Kiss Kiss
By Lady of the Ink
Pairing: Kyou and Kagura Sohma
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Theme: #22 - Cradle
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, but you knew that ...I hope. But I do own this story and all the twists that it takes.
Caged
x
He had once feared being boxed in more than anything. The thought of being shut in a cage and left to rot was enough to send chills up his spine. Images of it haunted his dreams and stayed at the edge of his consciousness even when he was awake. It was the one thing that he would have done anything to avoid and the one certainty of his future.
He couldn't recall exactly when he became aware of his fate as the cat. It was something he'd just always seemed to know, just as he'd known he was an outcast. Even among the ones who were different, he was different. He was reviled and taunted and blamed for things that he couldn't have influenced if he'd tried.
His entire childhood had been spent in a cage, although he hadn't known it at the time. While his mother meant well, she had locked him into a small little world just the same. He was kept from the things other children took for granted, left alone to amuse himself and too wary from her warnings to disobey. The one time that someone had dared to invade his imposed isolation, it had ended badly. Having a friend, even for so short a time, had taught him a lesson. It had been better before, when he hadn't known what he was going without.
The day he'd moved in with Shisho, he'd learned of another sort of cage. He was being offered a home and a family to replace the one that he'd lost. Even though he wanted it with everything in him, he knew better. This was simply a new kind of trap, a new way to lure him into caring about something so it could be taken away from him. He had learned his lesson though; he wouldn't allow himself to care. Although he grew fond of Shisho and appreciated his kindness more than words could say, he forced those feelings down lest they be used against him.
Life at Shigure's had been different. He hadn't wanted to go there, didn't like most of the people he was forced to live with. School was an annoyance he would have avoided if he could. Barely a day went by without something happening to make him angry. For that reason, he was able to relax. He wasn't happy there and so it was safe.
Then he had gotten to know Tohru. She was kind and giving, always wanting the best for the people around her. He'd been suspicious at first, his early lessons still fresh in his mind. Always before kindness had been a mask for scorn and giving had been done only to take away. He wasn't sure that a genuinely kind person could exist, especially in his family. It was the fact that she was as much of an outsider as he was that made him relax his guard and let her in. She calmed him and for the first time, he felt cared for with no strings attached. It scared him to be happy, but he thought he'd finally found something worth the risk.
Then the curse had broken. Everyone was free to pursue the lives of their choosing and no longer worry about the restrictions and destinies forced on them from a time before their birth. Tohru had been there and he'd done it, reached out and grabbed her, embracing her and the happy future she had long represented to him.
But still the dreams came. He'd wake in the middle of the night gasping for breath, his hands clawing at bars that had never existed outside of his mind. The sun would rise with him on the roof watching, his mind struggling to understand what was wrong, what was keeping him from being truly free. He had someone to love who loved him back; why wasn't he happy?
His relationship with Tohru had grown strained. Every time he went to speak, he'd stop, checking and double-checking his words to make sure there was nothing in them that would offend her. Holding on to her was the most important thing, the proof that he had the life he'd been longing for. He swallowed his anger and unhappiness whenever they rose, not wanting to upset her. The more he held back, the more frequently the dreams came, the thicker the bars appeared that locked him in.
Months passed. He barely slept or ate, spending all his time forcing contentment and avoiding the dreams that called him a liar. People began to notice but he brushed them off, complaining of a cold that would pass soon, a small problem that he would work out. They backed off, believing or not caring, leaving him to his misery. Tohru fluttered by his side, a bright spot that dimmed as time went by and he grew more and more detached. She did all that she knew how, giving more of herself and inadvertently making things worse.
It was Kagura who finally reached a breaking point. She showed up at Shigure's house one day. He was there alone, the others having left on various errands. He heard her voice calling his name and had reluctantly left his rooftop to face her. The moment that he was close enough, she slapped him hard across the face. He'd stared at her, stunned into silence and immobility at the surprise attack.
She'd taken the opportunity to let him know what had been on her mind. Her voice was even but firm as she let him have it, telling him how worried everyone had been at his appearance and behavior. Her words were harsh, hitting every sore spot that had been growing inside of him. Soon he was yelling back, telling her to mind her own business and leave him alone. He was an adult and could live his own life. He didn't need anyone telling him what to do, especially not her.
They spent an hour screaming at each other and when it was over, Kyou felt better than he had in months. He turned to Kagura to explain that he hadn't meant what he'd said, that he was just venting his frustration at the first available person who could take it. His apology died on his lips when he saw her smiling at him with relieved eyes. He didn't need to say anything; she already knew.
At his astonished look, she shrugged. "You're not a suffer in silence kind of guy, Kyou. You were made to blow up every now then. Locking stuff away is the one sure way to make it try to get out any way that it can. You of all people should know that."
She'd left without another word, leaving him with her declaration ringing in his head. She was telling him that the cage he'd been seeing was of his own making, that by trying to avoid his issues he'd made them more powerful. It was a painful thought and he tried to brush it off. Kagura was hardly the one to talk to about perfect mental health. She was more messed up than him, what with her mood swings and memory lapses.
She was also absolutely right.
Now here he sat, years later, his hands locked around another set of wooden bars. His fingers knew every inch of their surfaces, having covered them more times than he could count. He could find every rough spot, every curve and nick. The air around him was cool, the ground beneath him even colder. He could feel it seeping through his clothes and into his bones but he didn't move, his mind on things long past and others yet to happen.
It had been hard to admit, even to himself, that he was being unfair to Tohru. Hanging his happiness on the existence of a relationship had added too much pressure on both of them. He needed to be happy with himself before even thinking about trying for a deep connection to someone else. Telling her so had been humiliating and difficult but he'd done it and been glad for it later. Looking through clearer eyes, he'd seen that she needed to work out things for herself as much as she did. If they were meant to be together, the chance would come when they were both ready.
"Kyou? Honey, are you out here?"
The strained voice pulled him from his thoughts and he leapt to his feet. No longer blocked by the boxes piled in front of him, he was able to make out the figure of his wife standing at the door of the garage. One hand was pressed against the wall; the other supported the weight of her generously rounded stomach. It was the whiteness of her face and her harsh breathing that finally sank in. Stepping around the cradle he'd been working on, he raced to her side. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he supported her as he walked with her to the car.
As he settled Kagura into the seat amidst kisses and comforting words, he silently gave thanks once more that his life had worked out the way it had. He had a wife who knew him better than anyone in world, even himself at times. She knew what he thought and how to help him when he was lost. She saw through his fronts and put up with his temper, giving back as good as she got. Her gentleness catered to the lonely little boy inside that he'd never really outgrown and the love she gave him made him want to be a better man to deserve it. He didn't have to be perfect for her; she saw him as he was and it was enough.
Loving her wasn't a cage; it was the truest freedom he'd ever known.
