Inuyasha Meets Family Guy: part 9

AN: Sesshy is going to be really OoC. I'm sorry, but on artistic grounds, I must make our favorite demon a big, weeping girl. I'm so sorry, but it has to be this way, for Sesshomaru comes to term with his deep side of body hatred as he chokes down diet pills. I'm sorry, stone me if you wish.

-

The weather was beautiful for the Inuyasha and Family Guy crew. The sun was shining, the birds were signing sweet melodies, and there was not a hint of pollution in the air. Of course, our friend Sesshomaru was facing this atmosphere with a sour expression and crossed arms. He grumbled, for it was 9 am and he did not feel like being awakened by sunlight peering through the blinds as he desperately tried to hold on the sleep that only moments ago, had consumed him in another reality and false comfort. Sesshomaru stood up and glanced at the door, which opened, almost like he had called the being into the room.

Peter Griffin was the being who had bust in. The man was dressed and ready for the day, with a smile plastered on his face like it had been attached by Super Glue.

"Sesshomaru, were going to the mall, wanna come?" the man asked, ignorant of the sleepy expression and scowl that showed no bounds.

"No, I don't want too. No, never again burst into my room you barbari-," the silver haired demon began, before being pulled by the arm by the over weight man.

"Great! Let's go!" shouted Peter, not hearing the words of protest that came from the demon. Sesshomaru could easily have broken free and killed the man, yet he decided to refrain, for he was too lazy and decided that it was not worth it, he was basically on vacation.

The next minute or so, everyone was in the car waiting for Peter to start driving. Meg, who was currently next to Sesshomaru looked into the demons sleepy eyes.

"Sesshomaru, you look tired," said Meg.

"I AM tired, how long did it take you to figure that out!" Sesshomaru shouted at the girl, who backed away into Inuyasha's arms, much to the dismay of Kagome, who in turn slapped Meg.

"Sesshomaru, you really should control your anger, you know what happened to those movie stars who beet up cameramen," said Lois calling to mind an incident that landed Lindsey Lohan in the Insane Asylum. Apparently she had gotten so paranoid over cameras that she shouted and hissed at a child who had a play toy camera. The boy just kept playing as a white van with the words Happy Hotel, Formally the Funny Farm: if you or someone you love is insane, paranoid, or freakishly dangerous to society, call us at 1-800-I-M-CRAZY rolled up and took the insane star away. The children cheered!

"Whatever," the demon said, glancing out the window to watch the landscape and pollution move abstractly by.

When the group got to the mall they all formed groups. Of course, Sesshomaru had no say; he just let himself get lumped in with any group. The group he was in this time included Chris, Meg, and Stewie. Sesshomaru scowled, wondering what cruel sick fate forced him to be in this crude world?

As they wandered along, they saw a group of teenagers gathered around a shop window. A neon title showed above the store. It read '2 Cool 4 U'. Everyone knew the name of that store. It was a legend, with their amazingly sexy employees, their complementary lemonade for those who donated to there 'Charity 2 buy more junk' designer can, and of course their designer labels with their horrendously high prices. They even made people pay to glance at the items. Meg was so proud of the fact that she once got to glance at a pair of socks that were on clearance.

However pricey the store was, they were allowing many people, mostly girls, up to three feet from the window. A security guard with a mop was ready to fend off anyone that was a danger to the store. The group fended their way through the crowd to what seemed to be a flyer on the shop's window.

Do You Want to Act?

Of course you do, you're a teenager. You would love to have your 15 seconds of fame, wouldn't you? Come to me…. And bring 300 dollars….. right now.

"Well that's vague," said Stewie. Suddenly a man in an expensive looking suit came out of the shop for the rich. He snapped his fingers and up came two men, one with a chair and another with a Pop-tart. The man sat in the chair as he began to eat the Pop-tart. After three sophisticated chews, he spit the toasted pastry out and onto the floor.

"I said I wanted cinnamon, and this is extra cinnamon! It doesn't work!" he shouted. Another Pop-tart was put in its place.

"Now, do any of you blokes have the 300 dollars I asked for. Many people held up wallets or checks, one person even held up an expensive looking poodle, much to the dismay of the pink dog. Meg, Chris, and even Stewie were looking in their pockets. Sesshomaru stood there with a devil-may-care expression.

"Now line up!" the man said, his British accent ringing throughout the room. People from every age group lined up. The man walked past each one and asked them why they wanted to act.

One girl blushed and said "Well, like, I dropped out of high school so I could, like get an acting job. Then I like couldn't find one so I like had to live with my parents. So I, like want to get money and be rich and famous and have a really hot movie star boyfriend and then become a like pop idol!"

Little did she know that the man in the expensive velour suit was already talking to the next person.

"So, why do you want act," the man asked.

"I want to be considered hip and fresh for the children so that they may come and play Monopoly with me and then we can swing," the pedophile old man asked.

"Okay.. Don't call us, we'll call you," the man first man said.

Finally, it was Meg's turn. She was giggling, blushing, and chanting 'oh my god, oh my god!'

"I can't tell your gender, NEXT!" the man said. Meg burst into tears and ran off. He moved on to Chris.

"Lay off the Twinkies and come back in five years!"

"Okay!"

He stared off into the distance. He then spotted Sesshomaru, who was staring off in the distance, indifferent to the world.

"He's perfect!" he shouted. As Sesshomaru began to walk away, the short man ran after the demon.

"Hey, didn't you want to try out for the acting role?" asked the man.

"No," Sesshomaru answered as he continued walking away.

"Well, uh, you would be perfect for this role in a commercial. You'd get fame, fortune, and a lifetime supply of Loofas!" said the man, noticing the Loofa man on the demons black T-shirt.

"A- a lifetime supply of loofas?" Sesshomaru repeated. He imagined what he could do with all the loofas.

Enter loofa-filled Fantasy:

Sesshomaru and the loofa at the park, bisecting bugs, getting drinks at the water fountain and squirting the water into peoples' faces, and going on the swings. Suddenly, the man entered the fantasy and asked "Well, are you in?"

Sesshomaru was now not as sure. He loved the loofas, but did he want to become a Hollywood star? The pressure, the limelight, the prospect of leaving his newfound friends and family. Wait, Sesshoamru hated all of those people to who he was aquatinted with.

"I'll do it! Oh please, I'll pay you and everything, just get me away from those freaks!" Sesshomaru cried.

"Okay, but we're paying you!" the man said. "Name's Mason by the way, what's yours?"

"Sesshomaru," the demon replied.

"Well, Sesshomaru, this is the beginning of a beautiful partnership!" Mason said, clapping an arm around Sessomaru's shoulders. The two walked off into the sunset, while the other members of the group were left behind to gawk.

-

A few hours later, Sesshomaru was sitting in the lobby of a very large building. The windows were spotless and large, the size of the walls they were surrounded by. He leaned against the wall and waited for Mason to return from his office. The demon had been waiting a very long time, but he needn't wait any longer, for Mason returned, and in his hands was a large scroll of paper, with the words CONTRACT spilled across the top.

"Sesshomaru, baby, we just want you to sign this little… license if you will," he said, handing him the scroll and the infamous feather quill.

"Uh, I've seen this on TV before, it never works!" said Sesshomaru.

"But think of the loofas!" Mason begged.

"Alright, I'll do it! I'll do it for the loofas!" Sesshomaru declared quite Out of character-like.

"Great, sign here, here, here, initial here – no not there- here, and here!" Mason replied, holding out the contract for the demon to sign.

"Okay, so now I'm going to be famous?" asked Sesshomaru.

"Yes, yes you will, so come dressed your best!" he said.

Next Morning at the Agency…

"I said to come dressed your best, not in your best dress!" shouted Mason, who stared in shame at Sesshomaru. The demon misinterpreted what Mason had said, and borrowed one of Lois's evening gowns and leather boots.

"Alright, the other people in the commercial will be here in an hour, so what can I do …" Mason trailed off.

Outside, they heard the voice of a rich British man.

"Oh, I shall just leave these wonderful jeans and T-shirts outside in front of this talent agency. It's funny, they are exactly the right size for a 900 year old demon who entered this world because his human companion wanted to pet a random ducky," he said, walking away with a hearty laugh.

"You thinking ……" said Mason, smirking at the demon.

"Yeah," answered Seshhomaru.

The two ran outside and ignored the British man's charitable donation of clothing and ran up to a man that was at least a foot and a half shorter than Sesshomaru. They hit the man in the head several times, then ripped off his clothes, which were a surprising pink tank top and short jean shorts. The "man" was a woman.

"Oh well," Mason said, as they carried the clothes inside for the demon to clothe himself with.

1hour later

Mason's office was bustling with people. Actors, actresses, make up artists, agents, security guards, and even a hobo stealing food from a table. Yes, the actors had arrived.

The women in the group were small and thin. Their tweedy figures barely covered with revealing clothing. On their faces were awkward looks that were pointed at Sesshomaru.

The men in the room shared the same glances, for they had never seen a man with long white hair, "paint" on his face, and wearing a tight a pink tank top and shorts.

"Okay, so now that we all know our roles, study your scripts and come back in three days to perform!" Mason said to the group of people. Everyone stood up and filed out of the room. Sesshomaru was the last.

As he walked down the dark hallways, he seemed to think that someone was following him. Naturally, such things didn't bother the demon, for he had seen worse. However he was wary, since he didn't want to be caught off guard, especially without his Tensaiga or Fluffle.

Suddenly, a figure approached! Sesshomaru lashed out, in a weird mix of karate and rape escapes. His attacker lay of the ground, holding his shin and sucking on his index finger.

"Jeez, man Ow!" he cried.

"Who are you!" Sesshomaru demanded, pointing a loofa at the man.

"That's not important! Now, this is gonna be a changing day in your life-,"

"Dr. Phill! I should have known!" Sesshomaru cried, cutting the man off. Of course, while attempting to cut the man's outstreched arm off

"No, stupid, don't you see that I have an Italian accent!" he said.

"The Godfather? Die!" Sesshomaru shouted, raising a fist over his head.

"No stupid! Just listen. I've got a gift for you. See, you ain't gonna get a good career as an actor unless you lose a bit of weight!" the man said.

"What! I'm not fat!" Sesshomaru shouted, offense ringing through his voice. Yes, Sesshomaru fell into the trap of body hatred at that very moment.

"Just take these," the man said, before disappearing into the darkness of the non-illuminated hallway. The demon stared blankly at the bottle labeled 'DIET PILLS' that currently lie at his feet.

The Gym

"Okay Sesshomaru, now it's important to start the treadmill slowly, can't have you- Hey what are you doing!"

Sesshomaru decided to get a workout at the gym and by 'workout' he meant total body fitness in an hour. So naturally, the treadmill was up to 30 miles an hour (I don't think treadmills can go that high) while the incline was at 14.

"Hey! Stop, you're going to get hurt and you're gonna have a bad time," his personal trainer said.

"Shut up!" Sesshomaru growled as he ran as fast as he could.

Later, Sesshomaru got on the weight machines. At the lateral pulldown (think long bar that you pull down), Sesshomaru was attempting to pull down 150 pounds, which had no prevail. No matter how well Seshhoamru could wield a sword, pulling 150 pounds was an impossible feat for a beginner, especially one who entered the world of Family guy, where fat people rule. So Sesshomaru left the gym half dead and starving, for he hadn't eaten anything that day. This was the start of a bleak period in Sesshomaru's 900-year-old life.

That day at the doctor's office…

"Er, Sesshomaru, you only exercised for an hour, you couldn't have possibly lost a ton of weight," the doctor said as the demon leaned on the wall in a dramatic state.

"But, I worked my hardest, why can't I have a body I want!" Sesshomaru cried in agony at the unfairness of it all!

"Sesshomaru, you don't need to be a twig-thin girl and you certainly don't need to choke down a dozen diet pills to achieve the body of those super models. Who cares if you're big boned?" the doctor said.

Sesshomaru walked out of the room with a look of self-hatred on his face as he left the doctors office. The nurse entered the room and gasped, as the doctor was currently hanging from a light fixture, blood coming out of his chest at a fast rate.

Meanwhile at the Griffen Household…

Sesshomaru held the diet pills in his right hand and a funnel in the other hand. He gulped, like a widow about to commit suicide, yet is considering all the other people who might need her, or considering the pain of the knife. (Creepy analogy, huh?)

He stood there, whimpering in front of the mirror. Sesshomaru took about 8 pills and placed them in his palm. He swallowed once more and raised his hand to his mouth. At that moment, Brian entered the bathroom with a PlayanimeBoy.

"What are you doing?" asked Brian, indifferent to whatever response came from the silver-haired demon. Sesshomaru broke down on the bathroom floor.

"I need to take diet pills because I'm fat!" he shouted.

"Well, you're not fat, but whatever you say," Brian said, lowering the toilet seat.

"You wont tell my parents?" he sniffled in reply.

"No, wait, your parents are dead, but I won't tell anyone," Brian replied.

"Oh, you're the bestest uncle ever!" shouted Sesshomaru as he hugged the dog. The demon left the room, bottle of pills and the funnel in his hands.

"I notice a disturbance in our demon's behavior," Brian said, before getting to "work".

-

The next morning…

Sesshomaru woke with a start. He stood up and went to his mirror. Why, he was bone thin! Remarkably shorter, but thinner. He ran down the stairs and entered the kitchen, where everyone was eating breakfast.

"Look everyone, I'm thin!" Sesshomaru shouted to the rest of the group. They all looked up and gasped.

"Sesshomaru, you're a midgit!" Chris shouted.

"But I'm thin! Not like you fatsos!" he shouted, casting a perfect and vain smile to the invisible camera that seemed to be following Sesshomaru, if only in his mind.

"Uh… whatever?" Inuyasha said.

"I'm off to a photo shoot, then I'm going to go to this new restaurant and buying a salad. It sure is expensive, but I'm worth it!" he said, before leaving.

-

The day had been a great day for Sesshomaru, as he walked down to the boutique as spent money he had stolen from Peter's wallet. Steal, it was such a harsh word, but Sesshomaru was worth it. He came out with a long, black overcoat and long black boots on his short legs.

"You look fabulous!" a voice said. Sesshomaru whirled around and saw Ayame from Fruits Basket!

"Thanks!" It sure is great being fabulous! He thought.

-

Next, Sesshomaru went to the restaurant La Chez Forrnei La Chezzie-Chez. He went up to the man at the booth thing and asked for a table for four, just in case someone came to eat with him, but who wouldn't, want to, he was so fabulous. But then, the man had the nerve to say "Right over here, ma'am!"

"I am a man!" Sesshomaru shouted.

"Oh! I'm terribly sorry," the waiter apologized.

"Well, I demand a free meal!" Sesshomaru commanded, pointing his finger of justice at the teenage red head.

"Uh, I don't know if I can do that!"

"Do you dare to refuse the fabulous Sesshomaru!"

"Uh- Julius Cesar talked in third person and he was amazingly conceited!" the teen said.

"Move it!" the man behind him said, agitation ringing in his voice.

"Fine! I don't need you! I don't need any of you! The Lord Sesshomaru does not need to eat in this miserable, dank, dingy place! I am leaving! But one day you will bow to me! Me, Lord Sesshomaru!" After the megalomaniac left the restaurant, a man shouted "Good Riddance!"

-

The next day Sesshomaru was the same; he looked down on others as though they were dirt. He treated everyone like garbage. The woman loved it. He was covered in the finest young woman around. Sesshomaru even found an assistant, a secretary look-a-like.

"Sir, I got you a lunch!" she said.

"I'm sorry, I only eat lunch prepared by beautiful woman," he said.

"I'll go get your lunch!" every woman (excluding the previous one) said as they ran to buy the demon something to eat.

"Sesshomaru?" a voice asked.

"You dare call me by my first name! I shall only be addressed as Lord Sesshomaru, Sir, or Mr. Fabulous!" the demon retorted, not bothering to look at the speaker.

"Sesshomaru, it's me, Brian," the voice said.

"Oh, Brian, how can I ever thank you for not telling anyone about the pills! I feel so… secure! And my secret is still safe, right?" Sesshomaru asked, not expecting an answer other than yes.

"Yes. But everyone guessed, they all realized it," Brian said.

"Oh, really now, no one can truly understand me!" Sesshomaru stated.

"Okay, but… Holy Cripe! What is wrong with your head… and your eyes!" Brian said, as the demon whirled around. It was true; Sesshomaru's head had grown twice its normal size. His neck was virtually gone and his eyes-! His eyes were half his face! There was no doubt about it: Sesshomaru had been Chibi-fide!

"You've… You've gone chibi!" Brian stuttered, taking a few staggered steps back.

"Yes. Yes I have, and once you go chibi, there's no turnin' back," Sesshomaru said. Brian gave his demon acquaintance an odd stare.

"Well, I'm off to my acting job!" Sesshomaru said, swirling around and leaving the store.

-

"That was a great screening, be sure to watch yourselves on TV next week!" Mason said, as he stood in front of the group of actors and actresses. Sesshoamru stood up and left, with a pompous look on his abnormally large head. All the actors were spreading awful rumors about the 900-year-old demon. However, Sesshomaru was too self absorbed to listen to what anyone else had to say.

"It was so nice working with you. Even if your just a minor character," Sesshomaru said to one of them.

"Whatever, but you're surely going to get onto the red carpet very soon," the man replied sarcastically.

"Yes, I'll be sure to mention this small job in my speech, three words tops, maybe."

"Well, be sure to watch yourself on TV," the man said with a snicker. He knew something. But Sesshomaru was too self-obsessed to care. The demon held out a keychain of his chibi self and smiled. It was good to chibi.

-

The Day of the Commercial…

Sesshomaru sat on the couch, a bowl of popcorn in his lap. His head was so large at this point, that the rest of the house members sat on the floor or in chairs.

"This is so cool, I can't believe you're gonna be on TV!" Meg squealed.

"Shh, it's coming on!" Sesshomaru hushed.

Sesshomaru is seen in a straight jacket and running away in a busy city. In his mouth is a chocolate bar with a wrapper that says 'Crazy Choco Bar'.

"Do you like the taste of Crazy Choco Bars? Of course you do! You know, I'm absolutely CRAZY for Crazy Choco Bars! CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY! MUHAHAHAHA!" he shouted. All of a sudden, two of the very hot actors come up and give the demented demon a large shot in the but. He falls asleep and is carried off by the two 'insane asylum' workers and into the Happy Hotel/Funny Farm truck. An announcer says "Insanely Good!" The image of an insane Sesshomaru holding a thumbs up sign is in the background.

For a moment, the whole family was in shock. Sesshomaru was the first to speak. "That was the blooper commercial. They said it was just for fun. I look like a fool."

"Uh, it's not that bad," Meg said, attempting to cheer the demon up, no matter how futile the effort was.

"Everyone leave the room," the silver-haired Sesshomaru said calmly.

"Why?" Kagome asked.

"I'm going to let the wrath of god fall upon the next object my eyeslock on to," Sesshomaru said darkly, beginning to twitch. Everyone ran out of the room and into the kitchen. The next moment, they heard the sounds of a lamp breaking and several violent shouts.

"Remind me to never, ever make that demon stressed," Inuyasha stated.

"So you see, Sesshomaru learned something today. He earned that fame and glamour may be great while they last, but friendship is what really matters. Hey, Hey, Hey!" Fat Albert's Bill Cosby says, spinning a basketball on his finger. Sesshomaru enters.

"No. I learned nothing." He said, before turning over the lemonade stand that the comedian had used for a table. Today was not Sesshomaru's day, but then again, it never is.

-

Okay if this really stinks, I'm sorry. But you readers are really going to kill me for this. But I'm going to have to write the Easter IMFG very late. I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait for Inuyasha and the bunny suit.

Bye, happy Easter or Passover, or whatever you celebrate! Just have fun while I write my Social Studies essay!