SPACEBAR SECOND STAGE
A Fanfic by Jemu Nekketsu
Disclaimer: Even though no one else apart from my friends read this work, I'll still say it. I do not own majority of the characters appearing in this work. Jemu, Evang, Saaya, Sariko, BOS and the SpaceBar itself are products of my imagination. I do not claim any of the concepts or characters readers may recognize as rightfully belonging to someone else.
Episode XIII: Going Out With KA-BLAM! Or Not
As the massive space tavern floated in space, the SpaceBar's residents were gathered in the Main Lounge, a reception area that doubled as a command center in the case of emergency. The consoles and battle stations were nowhere to be found today - elegant tables and comfortable chairs lorded over the floor, seating the crowd that had gathered.
"Roll call!" Jemu cried out.
"Sealed Tentacle Beast Magician, present!" Evang replied.
"Female bloodsucker, present!" Sariko added.
"Ready for your commands, master," Saaya said simply.
"Brain Of SpaceBar v.1.0, reporting in. All SpaceBar Originals present and accounted for."
"Acknowledged! Foreign Legion, sound off!"
"Fujieda Ayame, Tactical Support."
"Captain Natarle Badgiruel of the Dominion, reporting."
"Fllay Allster, still here (much to the consternation of some people)."
"Nicol Amarfi, Blitz pilot, present."
"Former Commander of the Federation Special Task Maneuver Squad 'Shadow Mirror', Axel Almar, reporting."
"Shadow Mirror resident kooky scientist, and now of this station as well, present," Lemon Browning replied.
"W16, Echidna Issaki, reporting."
"Ouka Nagisa, not related to some albino homosexual angel, present!"
"Daigouji Gai, hero of this place, has arrived!"
"But it says here in your records that your name is Yamada-"
Gai cut off Echidna's protest. "Lies! The true name of my soul is-"
"We've heard that before, and frankly, that joke has been done to death, like an old girlfriend. Oh, yeah, Mack of the Melons, Ryouji Kaji, here."
"Tsukumo Shiratori, ex-Jovian Elite Anti-Earth Storm Trooper, reporting. Three Gunned Men present and accounted for."
"Anti-Earth Storm Trooper? Where's your plastic armor?"
"Shut up, Kaji."
"Ooh, scary, Mr. Jovian, I'm shaking, I am."
"Wait a minute - where's the Hawk of Endymion?" Jemu inquired.
"Regretfully, the Hawk of Endymion is no longer with us, master. It has been found, impossible it seems to be, that he survived a dual Lohengrin blast from the dominion and was recycled into Gundam Seed Destiny, a fact which was confirmed near the ending of the said 'continuity'," Saaya replied.
Jemu digested this information. "Well, Kaji, I guess you're going to remain as Better Machine 2's pilot."
"Aw, horse shit."
"Now, now, what's with that attitude? A real man must embrace challenge and adversity to find meaning in life!" Gai declared.
"The only thing I'm interested in embracing is a good woman - or a bad one, if you know what I mean." Wink.
"Be that as it may, until we find a reliable replacement for you, you will fill this role, Mr. Melons."
"Gah! Don't call me that, please, anything but that."
"Alright, everyone make yourselves comfortable. We shall now convene on matters at hand. First, there is the reconfiguration of the EG-X Soulgain. Dr. Browning, you make make yout report."
"The project is proceeding smoothly. Currently, we are working out the bugs in the attack macro recording program, and once this is done, Commander- uh, Axel can pretty much pull off any martial arts move that he can think of on the spot. It still won't give him bunshin, though - we'd need to cannibalize or intregrate a VR-XX series unit for that, and the only surviving one has been stolen by W17, aka Lamia Loveless, aka the best living sex doll I created, oops, I didn't mean to say that."
"You mean you originally created me for that purpose as well?" Echidna asked, hurt evident in her voice.
"No, no, my dear, nothing like that. I-"
"Thank you, Dr. Browning," Evang interrupted. "Now, I'd like to take this moment to inquire about our newest addition. Ouka, how do you find your accomodations? I trust they are satisfactory?"
"Yes, sir. It's spacious, and restful, though it gets quiet and odd at times," the girl replied.
"You could bunk up with me," Fllay offered, relishing the idea of a roommate. She hadn't had one since - well, for quite a while.
"That's a great idea, Fllay, and a generous offer from you. The station commanders have no problem with that, yes?" Sariko asked.
"No, none at all. Feel free to work out the arrangements between yourselves, and if you need stuff moved around, BOS is here to assist," Jemu answered.
"If you'll notice, I don't have a body," BOS pointed out.
"There's the BOS Killer body," Evang countered. "Just swap your internal weapons and gun arms for gripping appendages and voila! BOS Killer Grappler mode!"
"That's got a nice ring to it," Jemu agreed.
"Evang-san only suggested it because it'll look like I have tentacles sprouting everywhere, like some bipedal octopus," BOS muttered. "Not something you'd want teenage girls to think about, no?"
"Huh?" Fllay's and Ouka's faces were blank.
"Never mind."
"Give over BOS, Jemu can force you into that body if he wants to, and I know you are aware of that as well," Evang cajoled the reluctant AI.
"Fine. Greatest AI this side of reality, and I'm reduced to manual labor," BOS muttered low enough for no one else to hear but himself.
"Ok, next item on the list - an interesting piece of machinery wound up in our hangar - don't ask how it got there from the mechaverse graveyard, but here it is. We have a red Wildfaken roosting in our mech bay, a high-performance agile gunner unit. We need a pilot for it. Possible candidates are the SpaceBar Originals, Ayame and Fllay too, if they want to experience front line contact," Jemu announced.
"M- me, pilot a mecha?" Fllay stammered. "I don't even know the very first thing about them!"
"Neither did Kira before," Saaya noted quietly.
"There will be simulation training for this machine, right?" Ayame asked. She sounded interested.
Jemu nodded. "There will be simulations, and also mock battles with our resident units. Also, we'll only be sending the Wildfalken and its new pilot into pitched combat only as a last resort - for the most part, it can shoot down enemies from a great distance, and disengage quickly if an enemy decides to close in."
"Besides, there will be bigger targets deployed when this station is engaged - like the Better Robo," Natarle pointed out, "and the Dominion as well."
"Speaking of which, can you run the Dominion all by yourself, Captain Badgiruel?" Fllay asked.
"Of course, child. With the help of this!" Natarle whipped off her right glove with a flourish. "The latest in nanomachine control technology!"
"I.F.S.?!" Gai exclaimed. Everyone except the SpaceBar Originals and Natarle looked at him. "That's the same thing we use to control Aestivalis! I have one too, see?" Gai raised his hand for all to see.
"Aren't we forgetting something else?" Sariko asked. When all eyes turned to look her, she continued, "With the Hawk of Endymion gone, the Strike Gundam also is pilot-less. We can't have that, that's a waste of resources."
"True. I have it! Fllay, we'll put you in the Strike, and Fujieda-san, you will take the Wildfalken. The rest of us will be coordinating fire support and whatnot for you from the SpaceBar," Jemu decided.
"Isn't that a bit arbitrary? Have you asked Sariko and Saaya if they want to be stuck here directing covering fire?" Kaji asked.
"Abitrary? But of course! Jemu and I wouldn't want to risk sending our lovelies into battle if we can help it!"
"BASTARDS!" cried the assembled crowd, save for Sariko and Saaya, who just smiled.
"Right, then, we'll need a drill sergeant for our two trainees, and Shiratori-san, you have the best qualifications for this position. Will you accept?" Evang asked.
"I accept, Sub-Commander. Fuijeda-san, Ms. Allster, I am honored to work with you," he bowed to the women.
"I'm still not sure..." Fllay dissembled. Still, the chance to be where Kira once sat, risking his life for her...
"Don't worry, Fllay! In return for your generous offer of room, I'll join in your sessions," Ouka said. "I won't let you down."
"Okay. Thanks, Nagisa-san."
"Please! Call me Ouka - you make me sound positively ancient."
"Oh. Sorry, Ouka nee-san."
"Well, the ion storm outside means that your first training session will be held inside the SpaceBar. I'll arrange the location, and then you'll be in Shiratori-san's care," Jemu said. With a few hand gestures, he summoned a holographic keyboard and display screen, showing a color-coded wireframe view of the SpaceBar's interior. "Ok, the purple area is what that bastard Tangram has claimed as his territory - we'll leave that alone. Man, that's almost 1/3 of the SpaceBar he's squatting on."
"At least we wouldn't have to worry about incursion going through his territory, he can create his own defense squad in seconds, and he's no pushover either," BOS felt the need to defend his friend. "And he did save your sorry butts from being space pancakes."
"I know that! Ok, done!" A green area lit up on the wireframe model. "Shiratori-san, take your trainees here, and begin your lessons."
"Understood. Follow me to the hangar, cadettes." He turned and headed for the sliding doors.
"Cadette - that's something I've not been addressed as in quite some time. Can I really do this?" Ayame whispered to herself. She looked up when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"You can do anything you set your mind to, Fujieda-san. Believe in yourself, and in the power of miracles."
"Captain Badgiruel...?"
Evang was reading a letter, his brows beetling on his brow as he read the lines. He exhaled harshly, causing Sariko to look up from her weaving. "Anata?"
"Why did we have to use La Flaga's motto as our advertising tagline, I'll never know. Here take a look at this," he said passing the sheet to her.
She read the request, an eyebrow arching elegantly. "I see what you mean. Do you have an idea how to go about returning Excellen Browning's daughter to her?"
"I'm thinking we can just grow an Excellen clone and mess it up in vitro, kinda like what Coordinators do to their children."
"I sense a 'but' in that last sentence, husband."
"It doesn't feel right, tampering with life on that level, without its say so, or it having a mind of its own."
Sariko set her weaving aside - dragon whiskers made an altogether better cloak of protection than fire rat hair, but it was a painstaking process of convincing the material to cooperate - and sat with her lord and master. "You'd rather they be aware of you and your brother's heavy-handed, unsubtle tactics?"
"They could try and run, and if we catch up with them, we can claim it's inevitable. They had their chance, and all that jazz." He put an arm around her, and began to nuzzle her pure white hair.
"If I know the way you two think, you'll be thinking up of a way to accomplish that request involving the most amount of combat possible. Am I right?" she asked, leaning into him.
"You know me so well, my dear. Do you ever mind such convoluted schemes of ours?"
"No, not at all - I do want to get my hands dirty from time to time, actually, and I'm not talking about gardening."
He chuckled. "My sexy little demoness."
"I better be your only one."
"Ah, love, give your husband some credit. He does have a brain, and it works fine."
"I'll concede that point. So, what's your plan?"
"Well, it all lies with one vital piece of Alchimie's existence..."
"... which can be summed up in this theorem: Einst life forms, or life forms that are mostly Einst matter, require the existence of a Regisseur - an Einst 'god' of sorts - to maintain coherence in any dimension. To wit, killing the Regisseur will cause all Einst linked to it to disintegrate - literally dissolving before witnesses."
Saaya listened to Jemu's explanation, letting it all sink in. "Wait a minute, master - didn't Kyosuke Nanbu and his allies destroy one such creature, which had merged with a massive Balmar weapon and tried to crash into the Earth?"
Jemu nodded. "They did, saving the Earth from certain destruction, but they did not know that it would mean the loss of Excellen's 'daughter' as well. Note my emphasis on the word 'daughter.' She never gave birth, although we can assume, given Ms. Browning's libido, that she has surely one time or perhaps even more forced her passions on her boyfriend."
"A daughter without birthing - you speak of cloning, then?"
"Yes. I mean, come on, one look at the child, and you would have known she was a clone. The red eyes, the ice blue hair, and that strange aura she projects - you know what I mean."
"I'm afraid you'll have to elaborate, master."
"Let me put it this way. Remember Rei Ayanami? She's not the most ravishing creature in the universe, she doesn't inspire thoughts of mad, passionate, screaming sex when teenagers look at her but instead thoughts of "please tell me what to do and teach me how to please you" kind of sex. Alchimie emits the same kind of aura - sad, really, considering that she's trapped in a body that belongs to a pre-pubescent girl."
"And you like it?" Saaya asked, holding her breath waiting for his reply.
"Hell no! I'm not Zengar Zonbolt or Ryusei Date! You can go to jail even for just leering at minors, you know."
Saaya smiled. Her master was not a pedophile, after all. "Let's go back to discussing this request of Ms. Browning. Frankly, I don't see why she couldn't just rape her boyfriend until she hits the baby jackpot and pray that her child is a long-haired Rei Ayanami."
"What, are you nuts? The odds of that thing happening are astronomical - nothing that Kyosuke would bat his eyelashes at, but still, Excellen doesn't have his unearthly luck. She could go with your plan and end up birthing nothing but boys - it's been known to happen, y'know."
"So - nature's way is out. What's your plan, then?"
"Alchimie was born inside her Personlickheit, combination womb, cradle, and coffin in one. When Kyosuke and his friends delivered the final blow to the gargantuan Einst god, the poor girl and her machine faded away, right before Excellen's, and everyone's eyes. The key here, it seems, is to keep the Regisseur alive - but that raises an interesting point. Is the Einst god unique, or are there others like it? In Kyosuke's reality, all Einst were erased from existence, but what of the other dimensions and parallel universes? Are there still Einst roaming the planes?"
"If the Einst god is not unique, what of it, master? You're thinking of some sort of attunement or linking process - I can't exactly express what I have in my head, though."
"Yes. Can two Einst gods share one plane of existence? If they can, and one of them dies, to the other Einst live on, clinging onto the remaining one's existence?"
"I have no answers for you, master. Forgive me."
"Rise, Saaya, there's no need for that. If I wanted all the answers in the world I would have revived a sage spirit or something, but I wanted a companion to remind me that my path is not all souls and ghosts of the past. A bit of ignorance is good, no? It forces us to seek knowledge, to take a closer look at things, and to think for ourselves."
"As you say, master." She moved closer to him.
Jemu sighed, one hand stroking his chin, leaning back into his chair, his other hand stroking Saaya's dark hair as she rested her head in his lap. No one would have guessed her to be living a second life, after the person stroking her hair took her first one. "You are quiet all of a sudden."
"Hmm? Oh, I was just comparing notes with Evang. We've pretty much come to the same conclusion."
"Really, master?"
"Yes. We've both concluded that we'll need the late Captain Daitetsu's aid."
"... You've lost me there, master."
"Simple, really. Because of so many unknowns, we've concluded that the best way to keep Excellen's little girl alive is to warp to that point in space-time in her reality where they are about to finish the biggest piece of Einst ever seen. We deploy all troops we have, and make sure that we don't get attacked by Earth's greatest defenders. That's where Captain Daitetsu comes in, to calm down and confuse people so we can do our part. Seriously, you'd think the sight of people you killed in the previous stage deploying as neutrals would stop people short, but you never know. Once we've convinced them not to fire on us, especially at the Soulgain, Lemon's Ash Saviour, and Echidna's Raz Angriff, the real mess starts."
"We then proceed to blast away chunks of the monster and leave a teeny portion behind, small enough for our sorcery and the SpaceBar's Improbability Field to affect it. The goal is to render the Regisseur into a harmless form that the Einst can still anchor their fragile lives on, neutralizing the threat and keeping Alchimie alive. Any questions?" Evang asked the assembly before him. "Yes, Ouka?
"Shouldn't me coming back from the dead be enough proof that we're not bad guys?"
"Well, some of the real hard case, like Katina, Rai, and Kai, for example, might just claim that you're an evil Einst creation, specifically created so as to render the Twin Birds and half of the Dancing Fairies reluctant to fight. No offense meant, dear girl, but they just don't know you that well, unlike good old Captain Daitetsu."
"I see your point."
"Any other questions? Yes, Kaji."
"You're not thinking of turning the monster into some sort of embryonic form and sticking it into someone's palm, now, would you?"
"Are you kidding me? Of course not! That'll be like causing the Fourth Impact in space!" Evang claimed vehemently.
"And in space, no one can hear you explode," Saaya deadpanned.
Jemu chuckled at Saaya's comment. Evang did as well, after he re-ran what she said. "No, really, a form to stick into someone's hand? Impossible."
Kaji relaxed.
"We'll shrink it to the size of a young boy, and raise him here in the SpaceBar! It's genius! Bloody genius!"
"But what if," Lemon asked, "The moment we warp out of Excellen-nee-san's reality, the Einst take it the same ways as their deity dying?"
That brought Evang and Jemu up short. Sariko saved their butts. "Simple. We just leave the Regisseur in its inert form to be raised by humans. Hell, let Kyosuke and Excellen raise the boy - I can see it now, Kyosuke taking the boy aside and telling him not to behave in the way their 'mother' does, the same way 'mother' is trying to teach his 'sister.' Not really dysfunctional, all in all."
Axel raised his hand. "So, what do you need us in our mecha for? The way I see it, we can just stop them from making the killing blow, and have you foul sorcerors do your things - unless Beowulf and the others suck that much that we need to carve it up some more."
"Think about it, Axel - you're the head honcho of an elite corp of dimesnion jumping soldiers. You're in contact with all of your men, and you're about to be handed your ass on a platter - wouldn't you summon as much meat shields as you can to buy yourself time to recover, or just call everyone in and order them to fight to the last?"
"I see. Beowulf's forces should be pretty much drained by then, wouldn't you say? We're supposed to fend off last-ditch efforts?"
"Yup. Plus, a few more powerful wills might be needed to be channeled through the SRX in order to make things happen - and yours is definitely top-notch, Mr. Almar."
Axel preened at the compliment. Finally, respect! "I agree. This plan doesn't sound too foolish, then - it'll allow me to develop new techs for use on Beowulf the next time opportunity presents itself."
"You mean to kill him, then?"
"Perhaps. Then again perhaps not - a rival is a useful gauge of one's own skill. Running at the head of the pack, and all those sayings."
"I understand, perfectly, Axel." Evang swept his gaze over the group. "How goes training, Shiratori-san?"
"I almost got killed by Miss Allster, Sub-Commander," Tsukumo said, sounding almost pleased.
"I'm sorry - I didn't know what came over me, I swear," Fllay wailed. Ouka patted her head.
"She sort of went berserk after seeing his barrier deflect her Aile Strike's rifle shots. She threw her rifle aside, pulled out two knives, and went nuts," Ayame reported. "She only calmed down when Shiratori-san started teleporting and I fired a glancing hit at her."
"Sorry..."
"Don't be, Ms. Allster. Do you know, very few things have caused me to Boson Jump while inside my Daitetsujin - and you are now officially one of them. I'm giving you a compliment, by the way."
"You must have impressed him but good, miss! He never compliments me, even when I come within an inch of kicking his ass! Congratulations!" Gai exclaimed, clapping his hands.
A round of applause went up, and congratulations were offered to the pink-haired girl known to many as the Evil Girlfriend. Not the Girlfriend From Hell, mind you - that title officially belongs to a certain Japanese-German Evangelion pilot, whose favorite pastime was lashing at her fellow pilots with her sharp, agile tongue.
Who, in another twisted reality (twisted being defined here as visited by the SpaceBar once and ruined forever), was being subjected to a tongue lashing of a more pleasurable sort by her perverted idiot boyfriend AND his sister/aunt/whatever. Yum.
"Alright, the next step is to make contact with Captain Daitetsu and see if he agrees to help us. You know what to expect - you all went through the same ritual, and depending on your answers were awarded with the benefits you enjoy now. This war meeting is officially over, but who wants to stay and watch me play ghost talker?"
The Better Team declined his offer. "I've got a movie marathon for these two, which will hopefully convince them that there are other anime worth seeing aside from mecha," Kaji said, flashing a couple of titles at Evang, who recognized the titles "La Blue Girl and Lady Blue Compilation" and "Futari Ecchi Collector's Edition" and grinned.
"Excellent choice, Kaji. Good luck!"
The others drifted away, citing things they have to do. Shiratori asked for an area in the SpaceBar where time flowed differently. "It's to get the most training in the shortest time elapsed outside of such an area."
"The DBZ training effect, huh? I'll run a search for such an area - although I might not let you use it," Jemu warned. "Those things are OK in a location where time and space are stable enough to handle humanoids moving at Mach speeds - the SpaceBar isn't one, especially with 1/3 of our bulk accomodating Tangram. Such locations might turn out to be extremely dangerous, and I'll not lose one of my residents to one."
"I see."
"In your opinion, Shiratori-san, will your students do well if they are thrust into sudden confrontation?"
"I hope that it will not come to that, Commander - as their trainer, I am bound to stand alongside them in combat, to ensure they make it through and learn. I fear that you will have a decrease in firepower on the frontlines, sir, as I am not willing to send them into the frontlines. Besides, we still do not know how unpredictable Ms. Allster's berserker can be - against just me, it is tolerable, but against multiple enemies..."
"I understand your concern. We-" Whatever Jemu wanted to say was interrupted by the lights going out, everything turning black. "What the hell?"
BOS' voice burst out of the intercom, "Tangram got spooked and warped away with 1/3 of our bulk, Commander. Damn! I didn't see this coming!"
"Hopefully, the Einst party we slew last time had no chance to relay our location to their buddies - we still don't know why they were after Ouka. 1/3 of our mass gone, huh? I wonder how we'll fare if we were attacked just now."
"I sincerely hope that does not come to pass, Commander Jemu."
Of course, things were never going to be easy with the SpaceBar - it seemed to operate 24-7 on Improbability, unanswered prayers, and Murphy's Law. An alarm klaxon just went off, sounding rather urgent. Tsukumo and Jemu started running.
"Shit's hit the fan, Tsukumo." Activating his station-wide communicator - being a techno-fiend apprentice was not without its perks - he spoke, "This is Station Commander Jemu to all hands - we've just been downsized, and are about to be hit by a hostile takeover. All pilots, full-term and probationary, go to yellow alert status and prepare for combat. Regular pilots save for the Better Team are requested to deploy hot, weapons free. Better Team, Strike Gundam, and Redfalken on standby status. Let's kick some ass, people!" Switching it off, he asked, "BOS, situation report."
"We have multiple Katoki-class signatures approaching us at high speed, sir. We don't know who sent them, whether they came of their pilots' free will, or where they came from. My guess is they were after Tangram."
The two parted ways, Tsukumo heading for the hangar, Jemu teleporting to the Main Lounge, surprised to see it already in battle mode. Evang looked up and waved him over. "Take a look at this," he smiled grimly. "We're not facing a VR strike squad - it's a friggin' army of the monsters."
"Have you tried telling them that Tangram isn't here anymore?" Jemu asked, watching the pilots take defensive positions in the tactical display.
"I've had BOS try to relay that fact to the unmanned machines - yes, they're unmanned, BOS assured me - and their controllers, but to no avail."
"Huh. What are the odds we're facing?"
"Well, let's see - we've got Natarle, Nicol, Ouka, Axel, Echidna, and Lemon and... that's it. There's about 3 of each 2nd generation VR that we can identify from our databases, but I don't see anything that resembles Ajim. All in all, I'd say, we're screwed."
"Great." Doing some quick mental calculations, he arrived at a figure that concurred with what his twin had said. They were screwed. "I ain't no Beowulf, for cripe's sake, I just want to play wish-granter, and this crap happens. Base defenses? Superweapons?"
"We've lost a good chunk of our weapons, and the sudden power surge has knocked off our superweapons as well. They're back to charging at 0.9 complete and counting," Sariko informed him.
"Blast," Jemu muttered, then was dumbstruck as he took in the racy rendition of a bridge bunny uniform that Sariko had on. "Nani?!!?"
"Stop ogling my wife, dumbass, or I'll start ogling yours."
Jemu took his gaze off his 'sister-in-law' and felt his jaw hit the floor ("Ouch.") when his eyes fell on his wife, who was wearing a similar, provocative bridge bunny outfit. "How long- since when- you know what I mean."
"Oh? Ah, probably while you were talking with Shiratori down there. I couldn't explain it myself."
"So," Jemu did some quick time accounting, "you've been leering at my wife and yours in their immoral outfits for the past five to ten minutes."
'ACK! BUSTED!' Evang thought. "No, no, I wasn't!"
"We share surface thoughts, moron. You might want to remember that. So, you think, my babe is hot, huh?"
"Yeah, but mine's hotter!"
"Boys! We have a situation out there, and much as we appreciate you going at loggerheads at each other over our qualities, now is simply NOT the time for that," Sariko reminded them, sounding like a prim, spinster schoolteacher. Quite a feat, considering what she was wearing. Her words were still effective though.
"She's right, jackass. I'm going over the top in my true form - I'll need you to cast the release spell, unfortunately. I assume you're not going to let me hog all the kills?" Evang smirked.
"Damn straight, fool. I just need to reach through the mists for a unit that has been either heroically or needlessly destroyed, plus a few extra souls, and we can do your unsealing." Neither man wanted to say it, but not one of them was willing to let the other ogle his wife any more than was necessary.
"So go start your fishing game."
"Ok," Jemu said, cracking his knuckles and doing some stretches. Beginning to chant, he sent his consciousness out to the Mechaverse Boneyard, letting his need shine through.
Evang, noting his twin's pre-occupation, thought of sneaking another glance at the appetizing bridge bunnies, but the hairs lifting at the back of his neck persuaded him not to do so. Deciding to make good use of his time, he began to sing the first verses of the Song of Seething, the vocal component to the Ritual of Desperation.
The author would like to take this time to elaborate some more on the situation currently facing the SpaceBar.
The SpaceBar warped into this strange yet beautiful dimension (if daily monster attacks and invasion attempts could be considered beautiful) as nine habitation modules shaped as cubes one-half kilometer long, wide, and tall. These cubes were arranged in a 3x3 pattern, forming a land area that, viewed from the outside, covered 2.25 square kilometers. 500 meters was not very tall - meaning a sufficiently powerful blast inside the SpaceBar could theoretically blow a hole on two sides of the station.
It's best to think of the SpaceBar as a pizza box for one person. As the modules were arranged in a neat square, Jemu and Evang took it on themselves to plant the Main Lounge smack dab in the middle of the configuration, and to house Tangram in three modules in a corner. With the bastard hopping away, our pizza box now looks like someone torched an L-shaped portion out of the box.
All of a sudden, the SpaceBar had now had more personality to it. It now looked vibrant, edgy, it rocked - it wasn't a square anymore.
Of course, there's now the problem of hammerspace leaking out and a ruptured Improbability field - in addition to an attacking army of Virtuaroids.
Now, back to the story.
"There's 33 of them, and only a handful of us. At least the "weather's" cooperating - no frackin' ion storm to deal with," thought Jemu. "Ah well, only one thing left to do in cases like these..."
"We have hostiles coming in from all directions," Sariko announced. "All units in standby, proceed to deploy!"
"We have sub-light propulsion online. Dropping bulkheads to stabilize IP field," Saaya announced.
"Attention all units - your priority is taking out the Grys-Vok units - those missile mechs have three nukes apiece, so if you pop one, you can pretty much say goodbye to any bad guys near it - assuming you can scoot away or tank the explosion," Evang advised. "Strike, Redfalken, you will play a defensive role. Shoot down any explosive ordinance that you can spot, as well as any targets of opportunity. Better Team, do not, I repeat, do not let those Dordrays make landfall on the SpaceBar's outer hull." Inwardly, he cursed. How long was Jemu going to take, summoning help? He was supposed to be out there already, drawing enemy attention and enemy fire in his assumed form, letting Axel and the others finish the job. Instead, he was stuck in, orchestrating the defense.
"Nothing left to do but to cheat," Jemu thought, foregoing the customary Rites of Acceptance, and going pure soul summoning instead. "If there be hungry shades about, let the Reaper's Scythe keep them at bay. If there be trickster spirits, let the Reaper's Scythe serve as warning!" Jemu's scythe, which was more of a focus for his spell-casting rather than a weapon (although it is highly effective), materialized in mid-air in front of him.
"This is a ritual contract, writ in blood as in days of old! Fu-Ru Muru, Knight of Gau-Ra Furia, I summon thee! Your strength for taste of life anew! Appear before me, and honor this exchange! Blood for might, might for life, life for time on the mortal coil - answer or begone!" The scythe glowed, a pale red light emanating from it, and it slowly began to spin like a pinwheel. Jemu pulled back his sleeves, exposing his bare arms beneath his bartender's shirt, and stretched them out toward the spinning scythe.
"This is it," Evang thought, watching his twin's arms closely. If blood flowed from Jemu's arms, it meant Fu-Ru Muru heard and accepted the summons. Suddenly, there was a shudder, and another, and yet another, causing the lights to go out, and the auxiliary lighting to come on, tinting everything inside the Main Lounge in red. "The hell is going on? Axel? Natarle?"
"You're own your own, man - three of those Dordrays just hit your roof, and unless my eyes are playing tricks on me, they're growing," Axel replied.
"I can use a miracle here - the Dominion is sustaining massive damage," Natarle yelled.
"Screw this! Sariko, love, be a dear and orchestrate the battle for me. I'm going over the top - and if my brother leers at you, feel free to slash him. Not too hard, though - we might still need him."
"It's over," Jemu whispered weakly, yet still managed to be heard by the other three people in the room. He fell to his knees, then forward onto his face. He did not move. Saaya made to rush to his side, but was brought up short. "You!" she gasped.
"Hmm? Oh, don't look at me like that, I didn't do that to him. Unless he was weak and attempted to summon someone as strong as me, well, that's the risk he took," said the newcomer, a woman with blue-green hair commented. "So, I'm supposed to fight for him?" A shudder rocked the Main Lounge, causing the three SpaceBar denizens to lose their footing. The newcomer remained standing, unfazed. "I guess it's for you guys now, huh? Do you have anything for me to use?"
Evang recovered first. "Fu-Ru Muru, I presume?" he asked, extending his hand. When she took it and grasped it firmly, he continued, "I am Evang, second-in-command of this glorious hovel, which is currently under siege by unmanned killing machines. Let me escort you to where we keep the weapons." Muttering a single command under his breath, they were gone from the Main Lounge and in the partly ruined hangar. "I believe your weapon of choice is a Laftkranz, correct?"
"You have one?" came the pragmatic reply.
"It should be here... ah! Eureka!" Evang exclaimed, as the balls of light he sent out floated over a pile of fallen pylons. "I apologize for your weapon arriving in this condition. If I could clear your way to the cockpit, would you be able to work?"
"Definitely. I'll just warp directly into the battlefield. Do your thing, then."
Evang channeled electromagnetic energy (those physics books were worth reading through, and the knowledge they had sure came handy now), flinging the fallen girders away from the prone Laftkranz. As soon as the last one was flung away, Fu-Ru broke out in a run, dashing across the hangar and leaping into the cockpit in record time. After closing the hatch, the mecha's eyes gleamed, and it struggled to a standing position.
"I could also jumpstart your Orgone Extractor -"
"You've done enough, thank you. Any more and you'd make my job too easy, and that could get me in trouble with my contract."
"I see. Well, once you do get into the battlefield, assist the battleship Dominion first, then swing back to help the others."
"Understood." With a green flash and a strange tearing sound, Fu-Ru and her Laftkranz left.
"I guess that's my cue to go up as well and keep those Dordrays from stomping us to oblivion." Tapping into the remaining mana he had gathered in himself, he let all the energy batter his seals loose, and roared. "JARATAN!!!"
Axel smiled grimly as his Soulgain's fist smashed through the chest of an attacking Temjin. "The buggers were really getting on my nerves, as though they were adapting gradually to my attacks", he thought. He caught a tonfa-waving Apharmd with his other fist, and then sent them in a Genbu Goudan against a Raiden that had stupidly attempted to bash him with its bazooka. The resulting explosion was satisfying.
Three warning beeps caught his attention. He had been trying to get close to the missile-packing Grys-Voks, but they had an elite cadre of sword, tonfa, and bazooka-wielding meat shields keeping them from completing his objective. Now it seemed the Grys-Voks had noticed their situation - the three warning beeps meant that they had fired.
"Tactical nukes, eh? Wow, you mean I rate a nuclear warhead, actually three? I'm flattered, really - but there's no way I'm getting hit by those!" Axel bit out as he maneuvered, heading for the Redfalken, Rapiecage, and the Launcher Strike. Plowing through the Cypher units harassing the three women like they weren't there, he called out, "Oi, ladies, I got some trick shooting for you to do."
"A fair trade, is it not?" Ayame asked her companions. To indicate their assent, they each raised their rather long, two-handed guns and fired a round each, causing the nukes to explode. The resulting blasts knocked away six ice dragons that were about to make a meal out of Echidna's Laz Angriff. Grateful for the distraction, Echidna quickly took advantage of the glare and set the the targeting computer to take out the three best targets with its F-Solid Cannon, and fired off her last Phalanx Missiles as well. "Dragon summoners, destroyed. Heading back for resupply." She maneuvered her way around Lemon and her Ash Savior, who was trading bit-based weaponry with three Bal-Series units. It was apparent that Lemon was winning - she could cut down incoming ERLs, while her three enemies couldn't.
Echidna was heading for the Dominion when she saw a green flash in front of her, resolving into a white unit not unlike a medieval Huckebein. "Identify yourself," she managed to call out to it using all frequencies when she recovered.
"Fu-Ru Muru. I was hired to help, and my primary orders are to aid the battleship Dominion. Which one is it?"
"What do you mean, 'which one?' I don't comprehend the need for specification."
"Silly, there are two battleships on my radar - one surrounded by lots of small units, and the other one is doing a good job of camouflaging as part of the base, firing all guns at those giant drill-wielding mecha. Which one is the Dominion?"
"Camouflaging? Oh, the Dominion is that black ship on the other side of the station, away from the giant drill mecha. But that means - where did that ship come from?"
"That's the Dominion, huh? It sure looks beat up. Later!" Another green flash, and in an instant the woman called Fu-Ru Muru was standing in front of the Dominion's bridge. "Lemon-sama!"
"I saw that, Eki-chan. Hmm, our newest ally can do subspace jumps. Interesting. And we have a second battleship ally as well. Has anyone discovered who is commanding the Shirogane?"
"That would be me," a white bearded veteran answered, a pipe between clenched teeth. "Captain Daitetsu Minase, at your service." He turned aside to yell, "Better Team, dock with the Shirogane! I'll buy you some time - good job with one of those giant drill-arms, by the way."
"You heard the Captain! Open the Gate!" Kaji called out to his partners.
"Gate Out!" Tsukumo yelled, giving the go-ahead for the individual Better Machines to disengage and head for the safety of the Shirogane.
"Cover them, Shirogane!" Daitetsu yelled.
"ROGER," came the robotic reply. A barrage of grenades flew at the remaining pair of giant Dordrays, exploding in bright flashes and scattering sparkly, shiny chaff in the area. It was followed by missiles, artillery shells and force blasts raining down on the two. Three Apharmd-type units, geared for ranged battles unlike their tonfa-wielding cousins, were lining up their anti-heavy armor lasers when Shirogane noticed the energy build up and sent them scattering with its close-in weapons systems: more vulcan turrets per square meter than anything seen before.
The three Better Machines entered the Shirogane's bay, just as a huge four-armed titan of steel materialized close to the still stunned Dordrays. "Come on, you dork-assed punks, let's dance!" Utilizing all four of his arms, Evang grabbed each enemy by an arm and jumped away from the SpaceBar's surface. Using the momentum, he spun in mid-space and hurled his victims a couple of incoming tactical nukes that Axel was running away from. He whiffed one, but one of the Dordrays took a nuke to the groin area and was blown to bits. "Get offa my lawn, punk!" he hooted.
"Hey, get this nuke off my tail!" Axel called out, "Anyone!" Agni, O. O. Launcher, and Oxtongue Rifle fire lanced toward the Soulgain, missing the nuclear weapon. "Hit the nuke! The NUKE, not me!" A blazing shell came out from impossibly far away and destroyed the persistent missile, sending Axel flying uncontrollably. "Thanks, whoever that was who probably has a grudge against me!"
Jemu coughed himself awake, immediately drawing Saaya's attention. "Situation?" he rasped.
"We're holding on, somehow, thanks to the Fury woman and the Shirogane. Was that really necessary?" Saaya asked.
"Which one?"
"The Shirogane. It's what caused you to swim in your own blood, isn't it?"
"Totally necessary. Anti-anime battle doctrine dictates that taking out an enemy battleship will cut down allied losses tremendously, and may even affect battle performance for both sides. Besides, Natarle, for all her faults, is someone I've given a second crack at life, and I'd rather not see that chance wasted."
"So, the Shirogane is to take pressure off the Dominion? That's all?"
"No, there are other reasons for bringing the Shirogane back, but none of them matter if we don't survive this battle." With that, he made to stand, and with Saaya's help, got to his feet.
"Welcome back to the land of the living, necro," Sariko greeted him. "Kinda funny to say that to one such as you."
"I should be used to hearing it, given how many times I've actually been on the brink, over, and back. Thanks, anyway." Jemu winced, closing his eyes. "Damn, all that lost blood has made me pathetic and weak. Where's my clone?"
"He's out fighting - assuming he's that huge, four-armed monster tossing VRs like rag dolls," Sariko replied.
"Too bad there's no gravity and turf to cause damage, aside from disruption. Still effective, though," Jemu noted. "The battle seems to be turning, now that we don't have to worry about the nukes. Plus, with the Laftkranz' limited ability to stop time, this battle is pretty much over. All we have to do now is hang on and let Fu-Ru do her stasis tricks."
"Ah, sorry to burst your bubble, but my Stasis Generator is overheating - let me give it a rest, ok?" Fu-Ru radioed in.
Sariko's jaw dropped. Jemu smiled ruefully. "I guess I really have to get out there."
"You don't have a unit to deploy in, remember? And you've lost too much blood to attempt another summon," Saaya reminded him.
"That's alright," Jemu answered, his eyes turning glassy, a sure sign that he was pulling off another deus ex machina spell. He slowly faded from view, literally, first turning pale, skin, clothes and all, then transparent, all the way till gone, much to the horror of the women inside the room.
"What the hell was that?" Sariko demanded, still not yet recovered from her earlier shock.
"He's still alive - I can feel his presence through our bond, yet, it's somewhat garbled," Saaya said.
"Evang, let me in."
Evang, in Jaratan avatar, paused upon hearing the voice in his head, causing him to take free hits from the giant Dordrays he was fighting. "What the hell? Jemu? What are you doing in my head?" he thought.
"I'm doing another deus ex machina thing. Here's how it goes - you let my soul in your avatar body, and you get my blasting powers. How about it - sounds good?"
"What makes you think I don't have blasting powers of my own in this form?" he thought back, kicking away one of his opponents and hurling the other one after it.
"Are you kidding me? I know it's taking all your energy to sustain a form that isn't adversely affected by the cold emptiness of space. You don't have any to spare on energy punches, much less ranged blasts."
"You've got a point there - and just tossing these bozos around is just tiring me and not doing any real damage." Evang swatted away a couple of giant drills, sending them back to their owners.
"I see you've realized that - so what will it be?"
"Just like Shinobu always says, "Yatte yaru ze! Warera no chikara o misete yare!" Evang cried out.
What appeared to be sickly green plasma began oozing out of the Jaratan. Its eyes took on a the same green shade, while its body became a gruesome palette of broken bone and gore. Its features and limbs took a more skeletal semblance, morphing away from the clean, mechanical lines of its previous form. As a last testament to the horrific transformation happening to the avatar, the machine's jaw cracked open, frozen in a perpetual snarl, something white and wispy dripping from its teeth, only to fade into view and reform. It was as if it had gorged on white souls, and remnants of its meal still were still evident. An aura similar to gray flames appeared around the hands of its upper arms. A red glow covered the other left hand, and the hand opposite glowed green, both hands being wrapped in a globe of unholy light.
"The merging is complete. I feel a power overwhelming me," Jemu - or was it Evang? - thought. "What's going on? What happened to... us?"
Even without the Laftkranz' aid, time seemed to pause, as though the universe itself was taking a moment to recover from the grisly transfiguration.
"Stop thinking like that - it's driving me - us? - insane. Argh!"
Then, with a roar that sounded like it came from a hundred tormented souls, the Jaratan poured its fury onto the Dordrays, who had, according to their battle program, retreated a bit to analyze the target before re-engaging it. Green streams of light arced from one hand, striking both giant robots, while the orb on the opposite hand flared up, a reddish haze surrounding the giant drillers. Bluish-white energy hammered the VRs from the other pair of hands, a huge blast and several small ones ripping holes in and through their armor, over and over until both units went silent. Their shattered remains floated in space, perforated by dozens of ghostly lances.
'Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Uh!' Evang thought. 'Hey, I'm not hearing echoing thoughts anymore.'
"The fusion must be starting to fade - and could you be not so trigger-happy with the spells? I'm still reeling from all that energy you had me manipulate."
'Sorry.'
"I don't even want to know how the Dis Astranagant handles it - and using souls as power sources rather than actual attacks is much more demanding!"
"Fusion's fading, huh? I guess we don't have much time - do you have some sort of cheap, cheesy melee attack we can use?"
"Green ghostlight daggers - and the spirit shrapnel gun, if you really need it."
'Cool,' Evang thought. Scanning the radar display, he noted, "We made, it, somehow. The Better Robo is back on track, the battleships are holding up, and our trainee pilots are cool under fire - oh wait, crap, Fllay has found time to equip the Zankantou Pack."
"That can't be good - what's left of the opposition?"
'Well, Axel almost single-handedly took out the Temjins, tonfa-type Apharmds, and Raidens gurading the Grys-Voks, as well as the Cyphers doing high-speed harassment. Lemon bested the bit-throwers, Echidna took out those cheesy dragon-biatches, Fu Ru saved Natarle's butt from those Evangelion wannabes. The Dordrays are done for, so that leaves the missile boats, gun Apharmds, and those frilly sailor girl robots that haven't been hit once in this battle.'
"Damn, those biatches are fast! Let's take them out, fast! We could still lose a pilot to that remaining bunch!"
"Roger that! WA-HOOO!!!" Evang whooped as he sent the Jaratan streaking toward the remaining enemies.
To make a long story short, the nine remaining VRs were massacred, with no chance of resisting, thanks to Fu Ru's stasis generator. The Fei Yen Knights were slain in that brief wrinkle in time, never getting to showcase their Emotional mode, where they turn golden, ending up looking like a bad Sailor Moon / G Gundam crossover. Their missile-packing buddies got owned horribly as well.
THE AFTERMATH - SpaceBar Main Lounge, Civilian Mode
"So, Fu Ru, will you be hanging around our humble station, or do you have plans to be somewhere else?" Saaya asked the female knight.
"I don't have anywhere to go, do I? To my friends, family, and acquaintances, I am dead." She shrugged. "They remember me as one who fell honorably in battle, fighting for what I believed in. Wouldn't my coming back to them make a lie of that? If it is alright, I'd like to stay here."
"Just as well - the necromantic bargain you sealed won't allow you to exist long away from the SpaceBar," Sariko said, joining the two on the bar. "A vodka-7, please, barkeep."
"Drink it slowly, honey, don't make the same mistake I did," Evang drawled, placing the drink in front of Sariko.
"I can hold my liquor better than you can, dear," Sariko replied.
"Yeah, that's not fair, in my thinking."
"It proves the superiority of the fairer sex, nothing more, nothing less," Sariko retorted sweetly.
"I'll drink to that," Fu Ru said, raising her glass of OJ.
"Me too," Saaya added, raising her Bloody Mary, "Cheers!"
Glasses clinked. Evang shook his head in mock misery.
"Nekketsu-san?"
"Ah, Kanchou Minase. Join me for a drink?"
"Is that sake?"
"Of course. The best from our stores," Jemu replied, thinking, 'Miraculously, the food and drink functions seem to be undamaged. What other mysteries does this vessel hold?'
"Don't mind if I do, then." Taking a swig, Daitetsu said "Ah, sweet. I would like to thank you, sir, for allowing me the chance to experience the joy of good sake after a fierce battle. It is something not there at all in the restful afterlife. All rest, no recreation where I was before you came to me on your knees, coughing blood."
"Bored, were you?"
"To the gills," Daitetsu replied, taking another sip of sake. "I would like to ask about the voice replying to my commands on board the Shirogane, and of the mission you spoke of which you deemed it worth risking your life to request assistance from me."
"That voice accompanying you inside the Shirogane IS Shirogane itself. The will of the ship, aptly named, a spirit of steel. A ghost in the machine - one that knew you well, and was willing to awaken because of your good relation with it when you were working together. It remembers you fondly, and in time will reminisce with you."
"I can see it now: me talking of old times with a disembodied voice, two cups and a jug of sake on the bridge. You know a lot, about ghosts and machines." Sip. "Ah, but this is a good brew. Now, what of this mission?"
Jemu smiled, the alcoholic fumes beginning to relax him. "Have you ever wondered about Kyosuke and Excellen having kids, Kanchou?"
"So, Fujieda-san, Fllay, how was your first taste of combat?" Kaji asked.
"Is this what Kira had to go through every time he fought ZAFT? I swear, my heart is still beating too fast," Fllay replied.
"Actually, it's probably worse - Kira was fighting alone, and you had everyone here for support," Tsukumo mused.
"A child being forced to fight all by himself - that's not right," Ayame added.
"It's one of the reasons I headed the W-Series Bioroid Project - to eliminate the need for child soldiers, even if they're battle geniuses," Lemon said, taking a bite of her salad. Axel grinned at her.
"Until you got sidetracked by a philosophical question and your project took on a totally different shape and form," Axel quipped, leering at Echidna, who seemed to ignore it or didn't notice it. Lemon did, however, and as a result Axel had to bite down a yelp as Lemon's foot connected with his shin.
Kaji noticed the byplay, but opted not to say a word. It reminded him of the way he and a purple-haired goddess used to be. "So, what do we to unwind after this battle? Shall we ask the manager for an onsen?"
"Onsen? What is that?" Echidna inquired. Kaji's face lit up as he began to expound on one of his favorite subjects. At the end of his impassioned speech, everyone was raring to go have a dip, and made known to Evang their request. Loudly.
"An onsen in the middle of- ah, hell, whatever. Yo, necro-tech guy, did ya hear that? Your tenants want an onsen installed!"
Daitetsu laughed. "You can do that here? Those kids would love it here," he said, referring to the participants of Operation SRW and Operation Plantagenet. He took his umpteenth sip of sake.
"Hey, now, there's a great idea! Okay, you guys want an onsen, you'll get one - but you'll have to help me and BOS out. Marking dimensions, laying pipes, tiles, the works, understand?"
"HELL YEAH!!!" Kaji's table chorused.
"What's gotten them so excited?" Fu Ru asked.
"Stick around and you'll see," Sariko said, smiling in anticipation.
"Fufufu. I guess I made the right decision to stay."
"Prepare to be corrupted by humanity, Fu Ru. Will you survive?" Saaya asked, grinning.
"Bring it on!" the Fury Knight laughed.
The unbelievable adventures of the SpaceBar crew and their borrowed pilots continues in... well, another story by yours truly. Expect more deus ex machina, more citrus (lime and possibly lemon), people acting Out Of Character, and the word SpaceBar in the title!
