Lunch Times

"If we were stuck in the Atlantic in sub-arctic conditions, would you let me on the door or leave me to freeze in the water?" Ron asked in the middle of lunch.

Kim put down her manwhich. "What?"

"If we were in the same situation as Rose and Jack, would you leave me in the water?" Ron asked.

"Ron, there wasn't enough room for both of them on the door," Kim said.

"Wade ran a scan of available surface area, there was enough room for both of them. Heck, they would have been warmer with two of them huddling for warmth," Ron replied.

"Seriously?" Monique asked.

"Told ya," Felix said. "No way was a door that big only large enough to fit one skinny girl on, it could easily fit two."

"The door didn't have enough buoyancy," Kim said. "They both tried getting on it several times and it just wouldn't hold."

"They could have shoved some dead bodies under it, that would have given it enough buoyancy," Felix said.

"Easily," Monique agreed. "I mean, half of the corpses were wearing life jackets. He coulda made a raft out of the bodies."

"True, but they didn't think of that," Kim said. "Now, having no way to keep the door afloat with both of them on it he decided to sacrifice himself to save her."

"Why is it always women and children first?" Felix asked.

"Because women didn't get to vote," Monique said, causing everyone to turn and stare at her. "Listen, with rights you get responsibilities. The men got to make the big decisions, so they got to make the big sacrifices."

"I suppose that's fair," Ron allowed. "Wait! Women can vote now, how come it's still women and children first?"

"It's a woman's world. You're just living in it," Monique said, stealing one of his fries.

"Eventually they're going to round us up and put us in camps," Felix said.

"Will you at least make sure it's a nice camp?" Ron asked.

"Of course," Kim said, "don't sweat it."

"Girl, you can't be burning all your woman cred on getting your male friends put in nice camps," Monique disagreed.

"Especially since I'd be burning credits to get him sent to the worst," Bonnie said. She wasn't sure what they were talking about, having just walked up with Tara to hand Kim the latest cheer schedule, but any chance to take a swing at Ron she'd take.

"Sorry bro, between the two of them I think your options are a little slim," Felix told Ron who groaned.

"Women rule the world, men are enslaved," Monique told Tara, seeing the confused look in her eyes.

"So, we get personal slaves right?" Tara asked.

"No reason to enslave all of mankind otherwise," Bonnie said.

"Ron will be my house slave then," Tara said. "He's a good cook, which no one can deny, and I have some other ideas for things I can have him do around the house."

"Kim would make sure you got in a good camp, but Tara would make sure you were her personal slave," Felix said. "It's easy to see what the better deal is."

"Hey!" Kim complained. "I could so make him my slave!"

"Tara called it first," Bonnie disagreed. "You snooze, you lose."

"What kind of foods do you like to eat?" Ron asked Tara. Everyone turned to look at him. "If I'm going to be her personal slave, I really should know her preferences."

"He's already half-trained and he hasn't even been through indoctrination yet," Monique said.

"What about the rebellion?" Felix asked Ron.

"I'm not really feeling it," Ron replied.

"We're slaves, how can you not be feeling it?!" Felix demanded.

"I've got a pretty cushy life," Ron replied. "I cook, I clean, and all I have to do is make Tara happy. My life is set. She's the one who has to go out and deal with all the pressures of life."

Tara frowned and turned to Felix. "Can I join the rebellion?"

Felix nodded and held out a fist. "Right on, sister. Down with the matriarchy!"

"So much for a women's world," Kim said. "When you lose the middle class like that it soon becomes anarchy."

"And men rule again," Monique said with a sigh.

"This is so stressful," Ron complained. "I don't want to decide how much we need to tax steel imports to insure a proper distribution on the tax curve!"

"What if I made your favorite foods and gave you a backrub?" Tara asked.

"That would help," Ron said, perking up a little.

"Aah, back on top," Felix said with a grin before frowning. "Which means a shorter male lifespan due to stress and workplace fatalities."

"You just can't win for losing," Kim said.

"What if we had both parents work?" Felix asked. "We even the field, no one sex is in charge."

"I'm still keeping my perks for being female," Bonnie said.

"They are kinda hardwired in," Kim admitted.

"Unfair, but not a completely one-sided deal," Felix said. "I don't have to get married after all."

"What?" the girls chorused.

"Well think about it," Felix said. "As a man I am no longer king of the castle, but I'm expected to work just like I am. Since the alpha position is gone, what do I have to gain?"

"A family?" Kim replied, as if it were obvious.

"You've seen the statistics, I get to be a father for three to five years tops! After that, its weekend dad at best and three quarters of my money gone," Felix replied. "I'd rather room with Ron and play video games for the next fifty years."

"I don't think I'd leave Tara," Ron said honestly.

"Yeah, but statistically, she'd leave you...probably for Mankey."

Ron looked offended by the very idea, if he had pearls he'd have clutched them.

"I'd never!" Tara exclaimed white faced.

"You would," Felix said with a sad sigh. "See, you've encouraged Ron to get ahead, so he's getting long hours in at work and in the meantime Mankey has been 'running into you' whenever you go out. It seems coincidences, but come on, why would he join yoga for moms?"

"It's a good program," Tara defended it.

"See?" he said to Ron. "Easy prey for Mankey while you are doing everything you can to give her the perfect life."

"While I say her life would be better without him in it, it's clear he's neglecting her in favor of work," Bonnie pointed out. "It's only natural she has to seek satisfaction elsewhere."

"Fifty years of freedom and videogames with me," Felix told Ron with a grin. "Maybe more if we actually watch our health."

"Ron?" Tara asked teary eyed.

"Sorry Bro, still gotta go with Tara," Ron said, causing here to squeal and hug him. "Besides, I don't have to spend all the time at work, I'm already rich."

"I thought Drakken stole it all," Kim said.

"No, all he got was the initial payment and projected yearly profits," Ron explained. "It's been steadily pouring in for the last three years and shows no signs of stopping."

"And what about Mankey?" Bonnie said, drawing Mankey's attention as he saw his girlfriend with her arm around Stoppable.

"What about me?" Mankey asked.

"I'd have him vanished," Ron said, startling everyone. "Do you know how many people I know who would gladly make someone vanish just for a favor from me?"

"Or to repay a favor they owe you," Kim added. "You saved a lot of villains' lives, now that I think about it."

"You'd kill him?" Tara asked wide-eyed.

"Wouldn't need to," Ron said, "I can have his memory wiped, gorilla DNA added, and roaming the southwest being chased by Bigfoot hunters with a snap of my fingers."

"Well...as long as he's not dead," Tara said.

"Babe!" Mankey complained.

"Sorry, but you really shouldn't have tried to come between us," Tara said, "and at least he agreed not to kill you."

"I... I gotta go pack," Mankey said. "Tara, I'm moving to France and don't believe in long distance relationships, bye." He quickly strode off.

"That was rude," Monique said.

"I told you he was a flake," Bonnie said.

"And I'm single again," Tara said with a sigh.

"Want me to come over and cook for you tonight?" Ron asked Tara.

"I'd like that," she said with a big smile.

"Ok, new plan," Felix decided. "Hey Bonnie, wanna play video games for the next fifty years?"

"Me?" she asked in disbelief.

"Why wait for a string of failed marriages and an alcohol dependency problem?" he asked. "Skip it all and do your liver a favor."

Bonnie thought about that for a minute. "Fine, but you better learn to cook because I'm only handling laundry."

"Deal!"

"So, what's your fifty-year plan?" Monique asked Kim.

"Ever seen Buckaroo Banzai?"

Monique nodded. "Rockstar, brain surgeon, philanthropist."

"Might as well go for the gold," Kim said.

"That's going for the gold, silver and bronze," Bonnie disagreed. "Leave something for the rest of us."

"You snooze you lose," Kim said, taking a moment to eat some lunch.

"You can't do everything at once," Bonnie disagreed.

"I can try," Kim argued.

"Ok, looks like Possible is going to be our burnt out overachieving friend," Bonnie said. "Who's got a couch for her?"

"She can babysit the kids for us on date nights," Tara said.

"I'll have enough money not to need to couch surf," Kim said.

"Yeah, but you'll be emotionally numb for having tried to do too much all at once," Monique replied. "Crashing on the Stoppable couch and caring for their kids will help you come back emotionally."

"We can make a movie out of it to show the dangers of overachieving!" Bonnie said.

"When are we having kids?" Felix asked.

"When they figure out a way for the man to give birth," Bonnie replied.

"So... surrogate?" he asked.

"I can accept that," she agreed.

"Not me," Monique said. "I'm old fashioned."

"It would probably help me recover from burnout," Kim admitted, "plus seeing Ron and Tara's kids would make me crave my own."

Zita joined the group, sliding in next to her boyfriend Felix. "What did I miss?"

"Kim has agreed to be a surrogate mother for me and Bonnie to help deal with emotional burnout from being an overachiever," Felix explained.

"That would probably do it," Zita agreed. "How did we get on this topic?"

"Ron asked me if we were in a Titanic situation if I would let him on the door," Kim explained.

"She'd have to," Zita said.

"What? Why?" Kim asked. "And remember women still didn't have the right to vote back then."

"Yeah, but you're forgetting one very important fact," she said.

"What?"

"Ron wouldn't be wearing any pants," Zita pointed out.

"Ohh," the group chorused.

"Yeah, you'd have to switch with him," Monique agreed.

"It would be too cruel," Bonnie admitted.

*Ring*

"And that's the bell," Zita said with a sigh. "Next time I'm not dealing with yearbook class until after school."

Typing By: lostbetweenhereandthere

AN: Been sick the last five days and for some reason, my fevered brain came up with this!