. She's also not sure if she still is in love with him.

She can't choose Michael either because she feels like she doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve him. This man loved her, let her call the shots from the very beginning and all she did in return was break his heart. And what if she loses Leo? What if he never forgives her for wrecking his family? She also doesn't want to fully lose Frank, what if she does? She also risks hurting Michael. Again.

He deserves better than her, they both do.

During these nights, she even thinks about running. Taking a plane to the first destination she can, just leave it all behind so they can all be happy without her messing things up but she can't, she cares too much. Besides, there's her commitment to the show, Leo, Tom… She can't do that.

It's simply a nice thought.

She misses Michael though.

She's laying there, trying to catch up on some sleep and every time she closes her eyes she can see him, his smiling face and she misses him.

When she turns around and sees the empty spot beside her, she thinks about how she wishes he would be there. Asleep or awake, all that would matter would be him being beside her.

She's turning pathetic. She was fine not hearing from him for years and there she is, missing him after barely a few days.

It's the truth though. She misses his smile, his blue eyes, his voice… Seeing him again after all this time just makes her realize that it hadn't made the feelings disappear it just made them stronger.

There are also so many questions flying in her head.

Did he actually talk to Monica? How did it go? Is he giving her space or is something wrong? Did he hear from that audition? What is he up to? He might be second-guessing his decision to talk to her.

She does miss Frank too, though it feels more like she misses the life they used to have together, she's also really antsy about what he's going to do, if he can ever forgive her or not.

Thinking about all of this though is making her realize that while she misses having a partner, someone to go home to and talk about her day with, she does not miss Frank that much.

Obviously, she cares about him, she loves him and she wants to sort this out as soon as possible with him and make up for hurting him, it's just…

She misses Michael more.

She wants Michael beside her. Not him.

Maybe this means she has finally made a decision.

A smile appears on her face as she turns her nightstand light back on.

Michael's the one she misses more.

She's about to get her phone to call him, to tell him that she wants to be with him and she will be sorting things out without Frank, she will end her marriage.

They will be okay. She can be okay, she can sort everything out… can't she?

But then she hears a knock at her door.

As she looks at the time, she frowns realizing that it was almost 10:30 pm, who would come to see her this late?

Quickly, she goes to open the door and for a second the biggest smile appears on her face.

She's not going to need to call him it seems.

In a flash though, her smile fades.

He looks terribly pained and there are tears in his eyes.

He doesn't waste much time and asks her if he can come in for a minute, she accepts and as she closes the door behind him, she notices that he has his sports bag with him. It looks full.

He lets the bag drop next to him against the wall and turns to her, smiling bitterly. "I told Monica."

His voice is low, filled with sadness.

He doesn't need to say anything else, she already knows that conversation didn't go well. It was to be expected, that's for sure.

And then he breaks, the tears fall freely on his cheeks and her heart breaks for him.

"She left." He says, his voice cracking. "She took Artie. She took him to Seattle."

As soon as he finishes, her arms wrap around him in an attempt to bring him comfort.

He chose her and it cost him everything.