Fragments from a Ranma thread I was writing for Bast's Addventure board before it crashed. The idea is that the president noted Japan's falling population and ordered that everyone of age who could bare a child was legally required to and after some bribes from someone that included those with Jusenkyo curses that made them female. This was Ranma's reaction to that bill.
Ranma's Dark Kingdom - The Dark Crystal... City
"China's nice this time of year," Ranma said thoughtfully, causing everyone to stare at him in shock, Genma actually dropping his chopsticks.
"And Shampoo?" Akane asked with brittle calm.
"That is a downside," Ranma said with a frown. "I just can't see myself living in an amazon village, especially close to the Phoenix people who may hold a grudge, for either rearranging their mountain or killing their king."
"Ah," Akane said, calming down. "So, you want to move out of Japan?"
"Toma's kingdom was nice, though finding it would be a pain," he replied.
"I… I have to agree," Genma said as he considered his son's options.
"So, your answer is to run away?" Nabiki prodded, not liking the idea of Ranma leaving for a number of reasons.
"Are you suggesting I rebel?" Ranma asked curiously. "I could probably take out half the DIET before they could muster a response, but I don't really think that's in anybody's best interest."
"I…" Nabiki sighed. "You're right, but to leave Japan?"
"I could still visit," Ranma waved it off. "In fact, I ran across a magic kingdom last month that's pretty close, though it lacks sunlight and has some minor pest problems."
"No sunlight?" Kasumi asked.
"What's the government like?" Nabiki added before he could answer.
"Completely empty," Ranma said. "It's always dark there for some reason."
"B-But the schools!" Soun protested.
"Soun," Genma placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I can't ask my son to sacrifice his manhood… even for the schools."
"Didn't you try to marry Ranko to Daddy?" Akane demanded.
"Empty threat," Genma waved it off. "I needed to shake Ranma out of his funk, and you know Soun isn't ready to remarry."
"It was nice of you to risk your life to help me like that," Ranma told Soun.
"It was my… Risk my life?" Soun asked.
"You don't want to know how close I came to going on a killing spree," Ranma said with a chuckle.
"And I would have poisoned your tea before I let you disgrace Mother's memory that way," Kasumi admitted, causing some shocked looks.
"I was just going to put you all in traction till you got over the idea," Akane said with a shrug.
"I know how far I can push you Boy," Genma said proudly. "And I also knew to avoid Akane." He laughed.
Soun chuckled nervously.
"Where's this magic kingdom located and how do we gain entrance?" Genma asked.
"It's near Mom's," Ranma said. "I'm not saying we move right now, I'm just saying it's an option. I don't want to move unless I have to."
The different threads that would have led off from this ep:
Choice 1
*FRONT PAGE NEWS – NEW LAW TO INCREASE POPULATION BACKFIRES AS NERIMA WARD EMPTIES! *
"Why is everyone coming with us?" Ranma asked.
"I told them the magic kingdom has lower property taxes," Nabiki replied.
Choice 2
*FRONT PAGE NEWS – NEW LAW TO INCREASE POPULATION STRUCK DOWN BY CONGRESS AND VETOED BY PRESIDENT – JAPAN TO CONTINUE AS NORMAL AS AMERICAN POLITICIANS HAVE NO AUTHORITY IN JAPAN.*
"Can someone please explain why the bill targets my son before I spike the fire suppression system with drowned girl water?" Nodoka asked sweetly.
Choice 3
"I thought we defeated the Dark kingdom," Moon complained.
"We did," Pluto assured her, "these are humans who have immigrated there."
"They need Senshi protection," Uranus said, seeing a way to escape the new law herself.
Choice 4
*Something else!
Ranma's Dark Kingdom – New Rock City (A branch off Choice 1)
"Why is everyone coming with us?" Ranma asked.
"I told them we had lower property taxes," Nabiki said proudly.
"We have no property taxes," Ranma replied.
Nabiki slapped both her hands over his mouth. "Quiet! You want to flood the place with all of Japan?!"
Ranma rolled his eyes.
"Listen Saotome, there is a saying, 'it takes a village to raise a child."
"I'm not raising a child," he pointed out.
"Yet," Nabiki said. "In the future there will be children, right?"
"If a couple of people have their way it'll be a lot sooner than you think," he said nervously.
"Ok, let me put it another way," Nabiki said, trying to relax him. "You like ice cream, right?"
"Yeah," he admitted.
"Well to get ice cream we need more than just someone to mix the ingredients and serve it, we need someone to raise and milk the cows and keep the freezers running," she explained. "Think of these people as the builders of ice cream."
"Ok," Ranma agreed, "Just keep them out of my castle."
"Castle?" Nabiki asked.
"Yeah, I'm still clearing youma out of it, but I laid claim to it when I first found the place."
"There are a lot of buildings?" Nabiki asked, surprised.
"It's a city made of black glass," Ranma said. "European design for the most part. The plumbing still works and it has water, but no electricity."
"I expected wilderness," Nabiki admitted. "We have a lot of people who are looking forward to building their own homes."
"There's room and forests of edible mushrooms," Ranma assured her. "I wouldn't have moved there if it didn't have the basics."
"So… youma?" Nabiki asked.
"Ki vampires about as bright as Kuno," he assured her. "Even Akane can handle most of them."
Ranma's Dark Kingdom – (Failed start)
"Come to a decision yet?" Nabiki asked, seeing Ranma deep in thought staring at the backyard.
Soun and Genma, who had both been playing Shogi froze and one could practically see the ear nearest Ranma on both of them swivel in his direction.
Kasumi and Akane didn't even pretend disinterest as both stopped what they were doing and turned to hear Ranma's response.
Ranma sighed heavily before replying," I think…"
"Yeah?" Nabiki asked curiously.
"I think Toma's island is nice this time of year."
*crash!*
Ignoring the various face faults, Ranma continued. "Of course, finding the place isn't easy and their population problems make it likely that I'll be pressured to have children there as well."
"You'd leave Japan?!" Akane exclaimed in horror, not recalling any trips outside Japan very fondly.
"I don't think they're allowing people to emigrate to other countries right now. It kinda defeats the purpose of the law to let people leave," Nabiki said.
"If I hadn't had problems with nearly everyone in China, I'd already be packed and gone," Ranma said bluntly. "I can swim to China."
"With China and Toma's island out, meaning you can't just swim somewhere else, what do you plan on doing?"
"Magic portal," Ranma replied.
"A magic portal," Nabiki repeated slowly.
"Yep," the aqua transsexual agreed. "Weak point in the world wall that responds to the proper ki."
"How'd you get a key to a magical portal?" Nabiki asked, not sure if he was joking or not.
"I saw a guy in black open it using inverted ki a couple of blocks from Mom's house," Ranma replied. "It's easy enough to copy."
"Oh, ki!" Nabiki said, realizing she'd mistaken one word for another. "What's the world wall?"
"It's what keeps the worlds separate," Ranma replied. "I stole the name from an RPG I heard some guys talking about."
"That's another reason the Senkens were sealed," Genma said. "Opening random gates by hitting weak points is never a good idea and I never could figure out a way to sense them in advance."
AN: This was my first attempt to start the thread.
Knight Moves
Xander blinked and waved smoke out of his face, his axe still dripping with ichor from what had been a way too easy kill.
He knew without even looking that he was in some kind of circle. There was an electric feel in the air, a weight, that said someone had just pulled off some major mojo.
Of course the complex lines of blue powder surrounding him and the half naked figure waving a decapitated rooster and chanting was also a big clue.
Xander wasn't really all that surprised to see he was in a warehouse. He was positive that if they'd just burn down all the empty warehouses in Cleveland, they'd cut down on at least half their supernatural problems.
There was aloud boom as someone blew open the door and two figures ran in. A tall skinny guy carrying a glowing staff and what looked to be an honest to god white knight like Xander was often accused of being.
"We're too late!" the tall guy who Xander figured was a magic user shouted. "He's summoned the outsider, stop him before he binds him!"
Xander took a deep breath and blew away the line of powder that marked the containment circle.
As the circle darkened, its power broken, all three of the men outside the circle froze.
"I've had a pretty good day so far, so let's not spoil it, ok?" Xander asked. "Now why in the world was I summoned here?"
"Lord Balkin the many horned, I summoned you to bring an end to my enemies!" the man who practically had witch doctor tattooed on him shouted.
"Was balky gray skinned with a barbed three foot penis he liked to wave around?" Xander asked.
"That fits the description of him," the magic user agreed as he looked Xander carefully up and down.
"I just finished removing his head when you pulled this," Xander said.
"B-but it takes a white knight to kill Balky," the knight said in shock.
"I've been called that before," Xander admitted. "Usually by demons as an insult, but enough to have the name stick."
"You cut off both his heads?" the magic user asked intently.
Xander shrugged. "If he wanted to keep it, he shouldn't have pointed it at me."
AN: First attempt at what I later rewrote as a Xander as Loki in the Dresdenverse Fic as this seemed a little too dull.
Council Video Conference
"We need more magic users," Willow said as she delivered her weekly report to the council via Skype, as they all met online.
"We recruit anyone with a lick of talent," Faith said with a shrug. "Not sure what more we can do, unless you want us to start breeding our own."
"Which brings me to my latest project and why I need Xander's help," Willow replied, raising some eyebrows.
"Well, ok," Xander agreed, "but I get to be on top."
"Xander!" Willow exclaimed, turning bright red while Kennedy fell off her seat laughing.
"I take it from Kennedy's response you aren't planning on having Xander impregnate our witch population to increase their numbers?" Giles asked dryly.
"No!" Willow exclaimed. "I have a way of mystically empowering others and I wanted Xander's help because-"
"If anything can go wrong with it, it'll go wrong with me there," Xander interrupted.
"Pretty much," Willow agreed. "Plus… I haven't gotten to see you in a while and you're due some mandatory downtime, so I figured…"
"-we'd get to spend some time with him," Kennedy finished.
"I thought you didn't like me," Xander said surprised.
Kennedy sighed. "Our council headshrinker made some uncomfortable truths known to me and I'd rather do the rest of this privately."
Willow kissed Kennedy's cheek before turning back to the screen. "I miss you. Come home."
"Ok, Wills," he said quietly and vanished off screen, his second in command of the Cleveland Hellmouth, a local Slayer named Shirley, taking his spot.
"Where'd boytoy go?" Faith asked, having grabbed a soda while they were talking, figuring she wouldn't miss all that much.
"To Willow's," Buffy said.
"He's packing," Shirley replied. "But just remember if you hurt him I can have over a dozen Slayers…"
AN: A funny scene but it doesn't really connect with anything, so I never continued it.
Reconditioned
Xander had waited until everyone had went home before collecting the many pieces of Ted and taking them to his house. He knew it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but the potential help Ted could be was too much to ignore. Maybe he just needed something to take his mind of Ampata and the guilt he felt for making out with Cordelia only a couple of months after she'd died.
Whatever the reason, Sunday morning found Xander rechecking the makeshift repairs connecting Ted's head to his torso and the cord he had running from Ted's naval to the wall.
"The moment of truth," Xander muttered before bracing himself and flipping a switch. After a few seconds had passed and nothing had exploded, he relaxed.
Ted's eyes snapped open and looked around the basement. "Well this is a mess," he finally said.
"Yes it is," Xander agreed. "And we need to fix your programming before we fix your body."
"What's wrong with my programming?" Ted asked.
"It lead to you being dismembered and disposed of, obviously it needs work."
"You may have a point there," Ted admitted.
A week later…
Xander stumbled into the basement missing a shoe and partially covered in black goop.
"Hard day?" Ted asked, turning away from the TV, fully repaired.
"The egg babies from our parenting class turned out to be demon eggs that took over the school," Xander replied. "There was much badness and even though my foolproof idea of hard-boiling the egg prevented us from being taken over, Amy is a wee bit pissed at me."
"Hard boil one baby and they never let you forget it," Ted said, shaking his head.
"I know," Xander said with a sigh. "So, how's the research going?"
"Not bad, I am up on current trends and fads, though I still find some things incomprehensible."
"You need me to explain anything?" Xander asked.
Ted flinched. "Your explanations need explanations and still make my head hurt. No, I figured it'd be quicker to design a device that created a digital scan of someone's brain."
"How'd that go?" Xander asked curiously.
"Quite well," Ted said. "I designed and built one based on a combination of MRI tech and my creator's scanning equipment. I need you to scan a couple of sane people so I have a decent baseline and we'll be set."
"Like me and Buffy?"
"I'd prefer sane people who didn't fight vampires. Like Joyce and Dawn."
AN: One of my earlier ideas for using Ted. I eventually ended up using from it in 'Not Exactly What I'd Call Sitting' and 'Stand Ins and Stunt Doubles' as you can no doubt tell.
Advice
Xander paused as he saw a flash of light and heard the sounds of fighting. Following the sounds, he found a six-man team dressed in camo, wearing ski-masks, and firing some sort of electrical blasters fighting a Polgara in a graveyard near the college.
It was obvious they were disciplined and trained to work together and equally obvious they didn't know a lot about what they were facing.
"It can sprout a foot-long spike from the back of its hand," Xander warned loudly, just before the Polgara could surprise them with it, though one of them did get a nasty gash from it.
Watching them alternate blaster shots that were partially effective and physical attacks that were completely ineffective, even with batons, he sighed. "Aim for the kidneys!"
Someone was listening because the creature yowled like a cat and curled into a ball around its injured side a second later.
A couple of the masked figures turned incredulous looks on him.
Xander shrugged. "It's the equivalent of a nut shot or would be if that one wasn't female."
The three that were securing the demon with heavy chains actually stopped at that announcement.
AN: It was an interesting start, but never really sparked any new ideas.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
