Good Boys
A/N: Its been a crazy few years, but I recently realised how many people are still reading and reviewing the fics I wrote and I got hit hard by the nostalgia. I don't know how long I'll be back for but less of that mushy shit. Here goes dusting off the keyboard…
Getting back to Orihime's room was an adventure in of itself. The combination of hiding the small dog from ravenous arrancars and in turn hiding Grimmjow from the "satanic" puppy's licks meant that it felt like years before the trio entered her doorway and collapsed on her bed.
"That was tenser than the time I had to tell Aizen his hair gel wasn't properly rubbed in at the sides…" Grimmjow still remembered his glare piercing through his heart. "Remind me why I'm being kept hostage with that…thing?!"
"You were with us when the Silver Fox gave us this animal; he will expect you to take care of it." Ulquiorra sighed into Orihime's copious amount of plushies. "I too will be held responsible. Once again woman you have doomed us b-…woman?"
But Orihime was too busy focused on snuggling her new best friend. "Ohhhh aren't you the best little boy?! Yes yes yes! Yes you are!"
The espada exchanged glances. "Did you get brain damage somehow?"
The redhead glared at sexta espada. "I'm speaking dog so leave me alone!"
Ulquiorra blinked. "…I was unaware you had such language capabilities. Did you learn them from here or from…?"
"No no I don't…actually speak dog! He's just very…snuggly and cute is all." She blushed and for some reason the cuatro espada felt a strange sharp sensation. It was faint, fainter than a pin made of feather pricking Nnoitora's ass, but it was enough to make him briefly look down to his chest to see what was causing the pain, only to confuse him when he saw nothing. And as we all know; Ulquiorra's eyes see...
"Ulqui?" His eyes shot back up. "Can you say goodnight to him too?"
"Woman I do not…"
"Woah woah wait up here, you're gonna sleep with it?!" Grimmjow roared, almost taking the door off its hinges. "It could rip your throat out at any second!" The small dog replied by sneezing, receiving an even louder 'awww' from the ryoka girl. "See! It's vocalising its threats! Translate whatever the shit its saying so I can…"
"Aizen help us what the hell are you yelling about?!" Starrk cried, bursting into the room. "I was just about to nap and…oh. Hello there small one."
The lone wolf walked over and stretched out a finger, which the puppy licked happily. "Ohhh isn't he adorable?! Starrk you agree right?"
"He is very cute." Starrk agreed, rubbing its chin. "Do I want to know why you have a puppy?"
"Oh Gin gave it to us to look after."
Immediately he jumped back and drew his sword. "DEAR GOD YOU LET IT THAT CLOSE TO YOU!? WHAT IF ITS BOOBY TRAPPED?!"
"THANK YOU!" Grimmjow piped up, happy to have some backup. "I say we take it outside and gran ray cero it at a reasonable distance."
"NO YOU WILL NOT!"
"I could use Lilynette to blast it with multiple to make sure?"
"STARRK NOT YOU TOO!"
"You are not permitted to use that power within Las Noches…however if you were to take it outside of the grounds then…"
"ULQUI WHY?!" The ginger girl clutched the dog against her chest to shield it. "He's so small and cute and would never hurt anyone! B-Besides, Gin has never messed with me, right?"
The three espadas exchanged glances. "Girl has a point."
"Plus, with Gin he'd see through us blasting it to fuck. He'd probably have some weird ability to make it hurt us back or come back to haunt us."
Ulquiorra nodded. "Indeed, I believe it is best to leave it for the time being and prepare for an attack as best we can. I think we should put it into a large container with…"
"S.K."
Ulqiorra shifted his gaze back to his guard. "What was that?"
"His name is S.K. and he won't be going anywhere." Orihime pouted and folded her arms in defiance. "He's staying here and nothing will happen to him aside from cuddles and kisses."
"What if the other arrancar hear him?"
"Then I'll protect him with my awesome battle techniques!" She performed an extremely over the top karate chop for good measure and Grimmjow doubled over laughing. "See! I have defeated my enemy."
"Yeah you got me there!" Grimmjow chuckled. "What about when he needs a shit?"
"Oh." She hadn't thought of that."
"And what food does it eat?"
"Erm…well most doggos need…"
"What are the exercise requirements needed to keep it in an adequate physical condition?"
"Ughhhh I'll work it out!" She huffed then pointed at the three of them. "You guys help me, you're smart. Well, Ulqui and Starrk are."
"The fuck you just say?!" Grimmjow roared but the primera espada held him back effortlessly.
"Come on man that was pretty solid; let her have this. Plus knowing that silver haired bastard he probably has a recording device on it. He's laughing his ass off somewhere in his hell pit and we can't give him that. Let's come up with a plan."
Ulquiorra nodded. "All we need to do to survive is to keep this thing…" "S. K.!" "…thing named S. K. alive until 12. Speaking of which it…he does have a peculiar name."
Orihime blinked. "Yeah it's a bit strange. S. K… it could stand for something?"
"Secret Killing device of doom?"
"Small Katastrophe? Wait that's not right."
"Stupid Ku-…wait no that's also a 'c'." Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "Ahh fuck it; let's just let the little beast do what it wants here for the next few hours then smuggle it to Gin. Whats the worst that can happen?"
-The worst thing that could happen later-
"…And that Lord Aizen is why the southwest quadrant of Las Noches will require immediate remodelling." Ulqiorra's face could not be pointed downwards anymore without him looping 360o or doing a backflip facepalm, though at the current time that was not totally undesirable.
"I had to be sure that FUCKING ABOMINATION was kept away from me!" Grimmjow yelled before immediately being KO'd by Aizen's reiatsu.
The Ruler of Hueco Mundo was very much not pleased at being awoken by not one but multiple blasts during his 'reflection time'. As such, after confirming that the Soul Society hadn't began a secret raid on the fortress, he had quickly apprehended all of the culprits and brought them before him to explain. "So, you are telling me that all of this destruction and noise was caused by…a small dog?"
The group nodded. Well, everyone bar Grimmjow who was drooling and dreaming of yarn and scritches. Not that you would know that because he would kill everyone who knew. But you totally know.
"Lord A-Aizen…" Orihime began but stopped when he flashed an annoyed look at her.
"I do not ask for much from my subordinates, so please understand my disappointment. Short of a potential invasion threat I do not think that-…"
"Not much 'side from dyin' for ya?" The room turned, including Grimmjows unconscious body, to face the grinning Gin. "Ahhh so ya cranky since ya got woke up?"
Aizen sighed. "I was med-…" he sighed even deeper, "Gin, what have you caused this time?"
The Silver Fox winked. Well, shut his eye slightly then returned to having it closed. You know what I mean. "Jus' a lil secret for…well whadda ya know?! Man of th' hour!"
Right on queue Commander Tousen stormed into the room with a dirty look on his face. "THE ENTIRE 5TH TOWER IS IN RUINS! HOW IN AIZEN'S NAME WILL YOU EXPLAIN YOURSELVES?!"
Starrk and Orihime both pointed at Grimmjow. "He started it."
The blind man drew his zanpakuto to finish the sleeping cat but his comrade was too quick to stop him. "Actually, I'll take this one." The room fell silent in a mixture of suspense and disbelief. In fact it was so shocking that Gin was taking responsibility for something that Aizen almost fainted on the spot. "Orihime?" The ginger girl flinched. "Brin 'im over."
Orhime, stared at the ground briefly then shook her head. "Ok Gin!" Slowly reaching into her cleavage (which Grimmjow managed to wake up to briefly and subtly perv on) she pulled out the very well concealed S. K. and began walking towards the end bringer. "He was such a good boy so…please take care of him!"
Gin laughed. "S'not up to me, it's Tousen's birthday present."
The resounding "WHAAAAAA!" from the others in the room was louder than the previous explosions. In fact, it was so shocking that Starrk did faint, declaring "The end has come when the destroyer brings gifts."
"Gin…" Tousen began, "…it was my birthday two months ago."
Everyone blinked. "Ya sure? I thought it was July. Ahh well, sounds similar ta May right?"
"It sounds nothing like it."
"…lil similar ain't they."
"Not at all. Actually the only common letter they have is the 'y' at the end."
"See, same thing!"
Tousen sighed but walked towards the ryoka girl and took the dog. "S. K. huh? You've misspelled 'Stupid Cun-…"
"Nah its someone's name." For once Gin wasn't grinning evilly, and Aizen chuckled softly in the background. "Whaa, I can be nice ya know!"
"How thoughtful Gin!" Aizen smiled and stood up dramatically, "For such a gesture I shall let you off with a warning not to do this again. As for the rest of you," his sideways glance made Orihime and Ulquiorra straighten up and Grimmjow and Starrk stiffen up, "be more careful next time. Sajin could have been hurt."
"Sajin?" The cuatro espada questioned but his leader was already off to 'meditate'.
"Thank you." The couple glanced back to Tousen, whose face was scrunched up. "I…I genuinely…thank you Gin."
Gin shrugged. "Well 's the least I can do aft'r trashing ya room like that."
"…what?"
"Oh tha's right; ya were on a supply run! Big surprise for ya there…" And with that he flash stepped into the night, leaving a trail of anger and confusion in his wake.
-One extreme calming down of Tousen later-
"All in all woman I believe that today has went well." Ulqiorra declared, checking once again under Orihime's bed for monsters. "Despite the huge structural damage and Grimmjow's loss of bowel movement for the foreseeable future, I believe that our mission was successful."
"Poor Grimmy; I didn't expect Tousen to take it all out on him." Climbing into bed, she gave one last look at her dark closet before her bat guardian closed it, shielding her from the horrors of imaginary monsters. Yeah, the irony was lost on her. "Do you think we'll be able to play with little Sajin?"
"Hopefully not." Ulquiorra replied, walking to the door and putting a finger on the light. "I am not one to tempt fate, and I must admit that canine was a formidable adversary."
Orihime laughed. "Ahh he was so good! You're just jealous aren't you."
"…such emotions do not…"
"HE WAS SO JELLY!" Gin's voice boomed from all around them and the duo lept out of their skins. "C'mon; did ya really think I wouldn't take th' chance to bug ya room? Lil Sajin was such a good decoy."
Realisation dawned on Ulqiorra's face. "Wait…how did you manage to…"
"Trade secret batsy! And now I know it works…" His evil laughter shook them both to the core.
"Ulqui…"
"…Yes woman."
"I don't want to be in Las Noches any more."
"…The feeling is mutual."
A/N: There it is. Took 3 years or so but I finished the two parter. Hope you guys liked it!
