Warranty Void if Soul is Broken 2
"Wha?! Where am I?" Meg asked as she woke up lying on a bed in an RV.
"I haven't bothered naming this place yet," the man with the glowing red cat's eye and half black face replied. "Soda?" he asked, offering her a coke.
"Thanks," she said, taking a drink, "my head's a little fuzzy. Who are you?"
"I'm… I don't really have a name I can remember," he said with a frown. "I guess that's part of what got carved out by ROB."
"Carved out?" she asked, confused and taking a closer look at him.
"A Random Omnipotent Being, or ROB for short, decided he needed an agent and carved off a third of my body for material," he explained. "Of course before he did that he gave me a couple of rewards to get me to sign a contract which allowed me to chop off a couple of small bits of him that I used to replace my missing bits, so I'm like seventy percent human, five percent The Sword of Thundara, and twenty five percent ROB. I guess that makes him my grandfather now."
"That sounds crazy," she said. "Wait! You're the guy who chloroformed me!"
"The contract he got me to sign was for the Rule 34 Economy CYOA, which means I have to build a harem to gain power," he explained.
"And you chose me?" she asked in disbelief.
"I needed someone to start the whole thing up who I could get to agree without using any form of bindings," he explained.
"And kidnapping me counts as agreement?!" she demanded.
"Not remotely," he replied, unconcerned. "Your life in Quahog sucks balls," he said bluntly, "and what I have to offer most certainly doesn't. I figure once I've laid everything out and proven what I said is true you'll jump at the chance."
"Glowing eye aside, how are you going to prove any of it whatever it is?" she asked in confusion, pretty sure she'd been kidnapped by a crazy person.
"Because I have a World Gate outside and I think showing you another world should be more than enough proof I'm not just some random guy who kidnapped you," he replied. He exited the Winnebago with Meg following him, unsure if she should try to escape, as he didn't look like he could run all that fast, but then she wasn't all that great at it either.
"How'd you get the RV in here?" she asked, as she looked around the forest clearing, seeing no opening in the trees surrounding the clearing.
"Drove it through the gate," he replied as he led her over to the DHD at the side of the stone ramp leading up to the large metal ring.
"You could be a rich nut who had it flown in by helicopter," Meg said, not able to think of any other way the RV could have gotten in.
He grinned and placed a hand on the DHD which lit up, as an empty street appeared through the gate. "Ready to take a look?"
"That's…" her voice trailed off as he ushered her into downtown LA.
"Welcome to LA, but not the one you know," he said smugly.
"You're telling the truth," she said in awe.
"Yes," he replied.
"So… you don't have to sacrifice me or anything, right?" she asked hopefully.
"No," he assured her, "I have to keep you by my side for the rest of our insanely long lives."
"Insanely long?" she asked.
"One of the powers I plan on working for is immortality and eternal youth," he replied. "It'll probably take a couple of years or so, but it's completely doable."
"So… we'll be like, married?" she asked, beginning to get excited.
"Marriage is just a piece of paper, this will be an actual magical bond," he told her.
"What about the other girls?" she asked, worried about ending up being put aside for other prettier girls in the harem he was building.
"They'll be bound to you too," he replied. "I'll see if I can figure out a way to bind them that doesn't require them living with us. Huge harems sound like a huge pain to be honest."
"Why are the streets so empty?" Meg asked, satisfied with his response and looking around at the eerily silent city.
"Every twenty thousand years a comet flies by the Earth and turns every human not deep underground or in a radiation proof enclosure into sand," he replied.
"That's awful!"
He shrugged. "There are an infinite number of worlds, something wonderful and awful is always going on somewhere."
Meg's stomach growled. "I don't suppose any food survived the comet? I had to skip breakfast to try and make it to school on time."
"Strangely enough only the people were turned to sand, everything else was completely unaffected."
"That's weird," Meg said with a frown. "Oh, a 7-11!"
"Probably the best place to hit," he said as they crossed the street, "the doors would still be unlocked since they were a twenty-four hour store."
"How do they still have power?" Meg asked as they entered the store. "Did everyone die this morning?"
"No, everyone died a couple of weeks ago. My best guess is that the nuclear power plants are still running because they are designed to be radiation proof so all the staff survived."
"And they just decided to stay on the job?" Meg questioned.
"Nuclear power plants are designed to keep intruders out and life is easier with lights and AC," he replied with a shrug, "but it's only a guess."
Meg nodded as she scarfed down a bag of powdered donuts before filling up a large drink at the soda fountain. "If there are whole worlds you can pick up stuff on, why an old RV?"
"It was convenient and better than a tent," he replied. "Once I have the points I'll put in a huge magical castle with android servants."
"This is all so incredible!" Meg exclaimed excitedly. "And you chose me," she said, blushing as she brushed off powdered sugar from the donuts.
"I did," he agreed.
"Do you think I'm pretty?" she asked hopefully.
"I think you're on the more attractive side of plain and that when you smile you edge into cute," he replied honestly.
Meg turned to him and her eyes began to tear up. "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!" She threw her arms around him. "I'll love you forever!"
He hugged her back as he felt a final connection snap into place and could access his connection to the company and create an account. "Good, an eternity together without love sounds like torture," he replied as he stroked the chubby teen's back, while he mentally went through his account to check the starting balance.
No world had been chosen, so he hadn't received any points for that, but then he'd gotten a random magical weapon, the Gamer ability, Island in the sea of time, and Gate Room for free since they'd all been given before he'd signed the contract.
He felt he'd come out ahead there as that was nearly sixty points free without having to complete a mission.
Since he'd not purchased any perks from the system, he received the Confidence disadvantage, giving him five credits and another credit for having Not Safe as the island had been set to dissolve in 24 hours before he'd stabilized it, giving him a grand total of 6 credits.
*Ding*
He blinked as Meg's capture was registered. She counted as a Tier Two giving him two credits.
"Want to see something else cool?" he asked.
Meg reluctantly let him go and wiped her eyes. "Like what?"
He spent a credit on Optimization, his body shifting as fat melted away and was replaced by muscle, subtle imperfections vanishing as the perk acted on him like the Super Soldier Serum had acted on Steve Rogers bringing him to the peak of human perfection possible using his DNA.
"Whoa," Meg said, jaw dropping as did his pants.
He spent five credits for Perk Sharing and tapped Meg on the nose, giving her Optimization as well.
Meg grew several inches taller and quite a bit thinner in the waist as body fat was redistributed to where it would be most attractive, slender muscles shaping her form into someone who could sweep the Olympics. Her pants fell down but she was too busy scrambling to unhook her bra, which was several sizes too small now and digging into her flesh, to care. "That was painful…" Meg's voice trailed off as she caught sight of her reflection. "I'm beautiful," she said in wonder.
"And that was just a one point perk," he told her.
"I'm pretty!" Meg cheered and almost fell over as her pants were tangled around her feet. She kicked off her shoes and pants. "My feet are the same size!"
"Optimization fixes everything," he assured her.
She took off her pink beanie and laid a palm on her head. "I can't feel my heartbeat," she noted hopefully before stripping off her baggy sweater and too small bra and placing a hand over the left side of her chest. "My heart's in the right place!"
"Slightly disturbing," he admitted as his eyes were drawn to the way Meg jiggled as she danced about, completely unconcerned that she was only in her panties.
"No scars," she said, examining her arms. Meg turned to her rescuer. "You've still got a red cat's eye and skin that looks like space."
"A one point perk isn't going to touch that," he told her, unconcerned.
"It looks good on you," Meg decided as she looked him over with a possessive glint in her eyes. "We need new clothes and some place with a hot tub."
"Which would you like first?" he asked.
"Clothes," she decided, "so we have something to wear after getting out of the hot tub."
"We'll have to shatter some glass doors to get into a clothes shop, so best to get dressed in what you were wearing until we have replacements," he suggested as he pulled up his pants, tightening the belt as far as it would go.
Meg reluctantly got dressed in her now ill-fitting clothes, using her beanie to stuff the toes of her right shoe so it would fit. "So, we just go around kidnapping people and that gives you magical power?" she asked curiously.
"We could," he agreed, "or we could go on missions and collect points that way." He held the door open for her.
"Missions? What kind of missions?" she asked, grabbing his hand and lacing her fingers with his.
"I'd have to see what's available, but from what I remember, it's usually something along the lines of either assisting a hero or replacing him if he's died."
"That sounds kinda dangerous," Meg said, taking care to step over a pile of clothes and sand that was in the middle of the sidewalk.
"It is," he agreed, "but the rewards are insane, which is why people sign up."
"Why does collecting girls give you points?" she asked.
"Because the company makes somewhere between a thousand and a hundred thousand clones of everyone captured, male or female, to use as agents or rewards to get people to join," he explained.
"Wait, there's a thousand clones of me now?" she asked, wide eyed as they waited at a crosswalk for the light to change.
"Way more than that," he told her, "the company isn't limited to just one timeline and I doubt I'm the first agent to set my sights on you."
"You really think there's that many people who like me?" she asked. "I figured they'd be capturing my mom or that bitch Connie."
"People have probably caught them too," he replied. "We are talking about millions of timelines and billions of agents at a minimum, so rest assured anything you can think of has probably happened."
"So we could buy another me?" she asked.
"Or your mom, dad, brothers, sisters," he listed off. "Alternate timelines cover a lot of possibilities."
"How much would it cost to buy another me?" she asked.
"You are Tier Two, so five points," he replied.
"Tier Two? What's Tier One?" she asked.
"Tier One covers your average person with no special skills," he explained. "Tier Two covers people with talents and training."
"I don't have any special talents or training," she said.
"They have you listed as a skilled fighter with a talent for handling crowds of attackers," he replied as a he spotted a mall and they turned into the parking lot.
"I'm not that good," she argued, "I mean, if I take a blow to the head wrong it could kill me and it's hard to compensate for having two different sized feet so I have to be really careful."
"Neither of those are a problem now," he pointed out as they reached the front entrance, "but regardless of any problems you had, you still were skilled enough to be registered as a talented fighter."
"Oh my god, you're right!" she cheered, "I don't have to be so defensive when I get in a fight anymore!"
He opened the door for her, pleased to find it unlocked so they wouldn't have to break the glass.
"An empty mall," she said as the AC hit them, "I've only ever seen that in zombie movies."
"Some of the people who were imperfectly shielded became dust zombies, which really just means they are slowly turning into dust and are justifiably upset about it," he explained.
"So you're saying we're going to be attacked in the mall," she said, scanning the stores around them for a moment.
"It's highly unlikely," he assured her. "What are the odds the few remaining infected would end up here?"
"Better than average," she said. "I need clothes I can fight in and a weapon or five. Do you need anything?"
"Probably the same," he replied with a shrug," but I know nothing about fighting."
"Seriously?" she asked in surprise.
He shrugged. "I don't even know what my name used to be, so if I knew anything about fighting it was probably in the section that was carved off, it seems like the sort of thing that would be useful for an agent."
"Just a bit," she said with a sigh while pulling him along towards a store. "Sports store will have to do, we can get yoga pants and hockey sticks."
"I'm not seeing the connection," he admitted as she pulled him inside.
"Yoga pants are really easy to move in and hockey sticks are made for hitting people with."
"I thought you weren't supposed to hit people in hockey," he said as he looked around the store.
"Have you seen hockey? Penalties for attacking other players are part of the game," she said as she searched through the shoe section for ones in her size.
"I remember seeing Happy Gilmore and The Mighty Ducks, but that's the extent of my hockey knowledge." He examined the bats, frowning at the feel as he swung one.
"Use a wooden bat," she said, "the weight really helps when you want to knock someone out, the metal ones just daze people and make amusing ping noises."
He tried a wooden bat and nodded, liking the feel of it.
"Here, wear this," she said, thrusting something black and stretchy at him before taking off her pants and pulling on her own pair.
He pulled them on and had to adjust himself so they were comfortable. "It feels more naked than being naked."
"Yoga pants are awesome," she said with a grin as she bent over in front of him, making him forget what he'd been complaining about as she stretched and twisted. "Ready?"
"For what?" he asked, his mind going blank on anything they needed to do.
"For the dust zombies," she replied with an excited grin.
"The odds are really against-" he began only to be interrupted by the sounds of clinking bottles.
"Come out and play!" someone practically sang from outside the store.
"You were saying?" she asked with a grin.
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
TN: Hmmm… I wonder how long they could operate the power plant before they ran out of material for it?...
AN: No clue, but at reduced load, since there's not going to be a lot of people turning stuff on, I'm guessing quite a while.
TN2: Wiki also lists her as quite skilled with bird calls and several musical instruments as well, and a prodigy drummer at the age of one.
AN2: Yes, but she doesn't consider it that special.
TN3: "What are the odds the few remaining infected would end up here?" –Well a hell of a whole lot higher now that you've gone and taunted Murphy! And then a second time? Wow you were pushing that hard.
AN3: Yeah, sadly the section of soul containing his knowledge of tropes was also carved off as it would be useful in an agent.
TN4: "Have you seen hockey? Penalties for attacking other players are part of the game," –And it's Canada's biggest sport. The implications are… interesting.
AN4: I always knew those suspiciously polite people in America's hat were up to something!
