Lousy Lords
A/N: Indeed, after another 10,000 years I have awakened to bring you this next chapter. This one may be a bit different to the other chapters, but I hope you like where it takes us…
"…look its really common in…"
"Why is it fast?"
"It's called that because…"
"Food is stationary after being prepared, therefore the concepts of motion or speed cannot be applied to it. Unless of course the food is living. Is 'fast food' living food?"
"N-Not where I am from…"
"Then it is an incorrect human phrase." Ulquiorra huffed and folded his arms, tired of the request before it had even been uttered.
Orihime pouted in return. "You're not even letting me finish!"
The Curator eyed her with a tired expression. "That is because it is a completely unreasonable request. Not only would leaving this fortress early break a plethora of regulations, but doing so for such a fruitless task would be…"
"McDonald's have fruit bags…" She offered but was silenced by a glare.
"…utterly suicidal. Even if the Soul Society forces left us alive Lord Aizen would assure our deaths as traitors."
The room was quiet for a long moment while both of them pondered that. "…But if we got permission then…"
"I forbid it." Ulquiorra shook his head. "To even ask such a thing from him would waste his time, which would lead to him becoming irritated and in turn that would lead to…well, we both remember what happened to Gin after the last film event."
"GIN!" Orihime squealed, the Silver Fox's name ringing through the walls in the happiest tone that Hueco Mundo had ever heard. "Gin would let us do it!"
Grimmjow yawned from the other side of the room. "Again, remember what happened to him after Infinity War. It was three days before he even started breathing, and two weeks later the fucker is still on a respirator."
The fourth Espada looked at him. "Please, remind me why you are in my charge's room?"
The cat-man shrugged. "This place is boring as shit and all of the plot seems to revolve around you guys. Like seriously; tell me one good story that started with Barragan or Zommari?!"
"So, you're in then Grimmy?" Orihime asked, her eyes lighting up.
Grimmjow smirked. "Fuck it, why not. Its either this or I try and avoid Halibel shooting me with a super soaker again. I swear to god I feel like she's becoming a Gin 2.0, except a lot sexier and a lot more bone break-y."
"NO!" Ulquiorra told them, raising his voice a fraction of an octave. Which in fairness was his equivalent of screaming someone's head off. "I will not risk Orihime's life over some 'Taco Bell' or some 'Big Mark'."
"Actually, it's a 'Big Mac' but thank you for caring!" She smiled in his direction and caused his eyes to flicker to the side of the room.
"Yeah screw you too you green ey-… wait, what is this 'Taco Bell' you speak of?" Grimmjow asked, quirking an ear up. "Do they sell bell shaped tacos?"
Orihime laughed. "I'm not sure of their new menu, but they could do! Do you like bells?"
"…maybe…" The sexta espada blushed. "T-TELL ANYONE AND…"
"Your love for bells in common knowledge alas." Aizen chuckled, materialising into the room. "However, it is not something to be ashamed of."
"Yeah you'd rock a bell!" The ginger girl chimed in before jumping back in fright after noticing the fourth person in the room. "When did…?!"
"I noticed he was listening in several moments ago and thus I was trying to prevent this conversation." Ulquiorra sighed, then began backing away slowly to the door after noticing Aizen's slightly annoyed expression, "I…no disrespect was meant. I am sure you already knew that these events would occur and planned to…"
The Lord of Hueco Mundo silenced him with a hand. "It appears that even asleep, Gin's machinations are at work. Though I had you pegged for a loyalist Ulquiorra."
"Lord Aizen I promise you…"
"Then again I suppose this ryoka girl is equally to blame." His eyes narrowed and stared down at her. "Allow me to clarify that everything that Ulquiorra postulated was correct. Your request is not only absurd but it is disrespectful to the highest order. In fact, if you weren't such a useful hostage I would have you thoroughly tortured and these dissenters replaced."
Orihime began to shake slightly, not used to this cold tone. "B-But I just…"
"Enough!" Aizen told her, raising his voice enough to not only elect a squeal from her and Grimmjow but to even make Ulquiorra shuffle uncomfortably in the doorframe. "I am beginning to tire of your constant desire for escapades. This place is not your plaything; it is mine. As such you can consider this request and all future requests denied."
The lump in her throat almost choked her. "U-Understood."
Her captor's shoulders relaxed a little, though his expression remained stern. "The preparations for the war are almost complete and soon you will be of little consequence to me. At that time, you will be nothing more than bait for that deluded friend of yours…" Grimmjow prickled as the thought of Ichigo entered his head, "…and these subordinates will leave you to the desires of their lesser's to join me in my victory over the Soul Society."
"Of course, Lord Aizen." Ulquiorra bowed, his rigid posture revealing nothing. "That is why we were created after all."
"Yeah…" Grimmjow spat, his eyes barely hiding his disgust.
Something that did not go unnoticed. "Perhaps you should prepare for your own battles instead of lazing around waiting around on this girl. You are a warrior are you not?"
"Hell yeah I am!" The espada roared, leaping off the bed. "I'm one of the best damned warriors in this place!"
Aizen smiled. "That's the spirit. At this rate you may even last ten seconds in your fight against Ichigo."
"Ten se…?!" The rage building up inside him stole his words away. Instead, he simply punched a hole through the wall of the cell and into the outside. "BRING HIM HERE AND I'LL KILL THE BASTARD IN FIVE!"
Orihime jumped back in shock, not having seen this side of him for what seemed like an age. "Grimmy…"
"Ugh stop calling me that!" He yelled, turning to the hole. "I'm not your damned friend! Just leave me to train so I can kill him!" And with that he jumped through.
Aizen chuckled at her crestfallen expression. "Did you forget that they were hollows? Did their faces and words trick you? They are killing machines designed to hunt and consume humans. Here, let me show you." Moving slowly but forcefully, he took her hand and placed it through the stationary curator's hollow hole. "See; nothing there. Least of all from this one. They are here to serve a purpose and then they will be gone."
"Please…" She tried to take her hand away from the empty space but he held it firmly there for what seemed like an eternity. "Ok I get it! I…I get it."
"Excellent." He let her hand fall limply to her side. "Now unless you are discussing pertinent information, I suggest you leave the curator to his other duties." And with that he vanished.
Orihime slumped onto her bed and clutched her hand sadly. "Ulqui I…"
"Lord Aizen is correct." Ulquiorra told her, his tone returning to its trademark coldness. "Since your request has been denied I will be returning to my duties. I see there is nothing else to do here and as my..."
"…eyes see everything, there's nothing to do." She finished miserably. "Can I at least see the others then?"
"So long as their work is not disrupted." Ulquiorra replied then turned to leave room.
"Wait I…" She called and was surprised to see him stop for her. "…I don't think you're empty. Even if you can't see it yet. You've got a heart the same as mine."
The fourth espada paused for a moment. "Lord Aizen's will is absolute and his knowledge is unparalleled. Questioning him would be akin to questioning a deity. We have both seen the consequences of that."
And with that he left her to her thoughts.
-Several depressing hours later-
"And he just left you like that?" Szayel asked, holding her hands gently in his.
"Y-yeah…" Orihime sniffled, "And Ulquiorra still isn't talking to me."
"Want me to catch the asshole?" Halibel offered, cracking her knuckles. "I'll have my girls wrangling the pair of them up in…"
The ginger girl held her hands out quickly. "No! Thank you but…no."
Halibel sighed. "I suppose this was to be expected given the imbalance of power. Our Lord and Saviour's shit has finally started to seep in to us commoners."
Szayel quirked an eyebrow. "Power imbalance? That's one way to look at it I guess."
Orihime gave the two a puzzled look. "I don't seem to follow."
"Aizen is unopposed now that Gin's out of the picture." The pink haired espada explained. "Think of it like your God and Satan. Up until this point Satan has always kept in check by God to stop him from ruining his plans."
"And to stop him from killing us all." Halibel quipped, sipping her tea-laced whisky.
"But on the flip side Satan takes most of the flak for all the stupid shit that humans do, meaning that God won't punish them as severely." Szayel continued. "I mean think of all the dumb shit you've got away with up until this point purely because Aizen was too exhausted dealing with Gin's dumber shit?"
Orihime's eyes lit up. "Oh, I get it now! So, because Gin is out of the picture Aizen is acting up with the rest of us!"
"Precisely!" Szayel smirked. "And you three weren't the only ones affected. He's been down here in my lab glaring at me on a daily basis now."
"He's also hit the other Espada pretty hard." Halibel shuddered. "When he took away my favourite toys I thought that'd be it, but he's been making me train my Fracción to their breaking points all week too! The poor girls can barely hold their forks to eat!"
The octave espada snorted. "Think we have it bad? Poor Zommari got all of his edibles confiscated. I don't think I've seen another person look so distraught before…what?"
His eyes turned to Orihime, who was playing with her hair. "You said person."
"Yeah so?"
"You're all…people, right?" She whispered, remembering the hollow hole's emptiness.
Halibel sighed and put a hand on her shoulder. "Last I checked. I mean sure, we're mutated human eaters who have been fucked up beyond anything that nature can comprehend, but we're people. Well, except for Nnoitora."
The trio laughed just as Starrk entered the laboratory. "Glad to hear things are picking up. Jeez…I can't believe that actually worked."
"Ulquiorra listened to you?" Orihime asked, her smile quickly vanishing from her face after saying his name. "But why? Aizen ordered…"
"He ordered him to keep your guarded, so I just told the guy that since I was gonna be here you'd be safe as houses. Plus, Aizen told me not to train otherwise I'd end up breaking stuff so I 'agreed' to keep you out of trouble, ya troublemaker." He stuck his tongue out to try and tease her but she didn't rise to the bait. "Ahh come on, cheer up! Batman was already sulking when I found him so I need a smile from…"
"He was sulking?!" She asked, trying not to sound too excited by her friend's sadness.
Starrk nodded. "He's almost perfect at hiding his emotions, but half of my soul is a literal child; I'm pretty good when it comes to seeing through bullshit. He's missing you."
Orihime swished her hair to the side and folded her arms. "Then he should come here and tell me that then."
The primera espada laughed. "Oh yeah definitely. Piss off the incredibly on edge Overlord of this place to tell his best friend he's sorry. Look; believe it or not 'Ulqui' is doing his best to keep your ass alive. Even if it means pissing you off to keep the big guy in line."
"…he could still say sorry." Orihime pouted but her face softened a little with the realisation. "And what about Grimmjow?"
"Nnoitra's getting that apology for you." Szayel explained. "W-What?! He owed me a favour so I just called it in!"
"Didn't know you guys were so close these days." Halibel cooed, giving him a knowing look that made the octave espada's face match his hair colour.
"I-It's not like that I…" And right on queue the lab's rear wall collapsed to reveal Nnoitra holding Grimmjow by the next. "Perfect timing! Let's finish this conversation never."
"Debt's paid." The fifth espada told them in a dull tone. "Weak ass little shit didn't even leave a scratch. Here; he's all yours."
Grimmjow arced through the air and landed in a groaning heap in front of Orihime. "…owie!"
"Owie?! That's all you have?!" Szayel glared at him and pointed towards his friend. "However bad you're hurting isn't a thing next to what she's feeling!"
"My…spleen. You burst…my fucking spleen…ahhhhh!" The cat man groaned and clutched his side as the others looked at Nnoitra.
"What?! You said rough him up a bit so I did! Kid said he wanted a good fight so I decided to please both parties; no need to look at me like a shat into your kids birthday cake!"
Orihime held up her hand and the room became silent. "Sōten Kisshun!" Within a blink of an eye all of the sexta espada's injuries were healed and he was left lying on the cold floor in shock…for all of two seconds before she slapped his blue haired ass.
"Hey what the hell?!"
"You are going to lie there and listen to me!" Orihime told him and for the first time in his life Grimmjow felt that there was someone on this plane that was scarier than even Gin himself. "I know you like to fight and I know you want to hurt my friend Ichigo, but I'm not letting that happen! I'm not letting him, you or any of my friend get hurt again!"
The blue haired espada blinked. "I'm your friend?"
"Mhm!" She nodded aggressively and Szayel and Halibel appeared behind her to nod with her for support. "Think of all the fun stuff we've done! All the movies and snacks and trips…that's what friends do! If it wasn't for you and Ulqui and everyone here my time here would have been depressing as hell."
"B-But you're a prisoner; you're not supposed to have fun! You're there to be of whatever service Aizen needs just like the rest of us! That's all we…all I…" He didn't finish.
"No you're more than that. More than any of what Aizen said! You're not just some dumb fighter made to kill the Soul Society…you're you." A single tear fell softly down her cheek and hung there for a moment. "You're my friend."
Until he wiped it away with a claw and gave her a soft smile. "…Y'know, I think you'd win one of those Oxo awards for that performance."
"It's called an Oscar dipshit." Szayel shouted from behind her but the duo were already hugging.
"I'M A BAD CAT I'M SO SORRY!"
"NO YOU'RE THE BEST KITTY AND I'LL GET YOU THE BEST BELL!"
As the two of them screamed into each other's shoulders Nnoitra motioned towards a camera to record this blackmailable footage but Halibel stopped him. "Let him have this."
However, the moment was cut short by a screeching sound from the back of the lab. The group spun round to find one of the machines in the back whirring in overtime. "Dammit the Gin machine is acting up!"
"Gin machine?" Starrk questioned but Szayel pushed past him.
"I attached a vital analyser to Gin's body after he was knocked unconscious." Szayel explained, looking over the numbers the machine was producing with a worried expression. "At the time I figured I'd be able to learn something about that silver haired demon and I'm glad I did; it seems he's revitalised by people talking shit about Aizen."
The group blinked. "For real?"
Szayel sighed. "The guy survived not breathing for three fucking days and this is what you're questioning?! He's like an evil Santa Claus or Slenderman; he's given power when people follow his own shitty rules."
"Slenderman is evil though…" Orihime began then realise that ol' Slendy didn't have shit compared to their Master of Disaster. "So, what do we do?!"
"Pray he never returns." Halibel said solemly, a shiver running through her body.
Orihime blinked. "But I thought he was part of the balance?! Without him Aizen will continue being…well Aizen and nothing will stop him. Shouldn't we…?"
"Dear God no!" Nnoitra yelled and grabbed ahold of her. "I'd rather take a thousand ass kickings from that guy than have to live through another corridor chase!"
"And I'd rather watch the remake of Dumbo a million times on a loop than have to explain to Lilynette what scat is again." Starrk added, his mind still reeling from the experience. "Though I do agree we have to do something about our Lord."
Szayel ran a hand through his hair and thought for a moment. "Agreed…but what? Its not like we can make a petition to Aizen to make him change his ways."
"And he'd just kick our asses in a fight if we tried to knock some sense into him, even without the other troops." Nnoitra added, somewhat ashamedly. "Maybe we just have to deal with it. He is our creator after all."
"That doesn't mean he's your boss!" Orhime told him but sighed. "It…does seem a bit impossible though."
"Yeah, we'd have a better chance getting the Soul Society to save our asses!" Grimmjow laughed and everyone turned to look at him. "Wait…what's that look for?"
A/N: Gonna leave you hanging there. See you kids in another century…
