XD Squared 1
Xander 'woke' in the sewer beneath Sunnydale. He was chained in place, but they had done a piss poor job and he could tell it would be easy to slip loose. It only took him a few seconds to figure out what had happened, he'd been grabbed and turned when he'd helped Buffy rescue Jesse, which conflicted with his memories of Jessie being turned and helping Buffy.
He was broken from his introspection when he heard Jesse and Buffy approach.
"Bro!" Jesse called out in relief.
"It's a trap!" Xander warned them, as Jesse rushed over and pulled at his chains.
"What?" Jesse asked.
Xander freed himself from his chains. "Jess, this whole thing is a trap, you have to get out of here."
"Okay, let's go!" Jesse said.
"Dude, I'm already dead and turned," Xander said. "Feel my pulse."
Buffy rushed at him stake first and Xander casually dodged her, finding it ridiculously easy with his vampiric reflexes and familiarity with her fighting style.
"Hey!" Jesse complained, upset that she'd tried to kill his best friend.
"No, she has the right idea," Xander said, leaning back to avoid a kick, "see a vamp, stake a vamp."
"But the vamp is you!" Jesse pointed out.
"Yeah, and I'm a lot more dangerous than the average vamp," Xander said, deflecting a punch with one hand and striking the nerves in her wrist to make her lose her stake. "Now, we've got to get you guys out of here, the others are coming."
"But what about you?" Jesse demanded.
"Already dead," Xander reminded him. "Let's move."
"Why are you helping us?" Buffy demanded as she recovered her stake, making sure not to turn her back on him.
"I'm helping Jesse," Xander said, "you're just incidental."
"Vampires don't act like that," Buffy argued.
"Most are brain dead morons," Xander replied. "Let's go!"
A vampire leapt out of a side tunnel and Xander grabbed it and slammed it into the sewer wall hard enough to stun it, letting Buffy stake it with barely a thought. More vampires came out of the darkness. Xander kicked one hard enough to break something in its pelvis while Buffy hit another with a right cross that snapped its neck, the two bodies falling to the ground and tripping a number that followed.
The three retreated into a small room with a metal door and a ladder leading up. Xander forced the door shut and braced himself. "Go, I'll keep them back," Xander said as the monsters on the other side threw themselves against it, making the metal shake.
"But, what about you?!" Jesse demanded.
"I'm already dead," Xander told him again, showing his game face, causing the two to jump back, "I don't have a life to save, now go!"
Buffy had to force Jesse up the ladder and when it was her turn, she paused. "They're going to tear you apart," she said almost sadly.
"I'm a vamp, I probably deserve it," Xander replied, shoving hard against the door to regain ground lost as the demons on the other side threw themselves against it.
"No one deserves that," Buffy said. She drew her stake and thrust it forward, before turning and leaping for the ladder, the screech of the door being forced open covering the poof of a vampire dusting.
She barely avoided being pulled back down into the sewer thanks to Jesse stomping on the grasping hands pulling at her legs.
"Xander?" Jesse asked, his voice holding little hope.
"Bought us time," Buffy told him softly. "I made sure they couldn't torture him."
Jesse winced and Buffy laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't save him."
He nodded. "At least you tried."
The two watched the sun rise in silence for a minute, the stress of what they'd just lived through slowly fading.
"I don't know how I'm going to tell Willow," Jesse said with a sigh, "she's totally in love with him."
"I'll help," Buffy promised, "but for now we should probably go home and get some sleep, it's going to be a long day."
After School
The four were gathered in the school library, Willow waiting patiently for the details of what had happened, not sure she wanted to know, but desperately needing the knowledge all the same.
"It was a trap, Xander had already been turned," Buffy told Willow and Giles.
"But why did he save us?" Jesse asked. "I'm still confused about that. You said vampires kick out the soul and seek to kill everyone they cared for in life, but he sacrificed himself to keep us safe."
"He did?" Giles asked Buffy, surprised.
"He did," Buffy confirmed. "I've never seen a vampire act like that before. He even told Jesse I was right to try and stake him.
"See a vamp, stake a vamp," Xander agreed.
"Xander?!" Willow exclaimed as the group spun around searching for him.
"I'm a ghost," Xander told them. "I'm not sure if it's a step up from vampire, but at least I don't have a voice yammering in my head to do a bunch of stupid evil things."
"Ghosts?" Buffy asked Giles. "I have to deal with ghosts now?!"
"Ghost as in uno, singular," Xander told her, his voice coming from somewhere over the table. "As far as I know I'm the only one haunting you."
"Bro… you okay?" Jesse asked.
"Feeling pretty good for someone dead twice over," Xander assured him.
"This situation is unprecedented," Giles said, "I'll have to do some research."
"Xander?" Willow asked, eyes red.
"I'd say in the flesh, but… it'd kinda be tasteless," Xander replied as he moved closer to Willow, not that anyone could tell.
"You're dead," Willow said softly.
"But not gone," Xander assured her. "I've been following Buffy around since she woke up this morning. Of course I had to move her alarm clock so she'd stop hitting snooze every five minutes."
"Hey!" Buffy exclaimed. "I need my beauty sleep."
"Is this how haunting normally go?" Jesse asked Giles, feeling a bit better about things now that he knew Xander wasn't gone, even if he was dead.
"Nothing about this situation is normal," Giles told him. "Ghosts are normally hostile supernatural entities and vampires are typically pro-vampire, not encouraging you to 'stake them all."
"Vamps suck in more ways than one," Xander told them, "and I'm not so much hostile as annoyed at getting staked, since I completely agree that it needed to be done and quickly."
"What's it like being a ghost?" Jesse asked.
"Pretty chill," Xander replied. "I can see everywhere around me, move small objects… possibly go into… people or things? Not real sure on that one."
"You can Beetlejuice it?" Jesse asked eagerly.
"Not quite," Xander replied, "he had millions in special effects and a sound and light crew, I'm pretty sure I'm a lot more limited."
"Can you make yourself solid?" Willow asked hopefully.
"If you've got a stuffed animal I could probably possess it," Xander offered.
"How about Teddy Ruxbin?" Jesse asked.
"Probably, but those things still kinda freak me out," Xander admitted.
"When you say follow me around…" Buffy's voice trailed off.
"I plead the fifth," Xander replied.
"You were in the shower with me, weren't you?" Buffy demanded.
"Hey, don't blame the dead guy," Xander quickly said, "I'm stuck following you, I wasn't exactly given a choice here."
"You were in the shower with us?!" Willow squeaked out.
"Not willingly!" Xander exclaimed. "Where she goes, I go."
"Giles, how truthful is he being?" Buffy demanded.
"Ghosts are tethered to our world by things connected to their deaths," Giles replied, "if you are his tether he will have no choice but to follow you."
"Can we switch the tether?" Willow asked hopefully.
"I'm not sure, I'll have to research it," Giles said.
"Your afterlife is following hot girls into showers?" Jesse asked in disbelief. "Is this because you were good or bad?"
"Jesse!" Willow exclaimed, still red faced from the thought of Xander having been in the shower with her.
"Neither," Xander replied, "I'm pretty sure someone made a wish about you not getting turned into a vamp and time got messed about with, cause I remember having to stake the vamp running around with your face and… a bunch of other stuff that's getting kinda foggy about the future."
"What?" Jesse asked.
"I think someone got a monkey paw wish," Xander explained, "and wished you hadn't been turned, so I took your place. I can remember a bunch of stuff about the next couple of years, but that's getting fuzzy, like Amy's mother being a witch who tries to switch bodies so she can become a cheerleader and our replacement science teacher turning out to be a praying mantis demon looking for virgins to father another generation."
"That sounds ridiculous," Buffy said. "I deal with vampires, you know those things that go poof when you stake them, not… all that."
"While vampires are the main threat dealt with by Slayers, they are by no means the only threat," Giles told her, "else a Slayer would have little use for a dedicated researcher."
"Plus, this is the Hellmouth, so it attracts all types of things," Xander replied, "It's like a magnet for badness."
"A Hellmouth? Are you certain?" Giles asked anxiously.
"What is a Hellmouth and is it as bad as it sounds?" Jesse asked.
"It's a gateway to dimensions we would consider akin to Hell," Giles explained.
"That would be a yes then," Willow said with a shiver.
"It actually wasn't all that bad," Xander said, "we researched and watched Buffy's back, she slayed, we partied on."
"Partied on?" Buffy and Giles chorused as if they'd practiced it.
"Yeah," Xander said, "We… enjoyed making a difference and keeping the world spinning. We'd hang out at Buffy's and watch bad movies and… it's fading a bit, but I remember dancing at the Bronze, patrolling at nights…"
"That would be incredibly dangerous and foolish," Giles snapped out. "The Slayer works alone!"
"No, the Slayer dies alone," Xander disagreed. "Buffy never fought all that hard when by herself. When protecting friends, she'd tear through vamps like they were nothing."
There was silence for a few seconds as everyone digested that.
"We became friends?" Buffy asked hopefully, latching onto the one part that made sense.
"We were the three amigos, plus Giles," Xander assured her.
"What about me?" Jesse asked.
"Turned and I ended up staking you to keep you from killing Cordelia," Xander said, "and unlike me, your ghost did not hang around."
"And someone made a monkey paw wish making us switch spots," Jesse said.
"Can you provide any proof about any of this?" Giles asked.
"Proof?" Xander asked. "Well, I know some pretty embarrassing secrets about everyone here."
"Bro!" Jesse exclaimed nervously.
"I'm not going to tell ones about you and Wills, those wouldn't prove anything," Xander assured him.
"Not sure I want mine revealed either," Buffy said.
"You had a crush on a guy named Ford in middle school and used to listen to the song 'When I Think About You I Touch Myself' not realizing what the song meant at the time," Xander said. "That's pretty non-embarrassing but secret."
Buffy sighed. "Yeah, that's accurate and still a bit embarrassing."
"And myself?" Giles asked.
"Back in England you hung around with a douche nozzle named Ethan," Xander said, "there was badness and demon summoning and sex."
Giles paled. "Yes, when I was young and quite a bit less intelligent I did become embroiled in some distasteful events. I believe I'm satisfied now."
"Winning lottery numbers?" Jesse asked hopefully.
"No clue," Xander admitted, "I never paid attention to them like Cordelia did."
"Cordelia?" Willow asked.
"We ended up dating, but it didn't work out," Xander said. "You were dating… a guy with blue hair who didn't talk much, very mellow."
"I… don't know how to feel about that," Willow said.
"I seriously doubt things will work out the same way now," Xander said, "I mean, I'm a ghost and Jesse is alive, those are some mondo timeline changes right there."
"And you knowing about the future is going to change things even more," Jesse added.
"If I can remember them," Xander agreed, "but like I said it's getting kinda fuzzy and I'm not sure if that's because of the time travel thing or the ghost thing."
"How do you feel?" Willow asked.
"Kinda spacey," Xander replied, "almost like being drunk, though that may be the floating thing and seeing in all directions is kinda weird, plus I can feel where Buffy is like there is a bungee cord connecting us."
"Can you move the cord to someone else, like me?" Willow asked hopefully.
"Let's see…" Xander muttered and Willows sweater suddenly changed from its soft blue into a riot of orange and yellows.
"Bro, did you just possess Willow's sweater?" Jesse asked, while Buffy poked it with a finger causing Xander and Willow to giggle.
"That is the ugliest sweater I've ever seen," Buffy said as Willow leaned back to avoid her attempts to poke her again.
"I feel more solid now and warm," Xander said as Willow stroked the arm of her sweater, his voice coming from her chest.
"Do you feel tethered to Buffy now?" Willow asked.
"Yes, but it's just a thread now, like I can ignore it," Xander replied. "This feels much better than just floating around."
"What exactly can you feel now?" Buffy asked suspiciously.
"Willow," Xander replied, making the girl in question blush but the shy redhead didn't complain as she smiled and hugged the garish sweater tightly.
"I suppose that's better than following me everywhere," Buffy decided, seeing that Willow had no objections.
"Am I supposed to feel sad?" Jesse asked. "I mean, I just lost my best friend, but he's still here."
"I wouldn't," Xander said, "but then I prefer not to be all mopey."
"I'm afraid my training didn't cover any of this," Giles said.
"I still feel bad I couldn't save Xander, though a bit less since he was watching me shower and made me get up early," Buffy admitted.
"If you begin to feel bad, let me know and I'll annoy you out of it," Xander told her.
"It kinda tickles when you talk," Willow told him. "We'll have to see what all you can possess and what the effects are."
"Unlike Beetlejuice I didn't get a handbook," Xander said, "but I think I can move things around if I'm in them."
Willow made a soft sighing sound and her eyes closed as the shoulders of her sweater started moving on their own.
"That checks out," Jesse said with a grin, deciding to follow Xander's advice and not worry about it.
"I have a lot of research to do," Giles said and started shooing the children out of the library. "Buffy, we'll have to discuss patrol routes later."
"Probably a good idea," Buffy said, privately admitting that it looked like she wasn't going to be able to escape being the Slayer, but feeling better about having friends to share it with.
"Well see you guys tomorrow," Willow told them before leaving with Xander.
"I can't believe she wants him haunting her," Buffy said shaking her head. "I wonder what she's planning on having him possess."
"I'm trying not to think about it myself," Jesse replied.
"What? Why… Oh!" Buffy said, her mind immediately going places she wished it hadn't. "I'm… going to go repress. Catch you tomorrow?"
"Catch you tomorrow," Jesse agreed with a chuckle. "This has been the weirdest day."
"Yeah I hear you," Buffy said, "Hopefully tomorrow will be better."
"Unless Willow brings in charts of her tests," Jesse said.
"Yeah," Buffy said before quickly fleeing.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
AN: We really need some more Beetlejuice type stories.
