Author's note: You guys have been waiting some time for this. This is my longest chapter yet so hopefully that makes up for it. Nothing more from me today! I'll just shut up and let you get on with it...


Chapter VIII

To me, turning eighteen meant freedom. Or at least, a step towards it. It meant being only six months away from living life the way I wanted it, away from Hawkins, away from my house, and let's face it, away from my mom. I was still figuring out what that looked like, but that was half of the excitement – the not knowing, the feeling that I could do anything. It was empowering. I'd felt that a lot recently.

There were a few things I knew I wanted in my future. The first was the freedom to do what I wanted, the second was my books, and the third, was Eddie Munson. Whatever this was between us, I knew I wanted more of it. Although it remained to be seen if he wanted to be there too.

There were also a few things I knew I didn't want in my future. The first thing was lectures from my mom.

I woke up on Monday morning early, alert. But not like on my birthday. The kind of wired alertness you only get when you wake from a fitful sleep. When you've laid your head down and it feels like you've woken up five minutes later, but really, it's been hours. That had also been happening a lot recently.

I gave up trying to get back to sleep and instead, got ready for school. I showered and brushed my hair out. I carefully applied some mascara and blush to make me look more wide-eyed and awake, and some concealer to hide the redness underneath my eyes. When I couldn't sleep, I read. Instead of retreating to my usual spot down in the den, I sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen with a book, sipping some coffee. I enjoyed the peace of the quiet house before everyone else woke up.

A while later, my stepdad came down and made himself breakfast. We briefly interacted before settling into silence as he drank his own cup of coffee and read the newspaper beside me. We usually interacted at a mutual, respectful distance that suited us both nicely. Once he'd left for work, my mom came down with my brother and sister. While they sat at the dining table, eating cereal before school, my mom took her chance to speak to me. I knew she'd wanted to all weekend and had managed to avoid it, but if my mom had something to say, she said it – she wasn't one for letting things go. This time, my mom thought first thing on a Monday morning was a good moment to corner me. And to be fair to her, it worked. I was stuck with nowhere to go until Chrissy and Jason picked me up on the way to school.

It started innocently enough. It always started that way. She thought I didn't know her technique, but it was pretty obvious by now. She'd ask something every day – how my friends were, how school was going, what I was doing that weekend – then she would snatch the opportunity to probe further and say what she really wanted to say. I tried to not give anything away if I could help it. I hated lying, or rather not telling the truth as it were, but it was easier this way. And by now it was a habit for me. It had been this way for years and it had started to feel like I didn't know any different. Like I'd forgotten how to say what I really felt.

That day, she'd asked me about my friends. She asked about Chrissy and how her and Jason were doing, whether they were still dating. I had an inkling as to where it was going.

"And what about you? Are you seeing any guys?"

I shook my head. "No, mom."

"Because you know how I feel about you dating."

Here it comes, I thought. I'd woken up far too early that morning to be dealing with a conversation like this. Of course, I knew how she felt. It wasn't like she hadn't reminded me at least once a month since I turned sixteen.

"I'm not dating anyone," I said in a matter-of-fact manner, trying to dissociate from the conversation now. I mean, it wasn't a lie. Hanging out wasn't dating.

"I wanted to mention it…" she said carefully. I could see she had planned this whole conversation already. No doubt she had been biding her time since I had turned eighteen the Friday before. "Because you're eighteen now, you're an adult. And honey…"

She leant forward across the breakfast bar. She looked at me with a pained expression and I knew she was coming from a place of care, of fear even. That's what made this whole thing so damn difficult. I couldn't help but soften, even sympathise. She sighed loudly, as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. As if I had committed a crime and she was the one to judge me, reluctantly so.

"You know I don't want you to end up like I did." She pursed her lips.

"I know, mom," I replied softly, trying to give her the reassurance she craved without giving too much weight to her concerns.

"Because, you know," she started. I watched as she fiddled with the gold necklace that hung around her neck. Her red manicured nails glinted like jewels as she rolled the pendant between her thumb and forefinger nervously. "These high school guys, they take advantage. They use you for, you know—"

She glanced behind me, checking that my brother and sister were occupied and not listening into our conversation.

"And then they move onto some other girl. Once they've got what they wanted. And you're the one that's left with the responsibility. I don't want that for you."

"That's not going to be me, mom," I replied.

"You must focus on your schoolwork; you need to do well. There's not long left of school. I need you to stay focused."

I nodded my reply. It was best to wait and let her get it all out.

"I let you go out this weekend – I even let you hanging out after school on Friday slide – because it was your birthday, but you really need to concentrate on school from now on."

"I will," came my short reply, my patience was beginning to deplete.

It was a grim prospect. I practically shuddered at the thought of not being allowed out after just one weekend of fun. It was hardly worth it – I'd rather not have it than be teased with such happiness as I'd felt on my birthday, by the lake with Eddie, and that weekend with my friends.

"Promise me you won't get mixed up with anyone," she implored, looking at me with earnest, pleading eyes. "Promise me you'll work hard."

"I promise, mom."

I avoided her gaze, but she seemed happy enough. She gave my hand a pat – a gesture that fell short of communicating what she thought it did – that she appreciated my response and cared for me.

I felt guilty for saying it, for promising, even though nothing was happening with anyone. I felt guilty for even having feelings for Eddie. And I certainly felt guilty for our arrangement. Sometimes my habit felt like a necessity – when my workload built up and my list of commitments grew long – and other times, like that moment, it felt like a crushing weight. It was at once freeing and even more trapping than how I'd felt before I started.

It was a relief when I heard Jason's car pull up outside the house. I wasted no time in grabbing my bag and leaving the house. I jumped into the backseat, wishing Jason would put his foot on the peddle and drive away as fast as he could. Despite my cheery greeting to both him and Chrissy, I felt decidedly deflated. As we drove out of Loch Nora and headed towards school, I rooted around in my bag for the small metal tin of pills that was tucked away inside my pencil case. I kept them with me at all times, scared that my mom might go looking around in my room while I was out of the house. I discreetly took one out and placed it in my mouth. Usually, I reserved the pills for when I really needed them to study or to keep me going during my busy schedule, when I couldn't afford any down time. But right now, I needed a pick me up. It was only when I felt that familiar rush of energy, that hit of happiness, that I felt like myself again – pepped up and ready for the day.


The second thing I knew I didn't want in my future was Chance. I just couldn't seem to shake him right now. Apparently, turning down dates, leaving parties early to get away from him, and ignoring him almost every day at school wasn't giving him the hint.

My time out of school hadn't made me forget about Chance's anger the previous week. I'd woken up anxious about whether he'd pick that day to follow through on his threats. And I was right. Regardless of whether Chance actually suspected that there was anything more between Eddie and I (other than what everyone already knew), I felt sure he wouldn't pass up the opportunity to give Eddie a hard time and put him back in his place, as he saw it.

When I entered the cafeteria that day, I did my usual glance around to see what Eddie was up to. He was being uncharacteristically quiet, sat in his usual spot at the head of his table with the Hellfire Club. He was leant back in his chair, reclining with his feet up on the seat beside him, so that his friend was perched on the edge of it, acting like this was totally okay. I wanted to laugh at this wanton display of dominion over his little sheep. Instead, I stifled a smile and joined a few other girls from the cheerleading team at our usual table.

A few minutes later, I waved to Chrissy as she entered the cafeteria. She walked over briskly and seated herself next to me with a breezy smile. We looked like twins beside each other, one dark-haired, one blonde, in our matching cheerleading outfits. She'd walked in with some of the guys, but for some reason, they had not sat down next to us. They hung back a little by the cafeteria door, conferring with each other. I noticed Chance nudge the others and they all looked in Eddie's direction. I hadn't been overreacting, this was going to happen.

The boldest of them all and the certified King of Hawkins High, I thought it might be Jason who would go over there, but it was Chance who called out first.

"Hey Munson," he commanded. He pointed his finger at Eddie accusatorially.

Eddie looked up, almost bored, as if Chance was something of casual interest, rather than a six-foot tall basketball player with a personal vendetta against him. The cafeteria went quiet.

"Did someone call my name?" Eddie said, looking from friend to friend, playing dumb. His friends all sniggered into their lunches. Eddie stood up and began walking around the table, taking his time as he did so. He stood at the other end of it so that his friends were behind him, almost like he was protecting them.

Eddie's flippant response was clearly riling Chance up further, who no doubt had wanted to impress his friends with this display of aggression towards someone who was universally disliked. Picking on Eddie and his friends was an easy win in terms of popularity points.

Eddie turned around, speaking and laughing with his friends, in an effort to ignore and no doubt antagonise his aggressor. In a second, Chance had crossed the cafeteria, making for Eddie. Chance gave him a shove from behind as soon as he was within range. Eddie momentarily lost his footing, but recovered quickly, wheeling round. A sly smile came over his face when he saw Chance up close.

"Hey freak, what do you think you're doing huh?" He gave Eddie another shove. "Sending little notes to girls in class?"

Oh shit, I thought to myself.

His voice was at once aggressive and mocking, as if there wasn't a single girl in the school that would want to be with Eddie. How wrong he was.

As before, I knew it wasn't about me – Chance didn't want me, not really. He wanted somebody and I had been convenient at the time, an easy target who had jumped at the slightest bit of attention shown to me. And if he didn't get me, he didn't want anyone else to have me, or apparently, to even speak to me. Let alone someone as lowly as Eddie was in his eyes.

Chance squared up to Eddie. They stood face to face, both around the same height. Eddie's eyes glinted with excitement, and I worried about how this completely unpredictable guy might react to Chance's aggression. He was all but openly goading Chance, practically enjoying how much he'd riled him up. My heart thumped in my chest. I wasn't sure if I was more worried about – our secret friendship being revealed, or Eddie being hurt.

"Keep away from Veronica."

Chance poked a finger at Eddie's chest forcefully. His finger jabbed hard with each word. I flinched at the sound of my name. Chrissy turned to me, confused. My face flushed with heat. I wanted to do something, to tell Chance to stop, but I sat rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but look from Chance to Eddie and back.

Chance walked back to the other guys, thinking he'd made his point, but Eddie wasn't done.

"It's not my fault she's not interested in you, bro," Eddie called after him, mocking their often-used nickname.

Chance spun around. He didn't move from the spot where he stood but narrowed his eyes at Eddie. Behind him his friends had closed ranks, huddling together to present a united front against Eddie. An unfair fight if ever I saw one. Chance looked confused and angry at the same time. I'd have been less concerned if he'd thrown himself at Eddie, punched him in the face, but him doing nothing worried me. Eddie had said too much. Chance wasn't dumb; he could easily take the note and add this comment and get out, perhaps not the right answer, but something close. A suspicion.

I could only sit and watch, frozen in my chair and wanting to fall through the floor of the cafeteria and away from everything. I noticed a few eyes on me, but most people were focused on Chance. I did my best to quell the rising panic in my chest. My heart thudded.

"What do you know, freak?"

Andy had now joined in; no longer content to only observe, he'd seen his chance to participate, like baiting Eddie was a sport. He lunged, shooting the cup he was holding forward. Its contents flew through the air in Eddie's direction, a thick brown liquid – some kind of milkshake. The majority of it landed with a splash on an innocent onlooker – the floppy haired friend of Eddie's who was sat at the table behind him, who's name I later found out was Gareth. Gareth cursed loudly, shaking his hands so that the oozing, sticky liquid flicked off them. It dripped from his thick curtain of hair. Eddie, however, only flinched as some of the drink landed on his jacket and in his hair. He wiped away the few drops that clung to his cheek with the sleeve of his jacket in a quick motion, barely breaking eye contact with Chance, who he had continued to stare down throughout it all. Eddie seemed delighted at how much he had bothered Chance, pleased that he'd clearly got under his skin. I couldn't exactly share his pleasure.

The entire cafeteria had erupted in laughter. Andy and the other guys were laughing raucously – he may have slightly missed his mark but humiliating any member of the Hellfire Club was fair game for them. Jason looked on approvingly like proud parent, his hands on his hips with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Too little, too late, a teacher decided to intervene.

"Okay, okay," she said, waving both arms as if to intercept the warring sides, even though she'd completely missed the action. "That's enough."

The laughter dissipated and was replaced with rumbling murmurs and barely repressed giggling at Eddie and Gareth's expense. I cringed at the spectacle of it all. The guys walked back to our table triumphantly. They huddled together, sniggering and celebrating their apparent win over the Hellfire Club like children on a school playground, which to be honest, they weren't far from being. I watched as Eddie wiped the liquid from his leather jacket with a napkin, feeling flush with embarrassment. Once everyone's attention had moved back to other things, Eddie had dropped his grin. A dark look had come over his face.

"What was that about?" Chrissy nudged me and drew my attention away. I shook my head in exasperation.

"I'll tell you later."

When I glanced back, Eddie was gone.


Later that afternoon, I expected to see Eddie in History class, where I always looked forward to seeing him, but he was a no-show. I sat there the whole class, biting my lip, waiting impatiently for it to end. I couldn't focus, I just wanted to know how he was. I'd seen how the guys treated Eddie before – those scenes in the cafeteria were an almost weekly occurrence – but it felt different this time. Not just because my name had been involved. I care, I thought. Although I didn't have time to reprimand myself for not caring about someone being bullied until I'd got to know them. Besides, Eddie always seemed to just shrug it off, and if I was honest with myself, to provoke it sometimes. We were all used to hear him shouting at us about one thing or another. There had been times before where it had been me that he was shouting at. Not personally, but my table, my friends. It was strange how I now thought so differently about it. It was like I was no longer sat at that table anymore – not mentally anyway. I watched from the outside, seeing Chrissy and I, seeing Chance, Jason, Andy and the others, and seeing Eddie and his friends, from afar. Was this how it had always looked? This grotesque use of aggression against someone who was just different, and I just didn't see it?

What I couldn't work out was whether Eddie skipping class was a normal thing, or if Chance and Andy had pushed him further this time. Was he really upset? There was only one way to find out.

When the bell rang for the end of class, I leapt out of my seat. I had a free period next, plenty of time to seek Eddie out. The only trouble was, I had no idea where to find him. The only thing I knew was that he was part of the Hellfire Club, but I had no idea where they met. I thought about trying the library but pretty much instantly ruled it out. He was still attempting to study more, but I'd be dammed if he skipped class just to do that. As I marched along the hall, debating whether to try the library anyway, just in case, and wracking my brain trying to remember which room I'd seen the Hellfire Club go into that one time after school, I saw a familiar sight. The unmistakeable flash of black and white, the wide, wicked grin of a red devil. A tall, dark-haired freshman was standing at his locker, in deep conversation with his curly-haired, shorter friend. I didn't know their names at that time, but I knew they were the freshmen who had been sat at the cafeteria table, recent recruits of the Hellfire Club. I found out later that they were Mike and Dustin. I'd seen them all together countless times in their matching tops. I approached them swiftly, not wanting to miss my opportunity.

"Hi," I said somewhat breathlessly.

"Hi…" Mike replied. He looked at me warily, probably wondering why a senior in a cheerleading outfit was speaking to him after the lunchtime incident. Perhaps they knew my name and blamed me for the whole debacle – thinking that I'd told Chance about something Eddie did. At the very least, they knew I hung with Chance and Andy and the others. Our matching green and gold outfits branded us all as one. Green and gold versus black and white. I was the enemy to them. I didn't blame them for their judgement, but I wished I could tell them the truth.

"Do you know where I can find Eddie?" I asked. The words almost came out as one. They eyed me even more warily now. I hastily continued, trying to anticipate their concerns. "I'm Veronica, I tutor him. I just… need to change our study session."

"Sure…" Mike said cautiously. There was a moment's silence, it appeared neither of them quite knew whether to trust what I was saying or not. If they hadn't known my name before, this would now bring it all full circle. I hoped they wouldn't hold it against me.

"Look, I promise it's nothing to do with what happened today. I come in peace." I held my hands up, palms out in a gesture of said peace. They looked at one another, still wary. "Maybe he's mentioned me before?"

"Yeah, he's mentioned you," the curly-haired guy, Dustin, said, almost protective of Eddie. I was very intrigued about what Eddie might have said – probably nothing more than 'she's my ticket out of here', but my mind leapt to all kinds of crude admissions of desire and my stomach flipped. Right now, though, my ego had to be set to one side.

"Then you'll know I'm okay," I gave a nervous laugh. I summoned as much charm as I could muster.

"He's in the woods behind the track field," said Mike, just when I thought they were going to tell me to get lost.

"A thousand times thank you," I smiled, before practically running off. Behind me, I heard the Dustin berating his friend for giving Eddie up.

"How do you know she's not one of them?" He lectured. "She was sat right there on their table. She always is. She's even dressed like them."

I didn't hear Mike's response as I was soon out of earshot, despite being intrigued as to why he'd given in (it couldn't have been my powers of persuasion). I was just grateful that he trusted me enough to tell me Eddie's whereabouts. I quickly crossed the school, which given that most people were still tucked away in class, was very quiet, and soon reached the track field. I'd been out here plenty of times, but never been into the woods behind it. I wondered how I would know where to find him.

I crossed the track and could see a small gap in the balustrade. I took a quick look around to check there was no one around before slipping through it into the woods beyond.

I heard Eddie before I saw him. His cackling laugh echoed through the trees. I wondered how many times I'd been out on that track during P.E. or something, while he was messing around out here, just a stone's throw away. Once I'd passed into the woods, I could see a clearing up ahead with picnic table in the middle. Eddie stood leaning against the end of the table; his friend stood nearby. A Black guy with braces who always wore a leather jacket, just like Eddie's. I also recognised him from the cafeteria and later found out he was called Jeff.

I hadn't anticipated Eddie not being alone, but before I could turn to go back to school, he heard me making my way through the trees – the swish of fall leaves and crunch of twigs underfoot had given me away. Eddie looked right at me and then gave a nod to his friend, telling him that he'd see him back up at the school. I gave Jeff a polite, grateful smile as he passed me, before tentatively stepping into the clearing. I was grateful Jeff hadn't questioned my presence or even batted an eyelid as to why I was there.

"Hey you," Eddie said as I approached the picnic table. I tried to gauge his mood, but he was inscrutable, his usual coy smile on his lips.

"Hi."

"How'd you know I was here?" he asked.

"Your friend gave you up, I'm afraid," I said with a chuckle, feeling instantly bad for ratting out the freshman kid. "How are you doing?"

Eddie shrugged nonchalantly. I noticed that there was nothing on his jacket and that some tendrils of hair looked a little damp. Clearly, he'd taken some time to clean off before coming out here. I tried again.

"You…okay?"

In a second, he jumped up onto the picnic table and held up his hands. "It's just all part of being alive, babe."

His voice was loud, brash. He seemed unbothered by what had happened earlier. This tough guy persona had been turned up to the max. Sometimes I could tell by which pet name he used for me what kind of mood he was in. He used 'babe' when he was being glib and messing around.

"You weren't in History class."

"Yeah," he said lazily, as if skipping a class was nothing big. "Decided to give that one a miss."

I moved a few steps closer, so that I was looking up at him on the table. "What happened to graduating next year?"

He crouched down to stare right at me. He laughed, almost mockingly. "Thought you were taking care of that for me."

"Be serious."

He sat down on the table, legs dangling from the end of it so that he faced me. His face turned as serious as mine.

"Fine," he said petulantly. He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes, scrutinising me. "Why'd you come down here?"

"I wanted to see how you were," I replied.

"But why did you really come down here?" he pushed, raising his eyebrows. He pointed a finger at me accusatorially. "You feel guilty."

"Yeah, I do actually. You should know that I wasn't part of that… I didn't tell him anything. I don't…" I wasn't sure where to go with this or what to say. It all sounded better in my head when I'd rehearsed it on the walk down here. Now that his eyes were on me, I was faltering. It all sounded so, well, lame out loud. I took a breath to steady my thoughts. "I don't like those guys."

He didn't say anything, but I could tell there was something on his mind. He acted unbothered, but there had to be more under his initial bravado. I pushed on.

"I'm really sorry, Eddie," I finished earnestly – finally saying what I went there to say. I was sorry that it happened, that those shitty guys didn't leave him alone, and that I had just sat there and done nothing.

"I know," he said. His voice was soft now. His dark eyes still looked at me intently. "Come here."

For a reason that would have seemed crazy to me a couple of months before, I moved towards him, taking slow, deliberate steps. Like I said before, he was magnetic. I was drawn to him. There were so many rules at home and at school, so many things I should do or be, that kept me feeling trapped, but something about this command gave me a thrill. I wanted to do what I was told.

Once in arm's reach, he took a handful of my uniform, gently pulling me towards him. It caught me briefly off guard, but let's face it, I wasn't exactly putting up a fuss. I'd wanted him to pull me to him for weeks.

I nestled between his legs, the edge of the table pushing into my thighs. His hands moved to my waist. He said nothing, just looked at me with the intense look that he often had. The one where he stared just that little bit too long, without saying a word or doing anything. A look that was starting to drive me mad. The feel of his hands, warm and strong on my waist, only made my heart beat faster. My stomach dropped with the anticipation of what might happen next. He'd never touched me like this before.

"Why won't you just kiss me already, Hartley?" He asked unexpectantly.

"What?" The question caught me out. I pulled back, but only so far as his hands on my waist allowed, looking at him quizzically.

"I've been waiting ages for you to do it," he continued. This was news to me – there I'd been wondering why he hadn't done it yet, wondering whether he even wanted to, whether this was just the way he was with every girl he knew, and now he was telling me that he'd been wondering the same the whole time?

I shook my head in disbelief. I looked away and down, marvelling at how near our bodies were in that moment. This close, I could see his chest rising and falling with each breath under his jacket.

"Me? Why do you have to wait for me to do it?" I asked, bewildered.

"Because…" He leant back on the table with one arm. "Because, Hartley, I've been flirting with you for weeks and you're, like, so, so far out of my league. I need to make sure you want me too."

He gazed at me steadily, all confidence, but his words revealed the boyish insecurity beneath his chaotic surface. I noted the word 'too'.

"No way," I admonished him with a playful swat to his chest. "How did you figure that one out?"

"Er, let me think. A-grade student, rich family – lives in Loch Nora for Christ's sake – all-round good girl, cheerleader."

He counted each point on the fingers of the hand that had been gripping my waist, giving the last one special emphasis as if it alone gave me superiority. When, really, he meant that it separated me from him. It put me in with them.

I paused a moment to think on his words, then continued in a quiet voice. Clearly, this bothered him, and I wanted to take it seriously. I took a deep breath, steading myself for what I was about to admit.

"I do want you."

It took a lot for the words to leave my mouth, I was so used to always hiding how I felt. Even after what he had just said, I still felt scared. I struggled to make eye contact with him.

"Yeah?"

He was looking at me intently again, black-like eyes scanning my face for any trace of disingenuousness. I knew there was none. It was the most honest thing I'd ever said.

I could see his eyes flitting from mine to my lips. I knew he wanted to do it but that he was still waiting for me. That it had to be my choice. It was all the confirmation I needed to do what I'd never done before – make the first move. My hand stroked its way up his jeans, settling on his upper thigh. My breath caught nervously in my throat. I leaned forward tentatively and slowly closed the gap between us. Our lips touched, so delicately at first. No rushing, just this one perfect moment between us that each of us had been waiting so long for. My eyes closed instinctively.

The kiss deepened. Now both of his hands were back on my waist, drawing my whole body into his. My hands snaked their way into his mane of untamed hair. Weeks of tension, flirting and wondering were all coming to the fore, having finally found an outlet. I felt his hand slide down from my waist to my lower back, moving still lower…

I pulled away, breathless.

"Eddie…" I whispered.

His wandering hand returned to my waist. He looked very pleased with himself, with the entire scenario unfolding between us.

"I'd do this goddamned day a thousand times over if every one of them ended like that," he joked. It was such an Eddie response that I laughed out loud. He grabbed my face with both hands and leaned in to kiss me again, hard and quick on the mouth.

He continued, speaking in a soft, breezy tone, full of disbelief but also, unmistakably, satisfaction.

"The cheerleader and the misfit – that's definitely against the Munson Doctrine."