Random Starts
AN: Looking at everything I've written you may guess I have ADHD, but for every chapter I've written there's at least half a dozen failed ideas or partial chapters as I work out what I want to write. I decided to toss them up so you can all see some of my writing process and possibly get inspiration for your own stories. Enjoy!
Late Shift
Xander reached up and felt around for the releases so he could get his helmet off. With some awkward fumbling and muffled curses he found the switches to depressurize and release his helmet. "Air," he muttered, though he found the air to actually be warmer and more sterile than the air in his helmet.
"Xander, what's going on?" asked a nervous female voice from beside him.
Snapping his head to the side so quick he almost got whiplash Xander found himself looking at a smaller stormtrooper in a decidedly femine set of armor. "Dawn?" he asked.
"Yeah," she agreed before fumbling her own helmet off. "How and why are we… here?"
Xander stopped and looked at where they were before glancing down at his chest and seeing the name tag he'd worn: Hello my name is XN-Der-1 Welcome to the Death Star commissary. "I think we're in the Death Star commissary," he admitted. "The How would probably be magic and I'm not sure of the Why."
"I-I… my head is stuffed with stuff," Dawn said quietly with not a little awe.
AN: A weird idea I had based on a conversation in Clerks about contractors on the Death Star, no plot in sight, just a random scene. Revisited the idea and wrote 'A Long Walk'.
Scoobs on Film - Dune
"The plot was complicated enough for about a dozen books," Buffy said. "Not that that's a bad thing, I'm just saying it should have been a trilogy."
"Dune is actually a series of books," Willow said. "I haven't followed it, but I've heard good things. I doubt the movie was half as good as the books. I liked it."
"So what did you think Xander?" Buffy asked.
"I think the entire movie was one huge metaphorfor gay sex and not the good kind involving women," Xander said.
"What?!" Willow exclaimed.
"The women are all shown as having secret powers and trying to control everything," Xander explained. "And the whole sister/mother thing in a nunnery showed a subliminal fear of his female relatives."
"Could you make less sense?" Buffy asked rolling her eyes.
"Ok fine, a giant phallic worm, swimming through the ground and providing the 'water of life' to the women, whoshow their evil by monopolizing it, is not at all a metaphor for a penis and a gay one at that," Xander said sarcastically.
"I… huh," Buffy said thoughtfully.
"Don't tell me you're buying this!"
"I'm not saying that… but I can see where he's coming from," Buffy admitted.
"How about the part where the old Jabba the Hutt looking dude ripped off the young guy's nipple and sucked out all his blood?" Xander asked.
"That was a heart plug," Willow argued.
"That was one guy sucking the fluids out of another guy," Xander said, "and let's not forget the climax of the film has Paul riding a sandworm triumphant."
"Ok, it was one long metaphor for butt sex," Willow admitted.
"And there is a series of books?" Buffy asked.
"Apparently, butt sex sells," Willow said with a shrug.
Scoobs on Film - I am Legend
"Loved it," Buffy said. "Good guys win because of heroic sacrifice and they discover a cure for vamps. It's the feel good movie of the year."
"You gotta love the irony of his blood turning out to be the cure in the end," Willow said. "What do you think Xander?"
"Hated it," Xander replied in a sing song.
"What?!" the girls chorused.
"The story it was based on was so much better. They butchered the story so much the title doesn't even make sense anymore."
Willow thought about it for a minute and frowned. "What did the title have to do with the story?"
"I thought he was a legend for finding the cure," Buffy said.
"The original story had him immune to vampirism because he'd been bitten by an infected bat while in South America in the military when he was younger. The fact that his blood was the key was so obvious it was a no brainer and the original main character was a retired plumber figuring this out, not a scientist with a lab."
"So he just whipped up a cure to the mutant cancer treatment?" Buffy asked.
"No, it was anti-fat treatment if I remember it right," Xander said trying to recall the details, "and the saner vamps figured out how to live with their condition. He was the last human alive and staked them during the day, which made him the legendary monster of the story from their point of view. The title doesn't even make sense the way they did it."
"Sounds like a downer of an ending," Buffy said.
"I don't recall him killing his dog when he could have just locked it up, since he was searching for a cure anyways," Xander complained, "so it was at least a little brighter."
AN: Was planning a MST3000 type fic, but all I was really doing was complaining about films so I scrapped it.
Curb Stomp/Crush fragment
"Cool tat," Oz said, a hint of emotion actually leaking into his voice.
Of course a touch of wonder was understandable as Galatea had a pair of large silver wings tattooed on her bare back, starting at the top of her shoulders and extending down to her waist.
"How'd they get it to look like metal?" Buffy asked.
"It is metal," Xander said.
"It's magical," Willow said. "Some type of… control?"
"Kinda," Xander admitted. "Her cousin once got hit with the mind mojo by an evil prick and it's kinda made the entire family antsy about it because of how powerful they are. Knowing the hellmouth is target rich in evil mojo types, this was the best protections we could beg, borrow, or steal."
"She tattooed like thirty percent of her body, just to be with you?" Willow asked in shock.
"And to never have to worry about the mind mojo," he agreed.
AN: Failed chapter start for Crush, decided not to give Power Girl a tat that completely covered her back.
Perceptions
As they watched the chopper take Marcy away Xander was struck by a sudden epiphany, if she had been made invisible because of everyone overlooking her, than what was the common perception of him and what effects did it have?"
"Are you ok?" Willow asked, noticing the shocked expression on Xander's face.
"Just having my mind wander to some truly horrible places," Xander replied as he recalled Cordelia saying appearance was everything and that people lived and died by their reputation. Did this mean she was right?
"Like what?" Willow asked.
"We had an invisible girl prowling the school," he replied, shaking his head.
"Relax Xan," Buffy said trying to lighten the mood, "I doubt she spent all her time watching you shower, there's also the rest of the boys to consider, like the football team."
"Not quite what I was worried about," Xander said, as Buffy waxed poetic about the various sports teams and some of the boys on them with Willow turning redder and redder.
"Yes, I believe this is where I depart," Giles said, quickly making a break for it.
"She probably didn't watch you for very long before moving on to greener pastures," Buffy said cheerfully, before dragging Willow off, leaving Xander standing there alone, watching the chopper shrink in the distance.
"Yeah, that's not insulting at all," Xander muttered, knowing Buffy hadn't meant it that way, but had said it because she didn't see him as anything but one of the girls. "And how does her perception of me affect me?" he wondered aloud.
He shook off his moment of introspection and left, the entire subject made his head hurt.
After a 'Dance' with Buffy…
Xander watched Buffy walk away, leaving him frustrated, confused, and publicly humiliated in the middle of the Bronze. He felt about two inches tall and as he recalled what had happened to Marcy he wondered if he went and measured himself now, would he be an inch shorter?
He was surprised to see Cordelia chase after Buffy as he returned to the booth they'd grabbed, Willow giving him a sympathetic look as the teens around them laughed at his misfortune.
"She didn't mean it," Willow said, upset and confused at Buffy's actions herself.
"Not sure that makes a difference at this point," Xander replied, causing her eyes to widen.
"Wh-what do you mean?" Willow asked.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter," Xander said, "let's get out of here."
"Ok," Willow said, unhappy with Buffy herself, but not wanting her friends to fight. She racked her brain for some way to fix things, but came up blank.
After a vamp delivers a ransom letter to the library
"I shouldn't have bothered forcing Angel to lead me to the Master's cave," Xander said after Buffy gave a speech about not being able to handle having civilians involved in the slaying.
Buffy paused, but then continued on her way to the Bronze ignoring Xander's warning that it was a trap.
AN: a bit too dark and gloomy for my tastes, though an interesting concept to work with.
TN: and I bet Buffy sure as hell wouldn't have been so dismissive of an invisible guy watching her or other girls showering.
Sleepless: Chap 2 - later
Xander paused in the hall as he saw that Amy was almost in tears. "Are you ok?" he asked.
"Yeah… I'm just frustrated," she admitted. "No matter what I do or what diet I try I can't seem to lose the weight. I've been exercising for hours each day and eating like a bird and it's done nothing!"
"That's because both of those are the wrong things to do to lose weight," Xander said the information he'd been programmed with by Coach Martin coming to the forefront of his mind. "If you starve your body it slows down the rate you burn off fat cells because it thinks you are in a food poor environment. Exercising every day may offset that some, but it sabotages your physical development making exercises a lot harder than they need to be."
"Really?" she asked doubtfully.
"Really," he said seriously. "If you want to lose weight and tone up you have to do the right thing at the right times. You have to eat enough so that your body doesn't go into emergency starvation mode for one, though most of it is going to be plants and you're going to drink a lot of water."
"Vegetarians aren't exactly the healthiest of people," Amy said frowning.
"That's right," Xander agreed. "Because you need vitamins and nutrients that you can't get from plants alone, but we eat too much meat to be healthy. Eat and drink the right amounts combined with alternating days of exercise to give your body time to repair and build muscle and you'll see results."
"My cheerleading coach's advice is almost the complete opposite of yours," she admitted.
Xander began unbuttoning his shirt.
"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm going to show off my chest, now that I have one worth showing, that I gained from following the advice I just gave you." Xander grabbed the bottom of his white undershirt and pulled it up. "Does this look like I was giving you bad advice?"
"Whoa," she said. "Weren't you rather pale and flabby a couple of months ago?"
"I was pale and flabby a month ago," he said seriously. I"m not saying a month will get you this because we aren't the same person, but three months should." He put down his shirt and buttoned back up. "The only part I really hate is that I can't eat junk food anymore. No soda, no twinkies, no pie."
Amy felt his stomach. "Damn!"
"I know," Xander said proudly.
"I don't suppose you'd help me develop a personal exercise program?" she asked leaning into him.
Four days later
Xander was not a happy camper…
AN: I had a slow buildup planned, but as you've seen I decided to go another way as Catherine had already replaced Amy at this point in the timeline, so I had to scrap it.
A small... erm minor disagreement
AN: Idea I had for the formation of an adventure group in your typical D&D type world
"Stop calling me Tinkerbell!" the small fae protested.
"What's your name then?" the mage asked.
"Ripsaw the rover of the meadow drenched in the blood of the unwashed and their allies, The third," she proclaimed proudly.
"I think I'll stick with Tinkerbell, it's easier to remember," The fighter replied.
The mage decided to intercede before it became another meaningless quarrel. "How about we call you TB. it could stand for Tinkerbell which the fighter easily remembers, but it actually is an abbreviation of the name of an infectious disease that kills most of the people who catches it and cripples the rest?"
The tiny fae smiled widely. "I like it!"
"How about Ripsaw for short?" the fighter asked.
"Nah, I like TB better."
"Ok, Ripsaw," the fighter agreed cheerfully, sparking another argument.
If it wasn't for the species differences The Mage would swear it was UST between the two.
Senshi vs Hasbro
Tuxedo Mask loosened the collar on his tuxedo and adjusted his domino mask as he strode forward, his cape blowing in the wind and his cane tapping against the ground at a measure pace.
Moon, Mars and Mercury took cover as the Dark General ordered his youma forward and the half dozen monster transformed toys attacked.
"This feels so wrong," Moon complained as she flung her tiara at a winged yellow pegasus with a cry of "Moon Tiara Activate!"
"Do it anyway! Fire Soul!" Mars called out sending a bird of flame to intercept a blue pegasus.
Mercury's fingers rushed across the keys as she scanned the attackers. "I can give us a battle shroud, but it won't last long."
"Do it!" the other two girls yelled.
"Mercury Bubble Blast!" Mercury called out sending a wave of fog to cover the area.
AN: interesting scene but no plot to hang it from. I just like the idea of the two groups fighting. The Elements of Harmony vs the Silver Millennium crystal would make for an interesting explosion.
Shelter from the elements
"That was stupid of you," a grey coated pegasus with a blonde mane said, startling Gilda who had just crossed the cloud layer.
"What?!" the young gryphon spun around and got her wings tangled up sending her spiraling across the cloud.
"You upset the holders of the elements," the pegasus said taking a bite of her muffin.
Glinda untangled herself and glared at the pony that had caused her to crash. "What would you know about it?!" she demanded.
"I know that normally I'd have laughed at your crashing and offered to share a muffin with you, but notice the lack of laughter and kindness," she pointed out. "It's not because I'm mad at you or anything like that, it's because these two elements are avoiding you."
"H-how do you know this?" Gilda asked nervously.
The blonde pony turned to look at her revealing that one of her eyes pointed off to the side. "I keep my eyes open."
"And why are you telling me?"
"Dash is a friend of mine," the pegasus said proudly, "and the thing to remember about loyalty is… it goes both ways."
Gilda thought about that for a moment and turned to ask the grey pony what she meant, but she had already left.
"Loyalty goes both ways," Gilda said to herself, before nodding. Dash was a loyal friend so Gilda was one back, she just had a bit of a temper like all gryphons. "So judging by her words... as a loyal friend… I have to make some apologies, well that or she was saying Dash is bi."
The lack of laughter in what should have been a funny joke made her sigh. "Ok, apologies are definitely needed… then I'll tease Dash!"
AN; Random pony scene! But seriously, what effects would the wielders of the elements have on the world around them?
On the back of the turtle
Xander stopped and tilted his head as he examined a strange looking Superman outfit that was missing the cape and appeared to be damaged besides. "Only two bucks?" he muttered.
"Originally it was supposed to be a Bizarro Superman outfit," the shop's proprietor Ethan Rayne spoke up, startling Xander, "but the bottom half got torn and the cape lost."
"Eep! If I had a decent leather jacket I could go as Superboy," Xander quickly pointed out, quickly covering for his less than manly shriek.
"I've got a leather jacket and some face paint left over from a partial Lobo outfit," he offered, "since it's a partial outfit and more plastic than leather, I can let it go for five bucks with the Bizarro bits and you could go as Bizarro Superboy."
"I like it," Xander said.
Later at the Summers' residence…
Dawn looked at the tag with Lobo's face on it while Xander went to the bathroom to change. Opening the black and white jars of face paint, she set them down confident she could paint his face the way he wanted.
Straightening the Tinkerbell outfit that her mom had resized she found a pin and said a word that would have caused Joyce to reach for the soap while shaking her hurt finger before sticking it in her mouth. Unnoticed a drop of her blood landed in the black face paint and seemed to glow for a moment as it soaked in.
"Ready?" Xander asked as he returned dressed as Conner Kent with a Bizarro version of the Kryptonian symbol for the house of El on his chest.
Later…
A wave of power rolled over Xander causing him to fall to his knees, Bizarro Conner Kent-Lobo standing up a moment later as Czarian healing, able to regenerate an entire person from a single drop of blood, met the fractured physiology of a Bizarro world Kryptonian and attempted to heal it.
In a single second the crystal-like angles of a Bizarro hybrid Kryptonian rounded out into the normal curves of a Kryptonian or a Czarian.
A second later the internal flaws that corrupted what should have been a superior intellect into a parody of itself were reversed, leaving behind a mind that quickly strove to weave together multiple sets of memories and mindsets into a unified whole… it didn't succeed.
A handful of seconds later, an eternity at the speed the mind was working at, a consensus of sorts was reached and Xander moved…
A wind blew through Sunnydale and demons fell apart in its wake. Every vampire bar one found a toothpick lodged in its heart and all it's valuables removed in a split second.
A book on demon identification dropped onto a pile of money and jewelry in the Sunnydale High library.
0o0o0o0o
"You are a threat to the balance," a chorus of voices announced as the new being found itself in two places at once, standing on a black plane in a circle of light surrounded by forces both light and dark, and in California removing every single hair off a vampire with a pair of tweezers.
"I am a mortal and outside your control," he replied, the mental group examining every book Xander had even glanced at and figuring out what was going on.
"You force us to release a true demon to balance the scales," the voices chorused.
The body of the mayor had barely begun to warp and deform before it left the atmosphere on a direct course for the sun. The Wolfram and Hart building in LA crumbled into dust as everything valuable was removed and hands far stronger than steel crushed all that was left to powder.
0o0o0o0o
Giles looked around the library in shock as he found himself buried waist deep in gold and jewels, which rapidly deepened, causing him to try and swim like Scrooge Mc Duck.
0o0o0o0o
Three of the dark figures vanished as all connections to the plane was lost, making the remaining members shift nervously. "You leave us no choice but to release Illyria the god king."
AN: This was my first attempt at what I later remade into 'On the Back of the Turtle'. I decided starting after Sunnydale was better to reserve a little mystery in how he'd ended up there.
Let me introduce myself…
*POP*
Xander Harris, teenage slacker extraordinaire, looked up from the Superman comic he was reading, hidden inside a book on demonology, and stared at the three-foot-tall figure that had appeared on top of the table directly over the Hellmouth.
Buffy blinked a couple of times before asking, "Giles, didn't you tell me Leprechauns didn't exist?"
Seeing Mxyzptlk about to get angry, Xander quickly spoke up, "In this reality you were partially based on the myths and legends of Leprechauns."
The short man took off his bowler hat, revealing he was as bald as a cue ball and played with it idly as he thought. "Ok, fair enough, just don't make that mistake again," he said sounding remarkably like Gilbert Godfrey.
"You know what he is?" Giles asked surprised.
"Higher dimensional being, often referred to as an imp of the perverse, a muse of mischief, aka Mr. Mxyzptlk," he said like a fight announcer.
"What does that mean in practical terms?" Giles asked as Mxyzptlk beamed at Xander's intro for him.
"Powers of a god, restraint of a preschooler, sense of humor of well, me," Xander finished.
"B-but his pranks are really mean!" Willow protested.
"Only on the surface and he lets Superman win."
"I thought Superman outsmarted him," Willow replied.
Xander and Mxyzptlk shared a laugh.
"Muscle head ain't bad for a mortal, but he ain't all that," Mxyzptlk replied.
"How do you outsmart someone who can see the future?" Xander asked. "No, Mxyzptlk is either teaching Supes to think outside the box or has placed bets with others of his kind on what trick Superman will use to 'win' this time."
"Both, plus I'm balancing a couple of universal forces you've never heard of," the imp admitted.
"So, what brings you here?" Xander asked, offering Mxyzptlk a twinkie which he accepted.
"Saw the drain below here and thought I'd play plumber since it looked backed up."
"And you are the universe's handyman," Xander said in understanding.
AN: Didn't know where to take it, but it helped develop the basic concept I use with the character.
I hope you've all enjoyed this trip into my story graveyard, I'll be posting another one as soon as I go through and sort my suitcase full of notes and ideas!
Typing by: fyrewolf5
TN: Always nice to see some of the earlier drafts/ideas on things.
