Inuyasha Meets Family Guy: part 6
OMG! This is so awesome! I've made it past five chapters! How amazing and cool! I've got a very special treat for you! This chapter is going to be the Christmas chapter! Even though the camping trip was in September, we are going to skip ahead to December! Enjoy!
Author's Note: I don't know if you haven't noticed before, but I have never made one racist comment in this whole story. I've also never used a complete swear in any chapter. I've implied it, but never fully said the word. You all say that this story is really awesome and funny as well! My other stories have used swears and they aren't nearly as popular as this one. So I just thought I'd say that.
Merry Christmas one and all! Or Happy Holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas, got no problem with that once so ever! Let's start the fic!
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this chapter, I would have power and fortune! I would rule the world! Too bad I don't own anything, wah.
-
"What? What is this Christmas thing of which you American mortals speak of!" Inuyasha shouted. It was December 22cnd, and nobody in either party had even thought about what they were going to do for the holidays.
"I think I read a bit about it in school, isn't it the day that the Christians believe that their savior Jesus Christ was born of the Virgin Mary and became both human and divine spirit?" Kagome said.
"Yes, and more importantly, the day a big fat man named Santa breaks into your home and leaves free stuff for the good little children! And the bad children get coal that could be used to power trains!" Peter said, crossing his hands in a matter-of-fact fashion. (Please God, don't cast me to the fire bowels of the underworld for that one)
"So then what do we have to do?" Sango asked.
"We buy presents for each other, we have a big tree, a big dinner, and we'll bring you guys to see the Mall Santa!" Lois said.
"Sounds fun," Rin said from the sofa.
"Okay, we don't have much time left, so tomorrow we'll split up the tasks. Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Chris, and Peter will get the tree. Then, I'll need help from Kagome, Sango, Meg, and Rin to make the dinner. We'll all go to mall and buy presents for each other. Finally, we'll all go see Santa at the mall!" Lois said in a cheerful, holiday voice.
"Sure," Kagome said.
"Goodnight everyone," Lois said as she picked up a now sleeping Stewie and brought him up the stairs on his shoulder. Everyone went to bed with a yawn, for the fact that the day had worn them out. They had gone for a simple walk with another fight between Kagome and Meg, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru chasing an innocent mailman, Stewie throwing grenades at a choir, and Miroku just being himself: a complete lech!
But that night however, sugarplums danced in some of the group members' head. While someone dreamed of a dead Meg or a dead Kagome. Another dreamed of a dead Lois, who's corpse crackled in the fire. Some dreamed of food and gifts, while another dreamed of candy and sugar. The last one dreamed of girls, short girls and tall girls all with there own style of clothing. The man woke with a fright in the middle of the night to find that his bed was wet.
-
It was morning. Everyone came down for the morning meal of buy-product cereal. When everyone was finished, they got straight into the car. Peter drove for a bit and blasted the radio. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru held their ears; the noise was ear splitting! They finally arrived at their destination: the Christmas Tree Selling Place. It was amazing how they fit it all on one sign.
The group parked their car. They saw a long line leading to a small stand. The group got behind four people, a girl and three boys. The girl then spoke to them. "Hi, I'm Tea! Will you be our friends?" she asked, her eyes lighting up.
"Yeah, will you?" a boy with a pointy, multi-colored hair added.
"Uh, we just met and all," Peter began.
"Attack!" cried a boy with pointy brown and black hair. He screeched and rammed his head into Peter, who screamed.
"Go Yugi! Raibow Spikes of Doom attack!" Tea shouted.
Yugi rolled over and ran his hair across Peter, causing his to bleed. "'Y da heck awe we doin' dis to teh peopl' Tea?" the blond kid asked.
"Because we can!" Tea answered. They laughed evilly and ran out of line. Peter was covered in blood.
"What cretins, even if they are just duelists," Sesshomaru said.
"Whatever," Inuyasha said. About 20 minutes had passed and Peter decided to annoy everyone by shouting: "Are we there yet?"
Every time he asked, someone replied with a surly "No."
Peter tried again when they were halfway to the front of the line. Sesshomaru answered "No, we are not." Peter tried again and Inuyasha just beat the stuffing out of him. Yet, when they looked up, they saw that they were there. Inuyasha and Peter stood up and Peter leaned against the stand.
"Hello, there, give us the biggest Christmas tree you have!" Peter said.
"Oh sorry, this is the charity drive, over there is the Christmas Tree Selling Place," a woman said, pointing to a line with no people in it. A little boy and his father were loading the Christmas tree.
"Wow, I can't believe we got the last Christmas tree! Now we can donate it to the homeless shelter!" the little boy said, his eyes lit with happiness.
"Yes, Timmy, this certainly has been a great father and son experience, I'm going to go to the bathroom and leave you all alone to fend off potential demons that could steal the Christmas tree!" the father said, as he put the perfect tree on top of their car.
"Should we…..?" Miroku asked.
"Maybe," Inuyasha answered.
"No way!" Kagome said. In the background, Sesshomaru was tying the child to the car and pulling the tree over his shoulder.
"Okay, I'm done," Sesshomaru said, tying the tree to the car.
The group stared blankly at the boy who was screaming and crying.
"Alrightey, let's go!" Peter called from the front seat as he honked the horn at the rest of the group.
-
"Next on our list is Christmas shopping!" Lois said as they entered the mall.
"Okay, so you have your lists, go on!" Lois said.
-
Kagome and Sango walked into Waldenbooks. They went to the manga section. There sat a group of partially insane people, giggling uncontrollably.
"Oh my Gosh, is it really you, Kagome, Sango?" one of them asked.
"Y-yes," Kagome replied.
"She must be, I know her scent!" a bespectacled girl holding a Fake manga in her sweaty hands.
"One of us! One of us!" the girls began to chant.
"Kagome! I've got volume four of Fruits Basket," Sango said, reaching out for a book on the ground, next to a quiet looking girl. She stopped and began to pant.
"Can't be without Fruits Basket! You shall perish!" she shouted as she began to bite, kick and punch.
"Ah!" Sango and Kagome yelled as they ran Fruits Basket vol. 4 up to the cashier.
"Do you wanna pay in cash or credit?" the cashier asked, completely unmoved by the rabid fangirls running after them.
"Cash!" Kagome shouted, peering once more at the ever-closer fangirls.
"Do you a receipt?" the woman asked, not paying the fangirls any head.
"Yes!" Sango shouted.
"Do you want a bag?" the woman asked, still completely unaware of the current situation.
"Yes!" Kagome answered, as she watched the fangirls creep closer and closer.
"Do you want the receipt in the bag?" she asked.
"Yes!" The two of them answered at once. The woman handed them the bag as they ran away in fear.
-
Inuyasha was walking with Chris, just whistling along at Every Heart, which seemed so familiar to the half demon, he just didn't know where he had heard it. A girl walked up to Inuyasha. She was about 5'4 and had powder-blue hair that went to her waist. Also, she had a curvy body that was covered in a red skirt that went to her toes and a black shirt with a rubber ducky on it. Her eyes were sparkly and green.
"Inuyasha?" she asked in a sweet voice.
"Huh? Don't tackle me, please no!" Inuyasha pleaded. The girl stood there smiling. Inuyasha's skin was crawling.
"I won't tackle you," she began.
"What a relief," Inuyasha replied.
"I wasn't finished. See that little thing over there, with all the children and coffee starved parents trying to knock it down?" she asked in a ditsy yet dangerous voice.
"Yeah," Inuyasha answered, getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.
"Well, the Santa that was supposed to show up today cancelled, and they really want a Santa," she said in a sweet voice.
"Too bad for them, I'm leaving!" Inuyasha replied coldly.
"Oh really! Hey everyone! It's Inu-!" she began.
"All right! What do you want me to do!" Inuyasha asked.
"Be the mall Santa!" she said.
"No way, I won't be the mall Santa! I'll kill you so you can't point me out to the fangirls!" Inuyasha said maniacally. Inuyasha took a swing at the girl, only to find that his fist went through her.
"Oh Inuyasha, by the way, did Sesshomaru ever tell you about your tormentor?" she asked, while dodging attacks.
"Kagome? Why would he need to tell me about her?" he asked.
"No, the authoress!" she said.
"Your-?" Inuyasha began.
"Yes, I can do whatever I want to you and your friends."
"No way."
"Way."
"Whatever, you still can't make me be the jolly old fat man!" Inuaysha said.
"Oh, if you refuse me now, wait till you see what I make you do on Easter!" she said in a demonic voice.
"No!"
"Yes, and by the way, you're the only one who can hear or see me!"
Inuyasha looked around, people were pointing and staring at him.
"Fine! But only for an hour!" Inuyasha said.
"I'll be watching," the authoress said. (Names Liz, you already know this if you read the 5th chapter like good little boys and girls!)
Inuyasha cringed and walked up the dreaded stairs to talk to some of the people at the stand.
-
Chris, Meg, and Sesshomaru waltzed into Hot Topic. They immediately went to the anime section and looked at T-shirts. One had Sesshomaru on it, which naturally caught the full demon's eye.
"Why is there another me on this shirt?" he asked, holding the piece of clothing out to Chris.
"Oh, your famous in this realm, a lot of fangirls really love you, yet others hate you and want you to die." Chris explained.
"Kind of like back in the feudal era, only most of the people I fought weren't girls," Sesshomaru relapsed.
"Oh! Look here's one of Inuyasha," Meg called.
Sesshomaru was angry. Inuyasha's picture was bigger than his picture! He punched on the T-shirt and began to beat it up! Sesshomaru was a typically calm demon, but ever since he had that meeting with the authoress, he seemed to be having a lot less luck, which resulted in an on-edge Sesshomaru.
Flashback:
"Uh Sesshomaru, I kinda ended up getting a tube of red lipstick stuck in the wash," Lois said.
"That is not my problem or my concern," Sesshomaru answered.
"Well, yeah, funny thing, uh the load that had the lipstick in it also had your fluffle in it. Sorry!" she answered.
"Lois, get out of the room!" Sesshomaru commanded.
"Why?" Lois asked.
"Because, in five seconds, I'm going to beat the living Bejesus out of the next item I come in contact with!" Sesshomaru said, turning red in the face. Lois ran for her life.
Flashback end.
Meg, Chris, and Sesshomaru were kicked out of the store.
"Thanks a lot, Sesshomaru," Meg said. She was angry because she thought that some boy from her school looked her in the eye and Sesshomaru was the cause of her social status falling even lower.
-
Miroku and Brian were walking through the parking lot outside of the mall. Miroku had been kicked out because Sango, who was buying a bikini for Meg, happened to see Miroku with his head in a barrel of panties. You can imagine the anger in Sango at that moment and the unaware joy that filled Miroku's soon to be scared mind.
The two walked along the edge of the parking lot yet again. Miroku was upset, he surprisingly felt bad for losing Sango's trust. Brian noticed this and smiled.
"You feel bad, don't you," he said.
"Yeah, I don't know why, usually I just let her slap me and then go on to do more of the "manly" behavior. But now, I don't know what to do," Miroku replied.
"Well, around Christmas time, people do usually feel bad for there sins and wish to repent," Brian answered.
"Poetic, aren't we?" Miroku said.
"Yeah, but anyway, I think I've got a solution, we can get Sango a really great gift!" Brain said.
"I don't know, I mean, Sango might not be bought over by gifts," Miroku answered.
"Yeah, but you know that necklace that she was staring at when we walked past the jewelry store, you can get that for her," Brian purposed.
"What necklace?" Miroku asked.
"You weren't watching were you?" Brian replied.
"No, I believe I was staring at Blond Maiden #4," Miroku answered.
"Whatever, lets go buy that necklace for Sango and make you look really observant and sweet!" Brian said, ducking into the mall, hoping that no one would notice a dog.
"Yeah! I'm observant!" Miroku added, not even noticing that Jaken was frozen in the van.
-
"There is no way I'm wearing this!" Inuyasha shouted at the elf attendant at the Santa Stand. Inuyasha held up a furry red suit in disgust.
"Please sir, Santa always wears it!" the elf attendant pleaded.
"Yes Santa, please," Liz, who appeared out of nowhere, said.
"Alright!" Inuyasha shouted, as he began to pull on the furry red suit.
"Thank you," Liz said, before smiling sweetly and walking off.
Inuyasha walked up and sat on the big chair, he had to lean back since he was stuffed with pillows. A little girl came up and sat on Santa's lap. She had pretty brown hair and sparkly blue eyes. The girl was grinning from ear to ear as she sat on the half demon's lap.
"What do you want for Christmas?" Inuyasha asked half-heartily. The girl's eyes twinkled for a moment as she clasped her hands together and spoke in soft tones. "I want world peace!" she said. Inuyasha's heart began to warm. That was the sweetest thing any child could ask for. "I also want a nuclear bomb that could destroy the continent of Asia, if I so wished it too!" she added. Inuyasha let the girl down as she waved goodbye to Santa. Inuyasha was in shock.
-
Lois was in the play center with Stewie, Shippo and Rin. Stewie was very skeptical about joining Shippo and Rin, who were having a blast, in the ball pit. He was very worried that the balls would turn into spikes and crush him, before he had the chance to do the same to Lois.
"C'mon Stewie! It's fun!" Rin called.
"Easy for you to say! Yes, I do believe that your legs are longer than mine, stupid!" Stewie said.
"Don't call me stupid, baka!" Rin shouted back.
"Oh, I see, using Japanese on me now are you? Well let's see you match this! Dumming! Ha! Ha! Ha! Guess what I called you, go ahead guess!" Stewie said.
"Uh, stupid?" Rin answered.
"No, no, I mean, yeah. What's wrong! How did you know that, I was talking in Norwegian! I thought my insult would surely work!" Stewie replied, flabbergasted. Rin sighed.
-
Peter was in the McDonalds, deciding what he was going to get with his Happy Meal.
"Hmmm, I could get the soda, and be happy, or I could get the low fat milk and die as an unhappy health nut. Or I could go neutral and get the chocolate milk, decisions, decisions," Peter said while rubbing his chin.
"Uh, sir, could you please move it along, we have, other customers," the cashier said. Peter paid no heed to them as he continued bantering.
"Kids next door! Attack!" a voice rang out. Ropes bound Peter helpless in midair as Numbuhs 1-5 jumped down and grinned at the helpless Peter. Peter easily broke out f his bindings and walked away, forgetting all about his McDonalds, yet the mental scaring would take years to overcome. The Kids Next Door just stood there, helpless and flabbergasted.
-
Brian and Miroku exited the jewelry store with a small bag in hand. Miroku was very happy with himself. Yet, he still gave into his lower region's reactions. A girl walked by the mall, She had long brown hair and a short skirt (in the winter, mind you), she was also walking a beautiful golden retriever that made Brian pant, as though he had run many miles. Miroku was also drooling. Not even Christmas, true love, or the shiny trinket in their bag could change the fact that Boys (and dogs) would be boys.
-
Inuyasha was not doing so well. He had only done three children and he was already ready to pick up the next one and strangle him/her. Yet he promised the authoress. Bad images popped into his mind, the images involved bunny suits and Easter eggs. Inuyasha twitched slightly as the next child climbed onto his lap. He looked decently normal.
"Hi Santa, I want jet car for Christmas!" the little boy stated.
"I don't think Santa will be able to get you that gift," Inuyasha answered.
"Well (bleep) you Santa you god(bleeeeep) mother(bleeping) (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)" the child exclaimed. Inuyasha was in even more shock now.
Another child climbed on his lap.
"Yo Santa, got some questions 'bout this whole good list bad list thing, now if I steal, does that automatically put me on the naughty list?" the child asked.
"Yeah, next!" Inuaysha called.
"But what if I stole from the people who really don't need it, or from the blind?" the kid asked.
"Yeah, you're on the bad list, buh-bye!" Inuaysha called. The kid kicked the poor half demon in the shin. It was to be a long day.
-
Lois had met most of the group in the center of the mall, where they had designated their meeting place. Everyone came except for Inuyasha.
"Where is that half demon!" Kagome shouted, looking for the tardy Inuyasha.
"We better go look for him, it's getting late," Lois said.
They all began to look. The group finally found him with a child in his lap as he Ho-Ho-Hoed.
"Awwwwwww," Kagome, Sango, Meg, and Lois said. He looked so cute in the costume, and his ears blended well with the hat.
"He's so sweet!" Meg said.
"He's so mine!" Kagome added, in a warning tone.
"No, he's mine!" Meg shouted.
"Oh yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Well then, let's see you get him when you smell like garbage!" Kagome purposed.
"Yeah! Wait, what?" Meg began. Kagome picked up the American (with many struggles) and put her in the trashcan.
"Let's go see Inuaysha, I mean Santa!" Lois suggested.
"Yeah, but I can't help feeling like we've forgotten something," Sango answered. In the background, Meg was spinning around and trying to get out of the trashcan.
-
"Ho, Ho, Ho, and what in the mortal world might you want?" Inuyasha asked the little girl that was on his lap.
"I want a dolly, and a pony, and a monkey, and a dolly-," the girl began.
"You all ready said dolly," Inuyasha interrupted.
"Shut up Santa, you fat dolt, I wasn't finished! I also want a puzzle and a toy box, can you handle that you fat piece of human waste!" she continued, in a sugary-sweet voice.
God you remind me of the authoress!
"Hey, Inuyasha," she whispered.
"Huh!" he replied, taken aghast by the redheaded girl in his lap.
"Oh, I believe you know my sister, Liz," she added, before jumping off his lap and wandering back to Liz, who- once again- appeared out of nowhere.
"Yeah, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone, introduce my 5-year-old sister and get her to see Santa Claus," Liz said as she waved and disappeared.
My god, what freaks!
-
"Next!" Inuaysha called. Kagome climbed up.
Kagome! Inuyasha thought nervously.
"Hi Santa," Kagome said.
Good, she might not know it's me, Inuaysha thought nervously.
"And what would you like for Christmas," Inuaysha asked.
"I want my friend Inuaysha to give me a big kiss!" Kagome whispered. Inuaysha's face flushed red.
"Inuyasha, what you're doing is so sweet!" Kagome whispered.
"It is, uh I mean, uh-," Inuyasha began to stutter.
"I'll see you later 'Santa'," Kagome replied sweetly as she waved and walked down the stairs. Inuyasha just stared ahead at the girl, still blushing slightly.
-
Later that night, after they all returned to the yellow house on Spooner Street, the group went to wrap presents. Each learned the skill it took to wrap presents. Seriousy, all the presents took forever to wrap, and each was lumpy and resembled a stool. Yet, it was the thought that counted, right? It was what went on during the wrapping ritual that was important. Like Inuyasha getting caught up in the tape and Kagome sweetly pulled the tape out of his hair. The loud SLAP that had came from Sango Miroku's newest sick fantasy involving wraping paper, tape, and the demon hunter we all know and love. Who could forget Brian, who spilt a martini all over one of Stewie's electric toys that Lois had picked out for her child?
-
It was now 11:58 at night. Stewie, Rin, and a few other people were asleep in their beds. But Kagome and Inuaysha were still downstairs, putting presents under the tree. Kagome looked at Inuyasha, who seemed uneasy and nervous, there were beads of sweat at his face. His eyes met Kagome's as they moved toward the pile of presents that were going to surround much of the area around the tree. The two stopped. Inuyasha remembered Kagome's Christmas wish. He leaned in slowly, until he was close enough to smell Kagome's candy cane scented breath. She closed her eyes and leaned in as well. The two lips joined for a second as Inuyasha wrapped his hands around Kagome's thin waist and pushing her closer, deepening the kiss even more. Kagome accepted the pushing gesture and allowed Inuyasha to pull her. Her hands traveled to Inuyasha's middle back.
Meg had to walk in at that exact moment. She at first was in total shock, then that shock transformed into a long scream that went unnoticed by the couple. She began to bang her head on tabled and ran around like a possessed person. Then, she was knocked unconscious. An act that once again went unnoticed by Inuyasha and Kagome.
The kiss seemed to go on forever. Yet forever had to end when the needs of the living prevented them from continuing. They broke the kiss for air and held each other for a few moments.
"Kagome?" Inuyasha asked.
"Yeah, what is it Inuyasha?" Kagome replied.
"I love you," Inuyasha said, smiling a smile that had never been seen on the half demon's face before a true smile of love and happiness.
-
The next morning, everyone woke up early to see what their Santa's had brought them.
Stewie was most unhappy with his gifts. He received a toy duckie, a girlfriend for Rupert the bear, a stuffed puppy, a baby blanket, a girls thong (three guesses who got him that, I'll give you a hint: It's from a man, and it's he's not a monkey). A Rabid Raccoon (a electronic toy that twitched and spilled blood, it was on all the kid's list, and a baseball hat with his name on it, no weapons or toxic chemicals, what a lousy haul!
Shippo and Rin basically got the same stuff, except Rin got some dolls that replaced some of the other items. Shippo was most displeased because, once again, he was not a child.
Inuyasha got a couple of Shirts from Hot Topic. Some featured Gir, his favorite cartoon character, while others featured himself. This made Sesshomaru real angry. Inuyasha also received stuffed dogs and a dog calendar.
Kagome got lots of clothes from Rave and Limited Two. She was happy, since she had grown used to the typical American clothes sense. She also had gotten a key chain with her name on it. Kagome was grateful that she had received great gifts, yet Inuyasha's kiss was the best one. No wonder there was no gift from him to her.
The rest of the group opened their gifts, and most were quite pleased. Meg was upset since one of her presents was a voodoo doll of herself with the head cut off. Yet Peter, who had gotten a beer-drinking hat, was extremely happy. Their hard work had paid off. Everyone was more or less okay with what they had gotten. Sango was the last to open gifts.
Sango had also received a lot of clothes. She also received a teddy bear and figure of herself holding her boomerang.
"Oh god, I look fat!" Sango said. Another gift contained great surprises. She opened up the gift and shrieked. In her hands was a package of thongs.
"Ha, those were from me, you can keep them if you'd like, but your real present is under that," Miroku said.
Sango opened the gift and gasped. It was the beautiful necklace that she had seen in the window of the jewelry store. The gold chain was thin and fragile and in the middle sat a blue sapphire, gleaming in the artificial lights from the lamps. She gasped and placed one hand to her mouth and the other was holding the necklace and shaking. Sango was amazed and happy. She thought Miroku was pretty ignorant as men went and didn't think anyone noticed her with her nose pressed against the cold glass windows separating her from the necklace.
Sango stood up and hugged Miroku, who gently caressed her curves. She looked up at the monk. He leaned in and kissed her. Sango deepened it. The room stood still. They broke the kiss a few seconds later.
"What, no tongue?" Miroku teased. Sango giggled and blushed as she sat down.
-
The rest of the day went well. It was full of laughs, cheers, and food. Though the world can be a cold and evil place sometimes, days like this stop the world from turning to ice. Romance had blossomed and emerged. Meg was upset, since Inuyasha wasn't hers. Brian was kind of upset since Miroku never once mentioned that Brian had suggested giving her the necklace in the first place. Inuyasha felt slightly guilty since he never would have gotten his kiss if the all-powerful authoress hadn't suggested it. Yet, lots of romances are started through other people, or they may be ended. Also, Christmas had major affects on love and disposition of life. Inuyasha had done something selfless and kind, which he may not have done without the slightly malicious prodding of the authoress, but the spirit of Christmas was with him. If it wasn't, Inuyasha might be in a bunny suit in the Easter chapter. (Heck, I might just do it anyway!) So may the spirit of the holidays be with you all as we pass into this joyous time of year!
-
OMG I gave a speech! I really outdid myself with the kissing and romance, thanks to Arusgirl for the love idea. Plus, this chappie is extra long! It's like 17 pages in size 16 font! Happy Holidays my readers, reviewing would be a great present!
