Midnight Snacks

A/N: So I'm finally back to writing a bit more on everyone's favourite weirdos; the Espada. It's been quite a while which sucks but I promise I'll start updating this more frequently. I have a tonne of ideas for this and by god am I going to put them out there. Anyways enjoy...

It was just after midnight when the smell hit her. Unlike the usual dingy and downright disgusting smells that Orihime had become accustomed to after living in Las Noches for a few weeks, this smell was the smell she had longed for most of all. The smell of perfection and love itself. The smell...of bacon. Being a normal girl surrounded by a group of murderous monsters with varying psychological disorders the red head obviously jumped out of bed and followed the scent down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Who's a good kitty?!" ...at least until she heard that sentence. "Who's a gooooood goooooood kitty cat ehh?!"

Momentarily forgetting the smell, the girl crept up to the source of the noise; namely the sexta espada's room. The door was slightly ajar which allowed her to peek through and witness a truly disturbing sight. The video on the big TV screen didn't disturb her; it was just a cat being stroked. Neither did the rest of the room, which was covered in mats and balls of yarn. It was what the espada himself was doing was what disturbed her. "Yeahhh I'm the good kitty! That's it girl, scratch the back of my neck..."

"Umm...Grimmjow? W-what are you doing?"

The cat man practically jumped out of his skin, screaming and firing ceros everywhere. "JESUS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Slowly climbing out of the rubble that was once his room and the corridor, the redhead stuttered "I-I-I h-heard a n-noise s-s-so I c-came to ch-check it o-out." She tried her best not to look down at the naked lower half of her friend but it was hard not to. Especially when he made no effort to cover up.

"...Well knock first next time." He growled before sniffing the air. "Hey wait a minute...the hell is that smell?!"

"Bacon!" Orihime squealed, happy for a chance to forget about the scene she had just witnessed. "Have you never had bacon before?!" He shook his head and she gasped. "Well come on then; you're going to try some! ...after you put some pants on."

And put some pants on he did, and after about five minutes of following their noses they arrived at, surprise surprise, the kitchen. However, they weren't exactly alone... "Szayel, the hell are you...?"

"Shhhhh!" The scientist shushed him and pointed at the sleeping form of Starrk. "Poor guy has finally managed to escape that blasted gun of his. This could be his only chance to get some sleep."

The pair nodded sympathetically. Pretty much everyone in Las Noches loved Starrk. He was a pretty chill guy and he usually went along with everyone's crazy schemes when asked, plus he stood up to Barragan for them when he was being a dick (which was pretty much all the time). Basically he was the cool older uncle of the establishment. The least they could do was give him some shut eye. "You come here for the smell too?" Orihime whispered.

Szayel nodded. "I've read reports on this bacon substance and I am led to believe that it is indeed a food from the gods."

"So where is this crap then?"

The pink haired man pointed to the counter that was stacked at least a metre high with uncooked bacon strips. "I do not know where it came from, or how this much of it managed to slip through the surveillance tapes, but I think..."

"Bacon sandwiches?" Orihime asked, eyes lighting up.

Grimmjow grinned and high fived her. "Hell the fuck yeah!"

After she had healed her broken hand (the sexta espada wasn't know for holding back his high fives) the three went to work finding and making a mountain of bacony glory.

"Umm we don't have any bread..."

"No problem; we'll just make some of the bacon extra crispy, strap it together and use that instead."

"Grimmy...the cooker doesn't work..."

"Simple; I'll use my ceros to heat the pans."

"Shouldn't these be served with butter or something?"

"They can be, but I prefer them covered in chocolate..."

"Woman that is disgusting and wrong on every level."

The trio jumped in surprise, dropping the pans/bacon in their hands. "Ulquiorra?! What in Aizen's name are you doing here?!"

"I see everything that goes on in here. Everything." He replied flatly and both Grimmjow and Orihime blushed regarding their previous encounter. "It was only a matter of time before I came here to uncover your scandalous activities."

"They're hardly scandalous Ulquiorra." Szayel sighed. "We're just making sandwiches. It's hardly the crime of the century."

"Nevertheless this is a crime, and as your superior officer I..."

"Christ what's all this racket?!" All of them turned around to find a sleepy Starrk groaning and rubbing his head. "And what's the smell?"

"First espada Starrk; I was in the process of apprehending these criminals..." The others shot him a dirty glare which he of course ignored, "...for the crime of improperly using our food stores."

Starrk looked at him. "...So you woke me up because these guys were making a midnight snack?" The fourth espada nodded. "And you're going to order them to stop?" Again, Ulquiorra nodded.

"Aww please don't let him take away our bacon!" Orihime begged.

The primera espada smiled kindly. "I wouldn't dream of it. Well if we're pulling rank here I order you to assist these people in making the best bacon sandwiches possible."

The caretaker was flustered. "But Starrk you can't possibly..."

"Does someone need another lesson in counting? You're number four and I'm number one, which means that I'm ranked above you. Now stick that apron on over there and get to work."

He winked at the other three and they laughed. This was why everyone loved the guy. "This apron has fluffy bats on it." ...well why most people loved him.

"Awww you look so cute Ulqui!" Orihime squealed at her stoic friend.

Szayel smirked, surpessing laughter. "Ah yes, I remember making this for you quite a while back."

"Holy shit this is amazing!" Grimmjow roared with laughter.

"When this is over I am going to kill you all."

Once again they went back to making their sandwiches. With five people the work was done incredibly quickly, despite one of them constantly nodding back off to sleep and another occasionally throwing knives and other sharp instruments at the rest of them. Finally though the sandwiches were complete, and the group all sat down and took a bite.

"Mmmm!" Orihime drooled. "Good work team; these are amazing!"

"Indeed my reports were correct." The scientist chipped in, reaching for his second.

Grimmjow simply gave them a thumbs up while stuffing his face with his third and fourth sandwiches. Starrk just smiled dreamily and casually nibbled on his piece. Eventually all eyes fell on the grump of the group for his final verdict.

"...These are acceptable."

Just then the doors burst open and the now startled team were greeted with the sight of two of their commanders standing side by side. "See; I told ya they were the one's stealin' food!"

"Your blind jokes are still not humorous Gin." Tousen snapped before walking towards the snackers. "However it seems that I may have underestimated your ability to tell the truth."

It was that exact moment that they realised they had been set up. In their haste, none of them had remembered the rumours going round of a midnight snacker stealing supplies from the store room. The problem had become pretty serious, and Aizen had even issued a warning that anyone caught doing it would be severely punished. And right now looking at Gin's chocolate covered grin they knew just how this was going to play out.

"Commander Tousen; I can explain..."

"I expected better from you Ulquiorra. I am very disappointed." He shook his head before pointing to the door. "Now all of you; to the throne room. I'm sure Lord Aizen has something to say to you all regarding this matter."

Needless to say they were all punished. Starrk, who had taken most of the rap for this like a true bro, was forced to baby sit all the new arrancar that were created, which was literally his nightmare job. Ulquiorra had his tea privileges removed which brought him to tears almost. Grimmjow was called a "Very bad kitty" and had all of his yarn balls taken away. Even Szayel got in trouble as he had his new lab plans rejected. But despite this somehow Orihime got off easily, an unusual occurrence that they all pondered on the long walk back to their rooms.

"Maybe he likes your tits?" Grimmjow suggested and Ulquiorra punched him.

"Actually it was me." Gin was standing at the end of the hallway with a chocolate bar in his hand and his trademark foxy grin.

"Why did you screw us ov-...you know what, forget it. I'm not talking to you. Fuck this I'm going to fail at sleeping some more." Starrk grumbled before walking off in a huff. The others however stayed, curious for their own reasons as to why he helped her.

"Bet ya all wonderin' why I helped 'er right?" They blinked in unison. "...Guess it'd be a real dick move to leave yas hangin'. Reeeeaaaal diick mooove..." There was a silver flash and he was gone.

The four all looked at each other. "No matter what happens, we're getting him back for this."

A/N: Hope you all liked this one :) Sorry to leave you hanging but I'll be updating again soonish so you'll find out why Gin is being surprisingly nice. Or is he... Muhahaha :P But yeah, read, review and give me some ideas :)