The Marauders' Papers

Bits and pieces from the Marauder Era

collected to understand what exactly happened at Hogwarts during the time of

Remus Lupin, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew.

Told entirely through notes, detention slips, homework, essays, etc.

-Not JK Rowling-


Potions; 6th Year

I can't believe you never told me!

Told you what, Prongs?

Oh, you know.

I can assure you I do not.

Why didn't you tell me you snogged Clair Jacobs?

Who did you hear that from?

A very reliable source that would not wish to have his name disclosed at this time.

In other words, Padfoot told you?

What gave you that idea?

Because Sirius tells you everything.

Well yes.

But,he does not count as a reliable source

Yes, he does.

Remember last year. The Lina Johnson story?

What about it?

I picked up a book for her one day and the following day we were married with three kids!

You wanting to be in a fast paced relationship does not pertain to Sirius's stories.

It was a rumor, Prongs. A rumor that Sirius started.

Never. Anyway stop trying to change the subject. You snogged Clair!

As I have been trying to say...it was a rumor!

Was not. Sirius told me you two were snogging in the library!

We were not! I was simply helping her study for our Transfiguration exam.

Sure, "studying". Fine, Moony, I understand. You don't want to tell dear ole Prongs about the new love of your life.

She's not the "love of my life" as you so kindly put it!

So you're still in love with Johnson then?

I'm not in love with either of them!

Have you told Johnson that? Moony, you and Johnson can't break it off. Think of your kids!

I HAVE NO KIDS PRONGS!

Well now you're just in denial.

Prongs do me a favor...

Break up with Johnson for you? I guess I could do that. It'll be a bit easier on her and the kids.

Then you can go get hitched to Jacobs and have some more kids. I must warn you, Moony, girls don't like it when us guys get married and then get a divorce with everyone. You might want to slow things down soon, you know?

Actually, I was going to tell you to stop writing to me. But, now I think that giving you a detention would be much more appealing.

Moony, don't do that to me!

You're right. I'll do it to both you and Padfoot for starting all of this in the first place.

Your wives's are probably not going to be too happy once they hear you are putting you best mates in detention.

Detention

Culprit (s): James Potter and Sirius Black

Crime: Spreading harmful rumors

Punishment: Tutoring Peter for two weeks

Additional Comments: Don't mess with me.

Signed: Remus Lupin

REMUS WHAT DID I DO?

Johnson and Jacobs

Oh, James told you about that...


An Excerpt From The Journal Of Remus Lupin; 3rd Year

Remus's journal,

You are in the hospital wing today and because I'm such a kind soul, I've decided to write in your journal for you! I hope you don't mind, and if you do...too bad.

So, let me update you on the day.

Well, I woke up around seven this morning, and took a shower, while singing. And guess what Remus! I only got yelled at to stop singing, five times! So, after that, I went to breakfast with James and Pete, then we went to visit you. Oh by the way, I stole one of your chocolate frogs, hope you don't mind. Then we went to Transfiguration, in which I got a detention for 'causing a disturbance' or something of that sort. You know, the usual. Then we went to the rest of our classes and cursed Snivelly a few times. Oh, James asked out Evans again. I bet you could guess what the result was.

Well, those were the highlights of the day. Oh, I know you told me to take notes for you...but I didn't. You understand right? I'm a very busy person, you understand.

Alright, that's all. Bye bye Remmy.


Transfiguration; 4th Year

How do I look, guys?

The same as you always do James.

Is my hair scruffy?

When is it not?

Very good point.

Going to ask out Lily again?

No

Then why are you caring about the way you look?

He's going to ask out someone else.

HE'S GOING TO WHAT?

I'm going to ask out someone else.

James, you can't do that! It'll disturb the delicate equilibrium of nature!

It was Sirius's idea in the first place.

Sirius...

WHAT? It's the perfect plan.

Plan for what?

The jealousy factor.

James, please, don't tell me you're taking dating advice from Sirius.

Excuse me, but I give excellent dating advice.

Sure, Sirius.

I do.

Like when you convinced Peter to dye his hair green because Andrea absolutely loved the color green and if Peter's hair was green she was certain to go with him to Hogsmeade.

It was a fool proof plan, it should've gone just as expected.

Her favorite color was BLUE Sirius.

You want to try blue hair then, Pete?

EXCUSE ME! But this note was about me, and my new "Obtain Lily By The End Of The Year" plan. Also know as the O.L.B.T.E.O.T.Y. plan.

So then, James, which girl are you planning to make Lily jealous with?

Jeanne Mitchell

The Slytherin 6th year?

May I remind you that both you and Sirius hate all Slytherins in this school?

This is true, but my dear Remus, you are forgetting one very important thing.

And what would that be?

Jeanne is the hottest girl in the castle. Even if she may be evil.

Evans will HAVE to be jealous.

Please. Lily is much too intelligent to fall for this trick.

Oh really Remus? We shall see.

I'm agreeing with Remus. 10 galleons say Lily doesn't give a care.

You're on. 20 galleons say Lily does care.

Let's watch and see what happens then, shall we?

Good luck, James!

Ha, Like I need it.

You see Remus, Peter, the look of jealousy in Evan's eyes?

I would probably interpret that as anger.

Jeanne looks happy though.

Snape doesn't.

Probably because he likes Jeanne. Ah the day keeps getting better and better. James will finally get Evans, and we managed to make Snivelly miserable as well!

There goes James, talking with Lily. Probably asking her if she's jealous.

Oh my. Did she just slap him across the face?

I believe she did! That would be 20 galleons, Sirius.

Good thing you're rich.

That's okay, Snivellus is still upset.

Wait, wait, I think there is more.

Looks like Jeanne found out you're 'brilliant' plan Sirius.

And there goes slap number two!

Looks like Snape is happier now.

Nice plan Sirius.

Don't blame the plan, Remus. It was bloody James who screwed things up.


Potions; 7th Year

Hi Lily.

Peter, why are you writing to me?

I'm not allowed to write to you?

No, it's just that you never do.

Well, you see, I needed to ask you something.

Oh? Well go ahead.

Would you please go out with James?

MERLIN!

He really likes you though!

So, I've realized.

Well then can't you just give him a chance?

Listen, Peter, I kind of fancy someone...

Oh. Could you hold on a second?

James, Lily fancies someone else.

SHE WHAT? That can't be true.

That's what she told me!

She's lying to you Peter. Plain and simple.

It didn't seem like it.

Well she was. I'll get Padfoot to talk to her.

Evans, why did you go and lie to Peter?

I wasn't lying.

Yes you are. You can't fancy someone when James does.

I can and I do.

No you don't.

I can assure you I do, Black. Now go run to Potter and you leave me alone.

It's true, mate.

It's not.

Hey, I can tell when a girl is lying, and she wasn't.

That's it, I'll get Moony to get the truth out of her.

So, Lily, I heard you fancy someone.

You heard correctly.

Who is it then?

Someone.

With the name of...

Nice try, Remus but, I'm not telling.

And why not?

Because...it's embarrassing.

Please don't tell me it's Snape.

No, no, it's not.

Well then who else would be embarrassing?

It's just...it's someone I've sworn myself against

Merlin.

But PLEASE don't tell him, Remus. PLEASE!

Merlin, Merlin, Merlin.

I think I'm about to pass out from shock.

EVANS KILLED REMUS!

I did not. He merely fainted.

I know I was getting on your nerves Evans, but did you have to go and murder one of my best friends?

I DIDN'T MURDER HIM!

It looks like you did.

I just told him something that shocked him is all!

Oooo, what?

Yeah, what?

Tell us Lily!

Oh, look at the time. I need to go. We have duty tonight, Ja—, Potter, don't forget.

Did she almost write, James?

Something very fishy is going on.

And I think Moony knows.

You think Moony will tell us?

He didn't even tell us he was a werewolf!

Very true.

Think we can risk a trip to Slughorn's stash of Veritaserum?

A/N: Reviews are always a nice way to start the summer!