A/N: Winding down now. And yet another whumping adventure draws to a close.

Ch. 26

Home

John heard sounds that were familiar but he didn't really want to hear. He had wanted to hear the chimes, and let his mind wander to where ever the sounds took him before giving into consciousness and the discomfort that always followed. Okay, so he was being picky, but he was really missing those chimes.

On a deeper, almost child-like level, he was missing the memories they conjured, of his mother, and the days when she was still in his life.

Beggars can't be choosers, John.

And John was definitely not one to beg. He shoved the melancholy aside, and focused on the sounds that though harsh and sterile, were still appreciated. John took a deep breath through his nose where cool oxygen flowed from a cannula, stopped on a wince when his chest cramped, and released a slow and shuddering exhale through his mouth. Then he opened his eyes.

" About time."

John blinked away the film and rolled his heavy head in the direction of the irate voice. He had to blink away more film before McKay's fuzzy form solidified. John was a little surprised to see Rodney in a bed next to his rather than a chair or stool. McKay was propped up, dressed in white scrubs with his laptop open and his fingers dancing over the keys.

" What..." John rasped before dry air tickled his dry throat and he started convulsing with coughs. Rodney moved fast and almost fluidly setting aside the laptop to swing his legs from the bed and slip onto the floor. He grabbed a pitcher of water and poured it into a clear plastic cup with a straw, then moved the straw within reach of John's mouth. John lifted his head enough to get to the straw and sipped. The water was short lived heaven going down his parched throat until Rodney pulled the cup away.

" Over do it and I'll be the one Carson sticks for numerous, pointless inoculations."

The effort of lifting his head off the pillow an inch left John breathless, and he dropped his head back onto the pillow.

" Thanks," he whispered, then recalled his question that was never completed. He looked the outwardly healthy Rodney up and down. " What happened to you?"

Rodney set the cup down so he could lift his shirt and show-off the bandage taped to his midsection just below the floating rib. " Had an unfortunate run-in with one of your kidnappers and a chair hosting a colony of alien germs. Although my fever can't compare to the one that got you to thrash around until I nearly gave into the belief of demon possession, it was unpleasant enough to keep me around and you with continuous company. But of course you have to decide to wake up one day before Carson was going to release me. One sided conversations are only entertaining for so long."

John moved his eyes and head to take in his surroundings. Alien mixed with human tech, and water-filled pillars – Atlantis.

" How long?" John asked. It took too much out of him to articulate anything longer.

Rodney leaned with both hands on the railing of John's bed. " How long have we been home or how long have you been under?"

" Both."

Rodney shrugged. " Took us three days to get home on the Daedalus and except for the one time you momentarily graced the infirmary with your presence while remaining sane... All together you've been out of it for a week and a day."

John pulled his trembling hand out from under the blankets to rub the space between his eyes, and sighed. " Suppose it's better than being under a month."

" Your attempt at staying positive isn't fooling anyone. It also doesn't fit with your current appearance. You look like something my cat chewed up and spit out."

John grinned and chuckled wearily. " Rodney, you're so kind..." His chuckling ended with a hiss of pain pulsing all over his chest. He placed his hand lightly over his sternum. " Shouldn't I be healing... by now?"

" Carson says healing'll take a little more time thanks to an infection that was kicking your ass pretty good." Rodney fell silent for a moment, a long moment that might have been a record for the physicist.

" What happened to you?" McKay's tone was soft, as though he hadn't really wanted to ask the question. In fact, he pulled his hands away from the rail, and backed up to his own bed. " You know what? Never mind. Tell it later. Carson's going to walk in and'll just put a stop to it, then chew me out." Rodney pulled himself back into his own bed and picked up his laptop. John stared at him.

Rodney had dropped the subject. Since when does he ever drop a subject unless someone makes him?

" Rodney?" John said. " You all right?"

" Irrelevant question, Colonel. I'm the one getting out of here tomorrow. You're the one in here until you finally drive Carson into a new profession."

" I wasn't talking physically, McKay. You're acting kind of... different."

Rodney lifted one shoulder. " I'm entitled to it. Maybe I'm just tired."

John knew it was a bunch of crap, but was too tired to dig through McKay's blatant avoidance. He felt himself starting to slip back into unconsciousness, and decided to just let himself.

" I'm sorry we didn't find you sooner."

John snapped his eyes back open and rolled his head toward Rodney. McKay was still, and staring at a point above his laptop. His finger was tapping rapidly against the side. John momentarily closed his eyes and breathed out an exasperated sigh.

" Rodney... Don't. Please don't. Sooner or later... You were looking, obviously never stopped, you found me, the end. You guys always find me. Yeah, maybe I get a little impatient about it sometimes like say when a wraith is dining on me... But you found me then too. And you found me again, alive, and I'm going to be all right. So don't waste your time apologizing for what you don't need to apologize for. So what if it took a while? It wasn't so bad... Most of the time..."

Rodney slapping his hands together made John flinch.

" I knew it!" McKay crowed, and gave John a tight, rather unnerving smile while pointing a finger at him. " That Maj you kept mumbling about. What was she, a blond, brunette, red-head?"

John wrinkled his brow. " Huh?"

" Maj! You kept calling for someone named Maj to put wood in the stove and ask when it was lunch. Delirious crap. But you were saved by some back-woods babe. I knew it! Come on, spill it. What did she look like?"

John made his eyes go heavy lidded. " Gray-haired and sixty."

Rodney took a breath to say something, then released it sharply, dropping his smug smirk into a frown. " What?"

John held up his shaky hand. " Don't even go into any scenarios concerning cradle robbing, Rodney. It was beyond not being like that. Maj was nothing more than an old lady with a lot of heart who found me half-dead on the streets, took me home, healed me, and pretty much took care of me..." John looked beyond Rodney as he thought back. " Like a grandmother would. Or... someone's mom. Actually she was someone's mom, but he died." John returned to the now, and stared long and hard at McKay. " She's a good person, McKay. The kind that reminds you that good people can exist anywhere. She didn't even know who I was and she saved my life anyways. So don't even think about making some crack concerning pulling a Kirk on little old ladies. Maj doesn't deserve that."

Rodney had the decency to look slightly abashed. " Oh... Sorry."

John breathed deep and shuddered with exhaustion. " You assume to much, Rodney... About me."

Rodney shrugged. " Well... It's just – you know – hero complexes and all. Makes me think in the cliché and that women are always drawn to the hero types."

John's eyes were sliding close with or without him. " They're drawn to the smart ones too, Rodney," he breathed. " Smart with hero complexes. Don't sell yourself short... You'll come across your back woods babe savior one of these days." John managed a small, temporary grin. " Or kindly old lady."

" After what you just said about this Maj," Rodney said. " I wouldn't mind either one... though I'd prefer the babe..."

John's mind drifted away nestled safe on the back of familiarity.

SGA

John's quaking arm moved slow on lifting the light cup of broth to his mouth and taking a sip. It was chicken flavored, and heated enough to be strongly warm without scalding his throat on the way down. He lowered the cup back to the tray when he was done, but kept his hand wrapped around it so the warmth would soak into his palm and up his arm. The infection-born fever had stripped him of a few more pounds, and even with enough blankets piled thick enough to crush him, cool air still found chinks to squeeze through and make him shiver.

" I led the beast down into the canyon," he said. " And the iarets... flying dinos I told you about... distracted the thing enough for me to take it down. Not without consequences, obviously."

" You'd have to be bloody blind for it not to be obvious," Carson muttered. He was standing at the head of John's bed, watching him less like a hawk and more like a mother bear standing over a cub. Beckett had been reluctant about John reiterating his story to the point that he had nearly adamantly denied it. Coherency wasn't full recuperation, and Beckett fretted over John's retelling causing him distress and setting him back.

John, however, wanted to get his tale off his chest, and won by pointing out how keeping it bottled up was probably causing just as much distress as telling it would.

John's team, along with Elizabeth and Caldwell, were gathered around his bed either in seats or standing, and listening intently without interruptions. Even Rodney was keeping his own mouth in check. Or more like Ronon was, who kept shooting dark looks at the physicist whenever his mouth started to open.

" Maj found me," John continued. " Brought me back, healed me... again. A couple of days after, Tarl found out who I was and arrested me. And the rest you know."

They did know. Ronon looked ready to whack off some heads, and Teyla had become melancholy. Rodney, Elizabeth, and even Caldwell looked shocked.

" My gosh," Rodney breathed. " That planet really was out to get you."

" That explains the abrasions," Carson said with his brow lowered shadowing his eyes. He looked almost as pissed as Ronon, and just as ready to do a little beheading of his own. He pushed off from leaning against the bed to straighten with agitation. " Bloody vicious bastards. There's got to be something bloody wrong in the head with a man cruel enough to string up another man and inflict pain like that. Someone aught to have strung him up. That Tarl fellow too. Bloody jack-ass. Somethin' wrong with him too, lettin' you freeze and suffer like that. It's cruel, it's... bloody sadistic!"

John smiled slightly. " Maj would have liked you, doc. Jorsek didn't get away with anything he did. He was tossed in the brig for opening up the ruins."

Rodney shifted in his seat and smirked. " And that Tarl guy's probably pulling teeth over the disappearance of the Genii and the lack of a reward."

John nodded. " We're just going to have to settle for that."

" One thing I don't get, though," Caldwell said. " If there was a wraith on that planet, then why didn't Teyla sense it?"

Rodney snapped his fingers. " Yeah. I know you said you sensed something..."

Teyla inclined her head. " I did, like wraith and yet not like a wraith. I now believe it to have been this monster Sheppard killed."

" So then why hadn't you sensed the wraith too?" Rodney asked.

" The creature's presence was very strong," Teyla replied, " though I did not know what it was."

John nodded. " Those wraith dogs were a hell of a lot tougher than the wraith. And more ravenous. It could have been pushing its presence on you trying to seek you out, Teyla."

Tyela's eyes widened with realization. " That would explain the nightmares I had while on that planet. If you are correct, and the beast was seeking me out through my mind, it may have blocked my reception toward the wraith, making me unable to sense him."

Rodney shrugged. " Makes sense... I guess."

" It's going to have to," said Elizabeth. " Now that these beasts are destroyed, we'll probably never know."

" Unless the wraith get daring and try again," John said. " But I doubt it. I think they've learned their lesson about going two for two." He looked down at his now luke warm broth, with no desire to finish off the rest.

" Ya done, lad?" Carson said, already reaching for the cup. John nodded and Carson took the broth. Beckett looked into the cup and pursed his lips. " A little better today. Tomorrow we'll go for a little something extra like tomato or chicken noodle, see how ya fair with it."

John nodded his heavy head, then shifted trying to stretch his back without instigating any protest from his bound arm and busted ribs. It didn't work, and he ended up grimacing all the same. The effort also drained him – coupled with all the talking – and it apparently showed when Beckett stepped forward and began chasing the others out of the infirmary.

" That's enough for today," he said. " Let him rest then ya can hover over him all ya want, granted it doesn't end up exhausting him again."

Those who had been sitting rose, and those already standing move toward the infirmary door, Caldwell first. Elizabeth went to Sheppard's bed first, and took his thin fingers into her hand to squeeze while avoiding the I.V. She didn't say anything since there was nothing to be said. Her eyes, and her relieved and genuinely glad smile said it all. She was happy beyond words to have him back, and if he ever scared her like that again, she was going to kill him.

She had yet to ever make good on that promise.

" Sleep well, John," she did say as parting words.

Teyla placed her hand on John's shoulder and touched her forehead to his before going, Ronon clasped his knee, and Rodney just stood there with arms folded in stubborn resolve.

" Rodney," Carson said as he removed his stethoscope from aruond his neck.

" What?"

" Go get something to eat."

Rodney straightened. " I'm not hungry."

" Rodney."

Rodney threw his hands up. " Fine! But I'm coming back."

Carson placed the stethoscope to his ears. " Then you'll be bored out of your mind and making me suffer for it. Eat, rest, and come back tomorrow or I'll do a more thorough exam that involves uncomfortable prodding in uncomfortable places."

" Promises, promises," Rodney mumbled, then finally headed out.

" Oh, I'll make good on it all right," Carson mumbled back. He took John by his upper arm and gently eased him forward. " Quick once over, then ya can rest Colonel," Carson said. He lifted the white scrub shirt and placed the scope against his back. " Breathe in lad, deep as ya can."

John complied inhaling through his nose, held it, then exhaled through his mouth. He felt the bell of the scope slide over his back to the other side, and he repeated the process. The cool air brushing against his bare skin made him shiver. Then Carson lowered the shirt and helped ease him back into the pillows. Carson next slipped the scope down the wide collar of the scrub, and managed to press it without pushing it hard into John's ribs. And John didn't even flinch this time around.

" Hey doc?" John said, twisting the hem of the blankets in his hand.

" Hm?" was Carson's reply.

" Just... uh... Just thought I'd tell ya... Because I know I haven't..." John took a deep, cleansing breath and let it rush from his lungs sharply. " You're a good doctor. Great doctor. Best doctor in the whole damn universe. Thought I'd let you know. So, even when I'm being the biggest pain in the ass I can be, it's not because I don't appreciate what you do, 'cause I do. A lot. Always have, actually."

John glanced at Carson, and startled a little to see Carson staring back at him wide-eyed, until his face broke out with a small smile. He removed the scope from John's chest and his own ears to let hang from his neck. " I always suspected as much, but it's still nice to hear the words." He clasped John's shoulder and his features softened into concern. " Ya all right, son? This isn't some death bed confessional and you're knowin' somethin' I'm not, is it?"

John shook his head as he attempted to twist the edge of the blanket enough to knot it, except it was too thick. " No, just... Just a moment of sudden realization. Sometimes... Moments to express appreciation become lost, and that isn't right... That's all."

Carson nodded and clasped John's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. " True. Get some sleep, John." Beckett then lowered the head of the bed, and pulled the covers higher up John's chest. John squirmed himself deeper beneath the blankets, and Beckett left.

Moisture stung John's eyes.

Maj probably thought he was dead. All the work, the care, the hope... the love... all of it worth nothing to her now. Did she think that? Did she believe she had failed? Was she in Fiel's room now? John could see her there, sitting on the edge of the long-devoid bed. He saw her as he had that day when she spilled her heart and soul to him, weaving her tale of a cherished son ripped from her. Except John couldn't go to her. He wanted to, and reached out for her, but couldn't move beyond the door.

John's eyes snapped open and he gasped. He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep. The infirmary was dim and silent except for the distant, steady hum that was Atlantis. He loved that hum, but suddenly it was too quiet. Everything was too quiet. He missed, almost painfully, the music of the chimes.

Was Maj sitting on what was once his bed?

John felt a drop of warm moisture slide down his face out of the corner of his eye. How many times can a person have their heart shattered before it could never be pieced back together again? John couldn't deny it. Maj's anguish had been his parting sight.

John sucked in a shuddering breath against a constricted chest.

" Maj, I'm so sorry," he breathed. The ache in his chest exhausted him, and he slipped back into dreams. This time, Maj was sitting on what was once his bed, and he still could not reach her.

SGA

Four Days Later

" The fever hasn't made an attempt at a comeback, and his lungs are clean," John heard Beckett say. He opened his eyes to slits to see Beckett speaking with Elizabeth and Teyla, all standing at the foot of his bed.

" I told him yesterday that there was a good chance I'd be releasing him to his quarters today, so long as nothin's changed."

Elizabeth grinned. " Bet he was excited.

Beckett gritted his teeth. " Ya think he would have been. Don't get me wrong, he was happy, just not to the point of badgerin' me for an earlier release. He's been nothin' but the model patient for the last couple of days."

" Should we be worried?" Elizabeth asked. John would have felt insulted, but knew he deserved it. He'd never been fond of hospitals in general. They made him nervous, and he'd encountered too many doctor's with bedside manners that made Elizabeth's look sparkling and wonderful.

" No. He's been through a lot and I think it's going to take some time for him to get his old energy back. I've been considering having him talk to Kate, but since I know he won't go for it, then talk to whoever would be able to get him to talk, or whoever he would be comfortable talking to. Mood-wise he's been amiable and even smiles a bit, but for the most part he's stayed mostly quiet. And I've caught a few looks of worry on his face, as though he's troublin' over somethin'. I won't be pushin' him to pourin' out his soul. I'd just feel more comfortable knowin' he's talkin' or at least will be talkin' to someone. When he's ready, of course. Like I said, I won't be pushin' him."

John felt a warm sense of relief swell in his chest on hearing that. Beckett really was the best damn doctor in the whole universe.

" So it will still be some time before you will clear the Colonel for gate travel?" Teyla said, and she sounded disappointed.

" Aye lass. At least until his bones have healed properly."

" But as I have said," Teyla added, " This would not be like a mission, but more like an outing. The Alsterak market is still some time away and it is not an overwhelming affair. We would not stay long. I only wished to bring the Colonel that he might see it. It is the largest of the market fairs in our galaxy..."

John squinted. Alsterak. It sounded familiar.

" And if the wraith show up?" Beckett countered.

" We would be safe. The fair is held within the Alsterak canyons. The canyon walls are high, with many narrow places, and overhangs of rock that make it difficult for the culling beams to penetrate. It is why the Alsterak market is the largest and most famous. The people of that world have used the canyons for centuries to escape the wraith. And the Colonel will be protected

Alsterak, Alsterak, Alsterak. The name was driving John crazy. He'd heard it before, and not all that long ago.

Beckett shook his head and sighed in consternation. " I still don't know, lass. He definitely won't be fully recovered in a week's time..."

Plus there was the whole matter of Sheppard vanishing on their last 'harmless outing'. But if they kept taking such incidents into consideration, then John would never be allowed to step through the gate again. Crap happened; didn't mean you had to let it dictate the rest of your life.

" Perhaps I'll consider it, pendin' how Colonel Sheppard's farin' then. For now, I'm remaining reluctant."

Alsterka, Alsterak, Alsterak... John gnawed on his lip as he wracked his hazy memory banks for the origins of the stupid word. Perhaps Teyla had mentioned this fair to him some time ago, or McKay after reading about it in the Ancient Database or something.

When the pass came, we would have gone to Alsterak, to the market fair there, the biggest on any of the worlds. Fiel's favorite.

John's heart slammed in his chest, and his breath caught.

Will she still go? Is it possible...?

Elizabeth and Teyla left, Teyla looking a little dejected and Elizabeth reassuring her. Beckett came over to stand beside John's bed, already placing the stethoscope to his ears.

" You know it's impolite to ease drop," Carson said. He pressed the switch to raise the head of the bed. He slid his gloved hand beneath John's shoulder and applied pressure to ease John into sitting forward. " Although I will agree it's hard tryin' not to listen in when people are standin' that close, yappin' away." He lifted the scrub shirt and placed the end of the scope to John's back. " Breathe in."

" Carson, I need to go to that fair."

" As I told Teyla, it's a matter of waitin' and seein'. Now breath in."

John did so, sharply and shortly, releasing it the same way. " No it's not. It's a matter of me needing to be at that fair, for the whole thing if I have to."

Carson moved the scope across John's back, had him breathe, then repositioned it onto John's chest. Carson snorted out a laugh. " Oh, that's certainly not going to be possible..."

John grabbed Beckett's wrist, pulling it away from his chest, until Beckett finally looked up to meet his determined gaze.

" It has to be, doc," John said. He turned his gaze from determined to pleading, and didn't care that he was begging. " Please. Come with me if it'll help. We'll take a Jumper, use it to camp in. Bring two or three if we have to. Carson, I need to go. I can't..." John's voice faltered when his throat constricted, and a film of moisture hazed his vision. He swallowed, and turned his face to the side to blink away the tears that fell no matter how hard he fought them. " I can't pass this up. I can't miss this opportunity."

" Opportunity to do what, son?"

John cleared his throat, and lifted his shoulder to wipe his eyes. " The only payback I've got to give. I owe someone my life. I owe them some peace of mind. I've gotta go there, doc." John looked back at Beckett. " Please."

Beckett stared at John's face, analyzing the desperation, picking apart the pleading, and more than likely struggling against it. The cautionary doctor wanted to say no, the compassionate doctor saw the suffering John no longer kept hidden and wanted to do what was necessary to end it. John couldn't let this opportunity go by, and he would cajole, beg, bug, and if he had to threaten so that it wouldn't.

Finally, Beckett let out a long-suffering sigh that John both knew and that got his hopes to take off like a rocket.

" I'm supposin' this someone to be that Maj lass who saved ya?"

John nodded like an excited kid.

Beckett released a shorter sigh, then shrugged. " All right then." He held up a finger. " But under the condition that you're subject to whatever I tell ya to do..."

John nodded, and started chuckling softly, wiping his eyes again.

" If there's trouble," Beckett continued, " then we're out of there, no arguments..."

John kept on nodding to each of Carson's conditions, and kept on chuckling. If this worked, if he could just find Maj, then it would be enough just to let her know that she hadn't failed, that doing the right thing had paid off.

It would be enough in terms of paying a debt that he would never, ever be able to truly repay.

John wiped the moisture from his eyes a third time with the heel of his hand. " Thank you, Carson, thank you so much..."

Beckett patted John's shoulder. " You're welcome, son."

SGA

A/N: Just the epilogue left. And I think you're going to like it.

And I have another challenge for anyone interested. Sorry, but this is something that's been a bit of an itch for me, and again I would like to see what others come up with. Just why does Sehppard hate the infirmary? I know some have made him an infirmary hater because he's bored, but could there be more to it than that? Is it a phobia he refuses to acknowledge? Caused by some past experience that has scarred him? Call it the 'Why the infirmary sucks' challenge if you care to take it up.