Spacebar Second Stage
by Jemu Nekketsu
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the game or manga/comic or movie characters that happened to get mocked in this work.
Episode 7: Everyone Gets Some... Satisfaction
* * * * * *
Sousuke cursed. What happened to Mao and Weber? They were supposed to have prevented stuff like this from happening. Maybe the enemy got to them first? It was a possibility.
"Kanchou, daijobu?"
"H-hai." Tessa looked shaken. "Who- what was that?"
"Sousuke, we better get out of here," Kaname said. "They know Tessa's here. We're no longer safe; let's go to my place and-"
"Negative."
"What?" both girls exclaimed, turning to face him.
"Think! The enemy knows we're here, and they have air superiority in the area. That was a stealth design chopper that their point man was taken away in. They might be watching this place even as we speak."
"So it would be pointless to move," Tessa deadpanned. Kaname swung her gaze to her.
"Yes, Kanchou. They'd spot us and just follow us to our new location."
"Sagara-kun, I'm worried about Lieutenant Mao and Seargent Weber."
"So am I, Kanchou. You said they were your security detail?"
Tessa nodded. "If they died, because of me, I'll never forgive myself!"
"Don't say that, Tessa. Maybe they were just captured by the enemy, or better yet, they're lying low and waiting for a chance."
"I hope you're right, Kaname."
Sousuke was thinking on how to educate his two foxhole-mates on the joys of sleeping under enemy surveillance. He offered a quick prayer for Kurz's and Melissa's safety before broaching the subject to his companions.
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, as all of this and the last events of the previous episode were happening, Kurz was hard at work fulfilling a promise he made in the 1st season of Full Metal Panic. "Ready to sink your nails into my nack, nee-chan?"
Melissa wrapped her legs around Kurz's waist and pulled him closer. "Huh, big words, little man."
"I'll show you who's little, nee-chan," Kurz replied, unsnapping the front clasp of Melissa's brassiere and staring mesmerized at what he found inside.
"Well, I'm not the little one, Weber, as you can see. Want some milk? I got it, right here. Come get some, baby boy."
"You betcha. Damn, you're one hot mama, nee-chan. I'm so glad to be 'under' you."
* * * * * * *
Melissa stomped over to the director's chair, dragging a reluctant Kurz with him. "Alright, you've had your filthy smut scene between me and Weber, now stick to your end of the bargain!"
Kurz managed to break free of Melissa's headlock. "No, don't take my memory away! I'll do anything, be your hired gun for free, just don't erase the glorious moment that has burned itself just recently into my mind!"
Jemu sighed, and produced a cattle prod. "Oh well, a bargain is a bargain. I was hoping Mao wouldn't remember, but- sorry Kurz."
"No! You'll never catch me alive! I'll die an old man, keeping that image alive in my memories!" Kurz cried out, making a break for it.
"Get back here!" Melissa yelled, breaking into pursuit.
"Agh, dammit!" Jemu complained. "Experiment code B-O-S-K-I-L-R!"
[INSERT STOCK FOOTAGE OF BOS TRANSFORMING HERE.]
"BOS Killer, Stun Cannon!" Jemu ordered.
BOS Killer took out its Stun Cannon and fired, sending Jemu unconscious.
"Dammit, BOS Killer, not him, HIM!" Evang shouted, pointing to Weber, Mao in hot pursuit.
BOS Killer took aim and fired. A second later, Melissa was on the floor.
"Geez, BOS, what's wrong with you now?"
"Targeting and sensor array connection error."
"Targeting and- ah, shit, I thought we fixed your head between episodes?!"
"Negative."
"Well, I don't have the Shinguji ancestral sword, right now, so will a flowstone blade do?"
"Possibly."
As Evang did the decapitate-and-deposit thing with BOS Killer's head, Jemu came to. "Uh, what happened? Where am I?"
"You're in the Spacebar Studios, somewhere out there, and you just got a dose of stunning from your robotic friend here," Sada-chan replied.
"Spacebar-? Who the heck are you? Are you shitting me- hell, who the hell am I?"
"Run that by me again?" Sada-chan ordered, not quite believing her ears.
"Who the hell am I? And you, for that matter?"
Sada-chan's eyes twinkled evilly. "Don't you remember, Jemu? I'm Sada-chan, your domineering, demanding wife, and you're my obedient, henpecked husband!"
"I seem to recall a previous episode where you were sitting in my lap..."
"That's because I told you I was tired and wanted to sit on something!"
Evang quickly assessed the situation, and exploited it as quickly. "Jemu-san, I know this must come as an extreme shock to you. Would you want to go to somewhere where you could think quietly and rest? Why don't you take Sada-chan along, just so you have someone with you?"
"That sounds wonderful, er-"
"My name is Evang. I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew when you feel human again, okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Come on, then, wife."
"Are you ordering me around, buster?!"
"Oh, sorry."
"That's better. Now, move it! To bed with you!"
Evang bit his tongue to prevent himself from making a comment. Using hand signals, he told the Three Gunned Men to bring back Mao and Weber. It was made easier by the fact that upon seeing Mao go down, Weber went back for her, started "rearranging" her clothes, and began snapping away with his spy camera. Mao slowly moaned herself to consciousness.
"Unnnhh. What happened? Hey, who are you?"
"What do you mean, 'Who are you?' nee-chan?" Kurz asked, puzzled.
"Nee-chan? Does that mean you're my little brother?"
Kurz went blank for a while, until he noticed Kaji holding up a sign that read "She has amnesia and is extremely susceptible to brainwashing right now."
"Ah, yes. Um, I'm your little brother that you share a very close relationship with, that you don't mind if I see you without your clothes on or if I touch you wherever and whenever I like."
"Don't give me that bullshit."
Kurz and the 3GM gasped in unison.
"I have blue hair, and you're a blonde. We can't be brother and sister. Now, who are you really?"
Think, Kurz, think! "Ahaha. Okay, I'll quit the jokes. I'm Kurz Weber, your boyfriend of more than two years now, and," Kurz leaned in to whisper to Melissa, "we've been sleeping with each other everyday for the past month allowing me all liberties with your luscious body."
"I have?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
Meanwhile, BOS Killer activated his Lemon Incidence Detector and opened a few more weapon ports. He wasn't taking any chances.
Evang watched as Jemu was taken away, and approached Kurz, Melissa, and the 3GM. "Hello, my name is Evang, and you're Melissa Mao."
"I am?"
Evang pulled out a wallet from Melissa's back pants pocket and flipped it open to her. "See? Says so right here."
"Oh. I guess I am."
"You're also under a verbal contract to me which stipulates that you're no to protest if I shoot scenes of you and Kurz, your 'boyfriend'," Evang emphasized, causing the Better Robo OVA pilots to snicker, "Doing the dirty deed together and use it as stock footage for this film I'm making."
"I am?"
"Yes."
"Why don't I recall anything?"
"Because you've been hit by a concussion cannon that accidentally went off. Your ears are still ringing, no?"
"Now, that you mention it, they are."
"Take a seat with your boyfriend for a while, sit in his lap or something, and be ready for your next scene together, okay?"
"Okay."
* * * * * * * *
Sousuke was a light sleeper, normally. Tonight was not normal, however. He put it to all the tension and fear in the air, and not to any aphrodisiac chemical agent delivered by an enemy sniper that was currently polluting the air that he, Chidori, and the Kanchou were breathing. No one in his right mind would bother with such an operation, so he discounted the thought of chemical attack.
He was having another nightmare. This time, he was walking back slowly on a plank suspended from the side of a ship, ending in the wide sea below. Crawling toward him was Tessa, wearing a pirates' hat, a swordbelt, and little else, not even a parrot. He risked a glance down, and saw that Kaname was floating, sporting a green-scaled fish tail. Tessa's arms and braid, and Kaname's long green hair were the only things preventing his dream from crossing the line between fanservice and H.
Slowly he inched further out onto the plank, the wood creaking from his and Tessa's combined weight, Tessa cajoling him to stop this foolishness and join her in the cabin of the vessel. Kaname, meanwhile, began to sing of the wonders of the sea and what she would do once she got her hands on a certain sailor. Two quick glances told him that there were unholy fires gleaming in their eyes, promising a fate worse than death in one pair and a slow, excruciating death in the other.
He had reached the end of the plank, and Tessa still continued with her advance. There was nowhere for him to go but down, down to Kaname and her gleaming eyes. He made ready to take the plunge, and as Tessa was about to reach for his belt, something unthinkable happened: the wood snapped, sending both him and Tessa into the sea's, and Kaname's, embrace...
He struggled for consciousness and won, only to find out that his nightmare had spilled over to the waking realm. He was on his futon, buck naked, and so were the girls. Not a single stitch could be found between the three of them. All of Sousuke's blood rushed to one pointy-shaped part of his body, and it wasn't his nose.
[INSERT SOUSUKE, KANAME, AND TESSA 3P SEQUENCE HERE. A RATHER LONG ONE.]
* * * * * * * * * *
Spacebar Studios...
"BOS Killer?"
"Yes, Commander Evang?"
"Don't call me that. It rhymes with Kumander Bawang, you know."
"Yes, Commander."
"As I was saying, I would like to find out how Mao-san and Jemu are going along."
"They are still in bed, sir."
"Alone?"
"Sir, no, sir!"
"Well, that's too bad. Have either one of the FMP couple come up here in the directors' room so that I can discuss their next important scene with them."
"Yes, sir." Turning to the Three Gunned Men, who were huddled over a gameboard, BOS Killer ordered, "Hey, you three, you heard the man, one of you go get either Kurz or Melissa."
"I'll go," Kaji offered, standing up and taking a QuickDoor(TM). A few seconds later, he was back, a disheveled Kurz in tow.
"So, what's this about our next big scene? You want ropes this time?"
"No, no ropes this time-"
"Damn!"
"Your next scene will involve a telephone-"
"Ooohhhh, phone sex. Wow. Never tried that before," Kurz remarked.
Evang slapped himself on the forehead, and growled quietly.
* * * * * * *
Morning came, and with it, a sense of dread.
Sousuke woke up, feeling oddly heavy, like weights were pressing him down. He opened his eyes and found out that his face was buried in a valley between two soft mounds of snow white flesh.
He threw himself up to a sitting position, not at all used to waking up with his superior officer's cleavage for breakfast, and sent a still sleeping Tessa sliding off to one side of his futon. With Tessa out of the way, he saw in horror what was wrong with him from the waist down: he couldn't see his thighs.
They were covered in long, green, and when he brushed them clear, silky hair. Kaname's sudden exhalation sent warm breath on his weapon and a shiver up his spine. Crying out, he scrambled to his feet, forgetting all about snipers and observers, finally getting both Tessa and Kaname awake as well.
Both girls stood up, unmindful of their nudity, gave him a smile, and stretched out in front of him, telling their blood to start pumping. Sousuke's blood started pumping as well. And we all know where it all went.
Averting their eyes, Sousuke looked down, and his gaze caught sight of the bloody stains on his futon. Blood! Was anyone of them hurt? Quickly, Sousuke made an inspection. Not him. That left the girls, then. And so he went, lifting arms, hair and legs out of the way to look for wounds. Nothing.
"Ano, Sousuke, isn't it a bit early to want - you know," Kaname asked.
"Go ahead, Sagara-kun. I don't mind, though I must say I'm a little tender," Tessa admitted.
"Oh, you too, huh?"
No wounds that he could see on the girls, Sousuke thought. Strange. He was about to ask them where the blood came from, when he saw them looking at him intently. No, not at his face, but somewhere so much lower. "Uh," he began, "I'm just going to take a quick shower, then I'll make breakfast for us."
"I have a better idea," Kaname countered, "Why don't we take a shower together, wouldn't that be quicker? That way, we can make breakfast twice as fast too."
"No, let's all hit the shower together, so that no one gets left out here to ponder over this interesting predicament we've gotten ourselves into. Remember, we still have to go to school," Tessa suggested.
"Sounds like a plan," Sousuke managed to squeak out, as he was dragged to his doom.
[INSERT SOFTCORE SHOWER ORGY SEQUENCE HERE.]
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, having two girls on the breakfast table.
* * * * *
"Wait, that doesn't sound right," muttered Evang, looking at the script. "Let's make some changes."
* * * * *
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, eating two girls on the breakfast table.
* * * * *
"Oh my! Is he a cannibal?" Sariko wanted to know.
"Maybe he likes 'fish' for breakfast," Kaji butted in.
Gai and Tsukumo exchanged lecherous grins, something they picked up from Kaji. "He likes girls for breakfast?" Gai ventured.
"I think the word you're looking for is 'with', right?" Ayame asked Evang pointedly.
"As in, 'He likes having girls with breakfast?'" Tsukumo blurted out.
Evang sweatdropped. "Ahahahahaha, heh."
* * * * *
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, EATING WITH two girls on the breakfast table.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Finally got the damned thing right."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, EATING WITH two girls on the breakfast table. Until the camera took a look under the table. There, a couple of feet in white socks were rubbing against the boy's shins under his trouser legs, the feet obviously belonging to different owners. The camera shot back up to the faces of the breakfasters, the boy wearing a poker face, the girls wearing lazy smiles on theirs.
This picture of domesticity was shattered by a ringing phone. Sousuke tensed up, exchanging glances with his guests, and made to answer it. "Moshi moshi?"
"Sousuke? That you? You sound, I dunno, strange?"
"Kurz?"
"Ah, I see you still remember me."
"You and Mao-san alright?"
"In a way."
Silence.
"Ah, hell, you might as well hear the gory details. Mao- nee-chan's been - shot."
Shocked silence from the other end of the line. "How bad is it?" Sousuuke managed to ask.
"She's recuperating as we speak. We're safe now, just completely cut off from contact with the ship. Don't worry she's in good hands."
Sousuke sent up a silent prayer of thanks.
"Oh, by the way, I was bored watching the nurse ladies give nee-chan yet another sponge bath, I decided to take a walk to your area. I saw that nifty stealth chopper fly away, and I took out an observer on a rooftop close to your building."
"What?"
"Damn amateurs, compensating for skill with technology. He had a nice rifle, which I have taken for my collection, but he also had a nasty habit of smoking rolled up tobacco. What a waste."
"Indeed. You're sure that he was the only observer in the area?"
"Positive. As for satellite spying, well, I'm not so sure."
They weren't out of the rabbit hole yet. "Ah-"
"By the way, Sousuke, you haven't like, you know, peeped on the Captain while she was in the shower, have you?"
"No, I didn't."
"Ah, that's commendable of you-"
"I took one with her this morning."
"In your stead I wouldn't have - WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"
"Don't worry, Kaname was there with us as well, so-"
"YOU BASTARD!!! NOT KANAME AS WELL! YOU EXPLETIVES DELETED!"
"Good day, Kurz." Click.
* * * * * * * * * *
"So how was that?" Kurz asked Evang.
"Very good. The part about Mao geting shot - brilliant, Weber, it was brilliant."
"Good take!" Sariko called out, a signal for the other characters to take a break. "Hey, Director?"
"Yes?"
"This fic is starting to look like a Fumoffu fanfic instead of a crossover."
"That can be easily fixed," Evang replied.
* * * * * * * * * *
Sousuke and Kaname's classmates were pleasantly surprised to find that Tessa was back among them, and thus threw a party for her. Tessa felt teary-eyed again. She missed this.
Then Angels started falling from the sky, destroying large swathes of acreage with their monstrous power.
* * * * * * * * * *
Sariko stared balefully at Evang. "You suck."
"Well, you wanted a crossover..."
"Do you want to experience firsthand what I did to my victims in Nocturnal Emiss- er, Apparitions?"
There was a VERY long pause, before Evang answered, "No thanks."
"Then write something better."
"Okay. Something better, coming up."
* * * * * * * * * *
Sousuke and Kaname's classmates were pleasantly surprised to find that Tessa was back among them, and thus threw a party for her. Tessa felt teary-eyed again. She missed this.
Suddenly, the day turned to night, sending the students running for the windows. It was as if the entire Jindai High School grounds had fallen under a great shadow. And according to the class geek, Shinji Kazama, no eclipses were scheduled today.
"Look!" Kyouko cried out, pointing at something. "What is that thing?"
"Omigod! It's a tentacle beast!" the rest of the female students shrieked.
"It's an LL tentacle beast, just the right size to turn any school into a hentai movie!" Onzuki, one of the Jindai students who was recently given recognition and lines in Fumoffu, exclaimed.
"WOO-HOO!!!!" the male students chorused, except for Sousuke and Shinji.
"Uh, guys, I don't think you should celebrate yet."
"Why? Whatever do you mean, Kazama?" the boys asked.
"Ever heard of shokushu-yaoi (tentacle-male homo hentai)?"
As one, the whole room cried out.
"OMIGOD!!!"
Out of nowhere, cheesy music which sounded like something Ichiro Mizuki, Masatsu Shimon, and Sasao Isaki would sing to could be heard all over. "What's going on?" Kaname asked, dreading the answer.
As if in reply, three small aircraft flew overhead, circling the soccer field where the tentacle beast was. There was a loud voice that called out which could be heard for miles around, "Tatakai no toki! Iku ze! CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENJI BEETTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
* * * * * *
Evang ran, dodging left and right as he did so. Sariko was hot on his heels, claws and fangs bared, bloodlust in her eyes. "Hey, what gives? I gave you what you asked for, Sariko! I gave you Better!"
With a flying leap, Sariko sent Evang crashing to the ground and even managed to land on top of him. By virtue of her demonic strength, she was able to trap both of his wrists with a clawed hand, blood oozing where her talons dug into his flesh. "I will suck your blood!" she hissed.
"Do it, and be quick about it then! That way, I'll respawn faster!"
"Who said anything about draining you? First, I'll bring your blood to a boil with some light biting and a lot of heavy licking and petting. Man blood tastes better that way, you know, and even woman blood."
"No! Kill me instead!"
"And end your suffering immediately? Surely you jest," Sariko whispered, nibbling on his ear.
* * * * * *
"Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!" Jemu cried out as his life-creating body part was suddenly engorged with blood, after just releasing a busrt of reproductive cells. He was so hard so fast that it hurt.
"Aaaaaaahhhnnn!" Sada-chan moaned as Jemu sprang back to life once again, still joined with her. She had lost count of how many times they had had simultaneous climaxes, but she knew they had just recently had one.
And now it seemed that the damned man still wanted another go at it. "Husband, please, can we rest for a while? I know you're eager to please me, and I appreciate that, but any more now and I'll either go insane or die from exhaustion."
"Aaaaaarrggahhh!" Jemu cried out as he realized that he wasn't lying alone in bed. In fact, he was lying on someone in his bed. Someone who'd kill him for just peeking at her while she was dressing or taking a bath, and now this... "S- Sada-chan?"
She took his outburst as one of impatience. "You really shouldn't blame me, you know. Like, how was I supposed to know that losing your memory would vastly improve your, um, marital prowess?"
Lost my memory? What is this crap? "Huh? What? I'm confused."
"Oh, dear. Well," Sada-chan's mind whirred at blinding speeds, "We were honeymooning here, when you accidentally got hit by some stun gun, and got amnesia as a result." He still doesn't remember. Good.
"Ah, I see... I think. And you've been attending to me all this time, right?"
"Yes, that's right."
Good, he thought. If I keep up this amnesiac act, maybe I could keep Sada-chan in this cute and cuddly state. Long enough perhaps to have her help me with this boner. "Oh- ow!" Jemu winced, clutching his temples as if in pain.
Sada-chan was intstantly alarmed. Head pains in amnesia patients usually meant bad things, like brain damage to the return of memory. She hoped it was the former. "Hey, what's wrong with you now? You're supposed to be my obedient, henpecked husband, and I end up taking care of you."
"I- something just came back to me, flashed through my mind." So, he was the obedient, henpecked husband, eh? Over his dead body, he thought.
Sada-chan froze at his words. Oh, no, he was beginning to remember! She must take advantage of whatever time she had left to manipulate him! "What did you see?"
"I remembered- I think I know a red-haired man who also had amnesia who turned out to be someone more than what those who had found him had made out."
* * * * * *
"AH-CHOOO!"
Lamia looked over her shoulder at the man whose lap she was sitting on. "How dare you, Axel Almer!"
"What? I just sneezed!"
"Exactly! Dare you imply that I irritate your nose, or that you can catch a cold while I'm sitting on you?"
She made to leave his lap, but two powerful arms pulled her more securely into her 'seat'. "It could be that someone might be just talking about me," Axel reasoned out, nuzzling the side of her neck down to her bare shoulder. He felt her relax.
"Axel?" she asked tentatively.
"Hmmm?" He liked the way his name came out from her lips in a breathy whisper.
"There are a lot of people here as well."
"It's a park, Lamia. A public place where people go to enjoy the sights, the sounds, the scents of the place for free, alone or with someone special with them."
"You aren't enjoying any of those three."
"On the contrary, my dear. I'm enjoying the what I see," he began, raking her with his gaze, "What I smell," he added, lifting the luxurious green mass of her hair to his nose and breathing deeply, "What I hear," he smiled when her breath came in short gasps as he traced their initials on her nape, "and more."
"I have the bonus pleasure of enjoying what I touch," he lay back, positioning themselves so that the trunk of the huge tree they were under hid them from prying eyes, his hands stealing up to her generous breasts and cupping them possessively, while his tongue made a quick foray into a delicate ear, "and what I taste."
Lamia turned in his embrace, effectively lying down on top of him, pillowing her breasts against his chest. "All with someone special to me," she whispered fiercely. Their gazes met, their lips came together, their tongues entwined, and their hands began to roam over each other.
* * * * * *
"I also remember a page of a book I've read. Not the whole page, but a piece of text on that page."
Horrified, but not letting it show Sada-chan asked, "What did it say?"
"Something like, 'Headaches, as well as other minor ailments and complaints, can be relieved by having an orgasm. One must note however, the distinction between the ejaculation and orgasm, as one does not always signify the other.' Weird, huh?"
"Let me guess, you have a splitting headache now, huh?"
"Well, I do feel like a cold is coming down on me."
I'll just bet you do, Sada-chan thought. "Well, if I can do something about your budding cold, can you do something for me in return? Think of it as just rewardds for my taking care of you."
Jemu was disappointed a little. So, that was what the little homemaker act was all about. Still... "Okay. You scratch my back first, so to speak."
"I'll do more than scratch your back." This isn't right! What happened to the henpecked husband routine? I'm supposed to be the one taking advantage of the situation, not him! I should be able to order him around without promising anything in return! Instead... "I want you on top, though." If he wants that woody gone, he'll be doing the work, not me.
* * * * * *
Sariko laughed as she dodged a burst if fire from the advancing robot. "There's no need for that, now, BOS. I'm done eating, and I'll be going now."
In response, BOS Killer brought more weaponry to bear, guns and launchers folding out on jointed arms where there seemed to be no more space for them to be hidden in. "Priority one: contact, stabilize, and extract. Bringing down suppressing fire in area, now."
A longer barrage of automatic fire, with a fair helping of energy beams, sent Sariko bounding farther away from Evang's unconscious form. "Alright, I know when I'm not wanted. Ta-ta!" Doing a backflip which brought her close to a QuickDoor (TM), Sariko escaped.
BOS Killer stopped his shock and awe show. "Must conserve resources." He turned his attention to Evang, bleeding from numerous small cuts, and his weapons folded back into himself. He then underwent a wholly different transformation as he assessed the situation. "3GM status - in a scene. FMP teenagers - in a tangle. Sada-chan: bad frame of mind. Jemu - getting payback. Evang - losing life force as I do this monologue. Shifting to Autodoc mode."
BOS's Autodoc mode resembled a fitted, molded single person couch as his main body, sporting a hover propulsion system and various monitors and medico-surgical apparatuses on the same jointed arms that held implements of death earlier. Floating over to where Evang lay, he picked him up and placed him into the seat, setting up a drip and blood works, and basically began trying his best to save him. As a precaution, however, he brought out a pair of tranq-needle autogun attachments.
So busy was he with his precious task that he didn't notice someone slip into the Director's console and type away softly on the keyboard marked "Movie-Script Generator - Directors Only."
* * * * * * *
"I hate multi-tasking monsters," Kaji sighed as the Better Robo hovered above the school grounds.
Tsukumo looked down at the charred remains of the main body of the tentacle beast. "Multi-tasking? It's dead, right? I mean, we hit it dead on with Better Beam!"
Gai cut in, "I'm still picking up female screams and male moans everywhere in the school! What gives?"
Kaji took a deep breath. "We just killed the main body of this thing. We didn't know its tentacles would bunch up and form new, smaller life forms with the same objectives as the bigger one's driving them."
"The tentacles combined? Just like Better Robo?!" Gai gasped.
"Damn!" Tsukumo bit out. "Now what do we do?"
"Well," Kaji glanced at his monitor, "Accoding to this message from the film director, he wants us to Open Grate, go into SS mode, head out separately, and pay homage to Chewing Gum Crisis in the next few scenes."
"Any idea how big these mini-tentacle beasts are?" Tsukumo asked.
"Who cares? We can kick their pervert rears no matter how big they are! Just trust in the Better!" Gai cried out.
"I thought you were going to say, 'Just trust what you believe in to go!'" Tsukumo muttered.
"So, Gai, you subscribe to the saying 'The bigger they are, the harder they fall?'"
"That's right, Kaji! Nothing that a real hero couldn't handle!"
"I've always believed that the real saying actually goes 'The bigger they are, the more difficult they fall.' I mean, take Zeruel, for instance."
"Are we going to do the homage scenes soon, Kaji?" Tsukumo asked, irritated at the delay.
"Oh, sorry. Ahem. OPEN GRATE!"
The Better Robo flashed, then split into its three component planes. Each plane then, in a series of change sequences stolen from Macross, Transformers, and goodness knows where else, turned into three smaller humanoid robots. In truth, it would be more proper to call them exo-suits, hardsuits, Koubu, etc. Gai, Kaji, and Tsukumo looked rather pleased with themselves, smiling hugely, until they noticed something horrible.
THE SMALLER SUITS HAD NO FLIGHT PACKS.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
* * * * *
"Oh, man, you're terrible!" BOS Killer chuckled.
"I am, aren't I?" giggled Jemu. He sobered, then asked, "What happened to him?"
BOS Killer stared at him eye to LED."Sariko," BOS Killer replied in a low voice.
"Is that so."
"Well, he had it coming for that bad pun and succeeding fallout. Still I think it's a wee bit harsh."
"No worse than getting FAMBed, I would say."
"Quite."
Man and machine were quiet for a while, the man absorbed with his thoughts, the machine busy with his patient. It was the man who spoke first, "Where are Sousuke and his adoring harem?"
"Still in the school. What are your plans for them?"
"A little Resident Evil-ish thing. Maybe I should call Issei Tsubaki first, see if he's interested in doing a few scenes with Kaname."
"Are you kidding? He'll sacrifice his glasses and bandana and run around her naked if he thought she'd notice him ishould he do so."
"Can't hurt to be sure, right? And while you're at it, patch me to Sega Kinematron 1926-7."
"You're going to bring in the Sakura Wars platoon into a tentacle-beast infested area? Are you sane?"
"Well, I saw somewhere in a doujin manga-"
"That's a doujin manga, you yutz! Of course they all want some in doujin mangas! Even Orihime and Reni discover that they have estrogen in doujinshi, for crying out loud!"
"You'll wake the patient," Jemu softly rebuked the AI.
"Sorry. But I still think sending the Hanagumi in there would be a very bad idea."
"OK. We'll do it your way, for once." Jemu summoned a handset and began to dial.
* * * * * *
Sousuke faced down a creature, grenade in hand. It was a most impressive feat, considering that the creature, a huge, snapping maw with a mass of tentacles and eyestalks moving about on ten legs almost filled the entire width and height of the corridor.
He would have pulled the pin, and would have thrown the grenade into the creature's mouth, if not for two things. One: he didn't want to do any more collateral damage than was necessary. Two: it had Kaname and Tessa. Unifroms ripped, underwear stripped, bound by living rope in ways found only in bondage magazines or pictures. Let's not mention the curious appendages the size of Sousuke's arms investigating every plane, curve and cranny on the bound, nubile bodies.
Sousuke told himself that he wasn't interested, wasn't aroused by the sight in front of him. Only a sicko would be, and he wasn't a sicko. There was something in his pants though, that was acting definitely sicko.
But what could he do now? His bullets wouldn't work, he might injure Tessa and Kaname if he threw the grenade (and he wasn't even sure if it would do anything against the creature), and the monster was blocking his path to his weapons crate, er, book locker. Hand-to-hand, um, hand-to-tentacle was not an option.
Or was it?
"THROMBUS PALM!!! SURE KILL ATTACK!!!"
There was the sickening sound of rending flesh, and two seconds later the monster exploded, coating Kaname, Sousuke, and Tessa in organic muck. For some odd reason, the remains of the creature fell on the girls in very strategic, tactful locations, thus avoiding another NC-17 scene.
Sousuke looked at their rescuer, for once grateful for his annoying knack of appearing out of nowhere just to piss him off. Issei Tsubaki was not looking at him, however. He was gazing intently at the girls who were trying to get up from the pool of slime on the floor and failing.
Issei told himself that he wasn't interested, wasn't aroused by the sight in front of him. Only a sicko would be, and he wasn't a sicko. There was something in his pants though, that was acting definitely sicko.
He caught sight of a male figure who seemed to be in a uniform of sorts, holding something in his hand. His mind weighed the probabilities of such a figure who reminded him of Sagara appearing with a green-haired girl who might be the fair Kaname, and decided that it was very possible indeed. "Sagara! You expletive deleted why are you staring at Kaname-san in such a vulgar manner?"
"Oh, just like you were doing mere seconds ago?"
The two boys began to argue. A nerve popped up on Kaname's forehead, and she was about to let lose a stream of invective when Tessa caught her gaze, silently telling her to look behind her. She did, and saw a swarm of tentacles slithering towards them. "You two could argue all you want for all I care, but Tessa and I have no intention of getting tentacle-raped again. C'mon, girlfriend, let's clear out of here."
Still in the midst of their quarrel, Sousuke pulled the pin of his grenade and tossed it without looking at the seething mass. At the same time, Issei directed a bolt of force at the tentacles. When the smoke cleared, there was more gunk all over the place. Then they began to walk, trading barbs, grabbing and dragging a still-slippery female along to the boys' locker room, and eventually quieting down, settling for trading dagger looks.
"Could you, like, not drag my rear all over the corridor, Sagara-kun? It's not slime-coated all over, you know," Tessa reminded him.
Without breaking stride noticeably, Sousuke bent down and tugged Tessa up and onto his shoulder, ass in the air. He took a look at it and apologized. "Your rear is indeed rubbed raw, Kanchou." He ran two fingers on the spot, causing Tessa to moan. "I'll rub some ointment on it later after you're clean."
"You are doing no such thing, Sousuke Sagara!" Kaname protested, only to be thrown over Issei's shoulder like a bundle of firewood.
"Don't worry, Kaname-san. I'll do more than rub ointment on you, I'll give you a full body massage. My grandfather said that the men in our family have good, capable hands."
"I'll just bet you do," Kaname muttered. "Eh, Issei, put me down, I can walk, you know."
"Have you noticed something, Issei?" Sousuke asked suddenly.
"Should I?"
"It's the noise," Tessa said a little later.
"What noise?" Kaname asked.
"Precisely. What with all these tentacle monsters around, there should be a lot of girls crying, moaning, or shrieking-"
"Shrieking?" Kaname asked archly, one eyebrow going up.
"Well, generally making noises-"
"Shhh! Listen!" Issei hissed.
They all heard it. A series of heavy thuds, the sound of harsh breathing, coming from the stairs near them.
Issei quickly spotted a cleaning supplies store room and followed everyone inside, locking the door as he went in.
"Why are we huddled here? It could have been a rescuer that we heard a while back," Sousuke asked. Issei didn't bother to answer, instead he began to hand towels and distilled water to the girls who accepted them gratefully.
"What about me?" Sousuke asked. Issei glared at him, and handed him a rag, albeit a clean one. Saying nothing, he began to clean up as best as he could.
"We're done. Ano, is there a chance of decent clothes for us?" Kaname asked Issei.
"This is a cleaning supply closet, wench, not a department store."
Sousuke took mixed some muriatic acid and a little water, dipped his rag in the mixture and wrung it out, then took of his black uniform top and began to scrub it briskly. When he was sure his jacket was reasonably clean, he handed it to Kaname. "Here."
"You can't expect us to run around this infested hell-hole in that?" Kaname asked, incredulous.
"It is a significant change from what you've been wearing earlier," Sousuke replied.
When Kaname made no move to take the jacket, Tessa did. "Thank you, Sagara-kun. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated." That earned her twin glares from Kaname and Issei. Unmindful of the death glares aimed at her, she put the jacket on, the material covering her down to mid-thigh.
"Damn, she has way too much sex appeal in that boy student's jacket," Kaname muttered, hoping no one would hear.
* * * * * *
"Hey, she's stealing my line!" Admiral Misumaru sputtered, sending popcorn flying from his mouth.
"Yeah! And she's stealing a compliment that has been slightly altered to fit her but was originally meant for me!" Yurika cried out, grabbing Akito's arm and pointing to Tessa on the screen. Akito tried to slink out of his seat, down to the floor, and out of the cinema.
"Hey you there, in the de luxe row, pipe down!"
"We're also paying to see this, y'know!"
"You have popcorn in your hair, Mama," Lapis noted, picking one out and holding it for Yurika to see.
"Really? Oh, you're right." Yurika began to clean up her hair, Lapis assisting her.
"She gives us - albinos and female captains - a bad image. No wonder there are so many hentai doujinshi floating around," Ruri sighed.
"I think you should blame your Mama for the negative images of female captains, Ruri."
"But she makes it worse, and she's pale to boot."
"What do we do with all these, Mama?" Lapis asked, indicating the handful of popcorn she held.
"Oh, you can throw them over your shoulder at your grandfather during the dull moments of the film."
* * * * *
"That was cute," BOS Killer said. "Nice use of cameo appearances."
"It gets cuter," Jemu said. "Any change in his condition?"
"He's stabilized. He'll be up, but weakened, in a couple of days."
"And Sariko?"
"Keeping out of sight. What do you intend to do with her?"
"Me? Nothing. I'll leave her up to Evang. We can put the how as another issue of Spacebar Gaiden. That way, no one will ever know."
* * * * *
Gai reached the top of the stairs. Third floor. Why did he have to get the third floor. The third floor was floor number 3. Like Gekiganger 3! Suddenly the third floor didn't seem like such a bad floor now.
Checking his instrument panel on the arm of his suit, he noted the life detector was registering four lifeforms, not moving around a lot. Three female students, Gai decided, and one monster. That seemed to be on par for this part. The sensor told him that they were just in front of him.
Gai looked up. He was staring at a door, which the placard proclaimed as a supply closet. So, he thought, the poor girls rushed in there to hide, not realizing that a monster had been lying patiently in wait for prey to arrive. The images in his mind were so vivid they were X-rated.
Reacting to his thought patterns, the plasma projectors on his back swung over his shoulders such that they resembled a pair of cannons pointing forward. Normally, the plasma jets from the projectors were used to give his suit unparalleled acceleration and thrust, as for leaping from ground floor to tenth in one bound or to allow him to engage otherwise elevated targets with his Gekigan Sword.
In abnormal circumstances, such as when needing to blow open a door to surprise the enemy behind it, the plasma projectors could be set to fire concentrated balls of ionized gas over long ranges with reasonable recoil. Known as an impulse cannon, Gai with his usual flair had renamed its voice activation command as 'Gekigan Shoot.' As it was, the system began to absorb air from an intake valve to be ionized and later to be propelled at supersonic speeds. In two seconds he would have enough to blow up the entire room and its contents with two shots; Gai set the fire control to independent, because he didn't want to take out the creature without it knowing what hit it.
"This is Better Eagle, reporting 1st floor and grounds clear. What's your status, team?" Kaji's voice cackled over the radio, startling Gai.
"This is Better Jaguar, second floor is clear, moving to either assist Better Bear or to clear the fourth floor," Tsukumo replied. "What's up, Gai?"
"I have a beast and three victims behind a supply closet door. I was just about to use Gekigan Shoot to make the first strike-"
"Could you speak louder, Better Bear? You're coming in fuzzy like."
"I SAID I'M OUTSIDE A SUPPLY CLOSET AND ABOUT TO BLOW THE DOOR IN AND SHOOT UP WHATEVER CRITTER IS INSIDE IT!"
"No, Gai! The creature might have hostages! Think of the chemicals you could possibly ignite in there!" Kaji barked back.
* * * * *
"You heard that, didn't you? They're going to blow us up!" Kaname shrieked!
"Get that door open!" Tessa cried out.
"HAI!"
Sousuke began to fire 9mm rounds at the area around the doorknob. Issei couldn't wait for such niceties, and after releasing a kiai, he leapt and drop-kicked the door.
Gai had the ignominy of dodging 9mm slugs only to be brained by a fying door. "Minna, I'm taking fire-" THUD!!!
"Better Bear? Do you copy?"
"Better Bear is down! I'm going for him!"
"We're going for him! Catch you later, Better Jaguar!"
"Nice going, Issei. You just managed to knock our rescuer out cold," Kaname observed.
"Feh. If he was that wimpy, he's not much of a rescuer."
Tessa was just emerging from the room, after Sousuke, when a voice rang out, "HOLDITRIGHTTHEREWHATDIDYOUTOGAIOHMYGODYOUKILLEDGAIYOUBASTARDS!"
The four looked up to a double-barreled gun pointed at them. It's some kind of armored infantry, Sousuke noted, and even has built in short-range missile packs on the shoulders. There's a third weapon slung across its back between what appear to be jetpacks. This does not look good.
As they stared at each other in silence, another set of footsteps could be heard making its way up.
* * * * *
"I'm going to end it here, now." Jemu stood up and stretched.
Issei burst in. "You said I would have hot action with Kaname-chan!"
"I didn't."
"But your call-"
"In my call, I said you would be doing hot, action-PACKED scenes with Kaname in them, which you did. You rescued her from a couple of monsters, and managed to KO your rescuer with her watching. You even managed to catch glimpses of her while she was coated in clear slime and while she was washing it off, right? You should count yourself fortunate."
Sousuke walked in and added. "I'm more fortunate."
Issei turned on him. "And why is that?"
"Sorry. Need to know basis only."
"Why you- you- do not tell me you have spent the night with the beauteous Kaname!"
"I won't, even though-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! SAAAAA-GAAAAA-RAAAAAA!!!"
Tsub! Tsub!
Issei Tsubaki fell down, two needles lodged at the back of his neck. "The patient must sleep," BOS Killer intoned, retracting his INCOM-like needle guns.
by Jemu Nekketsu
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the game or manga/comic or movie characters that happened to get mocked in this work.
Episode 7: Everyone Gets Some... Satisfaction
* * * * * *
Sousuke cursed. What happened to Mao and Weber? They were supposed to have prevented stuff like this from happening. Maybe the enemy got to them first? It was a possibility.
"Kanchou, daijobu?"
"H-hai." Tessa looked shaken. "Who- what was that?"
"Sousuke, we better get out of here," Kaname said. "They know Tessa's here. We're no longer safe; let's go to my place and-"
"Negative."
"What?" both girls exclaimed, turning to face him.
"Think! The enemy knows we're here, and they have air superiority in the area. That was a stealth design chopper that their point man was taken away in. They might be watching this place even as we speak."
"So it would be pointless to move," Tessa deadpanned. Kaname swung her gaze to her.
"Yes, Kanchou. They'd spot us and just follow us to our new location."
"Sagara-kun, I'm worried about Lieutenant Mao and Seargent Weber."
"So am I, Kanchou. You said they were your security detail?"
Tessa nodded. "If they died, because of me, I'll never forgive myself!"
"Don't say that, Tessa. Maybe they were just captured by the enemy, or better yet, they're lying low and waiting for a chance."
"I hope you're right, Kaname."
Sousuke was thinking on how to educate his two foxhole-mates on the joys of sleeping under enemy surveillance. He offered a quick prayer for Kurz's and Melissa's safety before broaching the subject to his companions.
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, as all of this and the last events of the previous episode were happening, Kurz was hard at work fulfilling a promise he made in the 1st season of Full Metal Panic. "Ready to sink your nails into my nack, nee-chan?"
Melissa wrapped her legs around Kurz's waist and pulled him closer. "Huh, big words, little man."
"I'll show you who's little, nee-chan," Kurz replied, unsnapping the front clasp of Melissa's brassiere and staring mesmerized at what he found inside.
"Well, I'm not the little one, Weber, as you can see. Want some milk? I got it, right here. Come get some, baby boy."
"You betcha. Damn, you're one hot mama, nee-chan. I'm so glad to be 'under' you."
* * * * * * *
Melissa stomped over to the director's chair, dragging a reluctant Kurz with him. "Alright, you've had your filthy smut scene between me and Weber, now stick to your end of the bargain!"
Kurz managed to break free of Melissa's headlock. "No, don't take my memory away! I'll do anything, be your hired gun for free, just don't erase the glorious moment that has burned itself just recently into my mind!"
Jemu sighed, and produced a cattle prod. "Oh well, a bargain is a bargain. I was hoping Mao wouldn't remember, but- sorry Kurz."
"No! You'll never catch me alive! I'll die an old man, keeping that image alive in my memories!" Kurz cried out, making a break for it.
"Get back here!" Melissa yelled, breaking into pursuit.
"Agh, dammit!" Jemu complained. "Experiment code B-O-S-K-I-L-R!"
[INSERT STOCK FOOTAGE OF BOS TRANSFORMING HERE.]
"BOS Killer, Stun Cannon!" Jemu ordered.
BOS Killer took out its Stun Cannon and fired, sending Jemu unconscious.
"Dammit, BOS Killer, not him, HIM!" Evang shouted, pointing to Weber, Mao in hot pursuit.
BOS Killer took aim and fired. A second later, Melissa was on the floor.
"Geez, BOS, what's wrong with you now?"
"Targeting and sensor array connection error."
"Targeting and- ah, shit, I thought we fixed your head between episodes?!"
"Negative."
"Well, I don't have the Shinguji ancestral sword, right now, so will a flowstone blade do?"
"Possibly."
As Evang did the decapitate-and-deposit thing with BOS Killer's head, Jemu came to. "Uh, what happened? Where am I?"
"You're in the Spacebar Studios, somewhere out there, and you just got a dose of stunning from your robotic friend here," Sada-chan replied.
"Spacebar-? Who the heck are you? Are you shitting me- hell, who the hell am I?"
"Run that by me again?" Sada-chan ordered, not quite believing her ears.
"Who the hell am I? And you, for that matter?"
Sada-chan's eyes twinkled evilly. "Don't you remember, Jemu? I'm Sada-chan, your domineering, demanding wife, and you're my obedient, henpecked husband!"
"I seem to recall a previous episode where you were sitting in my lap..."
"That's because I told you I was tired and wanted to sit on something!"
Evang quickly assessed the situation, and exploited it as quickly. "Jemu-san, I know this must come as an extreme shock to you. Would you want to go to somewhere where you could think quietly and rest? Why don't you take Sada-chan along, just so you have someone with you?"
"That sounds wonderful, er-"
"My name is Evang. I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew when you feel human again, okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Come on, then, wife."
"Are you ordering me around, buster?!"
"Oh, sorry."
"That's better. Now, move it! To bed with you!"
Evang bit his tongue to prevent himself from making a comment. Using hand signals, he told the Three Gunned Men to bring back Mao and Weber. It was made easier by the fact that upon seeing Mao go down, Weber went back for her, started "rearranging" her clothes, and began snapping away with his spy camera. Mao slowly moaned herself to consciousness.
"Unnnhh. What happened? Hey, who are you?"
"What do you mean, 'Who are you?' nee-chan?" Kurz asked, puzzled.
"Nee-chan? Does that mean you're my little brother?"
Kurz went blank for a while, until he noticed Kaji holding up a sign that read "She has amnesia and is extremely susceptible to brainwashing right now."
"Ah, yes. Um, I'm your little brother that you share a very close relationship with, that you don't mind if I see you without your clothes on or if I touch you wherever and whenever I like."
"Don't give me that bullshit."
Kurz and the 3GM gasped in unison.
"I have blue hair, and you're a blonde. We can't be brother and sister. Now, who are you really?"
Think, Kurz, think! "Ahaha. Okay, I'll quit the jokes. I'm Kurz Weber, your boyfriend of more than two years now, and," Kurz leaned in to whisper to Melissa, "we've been sleeping with each other everyday for the past month allowing me all liberties with your luscious body."
"I have?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
Meanwhile, BOS Killer activated his Lemon Incidence Detector and opened a few more weapon ports. He wasn't taking any chances.
Evang watched as Jemu was taken away, and approached Kurz, Melissa, and the 3GM. "Hello, my name is Evang, and you're Melissa Mao."
"I am?"
Evang pulled out a wallet from Melissa's back pants pocket and flipped it open to her. "See? Says so right here."
"Oh. I guess I am."
"You're also under a verbal contract to me which stipulates that you're no to protest if I shoot scenes of you and Kurz, your 'boyfriend'," Evang emphasized, causing the Better Robo OVA pilots to snicker, "Doing the dirty deed together and use it as stock footage for this film I'm making."
"I am?"
"Yes."
"Why don't I recall anything?"
"Because you've been hit by a concussion cannon that accidentally went off. Your ears are still ringing, no?"
"Now, that you mention it, they are."
"Take a seat with your boyfriend for a while, sit in his lap or something, and be ready for your next scene together, okay?"
"Okay."
* * * * * * * *
Sousuke was a light sleeper, normally. Tonight was not normal, however. He put it to all the tension and fear in the air, and not to any aphrodisiac chemical agent delivered by an enemy sniper that was currently polluting the air that he, Chidori, and the Kanchou were breathing. No one in his right mind would bother with such an operation, so he discounted the thought of chemical attack.
He was having another nightmare. This time, he was walking back slowly on a plank suspended from the side of a ship, ending in the wide sea below. Crawling toward him was Tessa, wearing a pirates' hat, a swordbelt, and little else, not even a parrot. He risked a glance down, and saw that Kaname was floating, sporting a green-scaled fish tail. Tessa's arms and braid, and Kaname's long green hair were the only things preventing his dream from crossing the line between fanservice and H.
Slowly he inched further out onto the plank, the wood creaking from his and Tessa's combined weight, Tessa cajoling him to stop this foolishness and join her in the cabin of the vessel. Kaname, meanwhile, began to sing of the wonders of the sea and what she would do once she got her hands on a certain sailor. Two quick glances told him that there were unholy fires gleaming in their eyes, promising a fate worse than death in one pair and a slow, excruciating death in the other.
He had reached the end of the plank, and Tessa still continued with her advance. There was nowhere for him to go but down, down to Kaname and her gleaming eyes. He made ready to take the plunge, and as Tessa was about to reach for his belt, something unthinkable happened: the wood snapped, sending both him and Tessa into the sea's, and Kaname's, embrace...
He struggled for consciousness and won, only to find out that his nightmare had spilled over to the waking realm. He was on his futon, buck naked, and so were the girls. Not a single stitch could be found between the three of them. All of Sousuke's blood rushed to one pointy-shaped part of his body, and it wasn't his nose.
[INSERT SOUSUKE, KANAME, AND TESSA 3P SEQUENCE HERE. A RATHER LONG ONE.]
* * * * * * * * * *
Spacebar Studios...
"BOS Killer?"
"Yes, Commander Evang?"
"Don't call me that. It rhymes with Kumander Bawang, you know."
"Yes, Commander."
"As I was saying, I would like to find out how Mao-san and Jemu are going along."
"They are still in bed, sir."
"Alone?"
"Sir, no, sir!"
"Well, that's too bad. Have either one of the FMP couple come up here in the directors' room so that I can discuss their next important scene with them."
"Yes, sir." Turning to the Three Gunned Men, who were huddled over a gameboard, BOS Killer ordered, "Hey, you three, you heard the man, one of you go get either Kurz or Melissa."
"I'll go," Kaji offered, standing up and taking a QuickDoor(TM). A few seconds later, he was back, a disheveled Kurz in tow.
"So, what's this about our next big scene? You want ropes this time?"
"No, no ropes this time-"
"Damn!"
"Your next scene will involve a telephone-"
"Ooohhhh, phone sex. Wow. Never tried that before," Kurz remarked.
Evang slapped himself on the forehead, and growled quietly.
* * * * * * *
Morning came, and with it, a sense of dread.
Sousuke woke up, feeling oddly heavy, like weights were pressing him down. He opened his eyes and found out that his face was buried in a valley between two soft mounds of snow white flesh.
He threw himself up to a sitting position, not at all used to waking up with his superior officer's cleavage for breakfast, and sent a still sleeping Tessa sliding off to one side of his futon. With Tessa out of the way, he saw in horror what was wrong with him from the waist down: he couldn't see his thighs.
They were covered in long, green, and when he brushed them clear, silky hair. Kaname's sudden exhalation sent warm breath on his weapon and a shiver up his spine. Crying out, he scrambled to his feet, forgetting all about snipers and observers, finally getting both Tessa and Kaname awake as well.
Both girls stood up, unmindful of their nudity, gave him a smile, and stretched out in front of him, telling their blood to start pumping. Sousuke's blood started pumping as well. And we all know where it all went.
Averting their eyes, Sousuke looked down, and his gaze caught sight of the bloody stains on his futon. Blood! Was anyone of them hurt? Quickly, Sousuke made an inspection. Not him. That left the girls, then. And so he went, lifting arms, hair and legs out of the way to look for wounds. Nothing.
"Ano, Sousuke, isn't it a bit early to want - you know," Kaname asked.
"Go ahead, Sagara-kun. I don't mind, though I must say I'm a little tender," Tessa admitted.
"Oh, you too, huh?"
No wounds that he could see on the girls, Sousuke thought. Strange. He was about to ask them where the blood came from, when he saw them looking at him intently. No, not at his face, but somewhere so much lower. "Uh," he began, "I'm just going to take a quick shower, then I'll make breakfast for us."
"I have a better idea," Kaname countered, "Why don't we take a shower together, wouldn't that be quicker? That way, we can make breakfast twice as fast too."
"No, let's all hit the shower together, so that no one gets left out here to ponder over this interesting predicament we've gotten ourselves into. Remember, we still have to go to school," Tessa suggested.
"Sounds like a plan," Sousuke managed to squeak out, as he was dragged to his doom.
[INSERT SOFTCORE SHOWER ORGY SEQUENCE HERE.]
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, having two girls on the breakfast table.
* * * * *
"Wait, that doesn't sound right," muttered Evang, looking at the script. "Let's make some changes."
* * * * *
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, eating two girls on the breakfast table.
* * * * *
"Oh my! Is he a cannibal?" Sariko wanted to know.
"Maybe he likes 'fish' for breakfast," Kaji butted in.
Gai and Tsukumo exchanged lecherous grins, something they picked up from Kaji. "He likes girls for breakfast?" Gai ventured.
"I think the word you're looking for is 'with', right?" Ayame asked Evang pointedly.
"As in, 'He likes having girls with breakfast?'" Tsukumo blurted out.
Evang sweatdropped. "Ahahahahaha, heh."
* * * * *
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, EATING WITH two girls on the breakfast table.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Finally got the damned thing right."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It looked like something out of a sitcom. A boy, dressed in black school pants and a white collared shirt, EATING WITH two girls on the breakfast table. Until the camera took a look under the table. There, a couple of feet in white socks were rubbing against the boy's shins under his trouser legs, the feet obviously belonging to different owners. The camera shot back up to the faces of the breakfasters, the boy wearing a poker face, the girls wearing lazy smiles on theirs.
This picture of domesticity was shattered by a ringing phone. Sousuke tensed up, exchanging glances with his guests, and made to answer it. "Moshi moshi?"
"Sousuke? That you? You sound, I dunno, strange?"
"Kurz?"
"Ah, I see you still remember me."
"You and Mao-san alright?"
"In a way."
Silence.
"Ah, hell, you might as well hear the gory details. Mao- nee-chan's been - shot."
Shocked silence from the other end of the line. "How bad is it?" Sousuuke managed to ask.
"She's recuperating as we speak. We're safe now, just completely cut off from contact with the ship. Don't worry she's in good hands."
Sousuke sent up a silent prayer of thanks.
"Oh, by the way, I was bored watching the nurse ladies give nee-chan yet another sponge bath, I decided to take a walk to your area. I saw that nifty stealth chopper fly away, and I took out an observer on a rooftop close to your building."
"What?"
"Damn amateurs, compensating for skill with technology. He had a nice rifle, which I have taken for my collection, but he also had a nasty habit of smoking rolled up tobacco. What a waste."
"Indeed. You're sure that he was the only observer in the area?"
"Positive. As for satellite spying, well, I'm not so sure."
They weren't out of the rabbit hole yet. "Ah-"
"By the way, Sousuke, you haven't like, you know, peeped on the Captain while she was in the shower, have you?"
"No, I didn't."
"Ah, that's commendable of you-"
"I took one with her this morning."
"In your stead I wouldn't have - WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"
"Don't worry, Kaname was there with us as well, so-"
"YOU BASTARD!!! NOT KANAME AS WELL! YOU EXPLETIVES DELETED!"
"Good day, Kurz." Click.
* * * * * * * * * *
"So how was that?" Kurz asked Evang.
"Very good. The part about Mao geting shot - brilliant, Weber, it was brilliant."
"Good take!" Sariko called out, a signal for the other characters to take a break. "Hey, Director?"
"Yes?"
"This fic is starting to look like a Fumoffu fanfic instead of a crossover."
"That can be easily fixed," Evang replied.
* * * * * * * * * *
Sousuke and Kaname's classmates were pleasantly surprised to find that Tessa was back among them, and thus threw a party for her. Tessa felt teary-eyed again. She missed this.
Then Angels started falling from the sky, destroying large swathes of acreage with their monstrous power.
* * * * * * * * * *
Sariko stared balefully at Evang. "You suck."
"Well, you wanted a crossover..."
"Do you want to experience firsthand what I did to my victims in Nocturnal Emiss- er, Apparitions?"
There was a VERY long pause, before Evang answered, "No thanks."
"Then write something better."
"Okay. Something better, coming up."
* * * * * * * * * *
Sousuke and Kaname's classmates were pleasantly surprised to find that Tessa was back among them, and thus threw a party for her. Tessa felt teary-eyed again. She missed this.
Suddenly, the day turned to night, sending the students running for the windows. It was as if the entire Jindai High School grounds had fallen under a great shadow. And according to the class geek, Shinji Kazama, no eclipses were scheduled today.
"Look!" Kyouko cried out, pointing at something. "What is that thing?"
"Omigod! It's a tentacle beast!" the rest of the female students shrieked.
"It's an LL tentacle beast, just the right size to turn any school into a hentai movie!" Onzuki, one of the Jindai students who was recently given recognition and lines in Fumoffu, exclaimed.
"WOO-HOO!!!!" the male students chorused, except for Sousuke and Shinji.
"Uh, guys, I don't think you should celebrate yet."
"Why? Whatever do you mean, Kazama?" the boys asked.
"Ever heard of shokushu-yaoi (tentacle-male homo hentai)?"
As one, the whole room cried out.
"OMIGOD!!!"
Out of nowhere, cheesy music which sounded like something Ichiro Mizuki, Masatsu Shimon, and Sasao Isaki would sing to could be heard all over. "What's going on?" Kaname asked, dreading the answer.
As if in reply, three small aircraft flew overhead, circling the soccer field where the tentacle beast was. There was a loud voice that called out which could be heard for miles around, "Tatakai no toki! Iku ze! CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENJI BEETTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
* * * * * *
Evang ran, dodging left and right as he did so. Sariko was hot on his heels, claws and fangs bared, bloodlust in her eyes. "Hey, what gives? I gave you what you asked for, Sariko! I gave you Better!"
With a flying leap, Sariko sent Evang crashing to the ground and even managed to land on top of him. By virtue of her demonic strength, she was able to trap both of his wrists with a clawed hand, blood oozing where her talons dug into his flesh. "I will suck your blood!" she hissed.
"Do it, and be quick about it then! That way, I'll respawn faster!"
"Who said anything about draining you? First, I'll bring your blood to a boil with some light biting and a lot of heavy licking and petting. Man blood tastes better that way, you know, and even woman blood."
"No! Kill me instead!"
"And end your suffering immediately? Surely you jest," Sariko whispered, nibbling on his ear.
* * * * * *
"Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!" Jemu cried out as his life-creating body part was suddenly engorged with blood, after just releasing a busrt of reproductive cells. He was so hard so fast that it hurt.
"Aaaaaaahhhnnn!" Sada-chan moaned as Jemu sprang back to life once again, still joined with her. She had lost count of how many times they had had simultaneous climaxes, but she knew they had just recently had one.
And now it seemed that the damned man still wanted another go at it. "Husband, please, can we rest for a while? I know you're eager to please me, and I appreciate that, but any more now and I'll either go insane or die from exhaustion."
"Aaaaaarrggahhh!" Jemu cried out as he realized that he wasn't lying alone in bed. In fact, he was lying on someone in his bed. Someone who'd kill him for just peeking at her while she was dressing or taking a bath, and now this... "S- Sada-chan?"
She took his outburst as one of impatience. "You really shouldn't blame me, you know. Like, how was I supposed to know that losing your memory would vastly improve your, um, marital prowess?"
Lost my memory? What is this crap? "Huh? What? I'm confused."
"Oh, dear. Well," Sada-chan's mind whirred at blinding speeds, "We were honeymooning here, when you accidentally got hit by some stun gun, and got amnesia as a result." He still doesn't remember. Good.
"Ah, I see... I think. And you've been attending to me all this time, right?"
"Yes, that's right."
Good, he thought. If I keep up this amnesiac act, maybe I could keep Sada-chan in this cute and cuddly state. Long enough perhaps to have her help me with this boner. "Oh- ow!" Jemu winced, clutching his temples as if in pain.
Sada-chan was intstantly alarmed. Head pains in amnesia patients usually meant bad things, like brain damage to the return of memory. She hoped it was the former. "Hey, what's wrong with you now? You're supposed to be my obedient, henpecked husband, and I end up taking care of you."
"I- something just came back to me, flashed through my mind." So, he was the obedient, henpecked husband, eh? Over his dead body, he thought.
Sada-chan froze at his words. Oh, no, he was beginning to remember! She must take advantage of whatever time she had left to manipulate him! "What did you see?"
"I remembered- I think I know a red-haired man who also had amnesia who turned out to be someone more than what those who had found him had made out."
* * * * * *
"AH-CHOOO!"
Lamia looked over her shoulder at the man whose lap she was sitting on. "How dare you, Axel Almer!"
"What? I just sneezed!"
"Exactly! Dare you imply that I irritate your nose, or that you can catch a cold while I'm sitting on you?"
She made to leave his lap, but two powerful arms pulled her more securely into her 'seat'. "It could be that someone might be just talking about me," Axel reasoned out, nuzzling the side of her neck down to her bare shoulder. He felt her relax.
"Axel?" she asked tentatively.
"Hmmm?" He liked the way his name came out from her lips in a breathy whisper.
"There are a lot of people here as well."
"It's a park, Lamia. A public place where people go to enjoy the sights, the sounds, the scents of the place for free, alone or with someone special with them."
"You aren't enjoying any of those three."
"On the contrary, my dear. I'm enjoying the what I see," he began, raking her with his gaze, "What I smell," he added, lifting the luxurious green mass of her hair to his nose and breathing deeply, "What I hear," he smiled when her breath came in short gasps as he traced their initials on her nape, "and more."
"I have the bonus pleasure of enjoying what I touch," he lay back, positioning themselves so that the trunk of the huge tree they were under hid them from prying eyes, his hands stealing up to her generous breasts and cupping them possessively, while his tongue made a quick foray into a delicate ear, "and what I taste."
Lamia turned in his embrace, effectively lying down on top of him, pillowing her breasts against his chest. "All with someone special to me," she whispered fiercely. Their gazes met, their lips came together, their tongues entwined, and their hands began to roam over each other.
* * * * * *
"I also remember a page of a book I've read. Not the whole page, but a piece of text on that page."
Horrified, but not letting it show Sada-chan asked, "What did it say?"
"Something like, 'Headaches, as well as other minor ailments and complaints, can be relieved by having an orgasm. One must note however, the distinction between the ejaculation and orgasm, as one does not always signify the other.' Weird, huh?"
"Let me guess, you have a splitting headache now, huh?"
"Well, I do feel like a cold is coming down on me."
I'll just bet you do, Sada-chan thought. "Well, if I can do something about your budding cold, can you do something for me in return? Think of it as just rewardds for my taking care of you."
Jemu was disappointed a little. So, that was what the little homemaker act was all about. Still... "Okay. You scratch my back first, so to speak."
"I'll do more than scratch your back." This isn't right! What happened to the henpecked husband routine? I'm supposed to be the one taking advantage of the situation, not him! I should be able to order him around without promising anything in return! Instead... "I want you on top, though." If he wants that woody gone, he'll be doing the work, not me.
* * * * * *
Sariko laughed as she dodged a burst if fire from the advancing robot. "There's no need for that, now, BOS. I'm done eating, and I'll be going now."
In response, BOS Killer brought more weaponry to bear, guns and launchers folding out on jointed arms where there seemed to be no more space for them to be hidden in. "Priority one: contact, stabilize, and extract. Bringing down suppressing fire in area, now."
A longer barrage of automatic fire, with a fair helping of energy beams, sent Sariko bounding farther away from Evang's unconscious form. "Alright, I know when I'm not wanted. Ta-ta!" Doing a backflip which brought her close to a QuickDoor (TM), Sariko escaped.
BOS Killer stopped his shock and awe show. "Must conserve resources." He turned his attention to Evang, bleeding from numerous small cuts, and his weapons folded back into himself. He then underwent a wholly different transformation as he assessed the situation. "3GM status - in a scene. FMP teenagers - in a tangle. Sada-chan: bad frame of mind. Jemu - getting payback. Evang - losing life force as I do this monologue. Shifting to Autodoc mode."
BOS's Autodoc mode resembled a fitted, molded single person couch as his main body, sporting a hover propulsion system and various monitors and medico-surgical apparatuses on the same jointed arms that held implements of death earlier. Floating over to where Evang lay, he picked him up and placed him into the seat, setting up a drip and blood works, and basically began trying his best to save him. As a precaution, however, he brought out a pair of tranq-needle autogun attachments.
So busy was he with his precious task that he didn't notice someone slip into the Director's console and type away softly on the keyboard marked "Movie-Script Generator - Directors Only."
* * * * * * *
"I hate multi-tasking monsters," Kaji sighed as the Better Robo hovered above the school grounds.
Tsukumo looked down at the charred remains of the main body of the tentacle beast. "Multi-tasking? It's dead, right? I mean, we hit it dead on with Better Beam!"
Gai cut in, "I'm still picking up female screams and male moans everywhere in the school! What gives?"
Kaji took a deep breath. "We just killed the main body of this thing. We didn't know its tentacles would bunch up and form new, smaller life forms with the same objectives as the bigger one's driving them."
"The tentacles combined? Just like Better Robo?!" Gai gasped.
"Damn!" Tsukumo bit out. "Now what do we do?"
"Well," Kaji glanced at his monitor, "Accoding to this message from the film director, he wants us to Open Grate, go into SS mode, head out separately, and pay homage to Chewing Gum Crisis in the next few scenes."
"Any idea how big these mini-tentacle beasts are?" Tsukumo asked.
"Who cares? We can kick their pervert rears no matter how big they are! Just trust in the Better!" Gai cried out.
"I thought you were going to say, 'Just trust what you believe in to go!'" Tsukumo muttered.
"So, Gai, you subscribe to the saying 'The bigger they are, the harder they fall?'"
"That's right, Kaji! Nothing that a real hero couldn't handle!"
"I've always believed that the real saying actually goes 'The bigger they are, the more difficult they fall.' I mean, take Zeruel, for instance."
"Are we going to do the homage scenes soon, Kaji?" Tsukumo asked, irritated at the delay.
"Oh, sorry. Ahem. OPEN GRATE!"
The Better Robo flashed, then split into its three component planes. Each plane then, in a series of change sequences stolen from Macross, Transformers, and goodness knows where else, turned into three smaller humanoid robots. In truth, it would be more proper to call them exo-suits, hardsuits, Koubu, etc. Gai, Kaji, and Tsukumo looked rather pleased with themselves, smiling hugely, until they noticed something horrible.
THE SMALLER SUITS HAD NO FLIGHT PACKS.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
* * * * *
"Oh, man, you're terrible!" BOS Killer chuckled.
"I am, aren't I?" giggled Jemu. He sobered, then asked, "What happened to him?"
BOS Killer stared at him eye to LED."Sariko," BOS Killer replied in a low voice.
"Is that so."
"Well, he had it coming for that bad pun and succeeding fallout. Still I think it's a wee bit harsh."
"No worse than getting FAMBed, I would say."
"Quite."
Man and machine were quiet for a while, the man absorbed with his thoughts, the machine busy with his patient. It was the man who spoke first, "Where are Sousuke and his adoring harem?"
"Still in the school. What are your plans for them?"
"A little Resident Evil-ish thing. Maybe I should call Issei Tsubaki first, see if he's interested in doing a few scenes with Kaname."
"Are you kidding? He'll sacrifice his glasses and bandana and run around her naked if he thought she'd notice him ishould he do so."
"Can't hurt to be sure, right? And while you're at it, patch me to Sega Kinematron 1926-7."
"You're going to bring in the Sakura Wars platoon into a tentacle-beast infested area? Are you sane?"
"Well, I saw somewhere in a doujin manga-"
"That's a doujin manga, you yutz! Of course they all want some in doujin mangas! Even Orihime and Reni discover that they have estrogen in doujinshi, for crying out loud!"
"You'll wake the patient," Jemu softly rebuked the AI.
"Sorry. But I still think sending the Hanagumi in there would be a very bad idea."
"OK. We'll do it your way, for once." Jemu summoned a handset and began to dial.
* * * * * *
Sousuke faced down a creature, grenade in hand. It was a most impressive feat, considering that the creature, a huge, snapping maw with a mass of tentacles and eyestalks moving about on ten legs almost filled the entire width and height of the corridor.
He would have pulled the pin, and would have thrown the grenade into the creature's mouth, if not for two things. One: he didn't want to do any more collateral damage than was necessary. Two: it had Kaname and Tessa. Unifroms ripped, underwear stripped, bound by living rope in ways found only in bondage magazines or pictures. Let's not mention the curious appendages the size of Sousuke's arms investigating every plane, curve and cranny on the bound, nubile bodies.
Sousuke told himself that he wasn't interested, wasn't aroused by the sight in front of him. Only a sicko would be, and he wasn't a sicko. There was something in his pants though, that was acting definitely sicko.
But what could he do now? His bullets wouldn't work, he might injure Tessa and Kaname if he threw the grenade (and he wasn't even sure if it would do anything against the creature), and the monster was blocking his path to his weapons crate, er, book locker. Hand-to-hand, um, hand-to-tentacle was not an option.
Or was it?
"THROMBUS PALM!!! SURE KILL ATTACK!!!"
There was the sickening sound of rending flesh, and two seconds later the monster exploded, coating Kaname, Sousuke, and Tessa in organic muck. For some odd reason, the remains of the creature fell on the girls in very strategic, tactful locations, thus avoiding another NC-17 scene.
Sousuke looked at their rescuer, for once grateful for his annoying knack of appearing out of nowhere just to piss him off. Issei Tsubaki was not looking at him, however. He was gazing intently at the girls who were trying to get up from the pool of slime on the floor and failing.
Issei told himself that he wasn't interested, wasn't aroused by the sight in front of him. Only a sicko would be, and he wasn't a sicko. There was something in his pants though, that was acting definitely sicko.
He caught sight of a male figure who seemed to be in a uniform of sorts, holding something in his hand. His mind weighed the probabilities of such a figure who reminded him of Sagara appearing with a green-haired girl who might be the fair Kaname, and decided that it was very possible indeed. "Sagara! You expletive deleted why are you staring at Kaname-san in such a vulgar manner?"
"Oh, just like you were doing mere seconds ago?"
The two boys began to argue. A nerve popped up on Kaname's forehead, and she was about to let lose a stream of invective when Tessa caught her gaze, silently telling her to look behind her. She did, and saw a swarm of tentacles slithering towards them. "You two could argue all you want for all I care, but Tessa and I have no intention of getting tentacle-raped again. C'mon, girlfriend, let's clear out of here."
Still in the midst of their quarrel, Sousuke pulled the pin of his grenade and tossed it without looking at the seething mass. At the same time, Issei directed a bolt of force at the tentacles. When the smoke cleared, there was more gunk all over the place. Then they began to walk, trading barbs, grabbing and dragging a still-slippery female along to the boys' locker room, and eventually quieting down, settling for trading dagger looks.
"Could you, like, not drag my rear all over the corridor, Sagara-kun? It's not slime-coated all over, you know," Tessa reminded him.
Without breaking stride noticeably, Sousuke bent down and tugged Tessa up and onto his shoulder, ass in the air. He took a look at it and apologized. "Your rear is indeed rubbed raw, Kanchou." He ran two fingers on the spot, causing Tessa to moan. "I'll rub some ointment on it later after you're clean."
"You are doing no such thing, Sousuke Sagara!" Kaname protested, only to be thrown over Issei's shoulder like a bundle of firewood.
"Don't worry, Kaname-san. I'll do more than rub ointment on you, I'll give you a full body massage. My grandfather said that the men in our family have good, capable hands."
"I'll just bet you do," Kaname muttered. "Eh, Issei, put me down, I can walk, you know."
"Have you noticed something, Issei?" Sousuke asked suddenly.
"Should I?"
"It's the noise," Tessa said a little later.
"What noise?" Kaname asked.
"Precisely. What with all these tentacle monsters around, there should be a lot of girls crying, moaning, or shrieking-"
"Shrieking?" Kaname asked archly, one eyebrow going up.
"Well, generally making noises-"
"Shhh! Listen!" Issei hissed.
They all heard it. A series of heavy thuds, the sound of harsh breathing, coming from the stairs near them.
Issei quickly spotted a cleaning supplies store room and followed everyone inside, locking the door as he went in.
"Why are we huddled here? It could have been a rescuer that we heard a while back," Sousuke asked. Issei didn't bother to answer, instead he began to hand towels and distilled water to the girls who accepted them gratefully.
"What about me?" Sousuke asked. Issei glared at him, and handed him a rag, albeit a clean one. Saying nothing, he began to clean up as best as he could.
"We're done. Ano, is there a chance of decent clothes for us?" Kaname asked Issei.
"This is a cleaning supply closet, wench, not a department store."
Sousuke took mixed some muriatic acid and a little water, dipped his rag in the mixture and wrung it out, then took of his black uniform top and began to scrub it briskly. When he was sure his jacket was reasonably clean, he handed it to Kaname. "Here."
"You can't expect us to run around this infested hell-hole in that?" Kaname asked, incredulous.
"It is a significant change from what you've been wearing earlier," Sousuke replied.
When Kaname made no move to take the jacket, Tessa did. "Thank you, Sagara-kun. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated." That earned her twin glares from Kaname and Issei. Unmindful of the death glares aimed at her, she put the jacket on, the material covering her down to mid-thigh.
"Damn, she has way too much sex appeal in that boy student's jacket," Kaname muttered, hoping no one would hear.
* * * * * *
"Hey, she's stealing my line!" Admiral Misumaru sputtered, sending popcorn flying from his mouth.
"Yeah! And she's stealing a compliment that has been slightly altered to fit her but was originally meant for me!" Yurika cried out, grabbing Akito's arm and pointing to Tessa on the screen. Akito tried to slink out of his seat, down to the floor, and out of the cinema.
"Hey you there, in the de luxe row, pipe down!"
"We're also paying to see this, y'know!"
"You have popcorn in your hair, Mama," Lapis noted, picking one out and holding it for Yurika to see.
"Really? Oh, you're right." Yurika began to clean up her hair, Lapis assisting her.
"She gives us - albinos and female captains - a bad image. No wonder there are so many hentai doujinshi floating around," Ruri sighed.
"I think you should blame your Mama for the negative images of female captains, Ruri."
"But she makes it worse, and she's pale to boot."
"What do we do with all these, Mama?" Lapis asked, indicating the handful of popcorn she held.
"Oh, you can throw them over your shoulder at your grandfather during the dull moments of the film."
* * * * *
"That was cute," BOS Killer said. "Nice use of cameo appearances."
"It gets cuter," Jemu said. "Any change in his condition?"
"He's stabilized. He'll be up, but weakened, in a couple of days."
"And Sariko?"
"Keeping out of sight. What do you intend to do with her?"
"Me? Nothing. I'll leave her up to Evang. We can put the how as another issue of Spacebar Gaiden. That way, no one will ever know."
* * * * *
Gai reached the top of the stairs. Third floor. Why did he have to get the third floor. The third floor was floor number 3. Like Gekiganger 3! Suddenly the third floor didn't seem like such a bad floor now.
Checking his instrument panel on the arm of his suit, he noted the life detector was registering four lifeforms, not moving around a lot. Three female students, Gai decided, and one monster. That seemed to be on par for this part. The sensor told him that they were just in front of him.
Gai looked up. He was staring at a door, which the placard proclaimed as a supply closet. So, he thought, the poor girls rushed in there to hide, not realizing that a monster had been lying patiently in wait for prey to arrive. The images in his mind were so vivid they were X-rated.
Reacting to his thought patterns, the plasma projectors on his back swung over his shoulders such that they resembled a pair of cannons pointing forward. Normally, the plasma jets from the projectors were used to give his suit unparalleled acceleration and thrust, as for leaping from ground floor to tenth in one bound or to allow him to engage otherwise elevated targets with his Gekigan Sword.
In abnormal circumstances, such as when needing to blow open a door to surprise the enemy behind it, the plasma projectors could be set to fire concentrated balls of ionized gas over long ranges with reasonable recoil. Known as an impulse cannon, Gai with his usual flair had renamed its voice activation command as 'Gekigan Shoot.' As it was, the system began to absorb air from an intake valve to be ionized and later to be propelled at supersonic speeds. In two seconds he would have enough to blow up the entire room and its contents with two shots; Gai set the fire control to independent, because he didn't want to take out the creature without it knowing what hit it.
"This is Better Eagle, reporting 1st floor and grounds clear. What's your status, team?" Kaji's voice cackled over the radio, startling Gai.
"This is Better Jaguar, second floor is clear, moving to either assist Better Bear or to clear the fourth floor," Tsukumo replied. "What's up, Gai?"
"I have a beast and three victims behind a supply closet door. I was just about to use Gekigan Shoot to make the first strike-"
"Could you speak louder, Better Bear? You're coming in fuzzy like."
"I SAID I'M OUTSIDE A SUPPLY CLOSET AND ABOUT TO BLOW THE DOOR IN AND SHOOT UP WHATEVER CRITTER IS INSIDE IT!"
"No, Gai! The creature might have hostages! Think of the chemicals you could possibly ignite in there!" Kaji barked back.
* * * * *
"You heard that, didn't you? They're going to blow us up!" Kaname shrieked!
"Get that door open!" Tessa cried out.
"HAI!"
Sousuke began to fire 9mm rounds at the area around the doorknob. Issei couldn't wait for such niceties, and after releasing a kiai, he leapt and drop-kicked the door.
Gai had the ignominy of dodging 9mm slugs only to be brained by a fying door. "Minna, I'm taking fire-" THUD!!!
"Better Bear? Do you copy?"
"Better Bear is down! I'm going for him!"
"We're going for him! Catch you later, Better Jaguar!"
"Nice going, Issei. You just managed to knock our rescuer out cold," Kaname observed.
"Feh. If he was that wimpy, he's not much of a rescuer."
Tessa was just emerging from the room, after Sousuke, when a voice rang out, "HOLDITRIGHTTHEREWHATDIDYOUTOGAIOHMYGODYOUKILLEDGAIYOUBASTARDS!"
The four looked up to a double-barreled gun pointed at them. It's some kind of armored infantry, Sousuke noted, and even has built in short-range missile packs on the shoulders. There's a third weapon slung across its back between what appear to be jetpacks. This does not look good.
As they stared at each other in silence, another set of footsteps could be heard making its way up.
* * * * *
"I'm going to end it here, now." Jemu stood up and stretched.
Issei burst in. "You said I would have hot action with Kaname-chan!"
"I didn't."
"But your call-"
"In my call, I said you would be doing hot, action-PACKED scenes with Kaname in them, which you did. You rescued her from a couple of monsters, and managed to KO your rescuer with her watching. You even managed to catch glimpses of her while she was coated in clear slime and while she was washing it off, right? You should count yourself fortunate."
Sousuke walked in and added. "I'm more fortunate."
Issei turned on him. "And why is that?"
"Sorry. Need to know basis only."
"Why you- you- do not tell me you have spent the night with the beauteous Kaname!"
"I won't, even though-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! SAAAAA-GAAAAA-RAAAAAA!!!"
Tsub! Tsub!
Issei Tsubaki fell down, two needles lodged at the back of his neck. "The patient must sleep," BOS Killer intoned, retracting his INCOM-like needle guns.
