Chapter 2 Attack of Deku Scrubs, and Kokiri Women
After Link finished drinking the Dekunament Tree's coffee, he decided to leave the forest. So, he began walking in search of the exit. But he got lost, and stumbled around for hours. Then he heard voices. He followed them, and found the four identical Kokiri sisters talking in the woods.
"None of you have seen Link anywhere?"
"No, but I wish we had."
"Saria is so lucky, she got to..."
"I wish we had found Link, he's such a..."
"Excuse me girls," Link said. "Do any of you know the direction to the exit of the Kokiri forest?"
"It's Link!" all four girls said at once.
"Link," one said, "we have something we would like to tell you."
"Uh, what?" Link asked.
"We love you!"
"Oh crap," Link said, nervously looking back and forth for an escape route. "You know, Saria told me the same thing yesterday... and-"
"Oh poo," one of the girls said. "Saria gets all the luck."
"So now the two of you are an item?" one of the girls asked, rather unhappily.
"No," Link said, "definitely not."
"Oh pick me!" one girl said, running to his side.
"I'll be your girlfriend," another said, running over and putting a hand on Link's shoulder.
"I will too!" another said, running up and beginning to massage Link's shoulders.
"Uh girls," Link said, "hold on, this isn't a good time to..."
"Back off," the fourth girl said, walking up and pushing the girl who was rubbing Link's shoulders away, "he's mine."
"No he's mine," the other's all said at the same time.
The girls then proceeded to grab Link's shirt in different places, and began to play tug of war with him.
"This isn't my day," Link said to himself.
"Woa girls," Link said. "Time out. I don't really like... any of you, so could you please stop fighting over me?"
The girls ignored him completely, and continued pulling at his shirt. Suddenly, Link's shirt split in half, and fell off of him.
"Oh great," Link said. "Now I gotta buy a new tee shirt, and the only store here is that dang Kokiri forest shop."
"Hey, I want Link's shirt," the first girl said when the third girl picked it up.
"No its mine!" the second girl said.
The girls then began to play tug of war with Link's shirt. The shirt then split into four different pieces, and each girl ran off with their piece, completely forgetting that Link was still there.
"That was... wierd," Link said.
"That was hilarious!" Navi said, popping out of nowhere.
"Where have you been?" Link said. "I had to fend off those girls all by myself.
"I was drinking tea with the Great Dekunament Tree," Navi said.
"I don't get it," Link said. "What is it with Kokiri women? It's like the very sight of me drives them crazy. I'm not that good looking, am I?"
"No," Navi replied.
"Stop insulting me Navi!" Link shouted.
"But you said..."
Anyways, Link then walked to the Kokiri forest shop to buy a new shirt.
"Hey do you deal in shirts," Link said, after walking in.
"Why yes we... Link!"
"What?" Link looked up, and saw that the former clerk at the store had switched places with a... Kokiri girl.
"Oh crap," Link said, taking a step backwards.
"Oh my gosh!" the little girl squealed, "you are the most gorgeous man that ever lived!"
"Uh, thanks but... uh..."
"Will you give me a kiss?"
"Uh, bye bye."
And with that, Link ran for his life, with the Kokiri forest shop girl in hot pursuit. He ran and ran, and after losing her, he stopped at his home to pick up a new shirt. Then he finally decided to leave the forest.
"You're leaving," said a familiar voice, jarring Link in his path.
Link turned, and saw Saria standing right behind him.
"Not again," Link whimpered.
"I knew you would leave someday," Saria said, "after all, you aren't like us."
"Yeah," Link said, remembering that none of the Kokiri men got attacked by Kokiri women everyday. "I'm making a quick run to McDonHyrulalds. Want me to pick you up a cheese burger or something?"
"I hope you will remember me always," Saria said sadly.
"Uh, I'll be back in like... ten minutes, so why are you..."
"Please take this fairy Electric Guitar with you. Its my gift to you. And please come visit me soon."
Sarai then handed him a Electric Guitar.
"Uh, thanks, but why are you being so dramatic about this? I'm just making a quick run to McDonHyrulalds..."
"Good bye Link," Saria said.
"See you later," Link said, and then walked off.
And on Link went, on a great and noble quest. He held his head high, and fought against many challenges.
"Aaaaauuuuuuggggghhhhhh!" Link screamed as he ran down Hyrule field.
Behind him ran a large army of Deku Scrubs.
"Catch the traitor to the cause!" they shrieked as they ran after him.
"How did this happen?" Navi asked, popping out of Link's hat.
"Well... they say I'm a traitor to the cause."
"Cause, what cause?"
"That's what I asked them," Link said.
"Stop!" Navi suddenly shouted at the army, which stopped immediately. "May I ask why you are chasing my pet Kokiri?"
"I'm not your pet... Ow!" Link began before being silenced by a bolt of lightning which Navi tossed at him.
"He-he-he," Navi chuckled. "Don't you just love the fact that I have magic powers?"
"Shockingly no," Link said, rubbing his injury.
"He is a traitor to the cause!" one of the Deku Scrubs said.
"Cause," Navi said, "what cause?"
"A cause we have honored for a long time," another Scrub said.
"Yeah, a whole two minutes as of now," a third Scrub said.
"Riiight," Navi said. "But what is the cause?"
"No one will step on grass," the first Scrub said.
"But you are all standing on grass right now," Navi said.
"We are no!" the third one said. "Are we? Aaa! We're standing on grass!"
"Aaaaaauuuuuugggggghhhhh!" all the Scrubs shrieked before running off back towards the forest.
