Spacebar Second Stage VI: You Know What Happened Last Season
A Crossover Fanfic by Jemu Nekketsu
Disclaimer: I do not own the various anime/comic/game characters I mock in this work. So there.
Inside the Spacebar Studios, another meeting was taking place.
Jemu: I'm bored. What do we do for a sixth episode of the second season?
Sada-chan: Why don't you just recycle an old plot device?
Jemu: Good idea. Which one?
Evang: The "turn-lead-guy-into-babe-magnet" thing.
Sariko: That's such an unwieldy name. Couldn't you think of a simpler, better one?
BOS: GASP! BETTA-1?! CHANGE ON!?
Sada: What's wrong with old wirehead?
Jemu: BOS? Oh, he just received a hyper-mail from Sasami or Tsunami, I think. How it happened despite the fact that BOS isn't equipped with a hypermodem, I'll never know, but it does seem to have some sort of weird effect on BOS. I'll have to run a systems check to be sure.
Sariko: Are you sure that it wasn't the fact that BOS got a sort of high-tech love letter or somesuch that has him giddy?
Evang: I think the reason why BOS is behaving strangely is just love, plain and simple.
Silence.
Evang: I take it that Gundam Wing dig didn't pan out too well.
Sada-chan: (Too sweetly.) You think?
Jemu: Axel!
Sariko: Lamia!
Both borrowed Banpresto originals get boson jumped into the scene. Or maybe they were listening at the wings and were waiting for their cue. We will never know.
Axel: We heard that attempt at humor.
Lamia: It was most pathetic. Worse than the general's.
Axel: That's true- hey! (Pinches Lamia's butt-cheek.)
Lamia: (Yelps.) But it's true! Doesn't everyone want to know... (Pauses for dramatic effect.) THE TRUTH?
Jemu: Not when no one is looking actively for it.
Sada-chan: No need to make us sound like a Korean TV soap, too.
Lamia: Sorry. My bad.
Axel: So, I gather you wanted us to punish someone for breaking the 13th commandmennt, "Thou shalt not misuse song titles in thine speech?"
Sariko: Yes, indeed. Go forth and layeth the smacketh down on him. (Points to Evang.)
Lamia: It shall be done.
Evang: (retreats from the advancing pair, or was it the SRW Advance pair?) Don't I get a lawyer?
The surroundings shift and contort so that it appears that the sentenced and the executioners are in an alley between two buildings. Swiftly, Axel gut punches Evang, grabs him, and throws him into the air. Lamia takes to the air as well, leaping at him, slashing with tonfas in her hands in passing, kicking against the walls to chase him further up. This continued until Lamia ran out of wall to kick against, where upon Axel leapt up, caught Evang again and subjected him to a spinning piledriver down to the pavement, head first.
Then the scene returned to the normal, cavernous space of the Spacebar Studios. The Spacebar "originals" were speechless at the carnage they had just been witness to.
Jemu: I didn't know you guys could do a synchro attack.
Axel: Well, now you do.
Sariko: Does your attack have a name, or is it going to be "the-attack-that-13th-commandment-violators-get?"
Lamia: We're still thinking of a better name. After all, Josh and Rim had dibs on 'Alternate Duel.'
BOS: How about this: 'Final Atomic Maximum Buster?'
Axel: Final Atomic-
Lamia: -Maximum Buster?
BOS: It has a nice ring to it, eh? After observing your attack, I noticed that it combined elements from Spidey's Maximum Spider (TM) and Zangief's Final Atomic Buster.
Sada-chan: Plus, you could say that you just FAMBed Evang back there.
Axel: Neat-o.
Lamia: Do you mind if we adopted it, BOS?
BOS: It would be an honor if you did. Please.
Axel: Alright. Henceforth, the punishment for violators of the 13th commandment shall be known as... (Takes a breath.) FINAALLL!!! ATOMIIC!!!
Lamia: MAXIMUM!!!
Axel&Lamia: BUUUUSSSSTAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Jemu: I'm still amazed you came up with a synchro attack so far from your home studio.
Axel: Well, I haven't been playing with Lamia all the time between episodes, you know.
Lamia: A-hem! That didn't quite sound right, general.
Axel: Ah, that is to say, um, uh, we do know how to use the other amenities of the brand new Spacebar Hotel. Like the jacuzzi, for instance. And others.
Lamia: A-HEM!!!
Sada-chan: Sex leading to enlightenment in the ways of a secret attack? Sounds like either a Tantric cult-
Sariko: Or a bad Rumiko Takahashi doujin plot.
BOS: Dog-boy or girl-boy?
Sada-chan: Does it matter?
BOS: Now that you think of it, no.
Lamia: Minds out of the gutter, everyone! What the general was getting at was, we have been doing research on each others', uh, capabilities between episodes.
Axel: At the same time the Spacebar Hotel for non-deceased guests was being brought up.
Jemu: Let me guess- research included playing Super Robot Wars D and Marvel vs. Capcom on GBA and arcade emulators respectively.
Lamia: How did you know?
Jemu: All your base are belong to us.
BOS: That's him and me, doll.
Lamia: What did you just call me?
As she was saying that, a bluish battle aura began to manifest around Lamia, the type that looks like she's leaking ethereal smoke. Then her hair began to spread out, fan-like, strand by strand. What passed for her skirt began to move as if blown by an unseen wind.
Jemu: Axel, calm her down.
Axel: Why shouldn't I let BOS take it?
Jemu: Because if you do, she might take out life support?
Axel: Good point. Lamia dear, cut that out, there's a sale you might want to check out, items up to 75% off.
Lamia: (Reverting back to normal.) Really? Where!? Take me there now!!!
Axel: You owe me, bartender. (Gets dragged by Lamia to door.)
Jemu: Just send the bill to me.
Axel: I will.
Jemu: BOS?
BOS: Hmmm?
Jemu: Any banks I can hit?
BOS: We can make a quick and dirty semi-H production and sell it to mass-marketers to get some fast cash, then use it to fund a feature production and hope it makes money.
Sada-chan: That way we can't be arrested for hiding and abetting a robber. I like it.
Jemu: Alright. Call up some pushers and tell them we're releasing another Better Robo OVA episode.
Sariko: Do we have another Better Robo OVA episode?
Jemu: How hard can it be to splice together various scenes from old robot shows? Failing that, we could re-animate and rework Super Robot Wars stages.
BOS: We could also do a fanservice episode.
Jemu: Nah, I'm saving that for the feature production. So, I'm leaving the rest up to you and the 3 Gunned Men. Put them in the Better Robo, if you want to. I'll work on the script for the feature.
BOS: That's it! We'll shoot with you, Gai, and Tsukumo in the Better, but you have to make a disappearing act on some lousy excuse, and Kaji will be brought in to sub for you! But since he isn't a pilot, he needs to be brainwashed to be one by making him watch various super robot final attack sequences! Am I a genius or what?
Sada-chan: It's so crazy mecha nuts would buy copies for their imaginary / two-dimensional friends. Let's start!
Sariko: I'd love to say 'baka' at this point. Unfortunately, a grown woman, even one with white hair, shouldn't.
And with their burning love for a life out of prison and free of run-ins with the law, the second Better Robo episode was made. It sold millions of copies not just worldwide, but also on Mars, Jupiter, and the space colonies as well.
At an undisclosed department store...
Axel: I just got an SMS from the Brain of Spacebar.
Lamia: (From a nearby dressing/trying room.) What does it say?
Axel: "Please FAMB the narrator when you get back."
Lamia: No rest for the wicked. Hand me the next set on the hanger, please.
Axel: Okay. (Checks out the outfit.) NO, YOU ARE NOT WEARING THIS OUTSIDE OF OUR ROOM AND THAT'S FINAL!!!
Lamia: (Sexy smile.) Silly man. Where else and for whom else would I wear it for? Now, pass it here, please.
Axel: No, you come out and get it. (Grin.)
Lamia: But I'm only in my lingerie!
Axel: (Lecherous grin.) I know.
Back at Spacebar Studios...
Jemu: I'm back! So, do we have the money now?
Sada-chan: Yep. A whole lot of it.
Sariko: Most of which will go to Axel and Lamia's bills.
BOS: Lame.
Kaji: Is that the like the weird anime? The mind-boggler?
BOS: Whatcha talking about?
Kaji: You know, Cereal Experiments Lame?
Jemu: Omigod, somebody kill him! QUICK!
Tsukumo & Gai: DOUBLE GEKIGAN FLARE!!!
The combined force of the blows send Kaji flying, and he lands next to Evang who was just regaining consciousness.
Evang: What the hell? Did anyone get the number of that bus that hit me? And did I miss anything important?
Jemu: You just missed a live-action double high-speed distortion field attack, and the making of the second Better Robo OVA.
Evang: Damn.
Sariko: So, shall we get to work on the feature?
Jemu: Sure. Let me just make a few phone calls to BANVOILA and some others.
Somewhere in the Pacific...
Tactical Officer: Captain, we have something huge and fast on an intercept course with us.
Tessa: Confirm it, please.
Navigation Officer: It's moving at 40 clicks, headed for us, Captain.
TO: Should we go on alert?
Tessa: Raise yellow alert. Put the Tuatha de Danan on evasive maneuvers.
Mardukas: What do you suppose it could be, Captain.
Tessa: Probably another worthless plot device.
TO: Capatain, we have a disturbance headed our way! Analysis reveals a fast-moving, compact anomaly in the water!
Mardukas: A torpedo?
Tessa: Helmsman, hard to starboard!
Helmsman: Roger that! Hard to starboard!
TO: Estimated time to contact, one minute! I don't think it likes us, whoever or whatever it is!
NO: The anomaly is tracking us, Captain!
Mardukas: Increase speed to full!
Helmsman: Aye, sir!
Tessa: Guided torpedoes?
A few tense seconds later, the crew of the subamarine Tuatha de Danan heaved a collective sigh of relief.
Mardukas: Give us a profile of that thing out there, whatever it is.
TO: SIDAR doesn't match it to any known sub right now, Commander.
Tessa: Arm torpedo tubes 1 and 2.
Weapons Officer: Tubes armed and ready!
Mardukas: Fire as soon as you have a firing solution.
TO: It's headed straight for us, Commander. We can fire without computing.
WO: Torpedoes one and two away!
NO: Target is on collision course with the torpedoes, Captain.
Tessa: What could they be thinking?
TO: Sonar-type pulse is being generated by the target!
WO: Torpedoes 1 and 2 have been destroyed!
Tessa: Reverse course, full speed!
NO: Reversing course!
TO: It's gonna be hard to outrun a wall of sound, Captain!
Mardukas: Drop some explosives behind us and detonate them to fizzle the wall.
WO: Roger!
Moments later, the sub shook.
TO: We've been hit!
Mardukas: Damage report!
NO: We're losing reactor efficiency! Maximum speed down by an estimated 20%!
TO: Hull breach and flooding detected in aft sections 34-40!
Tessa: Seal the bulkheads and force the water out. We have to surface, though.
Mardukas: Are you sure, Captain?
TO: SIDAR has come up with what are attacker might look like. I'm putting it on screen now.
The Tuatha de Danan bridge crew stared at what appeared to be a cross between a man-o'-war and a bunch of sea snakes, encased in a clam or a giant crab's body. If clam shells had a couple of reptilian eyes stuck on top of it.
Mardukas: That- what is that?
TO: According to the SIDAR it's organic, sir.
Tessa: Have we stumbled onto its hunting ground, perhaps?
NO: We're about to find out!
WO: I think it's sending out its tentacles for us, fast!
Tessa: Begin surfacing procedure, helmsman.
Helmsman: Aye, Captain!
Slowly, the submarine made its way to the surface, the unknown creature in hot pursuit. The submarine didn't break the surface fast enough to suit the tastes of the crew.
TO: Captain, Commander, you're not going to like this.
Mardukas: How so?
TO: A submarine with an unknown sonar signature has entered the AO.
Tessa: Initiate cloaking.
NO: The other submarine has stopped, Cap'n. The creature is another matter, though.
WO: Tentacle contact in 10 seconds!
Tessa: Open the launch bays! Have every helicopter, fighter, and AS ready for underwater combat ASAP! Raise red alert!
The bay doors slid open, just as the tentacles reached the underbelly of the submarine. First out were the helicopters, flying in circles around the submarine, some strafing the water. Next came the AS, some of which, after attaching themselves to the hull with cables, jumped into the water with automatic weapons. Those that stayed above the water fanned out over the deck, depth charges and torpedo launchers ready. Finally, following a few minutes of fire as the choppers and AS shot at tentacles trying to wrap around the sub and the mecha on it, the bombers took off, armed with anti-submarine weapons.
Mardukas: The 7th AS Team has engaged the creature.
TO: Commander! The unknown sub has launched missiles, possibly AA, against us!
Tessa: Oh, dear. Fight well, everyone!
NO: Flooding has been contained and stopped, Cap'n.
Tessa: Good. We could use a bit of good news now. (Sighs.) I wish Sagara-kun was here.
Mardukas: ... Little punk...
Tessa: Did you say something, Commander?
Mardukas: No, Captain.
TO: B Wing has been wiped out, Captain! Echo Squadron is sending chaff and flares everywhere!
NO: The enemy sub is surfacing as well!
Tessa: Clear the missile tubes! I want Tomahawks raining down on that thing!
Some AS scrambled clear as the launch doors flew open and let a barrage of Tomahawk cruise missiles out. One AS who happened to be armed with a missile launcher as well took aim at where the missiles were supposed to land (thanks to the targeting computer of the machine) and fired his load as well. To their horror, however, the enemy sub (which had now broken surface) disintegrated all the missiles with quick laser pulses. But something else was happening to the enemy sub as well: it was slowly turning its 500-meter length into-
Mardukas: A giant robot?
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sada-chan confronted Jemu. "You idiot! You're going to spend all our budget on cheesy special effects and gimmicks!"
"Bite me," was his only reply.
A few seconds later, there was a sharp yelp of pain.
"Not literally! Getter off of me!"
"Hey, you two, GETTA ROOM!" Evang called from the sidelines.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The situation didn't look good. A 450-meter tall robot was casting its shadow over the Tuatha de Danan, now entangled in tentacles courtesy of the Creature From Below (TM). The AS on deck were either shooting at the robot/sub or hacking away at the tentacles with their chainswords, both to no avail. Multiple panels slid open across the robot's body, and out came cables terminating in devices resembling two cones, a smaller one placed inside a larger one, the vertex of the smaller one and the base of the larger one pointed toward the Tuatha de Danan, being maneuvered into place with meters of cabling.
Mardukas: What is this, a mechanical La Blue Girl episode?
Tessa: What's La Blue Girl?
Male officers on bridge: Ah, er, I, uh-
???: Attention, Earthling submarine!
Tessa: Are we being hailed?
Communications Officer: No, Cap'n. It's coming from the tentacle things of the robot.
Tessa: You mean those things were giant loudspeakers?!
CO: More like huge megaphones, ma'am.
???: Surrender the Black Technology prodigy now; there is no means of live escape otherwise. With the help of the Dragonosaurus, we now have control of your vehicle and mobile weapon launch areas. In other words...
CO: Please be true?
The Comm officer gets beaten up by the other bridge crew. Tessa and Commander Mardukas pay no heed to the actions of the crew, listening intently to the message being delivered by the enemy.
???: In other words - ALL YOUR BAYS ARE BELONG TO US!!!
Tessa & Mardukas: What you say!?
Tessa: You might have seized the vehicle and AS bays, but not the missile tubes yet! Load all missile tubes and fire!
WO: Ayea, Captain! Tomahawks away!
A bigger barrage of Tomahawk missiles surge out from the Tuatha de Danan. The robot/sub didn't bother to use its laser anti-missile defense system. It just stood there, the missiles exploding against its hull, emerging unscathed once the smoke cleared.
???: Your Tomahawks are worthless against me!
Mardukas: An extra-terrestrial with familiarity in Terran weapons?
Tessa: Seems unlikely, don't you think? Unless they've been observing us for a long time...
Another Unknown Voice: Well, you haven't tried ours yet! TOMAHAWK BOOMERANG!
Another Unknown Voice: TOMAHAWK BOOMERANG !!!
Another Unknown Voice: TOMAHAWK LAUNCHER !!!
There were blurs of movement, and the sound of rushing air, followed by the melodious clang of metal on metal. Small explosions occured, a result perhaps of three gargantuan axes buried in the back and shoulders of the huge robot rupturing power and hydarulic lines.
???: What? This cannot be! Who are you?!
Another Unknown Voice#1: Why don't you guess? GETTER BEAM!!!
Another Unknown Voice#2: SPIRAL GETTER BEAM!!!
Another Unknown Voice#3: OPEN GATE!!! CHANGE GETTER 3!!!
Tessa: It appears we have been rescued, or at the least, been given respite.
Mardukas: So it would seem.
A waterspout formed suddenly beneath the enemy and threw it up into the air. Their three rescuers, oddly resembling each other, save that one was red with a red cape, the other black with a black cape, and the third red with black bat-like wings, flew up after their target, axes in hand. They struck the huge robot, the two smaller ones then pushing it down with ruby-red beams from their torsos while the larger one broke into three planes, which reformed into what resembled an emaciated white knight with a drill bit for an arm and a pincer for its other hand.
Mardukas: AS units, clear the air launch bays!
Tessa: What do you have in mind, Commander?
Mardukas: You heard what the enemy said earlier, Captain. They know of Black Technology - they know of you. I am going to send you someplace safe, then.
Tessa: I am not leaving this ship, Commander. Besides, the battle seems to be turning in our favor now.
But as she said this, the plummeting enemy stretched its arms out and with its hands crushed the two other robots who were burning a hole in its armor with their beams. A huge ball of green energy erupted from its hands, destroying both the robots and the hands that held them utterly, leaving only what passed for the enemy's upper arms intact. The third one was busy making a tunnel through layers of plating, and was doing so at an amazing rate. It would have been wonderful, had the huge enemy not hit the sea, the rushing water washing away the third rescuer. Huge waves spread from the point of impact, sweeping out in all directions, bearing away the surviving robot.
Random pilot person: The chopper bays are clear, Commander.
Mardukas: Excellent work, soldier.
Random pilot person: We couldn't take the credit for it, sir. It's like the creature decided to let go all of a sudden.
TO: All units in deck, brace yourselves!
Mardukas: Drop bulkheads in the chopper hangar!
The next few moments were like a storm. Nothing was still, the water was tossing everything in its path upwards, including itself. When calm finally returned, a horrific tableau could be seen. Tentacles from beneath bearing up the white robot spread-eagled, wrapped around not only around the limbs but like a cocoon where only occasional patches of the third rescuer could be seen; the huge enemy robot looming over it, looking like an enraged monolithic idol judging the worth of the sacrifice before it.
Mardukas: My god-
Tessa: We should do something!
Mardukas: You're right, Captain. Chopper bay, ready a Comanche for VIP transport. We're taking the the Captain to safety.
Tessa: Belay that command!
Mardukas: AS units, report in!
Random pilot person: 7th AS team, still in fighting condition.
That was the only reply.
Mardukas: Get back on deck, and prep your economy-size flashbangs. You will fire when I say so.
Tessa: Commander! This is mutiny! I order you to stand down! Officers, seize him!
No one moved to do Tessa's bidding. Outside, the enemy robot had decided on the sacrificial vicitm's fate.
???: So, you were the disgustingly over-used and over-rated Getter Robots. This shall be a fitting end to you, I believe.
A section of the robot's torso opened up to reveal a big-ass cannon which unfolded out of its chest cavity to aim at the bound Shin Getter 2.
???: Shin Getter 2, the form with the weakest armor among the three. There is no escape from this, then.
A glow began to form in front of the cannon's business end. It grew in size until it was as huge as the Shin Getter 2 itself.
???: Shin Getter 2, taste death by parody! TAKER BEAM!!!
There was a bright flash, and through the glare the disintegrating silhouette of Dragonosaurus tentacles and Shin Getter 2 could be made out. Two large explosions occured, the first being the Getter Energy core of the Shin Getter, while the other was the signature blast of a unit with more than 16000 HP being reduced to ashes. (At best, the Shin Getter has around 8000 HP.)
???: Whoops. I didn't mean for that to happen. Sorry, Mr. Dragonosaurus. And as for you, puny Earth submarine-
Mardukas: 7th AS Team, now! Fire in the hole!
The remaining AS, the unkillable 7th AS Team, fired their photo-electronic flashbangs at the target. These mecha-sized flash grenades were actually more of tactical baby nukes.
Helicopter hangar...
Mardukas: Urz-2, Urz-7, you have the task of seeing the Captain to safety and making sure she stays that way. I leave it to you how to accomplish those objectives. Now, go. We will cover for you.
Melissa: Yes, Commander. Come on, Urz-7.
Kurz: Let me carry the Captain, Liuetenant.
Melissa: No way, Seargent. I don't trust those hands of yours.
Kurz: Not trust my hands?! I'm the best damn sniper in this outfit!
Melissa: The idea of trusting you with an unconscious, beautiful teenager is not a reassuring one, Weber.
Kurz: I can put a hole in the head of anyone who comes close to her. How much safer can she be?
Melissa: It's not her safety I'm worried about, it's her virtue. (Puts an unconscious Tessa in the back, then sits in the gunner's position.) Drive, Seargent.
Outside, the mini-nukes detonate in the air. The launch doors open, and a lone stealth helicopter flies off towards Jindai. The Tuatha de Danan pushes its engines to the limit, the 7th AS Team lobbing mini-nukes at regular intervals. For a while, it seemed to be working, and the Tuatha de Danan was able to put some distance between the unknown enemy and itself. Then the enemy did the unthinkable: it folded in on itself, turning back into a submarine, albeit a heavily damaged one, sumberged and began to stalk the Tuatha de Danan.
SCENE CHANGE: Jindai High School
The school bell rang, signaling the end of classes for the day. Kaname Chidori stood up, stretched, and covered her mouth as she yawned, inadvertently giving some male students who happened to pass by their room nosebleeds. Quick as always, her friend Kyoko was there to snap a photo with her digital camera, both of Kaname stretching out and of her accidental victims.
Kyoko: Well, see you tomorrow, Kana-chan!
Kaname: See you as well! And watch out for old men with strange fetishes, eh?
Kyoko: I will!
Kyoko makes her way out, waving to Kaname in the hallway and skipping away. Smiling back, Kaname began putting her things away when a shadow fell over her, making her look up.
Sousuke: Chidori.
Kaname: Hey, Sousuke- you look horrible. Is something wrong?
Sousuke: I must speak with you in private. It's an emergency.
Kaname looked around. It seemed that they were the only ones left in the room.
Kaname: We're alone now. What is it?
Sousuke: I must ask a favor of you, one which I hope you will not refuse even though you might find it disagreeable.
Kaname: What sort of favor? A kiss? (Thinking.) Oh my god, did I just day what I heard myself say. I hope he doesn't say 'yes'.
Sousuke: No, Chidori. It is not a kiss.
Kaname: (Thinking.) Damn him! Why doesn't he want to kiss me? Am I ugly? Are my lips too thin or too wide? Do I stink? (Aloud.) Well, if not that-
Sousuke: Please, Chidori, I beg you, sleep with me tonight.
Kaname: What!?
Sousuke: Please, say you'll spend the night with me, and perhaps the morning.
Kaname's mind began to whirl. Oh, no, this is moving all too fast. What should I say? That I don't know him well enough yet? That would be a lie. But I can't say yes, can I? What if he treats me the same in the morning, after all that I let him do to me?
[INSERT SOME SLIGHTLY MODIFIED JAST USA GAME SCENES HERE.]
Kanama: (Blushing.) It seems rather- all of a sudden, Sousuke. Is there a reason why you asked today?
Sousuke: There is.
Kaname: Well? Are you going to tell me what it is?
Sousuke: I received an encrypted message from Kurz. It said that the Tuatha de Danan was attacked by unknown forces with an interest in Black Technology.
Kaname: GASP!
Sousuke: They were severely outclassed, and lives were lost. Worse, Captain Testarossa...
Kaname: Tessa?! What happened to her?!
Sousuke: Kurz and Mao are depositing her at my place tonight for safety, while they backtrack and make sure no one has followed them inland.
Kaname: Inland?
Sousuke: The Tuatha was attacked in the middle of the ocean, Chidori. They had to knock the Captain unconscious before putting her in a chopper because she would not leave the ship.
Several things happened at this point. First, relief rushed through Kaname because she didn't have to do 'the deed' with Sousuke that night, then mortification that she thought she would have to do 'the deed' with Sousuke that night, then horror upon realizing what tonight was going to be like. Kaname's body acted on reflex.
Sousuke: Ouch. What did you whap me for?
Kaname: Sorry. It was a knee-jerk reaction.
Sousuke: So, will you consider my proposal, Chidori?
Kaname's mind was cooking up a very probable scenario if she left Tessa and Sousuke alone in his apartment.
#BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE 1#
Sound of someone sobbing quietly, as if not wanting anyone to hear.
"Kancho? Daijoubu?"
"H-hai."
Sousuke got up from the futon in the living room, and went inside the bedroom. He had left the bedroom door unlocked, in case Tessa wanted to go to the bathroom. He never thought that he would be the one to utilize the setup.
Tessa was sitting on the bed, her white hair undone and falling over her shoulders and back, wiping tears away from her eyes. "Really, I'm fine, seargent. Go back to sleep."
To her surprise, she felt the mattress shift, and then she was pulled into an awkward but sincere embrace. "You have to let it out, Captain. If you don't do it now, it will be harder for you to cope with in the future," Sousuke advised her.
"I- I want to forget. Please, Sagara-kun, make me forget," Tessa wailed, pressing herself, clothed only in Sousuke's borrowed shirt, against him.
"Kancho! This is not the way-"
"Make me forget, Seargent. That is a direct order," her quiet command came.
Feeling helpless, yet not wanting to distress Tessa further, Sousuke eased her down on the sheets and-
[INSERT SOME SLIGHTLY MODIFIED JAST USA GAME SCENES HERE.]
#END DREAM SEQUENCE 1#
Kaname sometimes hated her well-developed imagination. Then she realized that Sousuke was gazing intently at her. Belatedly, she recaled that he was waiting for her answer, and she noted that the shadows on the wall were very long. She took a deep breath.
Kaname: Very well, Sousuke. In the purpose of preserving both our sanities and chastitites, I shall sleep with you tonight.
Sousuke: Thank you, Chidori.
Kaname: You owe big-time, buddy.
Sousuke: (More serious than usual.) Agreed. Don't worry, I shall pay my debts to you with my body, Chidori.
Kaname: REALLY?
Upon hearing his last sentence, Kaname's mind went into overdrive again.
#BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE 2#
"Sousuke, come here. Rub my back with suntan, please."
"Chidori, your bikini top is not on you."
"Of course it isn't. I don't want any lines on my back. Now, where's the lotion?"
Silence for a few seconds, save for the sound of the tide and seagulls.
"Ummm. I think my back has had enough. Now for my front," Kaname purred.
"Chidori, I don't think that's such a good idea."
"Hmm. You're right, Sousuke."
Sousuke exhaled and relaxed visibly.
"Let's skip the foreplay and get on to the nasty stuff."
[INSERT SOME SLIGHTLY MODIFIED JAST USA GAME SCENES HERE.]
#END DREAM SEQUENCE 2#
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Evang: What's with all the stock footage? And why does the enemy submarine look like a third-rate reproduction of the Battle 7?
Jemu: Well, having some of the Getters appear and get destroyed in a sequence is more expensive than having some of the Getters appear and kick the enemy's ass to hell. You have to pay for their stained rep, y'know.
Sada-chan: Not to mention the cost of rebuilding a lost Dragonosaurus.
Evang: That's it, as of this moment, I am assuming the role of financial manager for this production.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sousuke: Chidori? Are you alright?
Kaname: (Dreamily.) Hmmh?
Sousuke: Should you require escort to dangerous locations, a forward scouting report of an area, or maybe just someone to catch bullets with his bulk, I am your man, Chidori. That's what I shall repay you with.
[Bubble popping sound.]
Kaname: Eh? Demo, don't you do that for me already?
Sousuke: Not without trying to persuade you and to change your mind.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back at the Spacebar...
Evang: Right, now, when do we turn the girls into nymphomaniacs?
Jemu: You mean, when do we turn Kaname into a nymphomaniac?
Evang: What's wrong? Why aren't we going to include Tessa?
Sariko: You can't transform a person into what she already is, only into something better or worse. Take it from an expert.
Evang: Hmm, you have a point. Okay, so when are we going to make Tessa and Kaname bend both ways?
Sada-chan: With a significant reduction in their willpower and self-control, including Sagara-san?
Evang: Yes! Yes, that is a great idea! And I know hot to make it cheap and easy!
BOS: How?
Evang: I'll asked Fujieda-san to do it! I just bet she'll look hot in a night sniper's outfit.
Ayame: Did someone mention my name?
Jemu: Nyeh! What- where- when- how-?
Evang: How would you like to play a small but significant role in this movie?
Ayame: Let me see: do I want to devote my time and effort to a bit role in this production that will only appear just once and only for a single scene?
Evang: I got two words for you: quality air time.
Sariko: That's three words.
Evang: Whatever. So, whaddaya say?
Ayame: Quality, huh? No making me wear leather and lace, alright.
Evang: Of course not!
Ayame: Okay then.
Evang: Great! Here's a pitch: you're a sniper on a rooftop, and you can't miss. So tell me, how does black spandex grab you?
Ayame: Like a second skin?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was pathetic, really. It was so easy to trail her; her hair fairly shone even in the darkest alleys, where it appeared ghostlike. Not that she was the superstitious or religious type - facing down attacks from evil spirits on a weekly basis, sometimes even daily, sort of ruined the image and appeal of the afterlife and the netherworld for her.
She sighed. She had been given the address where her quarry was going. What she didn't know was what floor. She checked the launcher slung on her back; her orders were to find out where exactly her quarry stopped for the night, and finish her off along with her sympathizers. The sniper smiled grimly. She had taken care of two of her quarry's sympathizers earlier. The last that she saw of them, they were lying face-up in an alley literally boiling with a gaseous chemical, courtesy of the launcher she was carrying.
She checked them afterward to be sure - they had weak pulses - and inhalation of the gas in their unconscious state was likely to finish them off, as it was heavier than air.
Two minutes, her superiors said. Two minutes of breathing the fumes, and the gas would have started to take effect on a huge scale. Knowing this made Ayame uneasy; she left the alleyway once she had verified the slowdown of their pulse rates. Another beauty of the toxin was, sixty seconds after it came into contact with air, it turned colorless. Since it was already odorless to begin with, it was doubly hard to detect; the fact that it remained active for a full day after exposure was both blessing and curse.
She didn't want to think of such things that were best left to scientists. She had more important things to do now, like look for the door where her quarry would enter. As the bus pullled to a stop, Ayame leapt up to the roof of the opposite apartment complex and set up the launcher and its sighting gear.
She watched as her target made her way to the top floor, making no conscious effort to conceal her moves. Top floor, she thought. Very defendable position, but not the best rendezvous point for a retreat. Its defendability depended on its difficulty in getting reached, hampering those who were seeking shelter as well. All she had to do now was wait. She cradled the launcher in her arms now, peering down its sight and keeping it aimed on her prey.
She didn't have to wait long. Her target headed for the door farthest from the stairs up, and knocked on it. It was opened by a dark-haired young man, and Ayame didn't hesitate - she fired the marble-sized round precisely an inch below the door arch. Something must have given her away, however, as the man at the door suddenly pulled her target into the room and simultaneously slammed the door. Not that it mattered to Ayame. She checked an instrument on the launcher, and saw that her shot had gone into the apartment. Good, she thought. Now for a diversion. She took a flare out, lit it and threw it at the apartment's window. Then she started to climb down from the roof using the metal stairs on the side of the building. It was slow going, but her objective now was to draw attention away from the gas round. Luckily, any smoke that they would see could be blamed on the flare she threw, as it also doubled as a smoke grenade once the fire went out.
She flinched when she heard the sharp cracks of a pistol being fired. She watched in amusement though, as they bounced off the personal distortion field her superiors had provided for her. From the apartment's distance, it would appear that the bullets missed because they hit the metal stairs. Ayame decided to hide behind a huge metal waste bin for effect; she was rewarded by a couple of bullets hitting her hiding place. She decided to tease her shooter further by sticking her head out cautious-like, and ducked the bullet that checked her movement.
She smiled. Radioing for the air evac vehicle to come and get her, she sat back against the dumpster, amusing herself by thinking of the mind games her quarry's rescuers were playing by now. They'd probably assume the worst, especially when they see my ride out of here, Ayame thought.
* * * * * * * * *
Ayame walked back into the studio to the sound of applause.
Evang: Magnificent, Fujieda-san.
Ayame: Thanks. I thought I might have gotten rusty.
Jemu: I especailly liked that "hiding against a sniper" thing you pulled off behind the dumpster. Wonderful show.
Ayame: It comes from hanging around with great actresses, my good man. So, what happens now?
BOS: Let's all find out.
* * * * * * * * * *
A Crossover Fanfic by Jemu Nekketsu
Disclaimer: I do not own the various anime/comic/game characters I mock in this work. So there.
Inside the Spacebar Studios, another meeting was taking place.
Jemu: I'm bored. What do we do for a sixth episode of the second season?
Sada-chan: Why don't you just recycle an old plot device?
Jemu: Good idea. Which one?
Evang: The "turn-lead-guy-into-babe-magnet" thing.
Sariko: That's such an unwieldy name. Couldn't you think of a simpler, better one?
BOS: GASP! BETTA-1?! CHANGE ON!?
Sada: What's wrong with old wirehead?
Jemu: BOS? Oh, he just received a hyper-mail from Sasami or Tsunami, I think. How it happened despite the fact that BOS isn't equipped with a hypermodem, I'll never know, but it does seem to have some sort of weird effect on BOS. I'll have to run a systems check to be sure.
Sariko: Are you sure that it wasn't the fact that BOS got a sort of high-tech love letter or somesuch that has him giddy?
Evang: I think the reason why BOS is behaving strangely is just love, plain and simple.
Silence.
Evang: I take it that Gundam Wing dig didn't pan out too well.
Sada-chan: (Too sweetly.) You think?
Jemu: Axel!
Sariko: Lamia!
Both borrowed Banpresto originals get boson jumped into the scene. Or maybe they were listening at the wings and were waiting for their cue. We will never know.
Axel: We heard that attempt at humor.
Lamia: It was most pathetic. Worse than the general's.
Axel: That's true- hey! (Pinches Lamia's butt-cheek.)
Lamia: (Yelps.) But it's true! Doesn't everyone want to know... (Pauses for dramatic effect.) THE TRUTH?
Jemu: Not when no one is looking actively for it.
Sada-chan: No need to make us sound like a Korean TV soap, too.
Lamia: Sorry. My bad.
Axel: So, I gather you wanted us to punish someone for breaking the 13th commandmennt, "Thou shalt not misuse song titles in thine speech?"
Sariko: Yes, indeed. Go forth and layeth the smacketh down on him. (Points to Evang.)
Lamia: It shall be done.
Evang: (retreats from the advancing pair, or was it the SRW Advance pair?) Don't I get a lawyer?
The surroundings shift and contort so that it appears that the sentenced and the executioners are in an alley between two buildings. Swiftly, Axel gut punches Evang, grabs him, and throws him into the air. Lamia takes to the air as well, leaping at him, slashing with tonfas in her hands in passing, kicking against the walls to chase him further up. This continued until Lamia ran out of wall to kick against, where upon Axel leapt up, caught Evang again and subjected him to a spinning piledriver down to the pavement, head first.
Then the scene returned to the normal, cavernous space of the Spacebar Studios. The Spacebar "originals" were speechless at the carnage they had just been witness to.
Jemu: I didn't know you guys could do a synchro attack.
Axel: Well, now you do.
Sariko: Does your attack have a name, or is it going to be "the-attack-that-13th-commandment-violators-get?"
Lamia: We're still thinking of a better name. After all, Josh and Rim had dibs on 'Alternate Duel.'
BOS: How about this: 'Final Atomic Maximum Buster?'
Axel: Final Atomic-
Lamia: -Maximum Buster?
BOS: It has a nice ring to it, eh? After observing your attack, I noticed that it combined elements from Spidey's Maximum Spider (TM) and Zangief's Final Atomic Buster.
Sada-chan: Plus, you could say that you just FAMBed Evang back there.
Axel: Neat-o.
Lamia: Do you mind if we adopted it, BOS?
BOS: It would be an honor if you did. Please.
Axel: Alright. Henceforth, the punishment for violators of the 13th commandment shall be known as... (Takes a breath.) FINAALLL!!! ATOMIIC!!!
Lamia: MAXIMUM!!!
Axel&Lamia: BUUUUSSSSTAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Jemu: I'm still amazed you came up with a synchro attack so far from your home studio.
Axel: Well, I haven't been playing with Lamia all the time between episodes, you know.
Lamia: A-hem! That didn't quite sound right, general.
Axel: Ah, that is to say, um, uh, we do know how to use the other amenities of the brand new Spacebar Hotel. Like the jacuzzi, for instance. And others.
Lamia: A-HEM!!!
Sada-chan: Sex leading to enlightenment in the ways of a secret attack? Sounds like either a Tantric cult-
Sariko: Or a bad Rumiko Takahashi doujin plot.
BOS: Dog-boy or girl-boy?
Sada-chan: Does it matter?
BOS: Now that you think of it, no.
Lamia: Minds out of the gutter, everyone! What the general was getting at was, we have been doing research on each others', uh, capabilities between episodes.
Axel: At the same time the Spacebar Hotel for non-deceased guests was being brought up.
Jemu: Let me guess- research included playing Super Robot Wars D and Marvel vs. Capcom on GBA and arcade emulators respectively.
Lamia: How did you know?
Jemu: All your base are belong to us.
BOS: That's him and me, doll.
Lamia: What did you just call me?
As she was saying that, a bluish battle aura began to manifest around Lamia, the type that looks like she's leaking ethereal smoke. Then her hair began to spread out, fan-like, strand by strand. What passed for her skirt began to move as if blown by an unseen wind.
Jemu: Axel, calm her down.
Axel: Why shouldn't I let BOS take it?
Jemu: Because if you do, she might take out life support?
Axel: Good point. Lamia dear, cut that out, there's a sale you might want to check out, items up to 75% off.
Lamia: (Reverting back to normal.) Really? Where!? Take me there now!!!
Axel: You owe me, bartender. (Gets dragged by Lamia to door.)
Jemu: Just send the bill to me.
Axel: I will.
Jemu: BOS?
BOS: Hmmm?
Jemu: Any banks I can hit?
BOS: We can make a quick and dirty semi-H production and sell it to mass-marketers to get some fast cash, then use it to fund a feature production and hope it makes money.
Sada-chan: That way we can't be arrested for hiding and abetting a robber. I like it.
Jemu: Alright. Call up some pushers and tell them we're releasing another Better Robo OVA episode.
Sariko: Do we have another Better Robo OVA episode?
Jemu: How hard can it be to splice together various scenes from old robot shows? Failing that, we could re-animate and rework Super Robot Wars stages.
BOS: We could also do a fanservice episode.
Jemu: Nah, I'm saving that for the feature production. So, I'm leaving the rest up to you and the 3 Gunned Men. Put them in the Better Robo, if you want to. I'll work on the script for the feature.
BOS: That's it! We'll shoot with you, Gai, and Tsukumo in the Better, but you have to make a disappearing act on some lousy excuse, and Kaji will be brought in to sub for you! But since he isn't a pilot, he needs to be brainwashed to be one by making him watch various super robot final attack sequences! Am I a genius or what?
Sada-chan: It's so crazy mecha nuts would buy copies for their imaginary / two-dimensional friends. Let's start!
Sariko: I'd love to say 'baka' at this point. Unfortunately, a grown woman, even one with white hair, shouldn't.
And with their burning love for a life out of prison and free of run-ins with the law, the second Better Robo episode was made. It sold millions of copies not just worldwide, but also on Mars, Jupiter, and the space colonies as well.
At an undisclosed department store...
Axel: I just got an SMS from the Brain of Spacebar.
Lamia: (From a nearby dressing/trying room.) What does it say?
Axel: "Please FAMB the narrator when you get back."
Lamia: No rest for the wicked. Hand me the next set on the hanger, please.
Axel: Okay. (Checks out the outfit.) NO, YOU ARE NOT WEARING THIS OUTSIDE OF OUR ROOM AND THAT'S FINAL!!!
Lamia: (Sexy smile.) Silly man. Where else and for whom else would I wear it for? Now, pass it here, please.
Axel: No, you come out and get it. (Grin.)
Lamia: But I'm only in my lingerie!
Axel: (Lecherous grin.) I know.
Back at Spacebar Studios...
Jemu: I'm back! So, do we have the money now?
Sada-chan: Yep. A whole lot of it.
Sariko: Most of which will go to Axel and Lamia's bills.
BOS: Lame.
Kaji: Is that the like the weird anime? The mind-boggler?
BOS: Whatcha talking about?
Kaji: You know, Cereal Experiments Lame?
Jemu: Omigod, somebody kill him! QUICK!
Tsukumo & Gai: DOUBLE GEKIGAN FLARE!!!
The combined force of the blows send Kaji flying, and he lands next to Evang who was just regaining consciousness.
Evang: What the hell? Did anyone get the number of that bus that hit me? And did I miss anything important?
Jemu: You just missed a live-action double high-speed distortion field attack, and the making of the second Better Robo OVA.
Evang: Damn.
Sariko: So, shall we get to work on the feature?
Jemu: Sure. Let me just make a few phone calls to BANVOILA and some others.
Somewhere in the Pacific...
Tactical Officer: Captain, we have something huge and fast on an intercept course with us.
Tessa: Confirm it, please.
Navigation Officer: It's moving at 40 clicks, headed for us, Captain.
TO: Should we go on alert?
Tessa: Raise yellow alert. Put the Tuatha de Danan on evasive maneuvers.
Mardukas: What do you suppose it could be, Captain.
Tessa: Probably another worthless plot device.
TO: Capatain, we have a disturbance headed our way! Analysis reveals a fast-moving, compact anomaly in the water!
Mardukas: A torpedo?
Tessa: Helmsman, hard to starboard!
Helmsman: Roger that! Hard to starboard!
TO: Estimated time to contact, one minute! I don't think it likes us, whoever or whatever it is!
NO: The anomaly is tracking us, Captain!
Mardukas: Increase speed to full!
Helmsman: Aye, sir!
Tessa: Guided torpedoes?
A few tense seconds later, the crew of the subamarine Tuatha de Danan heaved a collective sigh of relief.
Mardukas: Give us a profile of that thing out there, whatever it is.
TO: SIDAR doesn't match it to any known sub right now, Commander.
Tessa: Arm torpedo tubes 1 and 2.
Weapons Officer: Tubes armed and ready!
Mardukas: Fire as soon as you have a firing solution.
TO: It's headed straight for us, Commander. We can fire without computing.
WO: Torpedoes one and two away!
NO: Target is on collision course with the torpedoes, Captain.
Tessa: What could they be thinking?
TO: Sonar-type pulse is being generated by the target!
WO: Torpedoes 1 and 2 have been destroyed!
Tessa: Reverse course, full speed!
NO: Reversing course!
TO: It's gonna be hard to outrun a wall of sound, Captain!
Mardukas: Drop some explosives behind us and detonate them to fizzle the wall.
WO: Roger!
Moments later, the sub shook.
TO: We've been hit!
Mardukas: Damage report!
NO: We're losing reactor efficiency! Maximum speed down by an estimated 20%!
TO: Hull breach and flooding detected in aft sections 34-40!
Tessa: Seal the bulkheads and force the water out. We have to surface, though.
Mardukas: Are you sure, Captain?
TO: SIDAR has come up with what are attacker might look like. I'm putting it on screen now.
The Tuatha de Danan bridge crew stared at what appeared to be a cross between a man-o'-war and a bunch of sea snakes, encased in a clam or a giant crab's body. If clam shells had a couple of reptilian eyes stuck on top of it.
Mardukas: That- what is that?
TO: According to the SIDAR it's organic, sir.
Tessa: Have we stumbled onto its hunting ground, perhaps?
NO: We're about to find out!
WO: I think it's sending out its tentacles for us, fast!
Tessa: Begin surfacing procedure, helmsman.
Helmsman: Aye, Captain!
Slowly, the submarine made its way to the surface, the unknown creature in hot pursuit. The submarine didn't break the surface fast enough to suit the tastes of the crew.
TO: Captain, Commander, you're not going to like this.
Mardukas: How so?
TO: A submarine with an unknown sonar signature has entered the AO.
Tessa: Initiate cloaking.
NO: The other submarine has stopped, Cap'n. The creature is another matter, though.
WO: Tentacle contact in 10 seconds!
Tessa: Open the launch bays! Have every helicopter, fighter, and AS ready for underwater combat ASAP! Raise red alert!
The bay doors slid open, just as the tentacles reached the underbelly of the submarine. First out were the helicopters, flying in circles around the submarine, some strafing the water. Next came the AS, some of which, after attaching themselves to the hull with cables, jumped into the water with automatic weapons. Those that stayed above the water fanned out over the deck, depth charges and torpedo launchers ready. Finally, following a few minutes of fire as the choppers and AS shot at tentacles trying to wrap around the sub and the mecha on it, the bombers took off, armed with anti-submarine weapons.
Mardukas: The 7th AS Team has engaged the creature.
TO: Commander! The unknown sub has launched missiles, possibly AA, against us!
Tessa: Oh, dear. Fight well, everyone!
NO: Flooding has been contained and stopped, Cap'n.
Tessa: Good. We could use a bit of good news now. (Sighs.) I wish Sagara-kun was here.
Mardukas: ... Little punk...
Tessa: Did you say something, Commander?
Mardukas: No, Captain.
TO: B Wing has been wiped out, Captain! Echo Squadron is sending chaff and flares everywhere!
NO: The enemy sub is surfacing as well!
Tessa: Clear the missile tubes! I want Tomahawks raining down on that thing!
Some AS scrambled clear as the launch doors flew open and let a barrage of Tomahawk cruise missiles out. One AS who happened to be armed with a missile launcher as well took aim at where the missiles were supposed to land (thanks to the targeting computer of the machine) and fired his load as well. To their horror, however, the enemy sub (which had now broken surface) disintegrated all the missiles with quick laser pulses. But something else was happening to the enemy sub as well: it was slowly turning its 500-meter length into-
Mardukas: A giant robot?
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sada-chan confronted Jemu. "You idiot! You're going to spend all our budget on cheesy special effects and gimmicks!"
"Bite me," was his only reply.
A few seconds later, there was a sharp yelp of pain.
"Not literally! Getter off of me!"
"Hey, you two, GETTA ROOM!" Evang called from the sidelines.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The situation didn't look good. A 450-meter tall robot was casting its shadow over the Tuatha de Danan, now entangled in tentacles courtesy of the Creature From Below (TM). The AS on deck were either shooting at the robot/sub or hacking away at the tentacles with their chainswords, both to no avail. Multiple panels slid open across the robot's body, and out came cables terminating in devices resembling two cones, a smaller one placed inside a larger one, the vertex of the smaller one and the base of the larger one pointed toward the Tuatha de Danan, being maneuvered into place with meters of cabling.
Mardukas: What is this, a mechanical La Blue Girl episode?
Tessa: What's La Blue Girl?
Male officers on bridge: Ah, er, I, uh-
???: Attention, Earthling submarine!
Tessa: Are we being hailed?
Communications Officer: No, Cap'n. It's coming from the tentacle things of the robot.
Tessa: You mean those things were giant loudspeakers?!
CO: More like huge megaphones, ma'am.
???: Surrender the Black Technology prodigy now; there is no means of live escape otherwise. With the help of the Dragonosaurus, we now have control of your vehicle and mobile weapon launch areas. In other words...
CO: Please be true?
The Comm officer gets beaten up by the other bridge crew. Tessa and Commander Mardukas pay no heed to the actions of the crew, listening intently to the message being delivered by the enemy.
???: In other words - ALL YOUR BAYS ARE BELONG TO US!!!
Tessa & Mardukas: What you say!?
Tessa: You might have seized the vehicle and AS bays, but not the missile tubes yet! Load all missile tubes and fire!
WO: Ayea, Captain! Tomahawks away!
A bigger barrage of Tomahawk missiles surge out from the Tuatha de Danan. The robot/sub didn't bother to use its laser anti-missile defense system. It just stood there, the missiles exploding against its hull, emerging unscathed once the smoke cleared.
???: Your Tomahawks are worthless against me!
Mardukas: An extra-terrestrial with familiarity in Terran weapons?
Tessa: Seems unlikely, don't you think? Unless they've been observing us for a long time...
Another Unknown Voice: Well, you haven't tried ours yet! TOMAHAWK BOOMERANG!
Another Unknown Voice: TOMAHAWK BOOMERANG !!!
Another Unknown Voice: TOMAHAWK LAUNCHER !!!
There were blurs of movement, and the sound of rushing air, followed by the melodious clang of metal on metal. Small explosions occured, a result perhaps of three gargantuan axes buried in the back and shoulders of the huge robot rupturing power and hydarulic lines.
???: What? This cannot be! Who are you?!
Another Unknown Voice#1: Why don't you guess? GETTER BEAM!!!
Another Unknown Voice#2: SPIRAL GETTER BEAM!!!
Another Unknown Voice#3: OPEN GATE!!! CHANGE GETTER 3!!!
Tessa: It appears we have been rescued, or at the least, been given respite.
Mardukas: So it would seem.
A waterspout formed suddenly beneath the enemy and threw it up into the air. Their three rescuers, oddly resembling each other, save that one was red with a red cape, the other black with a black cape, and the third red with black bat-like wings, flew up after their target, axes in hand. They struck the huge robot, the two smaller ones then pushing it down with ruby-red beams from their torsos while the larger one broke into three planes, which reformed into what resembled an emaciated white knight with a drill bit for an arm and a pincer for its other hand.
Mardukas: AS units, clear the air launch bays!
Tessa: What do you have in mind, Commander?
Mardukas: You heard what the enemy said earlier, Captain. They know of Black Technology - they know of you. I am going to send you someplace safe, then.
Tessa: I am not leaving this ship, Commander. Besides, the battle seems to be turning in our favor now.
But as she said this, the plummeting enemy stretched its arms out and with its hands crushed the two other robots who were burning a hole in its armor with their beams. A huge ball of green energy erupted from its hands, destroying both the robots and the hands that held them utterly, leaving only what passed for the enemy's upper arms intact. The third one was busy making a tunnel through layers of plating, and was doing so at an amazing rate. It would have been wonderful, had the huge enemy not hit the sea, the rushing water washing away the third rescuer. Huge waves spread from the point of impact, sweeping out in all directions, bearing away the surviving robot.
Random pilot person: The chopper bays are clear, Commander.
Mardukas: Excellent work, soldier.
Random pilot person: We couldn't take the credit for it, sir. It's like the creature decided to let go all of a sudden.
TO: All units in deck, brace yourselves!
Mardukas: Drop bulkheads in the chopper hangar!
The next few moments were like a storm. Nothing was still, the water was tossing everything in its path upwards, including itself. When calm finally returned, a horrific tableau could be seen. Tentacles from beneath bearing up the white robot spread-eagled, wrapped around not only around the limbs but like a cocoon where only occasional patches of the third rescuer could be seen; the huge enemy robot looming over it, looking like an enraged monolithic idol judging the worth of the sacrifice before it.
Mardukas: My god-
Tessa: We should do something!
Mardukas: You're right, Captain. Chopper bay, ready a Comanche for VIP transport. We're taking the the Captain to safety.
Tessa: Belay that command!
Mardukas: AS units, report in!
Random pilot person: 7th AS team, still in fighting condition.
That was the only reply.
Mardukas: Get back on deck, and prep your economy-size flashbangs. You will fire when I say so.
Tessa: Commander! This is mutiny! I order you to stand down! Officers, seize him!
No one moved to do Tessa's bidding. Outside, the enemy robot had decided on the sacrificial vicitm's fate.
???: So, you were the disgustingly over-used and over-rated Getter Robots. This shall be a fitting end to you, I believe.
A section of the robot's torso opened up to reveal a big-ass cannon which unfolded out of its chest cavity to aim at the bound Shin Getter 2.
???: Shin Getter 2, the form with the weakest armor among the three. There is no escape from this, then.
A glow began to form in front of the cannon's business end. It grew in size until it was as huge as the Shin Getter 2 itself.
???: Shin Getter 2, taste death by parody! TAKER BEAM!!!
There was a bright flash, and through the glare the disintegrating silhouette of Dragonosaurus tentacles and Shin Getter 2 could be made out. Two large explosions occured, the first being the Getter Energy core of the Shin Getter, while the other was the signature blast of a unit with more than 16000 HP being reduced to ashes. (At best, the Shin Getter has around 8000 HP.)
???: Whoops. I didn't mean for that to happen. Sorry, Mr. Dragonosaurus. And as for you, puny Earth submarine-
Mardukas: 7th AS Team, now! Fire in the hole!
The remaining AS, the unkillable 7th AS Team, fired their photo-electronic flashbangs at the target. These mecha-sized flash grenades were actually more of tactical baby nukes.
Helicopter hangar...
Mardukas: Urz-2, Urz-7, you have the task of seeing the Captain to safety and making sure she stays that way. I leave it to you how to accomplish those objectives. Now, go. We will cover for you.
Melissa: Yes, Commander. Come on, Urz-7.
Kurz: Let me carry the Captain, Liuetenant.
Melissa: No way, Seargent. I don't trust those hands of yours.
Kurz: Not trust my hands?! I'm the best damn sniper in this outfit!
Melissa: The idea of trusting you with an unconscious, beautiful teenager is not a reassuring one, Weber.
Kurz: I can put a hole in the head of anyone who comes close to her. How much safer can she be?
Melissa: It's not her safety I'm worried about, it's her virtue. (Puts an unconscious Tessa in the back, then sits in the gunner's position.) Drive, Seargent.
Outside, the mini-nukes detonate in the air. The launch doors open, and a lone stealth helicopter flies off towards Jindai. The Tuatha de Danan pushes its engines to the limit, the 7th AS Team lobbing mini-nukes at regular intervals. For a while, it seemed to be working, and the Tuatha de Danan was able to put some distance between the unknown enemy and itself. Then the enemy did the unthinkable: it folded in on itself, turning back into a submarine, albeit a heavily damaged one, sumberged and began to stalk the Tuatha de Danan.
SCENE CHANGE: Jindai High School
The school bell rang, signaling the end of classes for the day. Kaname Chidori stood up, stretched, and covered her mouth as she yawned, inadvertently giving some male students who happened to pass by their room nosebleeds. Quick as always, her friend Kyoko was there to snap a photo with her digital camera, both of Kaname stretching out and of her accidental victims.
Kyoko: Well, see you tomorrow, Kana-chan!
Kaname: See you as well! And watch out for old men with strange fetishes, eh?
Kyoko: I will!
Kyoko makes her way out, waving to Kaname in the hallway and skipping away. Smiling back, Kaname began putting her things away when a shadow fell over her, making her look up.
Sousuke: Chidori.
Kaname: Hey, Sousuke- you look horrible. Is something wrong?
Sousuke: I must speak with you in private. It's an emergency.
Kaname looked around. It seemed that they were the only ones left in the room.
Kaname: We're alone now. What is it?
Sousuke: I must ask a favor of you, one which I hope you will not refuse even though you might find it disagreeable.
Kaname: What sort of favor? A kiss? (Thinking.) Oh my god, did I just day what I heard myself say. I hope he doesn't say 'yes'.
Sousuke: No, Chidori. It is not a kiss.
Kaname: (Thinking.) Damn him! Why doesn't he want to kiss me? Am I ugly? Are my lips too thin or too wide? Do I stink? (Aloud.) Well, if not that-
Sousuke: Please, Chidori, I beg you, sleep with me tonight.
Kaname: What!?
Sousuke: Please, say you'll spend the night with me, and perhaps the morning.
Kaname's mind began to whirl. Oh, no, this is moving all too fast. What should I say? That I don't know him well enough yet? That would be a lie. But I can't say yes, can I? What if he treats me the same in the morning, after all that I let him do to me?
[INSERT SOME SLIGHTLY MODIFIED JAST USA GAME SCENES HERE.]
Kanama: (Blushing.) It seems rather- all of a sudden, Sousuke. Is there a reason why you asked today?
Sousuke: There is.
Kaname: Well? Are you going to tell me what it is?
Sousuke: I received an encrypted message from Kurz. It said that the Tuatha de Danan was attacked by unknown forces with an interest in Black Technology.
Kaname: GASP!
Sousuke: They were severely outclassed, and lives were lost. Worse, Captain Testarossa...
Kaname: Tessa?! What happened to her?!
Sousuke: Kurz and Mao are depositing her at my place tonight for safety, while they backtrack and make sure no one has followed them inland.
Kaname: Inland?
Sousuke: The Tuatha was attacked in the middle of the ocean, Chidori. They had to knock the Captain unconscious before putting her in a chopper because she would not leave the ship.
Several things happened at this point. First, relief rushed through Kaname because she didn't have to do 'the deed' with Sousuke that night, then mortification that she thought she would have to do 'the deed' with Sousuke that night, then horror upon realizing what tonight was going to be like. Kaname's body acted on reflex.
Sousuke: Ouch. What did you whap me for?
Kaname: Sorry. It was a knee-jerk reaction.
Sousuke: So, will you consider my proposal, Chidori?
Kaname's mind was cooking up a very probable scenario if she left Tessa and Sousuke alone in his apartment.
#BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE 1#
Sound of someone sobbing quietly, as if not wanting anyone to hear.
"Kancho? Daijoubu?"
"H-hai."
Sousuke got up from the futon in the living room, and went inside the bedroom. He had left the bedroom door unlocked, in case Tessa wanted to go to the bathroom. He never thought that he would be the one to utilize the setup.
Tessa was sitting on the bed, her white hair undone and falling over her shoulders and back, wiping tears away from her eyes. "Really, I'm fine, seargent. Go back to sleep."
To her surprise, she felt the mattress shift, and then she was pulled into an awkward but sincere embrace. "You have to let it out, Captain. If you don't do it now, it will be harder for you to cope with in the future," Sousuke advised her.
"I- I want to forget. Please, Sagara-kun, make me forget," Tessa wailed, pressing herself, clothed only in Sousuke's borrowed shirt, against him.
"Kancho! This is not the way-"
"Make me forget, Seargent. That is a direct order," her quiet command came.
Feeling helpless, yet not wanting to distress Tessa further, Sousuke eased her down on the sheets and-
[INSERT SOME SLIGHTLY MODIFIED JAST USA GAME SCENES HERE.]
#END DREAM SEQUENCE 1#
Kaname sometimes hated her well-developed imagination. Then she realized that Sousuke was gazing intently at her. Belatedly, she recaled that he was waiting for her answer, and she noted that the shadows on the wall were very long. She took a deep breath.
Kaname: Very well, Sousuke. In the purpose of preserving both our sanities and chastitites, I shall sleep with you tonight.
Sousuke: Thank you, Chidori.
Kaname: You owe big-time, buddy.
Sousuke: (More serious than usual.) Agreed. Don't worry, I shall pay my debts to you with my body, Chidori.
Kaname: REALLY?
Upon hearing his last sentence, Kaname's mind went into overdrive again.
#BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE 2#
"Sousuke, come here. Rub my back with suntan, please."
"Chidori, your bikini top is not on you."
"Of course it isn't. I don't want any lines on my back. Now, where's the lotion?"
Silence for a few seconds, save for the sound of the tide and seagulls.
"Ummm. I think my back has had enough. Now for my front," Kaname purred.
"Chidori, I don't think that's such a good idea."
"Hmm. You're right, Sousuke."
Sousuke exhaled and relaxed visibly.
"Let's skip the foreplay and get on to the nasty stuff."
[INSERT SOME SLIGHTLY MODIFIED JAST USA GAME SCENES HERE.]
#END DREAM SEQUENCE 2#
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Evang: What's with all the stock footage? And why does the enemy submarine look like a third-rate reproduction of the Battle 7?
Jemu: Well, having some of the Getters appear and get destroyed in a sequence is more expensive than having some of the Getters appear and kick the enemy's ass to hell. You have to pay for their stained rep, y'know.
Sada-chan: Not to mention the cost of rebuilding a lost Dragonosaurus.
Evang: That's it, as of this moment, I am assuming the role of financial manager for this production.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sousuke: Chidori? Are you alright?
Kaname: (Dreamily.) Hmmh?
Sousuke: Should you require escort to dangerous locations, a forward scouting report of an area, or maybe just someone to catch bullets with his bulk, I am your man, Chidori. That's what I shall repay you with.
[Bubble popping sound.]
Kaname: Eh? Demo, don't you do that for me already?
Sousuke: Not without trying to persuade you and to change your mind.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back at the Spacebar...
Evang: Right, now, when do we turn the girls into nymphomaniacs?
Jemu: You mean, when do we turn Kaname into a nymphomaniac?
Evang: What's wrong? Why aren't we going to include Tessa?
Sariko: You can't transform a person into what she already is, only into something better or worse. Take it from an expert.
Evang: Hmm, you have a point. Okay, so when are we going to make Tessa and Kaname bend both ways?
Sada-chan: With a significant reduction in their willpower and self-control, including Sagara-san?
Evang: Yes! Yes, that is a great idea! And I know hot to make it cheap and easy!
BOS: How?
Evang: I'll asked Fujieda-san to do it! I just bet she'll look hot in a night sniper's outfit.
Ayame: Did someone mention my name?
Jemu: Nyeh! What- where- when- how-?
Evang: How would you like to play a small but significant role in this movie?
Ayame: Let me see: do I want to devote my time and effort to a bit role in this production that will only appear just once and only for a single scene?
Evang: I got two words for you: quality air time.
Sariko: That's three words.
Evang: Whatever. So, whaddaya say?
Ayame: Quality, huh? No making me wear leather and lace, alright.
Evang: Of course not!
Ayame: Okay then.
Evang: Great! Here's a pitch: you're a sniper on a rooftop, and you can't miss. So tell me, how does black spandex grab you?
Ayame: Like a second skin?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It was pathetic, really. It was so easy to trail her; her hair fairly shone even in the darkest alleys, where it appeared ghostlike. Not that she was the superstitious or religious type - facing down attacks from evil spirits on a weekly basis, sometimes even daily, sort of ruined the image and appeal of the afterlife and the netherworld for her.
She sighed. She had been given the address where her quarry was going. What she didn't know was what floor. She checked the launcher slung on her back; her orders were to find out where exactly her quarry stopped for the night, and finish her off along with her sympathizers. The sniper smiled grimly. She had taken care of two of her quarry's sympathizers earlier. The last that she saw of them, they were lying face-up in an alley literally boiling with a gaseous chemical, courtesy of the launcher she was carrying.
She checked them afterward to be sure - they had weak pulses - and inhalation of the gas in their unconscious state was likely to finish them off, as it was heavier than air.
Two minutes, her superiors said. Two minutes of breathing the fumes, and the gas would have started to take effect on a huge scale. Knowing this made Ayame uneasy; she left the alleyway once she had verified the slowdown of their pulse rates. Another beauty of the toxin was, sixty seconds after it came into contact with air, it turned colorless. Since it was already odorless to begin with, it was doubly hard to detect; the fact that it remained active for a full day after exposure was both blessing and curse.
She didn't want to think of such things that were best left to scientists. She had more important things to do now, like look for the door where her quarry would enter. As the bus pullled to a stop, Ayame leapt up to the roof of the opposite apartment complex and set up the launcher and its sighting gear.
She watched as her target made her way to the top floor, making no conscious effort to conceal her moves. Top floor, she thought. Very defendable position, but not the best rendezvous point for a retreat. Its defendability depended on its difficulty in getting reached, hampering those who were seeking shelter as well. All she had to do now was wait. She cradled the launcher in her arms now, peering down its sight and keeping it aimed on her prey.
She didn't have to wait long. Her target headed for the door farthest from the stairs up, and knocked on it. It was opened by a dark-haired young man, and Ayame didn't hesitate - she fired the marble-sized round precisely an inch below the door arch. Something must have given her away, however, as the man at the door suddenly pulled her target into the room and simultaneously slammed the door. Not that it mattered to Ayame. She checked an instrument on the launcher, and saw that her shot had gone into the apartment. Good, she thought. Now for a diversion. She took a flare out, lit it and threw it at the apartment's window. Then she started to climb down from the roof using the metal stairs on the side of the building. It was slow going, but her objective now was to draw attention away from the gas round. Luckily, any smoke that they would see could be blamed on the flare she threw, as it also doubled as a smoke grenade once the fire went out.
She flinched when she heard the sharp cracks of a pistol being fired. She watched in amusement though, as they bounced off the personal distortion field her superiors had provided for her. From the apartment's distance, it would appear that the bullets missed because they hit the metal stairs. Ayame decided to hide behind a huge metal waste bin for effect; she was rewarded by a couple of bullets hitting her hiding place. She decided to tease her shooter further by sticking her head out cautious-like, and ducked the bullet that checked her movement.
She smiled. Radioing for the air evac vehicle to come and get her, she sat back against the dumpster, amusing herself by thinking of the mind games her quarry's rescuers were playing by now. They'd probably assume the worst, especially when they see my ride out of here, Ayame thought.
* * * * * * * * *
Ayame walked back into the studio to the sound of applause.
Evang: Magnificent, Fujieda-san.
Ayame: Thanks. I thought I might have gotten rusty.
Jemu: I especailly liked that "hiding against a sniper" thing you pulled off behind the dumpster. Wonderful show.
Ayame: It comes from hanging around with great actresses, my good man. So, what happens now?
BOS: Let's all find out.
* * * * * * * * * *
