Kiss Kiss
By Lady of the Ink
Pairing: Kyou and Kagura Sohma
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Theme: #26 - If Only I Could Make You Mine
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, but you knew that ...I hope. But I do own this story and all the twists that it takes.

Kiss Seventeen: This kiss is the ninth chapter of a multi-chapter AU story, with each chapter fulfilling a different theme.

The Life For Me
Chapter Nine
Deliberations and Discussions

x

Long after the pirates had been left behind them, the encounter remained the center of discussion all over the ship. Kagura's actions had quickly taken on almost legendary proportions as they were related back and forth, even though the whole crew had been there to witness them in the first place. Impressed grins would split their faces if they happened to meet her in the hallways; their pleasant greetings from the beginning of the trip had grown into actual conversations when she made an appearance on deck. It was clear that while they had respected her status before, her unexpected strength had won their admiration for her as a person.

All of these things were clear enough to Kyou to add to the burden at the back of his mind. Yet again, she had made herself a welcome addition to a group that should have caused her to run in the opposite direction. Once again, she had obliterated an obstacle that he had been clinging as a reason to walk away. Once again, she had shown him a side that further reinforced all the feelings he had for her – the admiration, respect, and an affection that went deeper than friendship.

As he sat in his cabin, Kyou found himself delving into the contemplations that had been interrupted by Momiji's urgent warning. He liked Kagura; she was easy to talk to and often thought in the same way as he did. She had a way of helping him to understand his own thoughts and of putting things so that they made sense to him. He was proud of the way she had accepted the situation that had been thrust upon her by his cousins, going so far as to willingly involve herself further for the benefit of people she hadn't even known at the time.

He'd been happy to see how well she got along with his family. He had expected that to be the case because she was the one holding a better future in her hands, and it was. But he'd also been glad for her sake that she hadn't had to spend three months among people she didn't get along with. And as time went on, he'd found himself thinking of her as a part of that family and not just a guest of it.

If it had stopped there, with her place being like that of any of his cousins, things would have been fine. He would have been able to see her back to her home easily enough since he knew it was somewhere she would be safe and happy. But she wasn't just another cousin. None of his cousins had ever made him want to share his thoughts about everything with them. None of them had ever made him feel better just by catching a glimpse of them across a crowded room. None of them had ever made him think of his life as missing something only they could bring to it.

He cared about her. She wasn't like a mother or sister to him. She wasn't just a relative or friend. She wasn't just in his life; she was an undeniable part of it, something that if removed, would be missed forever. Maybe it was the connection of two people with like personalities. Or perhaps it was just an unexplainable bond that formed through time spent together and numerous things in common. It might even be love, although he hadn't had enough experience with the emotion to be sure.

Time, the one thing that might make everything clearer to him was also the one thing he didn't have. His responsibilities in the village kept him from being away for too long. Every trip, including the current one, was carefully timed and scheduled. They had no choice but to leave on the preplanned day or miss their last chance to get back home before winter. That deadline was being strained as it was, their encounter with the pirates stretching it still further. The few days they would be in port would be exercise in multi-tasking, with half the crew seeing to the unloading and sale of the cargo while he and the rest met with the other Sohmas. He needed to be able to focus his whole attention on looking out for his family's well-being, not have half his concentration locked on an issue that was an impossibility anyway.

Kagura had grown up in a lifestyle that had given her the best of all things, plenty of money, a fine home, fashionable clothing, and a place in a society that was the envy of others. She had also made a place for herself in the family business, earning it with her intelligence and hard work. She was surrounded by family and friends that she adored in a life that she had built for herself over the years. What right did he have to pull her away from that? Even if she would consider it, he had nothing to offer her that even compared to what she would have to leave behind. Asking her to trade her life for a much cruder one with him was on level with an insult.

Kyou sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. Even though he knew what he couldn't do, it didn't stop his mind from trying to find an answer. A million maybes and what ifs kept swirling through his brain, everything from elaborate schemes to a repeat of the stunt he had condemned Shigure as an idiot for pulling.

The simple truth was that no matter how impossible it would be to accomplish, he wanted more time with Kagura. Time to figure out exactly what his feelings for her were and what she might be feeling for him in return. He hated the thought of letting her leave his life with even the smallest possibility that she might not return to it. Even the plans going on to reunite the two halves of the family weren't enough to calm that worry. He wanted to be able to see and speak with her whenever the desire struck him, which had been increasingly often over the course of her stay. He didn't want to have to wait months until the ship's next docking or whenever she might decide to come for a visit.

Kyou growled to himself, knowing that he wanted too much. He would just have to find a way to get through the next few days and then he would have nearly six months to figure out what to do next. The time apart would surely help clarify his feelings more than extra time with the person who had confused those feelings in the first place. All he needed to do was keep himself from asking the wrong question or saying the wrong thing for a few short days and things would work out. If he decided that the feelings he had for Kagura were the sort that wouldn't go away and that needed action, he'd have six months to plan those actions. When the time came, he could do what he needed to do with the confidence of knowing he wasn't acting rashly. And should those six months apart show him that he was making more of what he felt than was really there, at least he wouldn't have gone and made a fool of himself by jumping the gun.

Kyou closed his eyes and let his head fall against the back of the chair. His reasoning was sound, his entire line of thought rational and clearly logical. Sticking to it would surely bring about the best ending that could be hoped for.

So why didn't he feel any better?

x

As Kagura had expected, the ship had no sooner docked than a messenger clad in the uniform of the Sohma family boarded. He quickly handed over one letter to her and another to Kyou before bowing politely, picking up the bag that waited at her side, and making his exit. Not caring what anyone might think of her, Kagura ripped open her note with the enthusiasm of a child tearing into a long awaited and much desired birthday present.

A smile curved her lips as she read Yuki's neat handwriting. As always, he observed all the rules of civility as though he were writing to royalty instead of just a cousin. He welcomed her back home, hoping that her trip had been smooth and safe. Next came the assurances that everyone at home had been doing well with the exception of missing her terribly. There were a few more lines of expected courtesies before he got to what she really wanted to know.

Cutting straight to the point, he explained that he'd thought she would want a bit of time to readjust before facing the family full force. With that in mind, he had set up a "simple family gathering to be held at the main house at dinnertime", somehow managing to infuse the penned sentence with the drollness she could easily imagine. No meeting of any number of their relative could ever be simple and they both knew it. Add to that the fact that it was doubling as a reunion and things were bound to be disorderly at the very least and downright chaotic at the most.

He went on to say that the only way he could get everyone to agree not to mob the dock had been with a sworn promise that not even he would see her before the dinner. For that reason, he had sent a carriage in his stead to take her home. He'd also, he wrote, taken care of their long lost cousins as well, so she wasn't to worry about them. As soon as the others would let them get away after dinner, he wanted to see if she agreed with the preliminary plans that he'd been making. That way they could both be ready to meet with Kyou and his crew the next morning and get the ball rolling.

A warm feeling spread through Kagura's chest as she finished reading the note and returned it to it's envelope. Yuki had always been so good at telling when something was important to her. He'd obviously taken a lot of time over the past months arranging things, thus making sure that they could do all that needed to be done in the limited time before the ship had to make it's departure. While she knew part of it was just an aspect of his thorough nature, she'd also learned that he would go to great lengths to help the people that he cared about. It was a softer side of the respected businessman that few had the chance to witness.

Looking up, Kagura found Kyou standing a few feet away, his own letter read and now dangling loosely from his hand. He was looking at the dock and following his gaze, Kagura saw the carriage that Yuki had mentioned, the messenger waiting beside it and her bag apparently stowed inside. She turned back to Kyou, catching him watching her with an odd look on his face before his expression smoothed and he finally broke the silence.

"I guess you're off then."

Kagura nodded. "Yes. If I don't go soon I've no doubt that my cousins will start pouring down here to collect me." She smiled tentatively, a gesture that he didn't return. "Since they share a lot of qualities with your cousins, I'm sure you can guess the trouble that that would cause."

Kyou merely nodded, bringing a frown to Kagura's face. Their conversations had always been so easy that this new stiltedness was doubly confusing. She wondered if there was something distracting him, some problem on his mind that he hadn't shared with her. That idea's likelihood increased when she saw his eyes moving over first the people crowding the dock and then his own men as they hurried about their tasks. The few times they landed on her face they quickly bounced away, as though he simply couldn't keep his attention on her.

Feeling a little hurt and not wanting to keep him from his work, she said an uncertain goodbye and then started toward the gangplank. She stopped just long enough to speak with Momiji, Shigure, and Hiro, promising that she'd be the first one they saw when they came to visit the next day. Then she hurried to the carriage, waving over her shoulder but not daring to look back.

As she settled into the soft padded seat, Kagura found her thoughts focusing on Kyou's behavior. He'd seemed cooler than she was used to from the very beginning of the journey. She'd chalked it up to him needing to concentrate on his duties and decided not to bother him if she could help. But as the days passed, he grew more and more quiet when she was around, often leaving quickly whenever she happened to appear in the same area as him. She'd spent numerous hours in her small cabin worrying that she had done something to offend him but for all her memory-searching, she couldn't think of anything that she might have done wrong.

The only possibility in her mind was the fight with the pirates but she ruled that out for several reasons. For starters, Kyou's changed attitude towards her had begun long before that chance encounter. In fact, his helping her to her feet afterward and their short conversation was the closest they'd been since leaving the village. But it was just after that that he seemed to withdraw completely, almost ignoring her existence except for curt nods of recognition when they passed one another.

A heavy sigh fluttered her bangs as she crossed her arms over her chest and slumped further down in her seat. Here she was returning home after months away. She should be happy and excited, not racking her brain over the odd actions of someone she'd only known for a comparatively short time. If he wanted to act differently now than he had been, that was his business. There was no reason for her to be so effected by it when they would be saying goodbye to each other in a short time.

A tight feeling entered her chest at that thought. She'd hoped that being back in the town of her birth would help ease the ache that always came when she thought of leaving the village. All through the voyage she had pushed it to the back of her mind, assuring herself that she would be so glad to be home that she wouldn't be able to spare a thought for that other place.

Even with all of that, she hadn't been able to dredge up a single bit of homesickness. Oh, she'd longed to see her cousins and friends, had momentarily bemoaned the loss of convenience when it came to the things that she wanted. But for each thing that she would be going back to, she would be leaving behind another just as precious. Although their ties weren't as old, the bond she'd felt with her newly discovered relatives had become just as strong.

Sometimes in the darkest part of the night, she would lay awake, feeling the rolling of the ship beneath her. A fit of brutal honesty would overcome her as she examined the truths she normally shied away from. And in those moments she would admit that if she had a choice of where to live and where to visit, it wouldn't be her ancestral home that would win.

That thought was nothing more than an errant daydream, though and she knew it. If she were to abandon what she'd known for so long on the spur of the moment simply because she was happier elsewhere, she would be taking the coward's way out. A return to the place where she had found out so much about herself shouldn't be tainted in any way, as it would be if it was done without planning, permission, and the advice and opinions of those she loved. Maybe she would find a way to go back; it just wasn't likely to happen anytime soon.

The slight jerk of the carriage pulling to a stop roused Kagura from her thoughts, leaving her feeling both sad and grateful. Even inevitable things could bring you down if you bemoaned them. The only thing to do was make the best of the given situation by focusing on the good points, no matter how few or small they might be. Until further notice, she was only going to think of the things she was regaining, not the ones that she'd given up.

It was a resolute woman that stepped from the vehicle and made her way towards her home. If any of her cousins had been there, they would have instantly recognized the determination in her eyes.

Kagura spent the four hours before she was scheduled to meet the others preparing herself. After taking a quick look at the household issues that had arisen during her absence, or rather accounts of such issues that Yuki had already dealt with, she retired to her room. A steaming bath awaited her and she gladly stepped into it, breathing in the fragrant scent that wafted from the water. The bath oil had been blended especially for her by a master of the art; the end result was a delicate balance of sharp and sweet.

Nearly an hour passed before she left the bathing room wrapped in a warm robe. With her hair falling in a damp curtain over her shoulders, she stood in front of her closet. Having an exceptionally talented tailor in the family was often a benefit; you were guaranteed a unique and stunning gown, even on short notice. They knew your tastes and there was little chance they would abandon you should a better chance come along. You also got to be the first to try their new creations and it was rarely a challenge to set fittings as it could be done at any one of the many family functions.

As great as all those benefits were, there was a slight downside to them. That downside usually became apparent when you found yourself staring at a closet full of amazing gowns with a limited amount of time to choose from among them. Since it was an informal meeting with her family, there were no social guidelines to follow which left almost every option open. She looked over the elaborate gowns and a slight grimace pulled at her lips. As lovely as they were, she had become used to much less complicated clothing over the past months. She was afraid that putting on one of the dresses before her would make her feel more like someone in a costume than a composed lady.

Kagura's eyes strayed toward the small bag with the outfits that Shigure and Kyou had provided for her which rested by the door. As perfect as they had been in the village, she was sure to be underdressed if she were to wear one of them to dinner. Her family wouldn't say anything of course, but she decided that it would be a mistake for several reasons. As little as she cared about clothes, it would be rude to show up in anything other than one of the gowns Ayame had made for her. If she didn't, he was likely to make a big deal out of it and that was the last thing that she wanted.

There was also the fact that she needed to start distancing herself from her time away. It would be better if she got back into the swing of things here as quickly as possible. Wearing one of her new dresses would just be an attempt to hold on to that time for a little longer and she knew it. If she had any brain at all, she would have them packed away while she was gone and stick firmly to the "out of sight, out of mind" theory.

Resolutely turning back to the wardrobe in front of her, she rummaged through it until she found the simplest dress it contained. The bright yellow bolstered her mood a bit and she determinedly turned her thoughts to how good it would be to see her family again. She knew that they would be full of questions about how her last three months had been spent. It would be best to prepare herself for the friendly interrogation she was sure to have to endure before dinner was over.

Dressing, fixing her hair, and gathering all the things she would need for her later meeting with Yuki took enough time that when she was finished with them, the carriage had already been pulled around to the front of the house. Ready or not, it was time to face her family.

It took less time than Kagura remembered before she was stepping onto the stone walk that led to the massive front doors of the main house. The emptiness of that walk surprised her until she stepped inside and was instantly surrounded with a crowd of people. From where he stood pressed against the wall beside the door, Kagura could easily picture Yuki holding them all back until she made it inside.

It didn't take long for Tohru to approach her, tears on her cheeks and a tremulous smile on her lips. During the course of a tight hug that went on for more than two minutes, Kagura reassured her friend that she was perfectly fine and that no harm had been done because she had taken her place all those months ago. It took several promises to tell the younger girl all about it before Kagura finally managed to regain her freedom.

Dinner was just as rambunctious an event as she had thought it would be. There was barely a moment of silence from the beginning to the end. Kagura got the recitation of her past three months out of the way by the soup course; she spent the rest of the meal listening to seven different versions of what had happened at home during her absence. There were arguments, agreements, jokes, threats, taunts, and more of the things that made their family dinners so interesting. It was during a particularly animated exchange between Yuki and Ayame that she felt for the first time as though she'd never been away.

By the time that dessert was cleared away, Kagura's sides ached from laughing and her head was swimming with everything she'd heard. It was almost a relief when Yuki stood and gave her a look filled with meaning. She nodded slightly to show her understanding and he moved around the table to pull back her chair. As she climbed to her feet, Yuki addressed the rest of the table.

"Now we've got some business to discuss. Since the matter in question only has a small amount of time to be resolved, I'd greatly appreciate it if we could go undisturbed for the rest of the night. I'm sure Kagura will be having breakfast here tomorrow as well, and so any comments can wait until then." He leaned down to give Tohru a chaste kiss on the cheek, causing her to blush. "Haru and Rin will be seeing you home, if that's all right?" He smiled softly as she nodded, slowly moving towards the hall that led to his study. Kagura trailed after him saying her own goodbyes.

As she stepped into the study, she paused for a moment to gaze fondly around the room. She had spent many hours in this place working with Yuki on numerous projects. It was almost as familiar to her as any room in her own home, a place made her instantly comfortable no matter the circumstances that brought her there.

Yuki stopped by his impressive desk just long enough to pick up a stack of papers before moving to one of two matching chairs sitting by a window. Joining him, Kagura waited for him to start, knowing full well that he already had the course of the conversation outlined in his mind. It wasn't that he liked to dominate talks like this; he simply liked things to be accomplished in a quick an orderly fashion. On this occasion, as on many others, Kagura found this trait to her liking. The family dinner had been lovely but now her mind was spinning so much that all she wanted was some time to herself to sort out her thoughts.

"I set the first meeting with Kyou for tomorrow morning at ten. I figured that that would give him enough time to arrange the ship's affairs so that he could bring the people most invested in this discussion." He paused just long enough for Kagura to nod before going on. "From the things that you mentioned in your letters, I took the liberty of lining up a few meetings …"

Their conversation continued along in that vein for more than two hours. As she climbed to her feet, Kagura decided she couldn't have fixed things better had she been there to do it herself. All of the plans that she had regretted not being able to make had been accurately guessed and arranged by Yuki. Aside from a few small details that he couldn't have gotten on his own, he had taken care of everything that she'd wanted for Momiji and the others.

It was only as she had her hand on the doorknob on her way out that he spoke of other matters. Stopping her with a gentle touch to her shoulder, he looked at her for a long moment. His expression was more serious than usual, his eyes almost glowing in the dim room. The self-assured tone of a knowledgeable man was replaced by the much softer voice of a concerned loved one. "Are you okay?"

A quick, glib response rose to her tongue but she found herself unable to speak it. His worried tone broke through the wall she had been holding in place all evening. All the fears and questions she had forced to the back of her mind returned, stinging her eyes and tightening her throat. A deep breath later, she managed a brutally honest response.

"Not really." She managed a wobbly smile. "But I will be."