Chapter 5 DodongoCongo's Cavern, and Three Hundred Fangirls

Hello good people of this world. Now Link begins his epic journey to get the stupid red stone that Princess Zelda ordered him to get. And hopefully get a Big Mac-ayhosacawatchy as well. And of course, the large coffee for the Great Dekunamenut Tree. And will he meet more maurading women again?

"Aaaaauuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhh!" Link screamed and ran away from the avalanche. Boulders in the shape of donuts fell down upon Link, covering him completely.

"That was impressive," Navi said, flying up out of the rubble. "Link survives a Deku Scrub attack, lives through numerous attacks of enamored women, and then gets nailed by a bunch of rocks.

"Shut up," Link said, climbing out from the rubble.

"Come on," Navi said, "let's just go up there, get a Big Mac-ayhosacawatchyamacallit and a large coffee, and get out of here."

"Whatever," Link said, continuing his climb.

When he arrived at the top of the Mountain, he found a cave which led to Goron City. The home of the Goron's, and the birthplace of modern aviation.

"Birthplace of modern what?" Link said.

Aviation Link, don't you understand?

"No," Link said, "what the crap is aviation, and who are you?"

I am the Author Link, aviation is something which will come in the future.

"I thought that Ohio was the birthplace of aviation," Navi said.

No, that's Kittyhawk.

"It was flown in Kittyhawk, but designed in Ohio," Navi said.

Um, is that really relevant right now?

"Yes."

Well anyways, Goron City was later renamed Kittyhawk some time around the thirteenth and a half century.

"Okay, that is not true," Navi said. "Thirteenth and a half? Where did you get that number Author?"

Oh whatever, this is a comedy, isn't it?

"Weird things are happening," Navi said.

"Oh, and I forgot to mention," Link said, "you were wrong. Zelda didn't fall for me. Yes! For once one girl didn't attack me at first sight!"

"Oh yeah, do you think that's going to repeat itself?" Navi asked. "No, that was one women. When we leave this big Birthplace of Aviation place, then we could test my theory."

Anyways, Navi and Link traveled through Goron City, keeping a sharp lookout for rolling Gorons, which knocked the Link down one to many times. Anyways, eventually a large boulder came rolling down the public pathway, and Link ran for his life. But he wasn't fast enough. The boulder slammed into him, sending the poor Kokiri flying over the edge of the public pathway, and down three floors. Link crashed on the ground rather painfully.

"Oh crap," Link said as he got back up to his feet.

"That was graceful," Navi said.

"Oh yeah," Link said sarcastically. "This is poor building planning."

"Oh look!" Navi said. "A door! Perhaps it leads to McDonHyrulealds."

"Yeah, but the clerk might be a female."

"So what, what are the chances that a female Goron would fall for you?"

"Uh, I'm hoping they are slim to none, because Goron's are heavy, and I don't want them to tackle me.

"Hurry up and go in so we can get a dang... burger already. As well as the large coffee for the Great Dekunamenut Tree."

"Oh right," Link said. "This was supposed to be a ten minute run to McDonHyrulealds, and so far I have spent two hours dodging attacking women, and meeting a Princess who was spying on one of her Dad's guards!"

So anyways, Link walked through the door, where he found, not McDonHyrulealds, but a big room with a big Goron standing on one end of it.

"Uh, is this McDonHyrulealds?" Link asked.

"I already told you that I wouldn't give you the superkitty stone of fire until you open up DodongoCongo's Cavern!" the Goron shouted.

"What? I never asked for a... stone, and you never told me to open up... DodongoCongo's Cavern."

"That music makes me really happy. All of a sudden I felt an incredible urge to just dance! So, who are you, and what do you want?"

"What music?"

"Who are you? Whaddaya want?"

"Um, I'm Link," Link began. "I want a nice degree in College, a nice career, and a good wife who doesn't tackle me whenever she sees me. Now, I still want her to tackle me, just not all the time."

"No no no," the Goron said, "that's long term. I'm talking short term here buddy."

"Well, I would like a Big Mac-ayhosacawatchy, and..."

"Well, if you take this shiny bracelet thingy, you can pick bomb flowers," the Goron said, holding out a handkerchief with the words: "Shiny Bracelet Thingy" written on the side.

"Uh, that's not what I wanted. I mean, I don't even know what a bomb flower is... and..."

"Reopen DodongoCongo's cavern, and I will give you the superkitty stone of fire.

"Can't I just buy a cheaper red stone at your souvenir shop?"

"The souvenir shop went out of business. The owner got married and settled down somewhere south of the border."

"Lucky guy," Link whispered to Navi.

"C'mon Link," Navi said, "with all the girls going for you, I wouldn't be surprised if their are girls reading this story and falling for you."

"I hope not," Link said.

Meanwhile, all over the world millions of Link fangirls were reading this fanfic, and, as Navi put it, falling for Link.

"See?" Navi said, "I was right."

"Oh crap," Link replied. "Well, at least they can't get into the story."

Oh, really? Are you sure Link? Because if you aren't, you do realize that half a million fan girls could barge right into this story, with Link on their next menu.

"Yeah," Link replied. "I'm pretty sure."

"Oh what the heck," Navi said, "if it's that impossible to get the fan girls into the fanfic, then I'll help them get in."

"You wouldn't," Link said.

Navi held out her hand, and a big wooden cage appeared on the ground next to her. On the front, the words: "Link fan girls" were written.

"Yes I would," Navi said. "All that's left is to unlock the cage."

"How the heck did you get this many fan girls?" Link asked, eyeing the size of the cage.

"They had a sale on Link fan girls at Joe's Pet Shop."

Navi then pulled the latch. The front burst open, and a couple hundred girls ran out through it.

"Whoa," one said, "how did we get here?"

"Oh crap," Link gasped, staring at the hundreds of girls who had just come out of the box.

"Hey its Link!" one girl said, her voice filled with joy.

"Aaauuuggghhh!" Link screamed and ran for his life.

The fan girls chased after him.

"I love you Link!" one shouted.

"Oh crap," Link said before screaming like a little girl.

What are the chances that this one little boy would be able to outrun all three hundred of the girls? Not much. In fact, instead of outrunning them, he was overrun by them. They grabbed him and tied him up and then tried to decide what to do with him. Several of the girls wanted to take Link to a church and marry him, but all of the girls wanted Link, so they began fighting over them. Navi was hiding during this whole time, because one must not mess with fan girls fighting over the object of their obsession. Meanwhile, while they were fighting, Link managed to break out of the ropes.

"He's getting away!" one of the girls shouted.

"Run, run for your life," Navi whispered to Link.

"Shut up!"

Link proceeded to run all the way down death mountain, all the way into DodongoCongos Cavern. The girls followed him of course. He ran through the dungeon, fighting through traps and puzzles with the girls in hot pursuit. Finally he ran into a room where there was a gigantic DodongoCongo. The DodongoCongo began to spit Coconuts at Link.

"Hey!" one of the fan girls shouted, "don't hurt my Link!"

All the girls then proceeded to attack the DodongoCongo. So the gigantic lizard ran for his life, and in the process, he crashed all the way out of the cavern, opening DodongoCongo's cavern once again.

"Yay!" three of the girls shouted. "Link is safe!"

"Oh crap," Link said.

Navi then held out her hand towards the Link fangirls, and sent them back to the real world again.

"Aw man," they said.

"Well that's enough of that," Navi said, "lets go get that red stone."

So, you see? You see? You like? You dislike? You wish to give me a big hug? You wish to smack me, and toss me into a sewer? Well, the sewer option is not available. Sorry to those of you who don't like it. And I would prefer it if all the gentlemen would refrain from hugging me. I'll take high fives though. Now I'm starting to sound like Strongbad: "Girls, form a line to my left for make outs. Dudes, form a line to my right for high fives." Okay, never mind. So please leave a kindly review, even if you don't have an account. I do accept anonymous reviews. And please, if you have the time, could you check out my other stories? You don't have to, but could you do it as a favor to me? I have another Zelda fanfic, and a real cool Supernatural Harvest Moon fanfic.