Inuyasha Meets Family Guy: part 8
I am so sorry once again for not updating. Here is my lame excuse list this round! 1. Project for social Studies. 2. My birthday was on the 11th and of course I was very busy, I had peer mediation training from 9-3, then altar serving from 5-6, finally I went out to dinner with my family. You're about to kill me, aren't you? But I have good news; I have made a blog! (happy music). There you can get alternate chapter titles, what's to come, and info about emotionalanime and Liz, the evil authoress we all know and love! Let'' just start this fic!
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Quagmire had been coming over to the Griffen house a lot lately. He sometimes came to dinner (making sure he sat between Kagome and Sango, much to Miroku and Inuyasha's dismay). Quagmire often came over just to hang out and show Peter and Miroku his new Playanimeboy, (much to the two's pleasure). But tonight, he knocking softly on the living room window, where Miroku was sleeping that night. Quagmire knocked a bit more urgently this time. The monk stirred, slowly siting up as he yawned. When his vision finally kicked in, he saw Quagmire.
"Quagmire, what are you doing here it's…" Miroku began, checking the luminous alarm on a nearby table. "1 in the morning."
"I know, but I was wondering if you wanted to go on a little night of fun?" Quagmire asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"Don't you mean morning?" Miroku replied.
"Morning, whatever, you coming?" Quagmire asked.
"Sure," Miroku answered, standing up and throwing his robe over him. Quagmire giggled at the impending excitement, for he had planned three great places to visit on this night of excitement.
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The two climbed into Quagmire's car, which was filled with woman in the nude, in glossy print of course, blow dolls, and woman's bras and panties.
"Where are we going?" Miroku asked, while flipping through a playanimeboy.
"To a magical place, Harry," someone said from the back seat. It was Dumbledorr and Harry Potter sitting in the back seat, ducking to not be seen, which failed.
"Who are you people?" Miroku asked.
"Not again, get the heck out you freaks!" Quagmire shouted, before hitting the two wizards over the head with a magazine that displayed a woman in lingerie giving a sexy look at the reader. The two shouted as the two disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Dang wizards," Quagmire said, as he began to drive.
When they arrived at their destination, the two got out of the car and headed toward a building.
"Where are we?" Miroku asked. Quagmire pointed at a sign. The sign displayed the words 'You are at the pool, your very stupid if you can't see this sign, don't ask something as moronic as 'where are we."
"Oh."
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The two men made their way to the front desk, where a secretary sat at her desk. She was a tall woman and her bosom was quite large as well. "Can I help you gentlemen?" she asked in a demanding tone.
"Uh yeah, could you tell us how much it costs to get into the midnight swim?" Quagmire asked.
"It costs 2 dollars and your friend's phone number," she said.
"My what?" Miroku asked, taken aghast by the woman's strange request.
"Your phone number," she said again.
"Oh, I see what you're getting at, call me anytime, sweetie," Miroku replied, winking at the secretary.
"Uh, I need your phone number for the membership form," the secretary said, pushing some papers toward the monk, who whimpered at the cruelty of it all.
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Miroku and Quagmire stood in the men's locker room preparing for their midnight swimming adventure. Miroku was getting dressed and Quagmire was reading in interest what looked like the Wall Street Journal. Miroku walked over and asked him why he was reading such a stuffy, formal magazine.
"Oh, I'm looking at this article that states the tax options available to Americans," Quagmire said. Miroku twitched and screamed. His friend was supposed to be cool and against anyhting that didn't have any particular value to their "needs".
"Hey, Miroku does this chick look all sexy librarian-ish?" Quagmire asked.
"Yeah, you're right." Phew, Quagmire hasn't gone corporal on Miroku.
"You coming to the pool?" asked Miroku.
"Uh, yeah, hang on. Meet you out there," Quagmire said.
"Alright."
"Oh corporal world, how I love thee!" said Quagmire in pure bliss. AN: I have just scared you all, haven't I?
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When the two men made there way to the pool, they were amazed. Beautiful woman everywhere! They were all wearing beautiful swimsuits that hugged them tightly.
Heavenly bliss, the two men thought. They climbed into the pool and waded about three feet, to a group of woman who were splashing each other.
"Uh… Hi there, can we play too?" Quagmire asked.
"hfkjgi,lqe.igslf?" the woman asked in a language different from their own.
"Uh… excuse me?" Miroku asked.
"Ahghweob;lcjbo?" she asked again, a slight agitation in her voice.
"I know what language she's speaking! She's speaking Nowagerman!" Quagmire proclaimed, sticking an exclamatory finger into the air.
"What the heck kinda sugar-induced illness is that?" asked Miroku with a slightly nervous look on his face.
"It's not an illness! It's a language! A language of love!" Quagmire said.
"It's an expression!" another man added.
"It's sexy cool!" another person yelled.
"Dude, no one says sexy cool anymore!"
"Yeah, get outta our pool!"
"I was just trying to have fun!" the man protested, yet he quickly got out of the pool when they prepared to fire their inner tubes at the uncool man.
"So anyway, I know one saying in Norwagerman," Quagmire said. "fjigheigheiw, cqhiw, weowu iiwhf tiog?" he said to the woman. (Translation: your mother is a fat piece of by-product cheese)
The woman slapped him across the face and ran off crying.
"What, all I asked was if we could all play marco polo, but I guess where she comes from, that's a sin," suggested Quagmire.
The next minute, the girl appeared at the side of the pool with a giant chicken. The chicken gave Quagmire a glare and motioned for him to come out.
"Did you call my girlfriends mother a fat piece of by-product cheese?" he asked, waving a fist in the two men's direction.
"N-no, I just asked if we could play marco polo!" Quagmire defended. The woman shook her head and started crying again.
The chicken jumped on top Quagmire, who could do nothing in resistance. The3 chicken punched, kicked, and pecked the everlasting heck out of the perverted man. Blood slowly rose to the top of the pool.
"sjfhoivjgfkdgjdj!" the woman said.
"fheifge, hpwdw," the chicken said as he got off of Quagmire. "Well, looks like I have to go, Fufhjw, here doesn't want you to die, no matter what you said about her mother," said the chicken.
"Th-Thank you!" Said Quagmire, through chipped, and broken teeth.
"What did you say!" the chicken said, before leaping once more onto unsuspecting- and very sorry man.
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After Quagmire's wounds healed in a cartoon sort of way, Miroku and Quagmire tried- yet again, to find a group of woman that would play Marco Polo with them. So they made their way up to a group of woman, who they thought would have the biggest busts.
"Hello ladies, would you do us the honor of letting us play Marco Polo with you?" Miroku asked.
"Sure," one of them said before turning around. Quagmire and Miroku gasped. This was no woman! This was a cross dresser! The man was in a purple 1-piece bathing suit that was very tight- disgustingly tight… if you know what I mean. The man had many a muscle that of which were used to pick up Miroku and hold the monk above his long, brown-haired head.
"Ah!" said Miroku.
"Oh my you're a cutie!" said the man. Escape was impossible. They were forced to play a quick game of Marco Polo before high tailing it out to the car, not bothering to change into their regular, dry clothes.
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"That was scary, but at least it's over now,"Quagmire said, rubbing his temples and tried to remove the scarring that had received that night.
"Oh well, where are we going next?" Miroku asked.
"We are going to my friend's secret underground store!"
"Why is it a secret?" questioned Miroku.
"Because my friend's a geek and he thought it sounded cooler that regular underground store!" Quagmire answered.
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When the two pulled up they saw nothing but a normal looking house, the exception being the Star Wars lawn gnomes. They parked the car and made their way up to the door. Quagmire sighed and began a special knock. A man of approximately 20 years came out. He was tall and thin as a rail. On his black shirt the words MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU! Displayed in annoyingly bold letters. His face was covered in little red zits and his hair was greasy and brown.
"Sup Quagmire!" he said, making the "we come in peace" sign (or whatever the moogle it's called!)
"Oh hi," Quagmire said halfheartedly.
"OMG it's Miroku!" he said jumping on the monk who let out a yelp.
"You're an inspiration to perverts everywhere!" he said.
"Glad that I inspired you," said Miroku from under the man.
"Uh, listen Bob-," Quagmire began before being cut off by the man who had been on top of Miroku only a moment ago.
"The name is Luke Skywalker! And my dog is R2D2!" Bob answered as a dog in a metal suit came to his feet.
"Wow, he sure looks… tough," said miroku, glancing once more at the dog that was now lying on his stomach, trying to shed the metal suit.
"Come on in!" said Bob, or Luke Skywalker. The two followed. "So any particular item your looking for? Maybe an action figure or a talking Yoda plush?"
In the corner Yoda just stood there until the figure suddenly said "Yo."
"Uh, why don't you just take my friend and to the closet?" asked Quagmire. Miroku gulped, he did not know what this "closet" thing was. He hoped it didn't involve… you know, mutant penguins and all that.
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When they entered the closet, Miroku was in heaven. All around him were woman! Beautiful naked woman! All cardboard or shiny, glossy paper! Miroku gasped and glanced around the room with hot intensity. He began to feel a love like he never had before for any life-sized naked woman before! Quagmire was already picking out a few pieces to add to his wonderful collection.
"Hey, look up. I got some new pieces of a very wonderful young woman," Bob/Luke Skywalker said.
"Come on you don't say wonderful young woman! You say sexy, hot bi-," but Miroku wasn't listening to Quagmire's complaint, as he was looking at the ceiling and what he saw amazed and shocked him… on the ceiling was Sango, in the nude.
"Uh hey, how much would it be to buy all of the merchandize regarding the woman on the ceiling?" asked Miroku.
"Well, I've got posters, magazines, mugs, umbrellas, and alarm clocks," said Bob.
"How much would it cost all together?" asked Miroku; Sango would kill him if she found out that he didn't show her ALL of it.
"About six hundred dollars! Which is more than I make in a month! My mom will be so proud of me!" Bob said.
"I'll be proud of you when you bring home a wife and six children!" his mother called from the kitchen. Miroku gave Quagmire a cute little chibi look.
"No. No way. No!" said Quagmire, throwing his hands up in defense from the horrid cuteness that was always effective.
Flashbacks:
Sango saw a purse that she really wanted, but a look at the price tag told her that she couldn't have it. So instead of exercising self-discipline and not buying the purse until she got a job, she went up to the nearest guy. She batted her eyelashes and made the renowned chibi face. The man quickly bought her the purse… and a ring, and a car. But before he could return with an 'I love you, cute little chibi of my heart', Sango was gone, purse in hand.
End Flashback
Flashback 2
Sesshomaru was at a baseball game when the ball flew into the stands. Sesshomaru tried to catch the ball when the man behind him caught it. Sesshomaru turned around to threaten the man into giving the baseball to him, when he noticed that this man was HUGE! He was a cross between a body builder and a biker.
"Do you want something, little man?" the man asked. Sesshomaru did his cute little chibi face.
"Aw…," the man began, before being sliced into bits by Sesshomaru's Tensaiga. Sesshomaru scowled as he sat back down, victory in his heart contrasting the scowl.
Flashback 2 end
"I don't know why I fell for that!" said Quagmire, in a slight fit of rage, as the two began to drive to their next destination.
When they arrived, they were in front of a very large building that displayed the words 'GYM' in bold letters on a sign.
"Why are we here?" asked Miroku.
"Stupid! There are hot chicks here! Hot chicks means hot chicks in dressing rooms too!" said Quagmire, slapping his forehead in disappointment of the monk. He sighed as he dragged Miroku in behind him.
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The two had signed in under Quagmire's name. The gym was a wonderful fitness center with health classes, seven exercise rooms, and a large running court. Yet the two men were not in any of these fine areas, as they were in the air vents that were above the locker rooms. The two barely fit in the narrow passageway.
"Hey, couldn't we just sneak into the locker rooms dressed as girls or something cliché like that?" asked Miroku.
"No, I've done this before!" said Quagmire. Miroku looks toward the camera and frown, the in-studio audience laughs as Miroku shakes his head and sighs.
"Let's go, this is it!" Quagmire said as he pulled out a screwdriver and loosened the screws on the large metal tile. "Down I go! Follow me Miroku!"
"Okay!" said Miroku, his excitement was hard to contain.
The two fell down into the locker room. What They saw was not a bunch of naked woman who had been peacefully changing and showering until the two men barged in, instead they saw a bunch of naked men, some of which wearing towels, others were wearing nothing at all. The men gave them a very cheery look and paid them no mind. However, Miroku and Quagmire were twitching as they struggled to climb back into the air vent. When they were finally up, one very strong looking man said to a another muscled man "Did I just see two puny guys fall from the air vent?"
"No, it must just be the steroids talking," the second man replied.
"I didn't know that steroids gave you hallucinations," the first man said.
"Neither did I."
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Once the two men in the air vent stopped gasping for breath and release from their state of mental scaritude, they tried once more to get into the woman's locker room. Success! They saw woman! The two fell once more into the locker room. Woman's shouts were heard as they gathered around the two men.
"Wow! This is better than that dream! And that was a super-bonafide dream!" said Quagmire.
"Wait! Quagmire, you said you've done this before!" said Miroku as the woman drew nearer.
"Yeah…. Wait I didn't mention I got caught soon after?" answered Quagmire.
"No!"
"Uh-Oh, But I have done this in a dream before!" said Quagmire.
Begin Dream:
Quagmire fell into the locker room. All around were woman with their faces down by their supple, bare busts. Quagmire was in heaven, which would also explain why the locker room was filled with beautiful fruits, flowers, and trees with wonderful foliage. Quagmire went up to one of the woman. He slowly moved his hand toward her bust. She sat up and exclaimed, "My face is down here!" Then three angels came down and removed him from his own personal heaven.
End Dream.
"Aw no, I got caught in my dream too!" said Quagmire.
"Stop living in a fantasy world of regret and forgetfulness and run!" shouted Miroku, dragging his companion by the collar. They passed a woman at the desk that was talking to security about to "Peeping Tom's". She waved to the two as they ran out the door.
The two made their way out to the parking lot and did not stop breathing heavily until Quagmire started the ignition.
"Dude, we made it out just in time, how cliché is that?" asked Miroku.
"Very. But at least nothing bad happened-," Quagmire began. Before he could finish his statement of gratitude, Harry Potter and Lord Voldermort jumped onto their car and began to fight for the fate of the wizarding world. After two moments of shock and violent wizard confrontation, Quagmire came to his senses and threw two Sango mugs at the two wizards, who were hit square in the nose. They ran off. "I learned that on the discovery channel. Remember boys and girl, if your ever close to two dangerous wizards who are battling for the fate of the world, just hit them in the nose with a hard, plastic object. Preferably a mug with a naked anime character on it," said Quagmire.
"Let's just go!" said Miroku. With that, the two drove home.
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When Miroku landed on the couch, he was on top of Peter, who like him had a long night out. Miroku passed out on top of Peter, who was in an alcohol-related snooze. Miroku would never forget that night, or the next morning either, when Sango saw the two men sleeping on the couch in a not-so-pure position. But then again, she never did find out about the Sango merchandize or Miroku and Quagmire's night of fun. So for now anyway, everything was a good as it was going to get.
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All right, this chapter of IMFG is complete. I'm very sorry that I can't answer any of your Private Messages, but I just haven't had the time. But new fanfiction is coming up and I'm going to try to be better with my posting, but I did a 3,182 word chapter and that takes a lot out of me (let's go with that!). So I'll try to get emotionalanime of her lazy studying butt and type this thing out! bye-bye for now and REVIEW!
Ps: thanks to Kincaid (sorry, my Internet is being stupid and I can't get to my review page, so I can't really remember what your name was. You can beat my master, emotionalanime with a lead pipe if you'd like) for the ideas! I owe you my life!
